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My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! - Romance (5) - Nairaland

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My Boyfriend Started Acting Strange...help! / Guys I Think I'm About To Marry A MONSTER, Advice Me Pls, No Matter How Harsh / What Do I Give My Boyfriend On His Birthday? (2) (3) (4)

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Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by Cohomology: 7:55pm On Jul 07, 2010
lola-luv:

@jidobaba-thanx, that shows that most guys here are making me pay for the sins of some other girls!!! shocked Oh well, what can I do? Guess I brought it on myself! smiley

@Cohomology-Well, I've always known him for a long time. But we started going out about 2 years now.
We're both educated,
Since graduating, he started doing business. But the business wasn't making too much of a headway and so he decided to get a stable job, then he got the job late last year.

I got a job that wasn't too bad, but I had to resign because of some unethical stuffs going on. Since then, am just managin a very low-income job for now.

About the complaints, he didnt have any serious complaints about me! Except sometimes, when we're going out-He'd tell me to let my hair down for a change or just some other little suggestion!

But I don't really want to go indepth with the answers. Because, u neva know who might be reading that will figure out who u r. Thanx.

lola-luv,

In your initial post you said the guy got a very good "international job" or something like that.

Well, the problem may be that he feels both of you are not on the same level intellectually or mentally or ambitious-wise.

He may have been talking to you about the need to develop yourself academically/mentally/intellectually etc. and you may have made fun of him while he was doing his one-man business and managing; maybe asking him where all that has taken him. Without much to show, he just kept quiet but still talked to you about being more independent and more ambitious.

Now that he has landed that very good international job, he's still telling you the same thing but no more in plain words but by actions you find very uncomfortable.

He probably feels your level of motivation for serious self-development is a tad too low for him to deal with and that your resistance to moving in the direction he has been prodding will not help the relationship long term.

My advise to you is this: listen to him about the whole "developing yourself" talk and start taking it seriously. Start doing those things about your self-development he has been talking about.
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by lolaluv2(f): 11:44pm On Jul 07, 2010
Thanx, Ranocsky and Cohonology and everyone with a good heart who has been a source of encouragement to me. As you've been of support to me, a girl you know nothing about, so will helpers arise to help you in impossible situations. Favor will always speak for you and I say these prayers for you from a heart that is earnest and sincere.

I have an appointment with my boyfriend lunch time tomorrow. We have to have 'tha talk'. My heart is heavy but it must be done! how it goes, Il let y'all know.
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by na2day2(m): 12:28am On Jul 08, 2010
coshman:

Omo, I have been in the same shoes b4 now but as a man.The lady in question also supported me when I was waiting for a job but she lacks something wey dem dey call character.She is hot tempered and dont want me to even talk to some of my old friends.As a man, u av to give me reasons not to do somthing at least but her reason is that she does not like some of these friends of mine.Haba ! These r friends that I went to school with for God sake.She cant come overnyt to tell me that. There was a day this lady push me against the wall and held onto my neck for speaking to a female colleague even while she cud listen to our conversation.She was according to her protecting her 'beloved asset' in the person of me, but that method fear me o.
Meanwhile this omo dey wait make I propose to am.I no even mention such thinking she will change, but she later displayed her usual xter in the presence of my sister.Na dat one I take give her sack letter(mean while I don dey hammer then as I later got a job as well).So this thing is a 2-way thing.While I am not saying u r at fault here, it is best if the guy can tell u where it all went wrong.If u know where or how to make him say same but if not then, just be urself.
On the other hand, it may be he is seeing another 'vision' and as such wants a change of guard.U wrote that he has an international job, so he may just be seeing some international ladies as well.Finally, if u r meant for him or vice versa, he will surely go and come back.But if not regard all u have done for him in the past as being done for charity and pray to God to show u the way forward.God may just have saved u from a a true monster.

thank u jare!

stephnina0:

MOMO4444

I think you are trying to indirectly tell us what your ex girlfriends did to you, you said you are married but you still sound like a wounded lion. In a relationship, there's no perfection.  you hinted she gave her numbers to other guys and accepted gifts from them(maybe you were one of the admirers cos i don't know how you knew) any way what makes u so sure the guy in question didn't cheat on her even when he was broke? or you think he was innocent?

Really i expected you as a married man to talk to her like she was your sister, if your sister had come to you with this problem would you have giving her this sermon you gave this young lady

Most Nigerian men are guilty of this; money brings out the beast in them and because of this most Nigerian women would prefer dating guys that are already stable. Treat Nigerian women with  love and respect and i bet you you'll get same in return

maybe u should spend more time reading old threads on how NL girls bashed guys that spent their hard working money on their GFs to send them to school only for the girl to graduate and get a very good job and then dump the guy. the same NL girls here that are bashing this guy were supporting those girls.
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by Ranoscky(m): 10:38am On Jul 08, 2010
@Lola luv, thanks for ur complimet, u'r welcome!

so happy to hear that u'll be having a lunch time disscussion with ur BF. Nothing do u sister, just go talk tha talk with ur BF, and whatever the yanins be, make u let ur hommies know. Gudluck sis, hope to hear from u soon!
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by spikedcylinder: 11:16am On Jul 08, 2010
The thread is about lola luv, not ujujoan. Get over it already.
Hungry men. grin grin grin grin grin grin grin
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by tkb417(m): 11:18am On Jul 08, 2010
spikedcylinder:

The thread is about lola luv, not ujujoan. Get over it already.
Hungry men. grin grin grin grin grin grin grin
its not a crime to be hungry

manna will fall soon

Once upon a time OBJ was hungry, now he is eternall full

dont blame us for the hunger, we shall overcome grin grin
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by spikedcylinder: 11:21am On Jul 08, 2010
tkb417:

its not a crime to be hungry

manna will fall soon

Once upon a time OBJ was hungry, now he is eternall full

dont blame us for the hunger, we shall overcome grin grin

By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you errr hungry!
he he he he. cheesy
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by tkb417(m): 11:27am On Jul 08, 2010
spikedcylinder:

By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you errr hungry!
he he he he. cheesy
with all the prayer and fasting wey i dey do and my mama prayers

hunger cannot hold me captive cheesy cheesy
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by spikedcylinder: 11:37am On Jul 08, 2010
Don't worry. Work twice as hard then maybe uju will be able to give you face. grin
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by adaphik(f): 11:51am On Jul 08, 2010
@ OP, expecting d outcome of d 'tha talk' with ur BF. All d best
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by tkb417(m): 11:53am On Jul 08, 2010
spikedcylinder:

Don't worry. Work twice as hard then maybe uju will be able to give you face. grin
hehe

if i dont deserve Uju now, she doesnt deserve me when i drive a Bentley

i have a dream to kiss Halle Berry
Uju ko, Juju ni tongue tongue
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by nikkygal(f): 12:02pm On Jul 08, 2010
Lola-luv

I have taken my time to read through this thread and honestly i couldn't agree more with Onchendu & maybe Cohomology. . . . Trust me, i have a very good idea of what you're going through now and all i can tell you to do right now is to GIVE HIM SPACE. . . .

You need to let that brother breathe!!! See, when most guys just hit paydirt, initially it always affects their sense of reasoning as they develop a 'false sense of arrival'. Trust me, i have a lot of them as colleagues and quite a number of them are having issues with their long-term gfs because of their 'new-found status'. . . They now see themselves as God's gift to women and don't see their steady chics as on the same level with them anymore

The smart ones amongst them got married within 6months-1yr of joining the company and start builiding their families. . . while 'they' are still revelling in their new-found status for another 1-2yrs before they finally 'recover'.  shocked

By this time, a lot of water has passed under the bridge, they realise their mistake & try to stage a come-back but its most times too late. . . . . .and so they end up with their type of girls. .  lipsrsealed

My dear, invest your time constructively, work on yourself & up your game, hustle for a better job & improve your self academically. Do not jump up at his every invitiation to hang out wink , give him the busy line at times , don't be too available. . . . just BE ELUSIVE.  winkRemember the laws of demand & supply? cool

When the guy realises that you have silently moved on without saying a word & you're now  doing pretty good on your own, he will come running back with his tail between his legs. . . . as all of a sudden, you will become very attractive. . . grin  grin

I'll recommend a book for you to read - "Why men marry Bi*ches'. . . .it will teach you how to handle issues like this.

You honestly seem like a really nice girl and i wish you the very best. . . . . Finally, don't forget! If he doesn't want you anymore, don't push it. Your own knight in shinning armour will come. . . .
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by MOBO444(f): 3:12pm On Jul 08, 2010
I have taken my time to read through this thread and honestly i couldn't agree more with Onchendu & maybe Cohomology. . . . Trust me, i have a very good idea of what you're going through now and all i can tell you to do right now is to GIVE HIM SPACE. . . .

You need to let that brother breathe!!! See, when most guys just hit paydirt, initially it always affects their sense of reasoning as they develop a 'false sense of arrival'. Trust me, i have a lot of them as colleagues and quite a number of them are having issues with their long-term gfs because of their 'new-found status'. . . They now see themselves as God's gift to women and don't see their steady chics as on the same level with them anymore

The smart ones amongst them got married within 6months-1yr of joining the company and start builiding their families. . . while 'they' are still revelling in their new-found status for another 1-2yrs before they finally 'recover'. shocked

By this time, a lot of water has passed under the bridge, they realise their mistake & try to stage a come-back but its most times too late. . . . . .and so they end up with their type of girls. . lipsrsealed

My dear, invest your time constructively, work on yourself & up your game, hustle for a better job & improve your self academically. Do not jump up at his every invitiation to hang out wink , give him the busy line at times , don't be too available. . . . just BE ELUSIVE. winkRemember the laws of demand & supply? cool

When the guy realises that you have silently moved on without saying a word & you're now doing pretty good on your own, he will come running back with his tail between his legs. . . . as all of a sudden, you will become very attractive. . . grin grin
I'll recommend a book for you to read - "Why men marry Bi*ches'. . . .it will teach you how to handle issues like this.

You honestly seem like a really nice girl and i wish you the very best. . . . . Finally, don't forget! If he doesn't want you anymore, don't push it. Your own knight in shinning armour will come. . . .

@Nikky girl why dont you just tell her the truth,she messed up big time and her past are catching up with her now and you telling her of shiny armour knight,why dont you ask her how old she is for a start ( last time i read a fairy tale knight story book only go after ladies of 22 or 23 years old and most re virgins), why dont ladies like to tell each other the home and simple truth instead of pat each other back.

Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by MOBO444(f): 3:14pm On Jul 08, 2010
@Nikky girl why dont you just tell her the truth,she messed up big time and her past are catching up with her now and you telling her of shiny armour knight,why dont you ask her how old she is for a start ( last time i read a fairy tale knight story book only go after ladies of 22 or 23 years old and most re virgins), why dont ladies like to tell each other the home and simple truth instead of pat each other back.
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by onono30: 9:04pm On Jul 08, 2010
Learn this trick of being the woman that keeps the man she wants:

When a man is at his low points, move closer to him and be there for him. Reassure him and make him feel like he is still worth something and will come out of the phantom zone eventually.

When success hits, become elusive and make Urself the prize again. U don't want to appear too available to a man whose levels has just changed for the better. He'll want new clothes, new furniture, new cars, new everything and he just myt end up feeling like he needs a new woman too forgetting U helped him through the dung he just came out of.
U can be that new woman by making it clear without being nasty or immoral that U can actually want new things too and that myt include a new man, "or maybe not?"

Supply and demand. Know how to control those and keep the balance in your favor and U'll have better opportunities at keeping the man U want.


For the guys, U want a tip? Don't ever let Urself get caught up in a web of a woman's emotions U didnt spin. If U spun it, U'd know how to move thru it and catch your meal. If she is caught up in those she created herself, stand back at a distance and spin new webs and guide her into them. Don't follow too deep, lead and when unsure of what's happening, stand aside.

Well spoken. These are words of wisdom. To him who have ears, let him hear.
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by onono30: 9:11pm On Jul 08, 2010
Learn this trick of being the woman that keeps the man she wants:

When a man is at his low points, move closer to him and be there for him. Reassure him and make him feel like he is still worth something  and will come out of the phantom zone eventually.

When success hits, become elusive and make Urself the prize again. U don't want to appear too available to a man whose levels has just changed for the better. He'll want new clothes, new furniture, new cars, new everything and he just myt end up feeling like he needs a new woman too forgetting U helped him through the dung he just came out of.
U can be that new woman by making it clear without being nasty or immoral that U can actually want new things too and that myt include a new man, "or maybe not?"

Supply and demand. Know how to control those and keep the balance in your favor and U'll have better opportunities at keeping the man U want.


For the guys, U want a tip? Don't ever let Urself get caught up in a web of a woman's emotions U didnt spin. If U spun it, U'd know how to move thru it and catch your meal. If she is caught up in those she created herself, stand back at a distance and spin new webs and guide her into them. Don't follow too deep, lead and when unsure of what's happening, stand aside.     

Well spoken. These are words of wisdom. To him who have ears, let him hear.
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by na2day2(m): 12:01am On Jul 09, 2010
spikedcylinder:

The thread is about lola luv, not ujujoan. Get over it already.
Hungry men. grin grin grin grin grin grin grin

so hungry men dont have the right to talk again? what is this world coming to cry cry cry cry
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by philade: 1:39pm On Jul 09, 2010
It is amazing reading this post and all the comments.
The first thing the lady need to do is to find time with his man and express her feelings to him. You need to communicate and remove any form of assumption form the position you are in. Then decide if this relationship is worth pursuing or not. No one should treat you bad without your consent (know when to draw the line). Please note, fortune do not change a man, but reveals him.
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by NdIjezie(m): 12:59am On Jul 11, 2010
urehkanma:

baby girl that's guys for you oo. they only know you when they don't have but when they have nko they don't know you again,but nevertheless it is your side alone we are reading now we have not heard from he to hear his story, but if you ask me just pray if you truly love  him. after all we can't be praying for our guys not to be rich now abi well just pray everything works out well for yourselves ok?
   Hey, u girls are spoiling d young minds of young girls. most guys are nt that way, for a guy to trit u that way, one of these must be true, 1. maybe u wia nt really humble den, cos u cn stick to sm1 n yet nt respect him, 2. maybe u wia kind of unfaithful wen he was broke, i.e getting money elsewhere for ur upkeep, evn tho u luv him. cos most guys will pretend they were nt seeing dt until d decision tym, wen he is on pay, so check ursef, u must v done smtyn my sista.
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by sevule(m): 11:18am On Jul 12, 2010
Most of the replies here simply shows how insecure Nigerian men are. Most of the dudes in this forum are busy ranting about how the babe deserved to be dumped, how she aint an angel blah blah. Now I see why some chics say they do not date broke ass. dudes. @Lola - The only thing you can do now is to free the guy and pick the pieces of your heart and get on with the program called life. As you said yourself there are many fishes in the sea, so if this one fish has escaped your net, then by all means throw your net in again. Best of luck!!
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by glt: 12:06pm On Jul 12, 2010
Guys changes when they get a little doooooooo & that's when u can know ur kind of man urge him to tell his exact problem if he still want u let him stay & if he doesn't continue with ur life. i'm very sure u'll get someone better. Don't let anyone play on ur emotions u stil av a long way to go. But pray b4 u'll take another step. Remember once bitten twice shy.lol,
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by MrAnus: 11:20am On Jul 13, 2010
maybe its becoz u never obey, u need to know your role & obey!!
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by Johnmosi: 12:25pm On Jul 13, 2010
I think you'll need to first of all search through yourself and find out if there's something you might have either consciously or unconsciously done wrong and where there's none, go to him and find out what the problem is and if he comes out with no reasonable issue. i will advise you relax a while, go update yourself maybe educational or career wise. When your results begins to speak, he'll obviously look for you or life will naturally connects you to a better person who will love you for all you are and your love for him will naturally grow. but sit down with your boyfriend and try to trash out what issues he may seems to have and understanding i perceive will be your solution.
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by IyaBasira: 2:20pm On Jul 13, 2010
na2day?:

thank u jare!

maybe u should spend more time reading old threads on how NL girls bashed guys that spent their hard working money on their GFs to send them to school only for the girl to graduate and get a very good job and then dump the guy. the same NL girls here that are bashing this guy were supporting those girls.

Your comment is totally inane. Yes there are guys who have been through such but if the poster wanted to talk about the trials of Nigerian men, she would have done so. You cannot waste your time going through every old thread so that you can justify the actions of one man. Even if the same NL girls are here, how does that equate to her present situation?


Nd_Ijezie:

   Hey, u girls are spoiling d young minds of young girls. most guys are nt that way, for a guy to trit u that way, one of these must be true, 1. maybe u wia nt really humble den, cos u cn stick to sm1 n yet nt respect him, 2. maybe u wia kind of unfaithful wen he was broke, i.e getting money elsewhere for your upkeep, evn tho u luv him. cos most guys will pretend they were nt seeing dt until d decision tym, wen he is on pay, so check ursef, u must v done smtyn my sista.

How about a third option ; 3) He doesn't know how to relate to her anymore / He's tired of her and too cowardly to say it out.
And besides, can people stop saying that she MUST have done something? Yes she MAY have done something but dont say it like the demise of the reationship is all her fault.
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by amades(m): 7:34pm On Jul 13, 2010
It is very unfortunate that your boyfriend behaved that way. When any lady goes into a relationship with any man, the lady should be sure that the man really loves her before she can start doing anything for the man. I will recommend a book titled[b] LADIES GUIDE[/b]. This book will enable you not to make another mistake.See the book here <a href="http://amabooks.web.com/">
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by mikolo80: 11:54am On May 11, 2012
THEIR ARE 3.5BILLION MEN ON D PLANET.FREE D GUY AND MOVE ON GEEZ SO MUCH DRAMA OVER 2YR RELATIONSHIP,EVEN MARRIAGES BREAK UP
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by Honeycity(f): 12:12pm On May 11, 2012
mikolo80: THEIR ARE 3.5BILLION MEN ON D PLANET.FREE D GUY AND MOVE ON GEEZ SO MUCH DRAMA OVER 2YR RELATIONSHIP,EVEN MARRIAGES BREAK UP
i wonder o!
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by Sijo01(f): 1:34pm On May 11, 2012
mikolo80: THEIR ARE 3.5BILLION MEN ON D PLANET.FREE D GUY AND MOVE ON GEEZ SO MUCH DRAMA OVER 2YR RELATIONSHIP,EVEN MARRIAGES BREAK UP

did u chck d date of d post @all?
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by mikolo80: 3:28pm On May 18, 2012
Sijo01:

did u chck d date of d post @all?
CANT REMEMBER.SO WHAT, YOU READ IT AND RESPONDED.NOT MUCH OF A SCHOLAR ARE YOU.ONLY INTRSTD IN THE NOW.SMH
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by ebila(m): 7:26pm On May 18, 2012
My dear,I'd advice you move on with your life unless you want to put up with his new character,which in reality is his real character.You know what they say "If you want to know a man's real character,give him lots of money or power".
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by Nobody: 3:03pm On May 19, 2012
Hello fellas. I have taken time to read the responses on this thread and I must say some were awesome, some, very crappy, some biased, some even irrational. Some people say stuffs like"that is why I can't date broke a$$ dudes. Are broke a$$ dudes not humans anymore? Or maybe the rich guys were not broke at some point in their lives. Seriously and truthfully, that is why many of your are gonna be treated like trash because I guess many of you think men are fools. Lola dear. I am sorry that you have been going through tough times with your man. I can imagine what you are going through. Having to see a man you stood by and made a lot of sacrifices for just slip away. But please, search within yourself. Are you sure you have not been doing some things that pissed him off in the past? I am saying this because in as much as we humans have got the natural tendency to be irrational in our actions, we also have a part of our personality that helps tame us. It is called the conscience. It is what is responsible for order and sanity in the society. Your man cannot just change like that because he got a new job and as such feels he should treat you badly unless of course, he has got a higher-than-average animalistic tendency; we all do as humans but with varying intensities. Back in my university days, I dated a girl. She would take strange calls in my presence. Whenever I went to her hostel, she would keep me waiting for sometimes, 30 mins. I would complain about these things but she cared less about whatever I said. I would say things like" if you keep treating me like this, I might have to end this relationship" she would say "then maybe we should take a break" she hardly says sorry whenever she does anything wrong. I often times had to say sorry whenever we had problems, even when she is wrong. I endured and kept on loving and treating her nicely. I was faithful to her, but I knew she had other guys because there were calls she took in my presence that confirmed that. She was often times sarcastic. That was in the university of Lagos. I was not a rich guy but i was working and running my business(was into computer repairs and web development) to pay my way through school. I gave her some tangible money a couple of times and i tried to take care of some of her needs from my little means of livelihood. I worked for a company and i got close to the chairman and somehow, I got lucky and Left for the states before graduation and continued my education in the state of Missouri. We kept in touch as I called her once in a while. I knew I could not continue with her. Today, she regrets every bit of what she did to me and she has done everything within her powers to get me back but...it is just too late. I am trying to make a point. Someone said something here... He said no one changes overnight because they have become rich. While I do not completely agree, I think it is true to a large extent to a large percentage of people. People might act very irrationally for a short while, but like I said conscience takes over. It is the way we are created. It is the course of nature. Thanks for reading. And for the women that say they can't date broke ass niggazz? Keep on dreaming. By the time you realize it, you would have been passed around like a football by a clique of bad a$$ friends because you have let materialism becloud your sense of reasoning. I have seen quite a number of women falling victims. I rest my case
Re: My Boyfriend Got A Job And Became A Monster! by Nobody: 3:59pm On May 19, 2012
lola-luv:
@Kenny-G

Well, like any other normal couple, we had our times of troubles and arguments. But I never made him feel less of a man just because he didnt have a job.
My parents too welcomed him like their own son and never on any occasion asked me why he wasnt providing my needs. He never even depended on me cashwise and I never did on him too cos I knew he was still trying to find his feet. So how would I have been rude? He was always commending my patience and always told me not to worry that things would get better.

I know how important it is to feed a man's ego and so, I always encouraged him and made him feel on top of the world.

And pls don't misquote me, am not bragging of my generosity, cos I had no money to give. But I had love and support, and I gave alot of it!

Oh my....believe me, joy will come your way, if you are honest with the things u said...don't panic okay? If the guy decides to mistreat u cos he has gotten a good job when u stayed with him during his days of little beginning, don't worry much about it, but believe my words with faith that joy and better things await u soonest! just don't stop being good & real, forget what your friends, other girls and relations may tell you about men, just be yourself & don't change, that guy will either come back begging for ur hand in marriage or he will live to regret it someday, somehow....but then, if u stay the way u had been, better guy will surely come your way. I am a guy, and believe me, guys cherish your type a lot, no matter how ugly or unattractive u are...u are the type every guy in his right senses wish to make the mother of his kids...so watch out for those that will come to u with their own useless principle to make u be like them...shun them! People like u are meant to marry great men, not the ones that go with what they see at the moment which they always live to regret later in their life. Good luck dear & cry no more okay?

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