Wilfredpat22:
The truth is that you deceived him. Well we all deceive men one way or the other. You started dating when you were 29, what happened between 21-28, you were sleeping around with married men I guess

This is as a repercussion for the evils you must have done in school and to other women’s homes. Now yours will be shattered. We ladies don’t hear or listen and eventually it will lead to our downfall


Let your husband look for some one fertile and responsible. By the way Are you sure those kids are his?

This your comment is outrightly evil. I had my first boyfriend in university and we dated for 4 years but we never had sex! Nothing beneath the dress! And I never had sex until I was 30. Not all men are irresponsible like you!
FOOOOOOOOL!

Kiishii:



There isnt more to it, i kept it from him before marriage that's why he's reacting this way, he said it was a risky gamble, and i have apologised multiple times.

I had triplets.

madam, I salute your courage and I'm so happy the odds were in your favour...
But I have some questions for you and I'll appreciate if you'll answer it with all sincerity.

How will you feel if you've successfully married him before finding out he's not fertile?
I'm sure you'll easily get over it and continue living your life right?

Would you have told your husband this whole thing if the gamble hasn't worked in your favor?

Would you have told him the whole epistle if he hasn't been aware of the fact that you've stopped seeing your monthly flow?

Truth is you have every opportunity to tell him, if not before the marriage, then after you had your triplet...
Deceit in relationship is so painful and sometimes sorry ain't enough...

I do not in anyway support you quitting your job since you've been able to discharge your duty as a mother and a wife before you let the cat out of the bag, and don't in anyway give a second thought to all those who is asking you to leave him.

I hope you find the answers you seek and the peace in your home restored...
God bless your triplet with Long life and good health
May the odds forever be in your favor.
Godspeed and good luck to you.

INDUSTRIALFAN:
still isn't an excuse for ladies to be forming Queen of Sheba only to turn to Shiloh regulars post 30

Pls don't fire back at me... I have cough.

God save you tonight, you for hear am

oshe11:
I'm not but I've been in a relatonship long enough to know that marrying the right person is Bliss


Hence, one has to know why he/she is getting married

Of course, two important fact is to know why and who you're getting married to

1Sharon:


So they should settle for guys they don't want

Time and time again, we have heard of girls that talk of a guy they would love to be with and he in turn would live to spend the rest of his life with them but because he isn't "there yet", the run off after someone else that has "arrived" but only wants to chop and clean mouth then by the time they realize the guy they ran away from is the one that would have been ideal, it's usually too late because he found someone else that believed in him. Now, I'm. Not saying they shouldn't want the greener grass but then, history and time has shown that ladies in their early to mid 20's think with their purses and ATM cards and only go after those that can fill them up now now forgetting that money is not what makes you feel like a woman.

BlackPantherCri:
Why didn't you just tell him you were on birth control

Hian

Her mind no reach there

Really dear u made a mistake. And its nice u came out clean nw. Just give him more time. Do every tin d way way u ar supposed to do dem. Endure as much as u can nd even more nd don't forget to put it in prayers. If u ar gona tell family members set a limit to doz u tell. AND PLZ DO NOT QUIT UR JOB. U do nt want to add more sult to ur injury

Biglittlelois:


God save you tonight, you for hear am

abeg o... I'm unarmed and harmless... My hands are in the air.

Biglittlelois:


Of course, two important fact is to know why and who you're getting married to

Touche!!!

So see U on the other side of ANUPTAPHOBIA

zinnyzee:
And i said i didn't want to get married and someone was asking me for explanation

Just be my baby mama and you will be fine

Though it's your side of the story , of which you , yourself admit your error by concealing such a weighty issue from your then fiance and later on husband , i still think your husband will be one fella that anyone should not offend judging by what the mother of his three kids is going through from his hand . But i pause to think here what you poor lady must have gone through when this awful news was broken to you ! I mean how does a young lady of 40 , never mind just 31 years handle such crushing realisation that she might be barren just when marriage is on the horizon ? If she owns up and the guy bolts , he not only loses him , what caused the cancellation of the fast approaching wedding may also be public news , double jeopardy that'll be . And remember how long before she started another relationship after her last one , two years that is , which shows she is not one to jump into relationships . So let us understand her dilemma , - when will she recover from the heartbreak of being dumped 'cos of infertility issue to start a new relationship ? Will the next guy not also dump her ? As her enormously slim chances of concieving whittle down by each month with suitors running away , will a seeminly decent girl who hardly jumps into a relationship finds herself jumping from one man's bed to the other in a DESEPERATE , last ditch attempt to get pregnant before the curtains fall on her biological stage which as she feared , it ultimately did much sooner ? How about risk of STDs all in a bid to be a mother ? See , my poor lady , just as i can't sympathise enough with what you went and is still going through , i can only pray the almighty who wiped your tears with triplets to wade into this matter as a divine councellor and mediator that he is as i can't find words to advise you with , sorry , this your story really got to me . It is well with your home , amen .

You made a big mistake. You shouldn't have revealed it all to him at once. That is too much shock for any man to take in an instant. Instead you should have acted like it was a recent development and made an appointment to see new doctors. Then you could have shared your diagnosis with him like it was a new thing.
As it is now you just have to either give him enough time to allow him to get over it or just allow him to move on if that's what he wants to do.

Kiishii:
I don't even know how to start, I'm really sad and i know it is my fault, i'm sorry if it's a long read i need advise please bear with me.

When i was still single at age 29, I left a relationship that turned out be a mistake so it took time before i met someone else, at age 31 I noticed changes in my period (one month off, one month on) it has never happened to me before so i didnt take it to be anything, then it started skipping 2 months at a roll, then 3 months, i became worried cos i wasn't sexualy active at all. During this period i met my husband and we started something serious, to be on a safe side i went to see the doctor, he said i was fine that it's hormonal changes, he gave me some drugs (mostly vitamins) but it was still skipping, when my husband proposed, i went back to the doctor, he did series of tests, when results came out he said i'm having symptoms of POF, i was shocked, i cried and cried cos it's unheard of for someone my age, i told him i'm about to get married what can i do he said i should start taking hormonal injections since it's too early to be POF, i started taking it and praying all will be fine, all this while i didnt say a word of this to my husband to be or anyone else, then we got married, i took in immediately, it was the happiest day of my life, when we discovered it was triplets i cried tears of joy to the extent that my husband wondered why i was soo happy, i gave birth to 2 boys and a girl, i really thank God for his faithfulness cos i was soo nervous during the pregnancy.

My period was still skipping, then this year march it stopped completely, i went to see 2 different doctors to be sure, they confirmed i have POF (early menopause), i cried and still thank God cos he blessed me with the fruit of the womb but i couldnt bring myself to tell my husband, then he started noticing i dont buy sanitary pad anymore, he asked thinking i was pregnant i always tell him no, at a point he had to ask me if i want to make the pregnancy a surprise, that was when i knew it's time to tell him the truth, i knelt down and told him everything, i held nothing back, he was shocked that i could do something like that to him, he said i should have told him before we got married, i told him he wouldnt have married me if i told him, he was angry, he said what if the hormonal injections didnt work, it was an expensive and wicked gamble, i told him it worked that's what matters now, he abused me and walked out of the house, he didnt come home till the next day, since then things have never been the same.

He hardly talks to me except when necessary, we dont gist and joke anymore, i always beg and beg him, he says he's forgiven me but he goes back to his moody self, we hardly make love anymore, when he finally does, he doesnt look at my face, now he wants me to quit my job so i'll have my full attention on the kids, recently we had a fight about it and i told him point blank i cant quit my job the kids are fine he said i must do that, he doesnt want anything happening to them since i'm no more fertile, who says that? I cried my eyes out that night, It's not my fault nature took it's course on me, i never imagined something like this would ever happen to me.

Now he doesn't talk to me at all anymore, i'm about to tell both our families everything cos i've begged and begged him and i'm tired, i want anonymous advise that's why i'm here, please please married men and women or whoever, how do i go about this?

This!

thorpido:
Sometimes people talk too much!
I don't support keeping secrets from your partner but at the level you were(after you had the triplets),all you had to tell your hubby was that you noticed your period had stopped coming.You didn't need to go into all that details!
It will bring distrust and make him react exactly as he is doing.Unfortunately,I don't know how it can ever change with him again.Men keep these things like a scar.
Keep apologizing and hope he can soft pedal.

Whatever you do,don't quit your job.

saajus:
So,stay at home and watching the kids 24/7 will stop bad things happening to them. That will stop fire outbreak. That will stop injury when they are playing in school. That will stop oil tanker explosion on their way to school. Your husband is funny. 3 children are not that risky compare to many people with just 1.

I guessed how you told him caused this problem. The Doctor you met before marriage never confirm POF. I could you have told him then that, you got POF. The only mistake was that you didn't share your medical history with him.

I'm not a fan of secret but your husband need to chill. I'm very sure that there is even a solution somewhere to this POF of a thing.Research.

@your last paragraph, there certainly is. I know someone who got married to a grannie but coz of pressure from his children whom already have secondary school students among them,they were against the union. The father wanted to know d extent to which they could disagree and did everything humanly possible for d woman who has Long stopped seeing her period.
Alas,the stuff started and in no time, the woman got pregnant and even delivered twins. Today those twins call their dad Grandpa coz that's what other grandchildren of their age group do call them.



So i say,with necessary herbs or combo of Orthodox medical prescription, that blood can start flowing again,by force by 'knacking'

Keep begging.
Let him know that with GOD,A L L THINGS are possible and that giving birth to both sexs, he has gotten ALL a deserves from God.

Well the deed is done, and I m grateful to God on your behalf that he blessed you with Triplet once and for all. This our God is a miracle worker and he has already won this battle for you and your husband before he could know about it, i mean triplet for someone with such abnormality is nothing short of pure miracle.

Your husband is only naive of what God has done for him as outcome of such incident has destroyed alot of men. I know of an Uncle of mine whose wife has this same abnormality but never got to know until about 40 years of marriage when the wife confessed she entered menopause at early age after all its obvious already she was over the age to conceive. They are both loving educated people of those years in the 60s and was hoping and praying on God to bless the marriage not knowing the wife has a despicable secret never revealed to him while he was seriously faithful to her. I dont really know how she managed to skip through usual medical test in those early years, but it could happen though as Nigeria is not really medically that advance in those years and even till now a deceitful wife could skip through medical test to deceive their husband on such secret.

In a nut shell, my uncle is now in his 80s and his first child is less than 10 years old from a younger wife who now has 3 kids for him, the painful part is that he will not be able to give the best to those kids like he would like to, he has been retired from civil service close to 20 years and we all know what that mean in Nigeria of today.
Woman has ruined his life, its a bitter fact he has managed to live with for that long and for the rest of his existence and I do wonder how he was so calm not to have taken necessary action way long before now, who knows the kind of potent charm the wife has subjected him through for decades. This is one story that rings the regular saying to my hearing that After God, the fear of Woman is paramount.

I will want you to reveal this to your husband and make him see reasons both of you should be at the fore front in giving praise to God as his case is not going this way and you have not been made a vessel to destroy his life.
This Life is full of miseries, things has been happening not today.

hmm

BENEAMATA:
Though it's your side of the story , of which you , yourself admit your error by concealing such a weighty issue from your then fiance and later on husband , i still think your husband will be one fella that anyone should not offend judging by what the mother of his three kids is going through from his hand . But i pause to think here what you poor lady must have gone through when this awful news was broken to you ! I mean how does a young lady of 40 , never mind just 31 years handle such crushing realisation that she might be barren just when marriage is on the horizon ? If she owns up and the guy bolts , he not only loses him , what caused the cancellation of the fast approaching wedding may also be public news , double jeopardy that'll be . And remember how long before she started another relationship after her last one , two years that is , which shows she is not one to jump into relationships . So let us understand her dilemma , - when will she recover from the heartbreak of being dumped 'cos of infertility issue to start a new relationship ? Will the next guy not also dump her ? As her enormously slim chances of concieving whittle down by each month with suitors running away , will a seeminly decent girl who hardly jumps into a relationship finds herself jumping from one man's bed to the other in a DESEPERATE , last ditch attempt to get pregnant before the curtains fall on her biological stage which as she feared , it ultimately did much sooner ? How about risk of STDs all in a bid to be a mother ? See , my poor lady , just as i can't sympathise enough with what you went and is still going through , i can only pray the almighty who wiped your tears with triplets to wade into this matter as a divine councellor and mediator that he is as i can't find words to advise you with , sorry , this your story really got to me . It is well with your home , amen .

Aww, this is touching, i was almost crying reading through your comment, thank you for seeing things from her angle, had it been she told him before marriage, he would have left and she would loose at the end, honestly i dont blame her, God really saw her heart and blessed her with the triplets,

Op it is well with you, he will come around soon, give him time.

Do not be pained at the reaction of your husband. He is simply pained by the fact that the person he trusted with his life could deceive him. Such discoveries are hard for humans.

I advise that you do not take any preemptive steps that will wake up the beast in him. Taking the problem to both families could mean the end of your marriage. You described him as going moody for long. He appears melancholic in type to me.

Although his forgiveness is genuine and with time he would come around, his judgement could be final if he is pushed to the wall.

It is his type some women mistakenly call weak, but when they act they leave scars women never forget. Ask your Pastor.

U don born 3 Madaam.E don do na. Wetin oga dey find again

Wilfredpat22:
The truth is that you deceived him. Well we all deceive men one way or the other. You started dating when you were 29, what happened between 21-28, you were sleeping around with married men I guess

This is as a repercussion for the evils you must have done in school and to other women’s homes. Now yours will be shattered. We ladies don’t hear or listen and eventually it will lead to our downfall


Let your husband look for some one fertile and responsible. By the way Are you sure those kids are his?

And this does makes sense to you? You opened your God forsaking gutter of a mouth to say such hateful things about a fellow woman forgetting that you are also one, by the way of what right do you have to judge anyone? Learn to use your medula oblangata in a more intelligent way and stay the bleep away if you can't contribute in a reasonable way.

oshe11:
Touche!!!
So see U on the other side of ANUPTAPHOBIA

Another phobia again, making me check the meaning, lol
Yeah see you on the other side

INDUSTRIALFAN:
abeg o... I'm unarmed and harmless... My hands are in the air.

Kinggnicole:

Lol..were you expecting me to give the cliche Nigerian wife "pray that God touches his heart" advice?

I say it again! She has to leave if it gets to that point. From the write up above, her husband is outright disrespectful and obviously doesn't care about her needs and wants. Imagine telling her to stay and take care of the children so that nothing happens to them since she knows she's not fertile. How insensitive!

OP apologise to him again(if you need to because this is an issue of trust and is quite sensitive too) but tell him squarely that you are not quitting your job. Also give him some more time. If he's not budging , you know what to do.

You aren't married yet, are u?

Wilfredpat22:
The truth is that you deceived him. Well we all deceive men one way or the other. You started dating when you were 29, what happened between 21-28, you were sleeping around with married men I guess

This is as a repercussion for the evils you must have done in school and to other women’s homes. Now yours will be shattered. We ladies don’t hear or listen and eventually it will lead to our downfall


Let your husband look for some one fertile and responsible. By the way Are you sure those kids are his?

Who is this ewu?highly insensitive ewu.

Legolast:


Can you comment without abusing?

No Sir.

I can't.

You sound like a nice person and I'm not here to attack you but I think it's selfish of you in a way to leave your then "husband to be" in the dark regarding the POF issue. You probably gambled through it thinking the POF in your case is curable considering your age but there shouldn't be no skeleton in the closet when marriage is coming to play. Thank goodness you had a set of triplets but what if you had just one? your husband don't just wanna settle for a kid and you struggle to conceive for the second? What if you didn't even conceive at all? At what point would you have told him? It was a highly priced gamble and you're paying for it. Though I can't wrap my head around the motive behind him asking you to quiting your job but my whole point is centered around the faux pas on your side. He deserved to know before your marriage, which there would have been two possible outcomes, He might have worked with you, side by side to find a solution to the POF, if there's any or he might have legged it. If the latter happened to be the case then maybe you weren't meant to be together in the first place but yh you played a fast one on him, its called deceit, which you're now paying for.

Kinggnicole:


He's already abusing you emotionally. You have to be strong dear. And by being strong you have to know when to leave.

You got mental issues..

Too much sense will not kill you

SMEConsult:
Just in case this will happen to someone else.

Never tell a person you've been keeping secrets from them especially your spouse. No one wants to hear that.

If you know he's already showing of discovering, don't go on your knees and start spilling.

Tell him you'll see a doctor. Go see a doctor different from the one that treated you. Get the result and cry all the way home.

He will be happy you have 3 kids at once and most likely share testimony of how God knew ahead and gave you the 3 kids before the mishap occurred to shame the devil.

He even now see it as a free pass to sleep with you more since there's not gonna be any fear of pregnancy.

And.... most importantly, your marriage will be protected.

Sometimes attracting sympathy is way better than apologizing.

Now, the deed has been done. Pull on with him. He may never trust you again but there are smart ways to make him do that. Sorry, private message for that.

My dear sister don't quit your job, the decision to quit or stay on your job lies with you not him. Plus that was how my dad asked my mom to quit her job then (1997) and he was retrenched the same week. Thankfully the boss my mom submitted her resignation letter to did not accept it.

It was my mom that took on from then till she retired.
Be WISE..

poseidon12:
You married the wrong guy. He is a complete as*hole. Make sure you don't quit your job. The fool wants to completely dominate you and then dump you. It's not your fault you experienced early menopause.

That is someone's husband you are calling names not a boyfriend , besides, you have never met the man just the wife's side of the story . Abeg , we are looking for a way for peace to reign in the home of a family of five abi you get another husband for madam ? And to the OP , please ma , your hubby may be handling this the wrong way , but can we both agree that him insisting you quit your job is not the most illadvised decision taken in all these upheavel ? No ? Please if losing your job will soften oga's heart and save your marriage , do sn at once , believe me , you have taken a harder decision from before day one to have this marriage . The children need their parents , so please do all to keep your home and pray steadfastly .

Ur husband no just serious