[b]''@Poster, I can relate, when i was a dead beat graduate looking for even 5k per month, my girl-friend on her N12k per month fed me and her family for months. So i finally got a job that paid N40k, my self-esteem blew a gasket and i finally started getting new clothes and perfumes, hanging out with girls colleagues on the same salary-range it was easy to grow egotistical having been starved for months. This started rubbing off on my supportive girl-friend and small arguments started and since i could now afford to eat, her food was just boring,  man was i silly, good thing was, i fell flat on my face a year later and realized she was still there anyways. but that don't mean your guy will lose his job, just saying that it takes a life-changing event to make a man realize that ego is for when you are with your male animals fighting for females not when you have a supportive girl waiting for you. Take am easy, be yourself and be supportive, but keep an eye out for better fish in the market '' [/b]


@Lagerwhen-------

Thank you.

It will take a complete Angel and not a human being to totally satisfy a jobless man, he will always remember a complaint you made at one time or the other when it is clear that he would not have done any better if the roles were switched, or has anyone ever seen a man that consistently supports a jobless woman without
any form of complaints or saucy remarks?

A poor man feels he is constained by his situation and will be ready to actualise his numerous dreams once the limitations are removed and he is ever ready to tie it down to one remark you made at one time.

@ Poster
I advise you wait it out and see the outcome. Dont rush into making a decision just yet. It might be a passing phase. If he eventually dumps you, all well and good. Life goes on!

@Poster, just give him time. When i got the job that i do now, she felt i have moved on. But she didn't know i was trying to adjust to wat is on ground, anytime i called, she will always complain that i have changed, i tried to make her see reasons that my job is taking too much of me. But now i think she has come to terms with prevailing suituations as she no longer nags. Be alittle more patient with him and see how things play out .

@poster,

Pls 4get about suffering with him, that's is bullsh*t. Infact your man will hate to hear that, 'cos for him to be where he is now, shows he is hardworking and good enough for his current international paid job.
Even if you helped him get the job or it's your fathers' coy, that does not mean he cannot determine what he want, sorry for been harsh, but i know you ladies, you can be funnt at times.
Then he was not in control, you are the man. But now, i think he's trying to be the man and let you who he is.
Thank you star that he changed now, n not tricked you into marriage b4 u know him better.
My advice is that you change your ways and try to be the WOMAN (be submissive), if he is your, he will change, if not, na 9ice the guy done sing for you be dat o, once beaten twince shy

I really feel your pain.Now i would like to know a few things.Was he ever dotting on you in the past? Did u any way offend him recently? Was it immediately he got the job that you noticed the change or much later into the job? For now i would love you to cool down and take things very easy.If you are certainly meant for each other you would certainly end up together.

With money come ego.

Abeg jari leave him, one day he will come back to his stupid senses of his ok.

You can only know the true colour of men when there is money, but nevertheless same my sister, sit him down and discuss things over with him. You never can tell whether he will change.

Best of luck.

ud4u:

You can only know the true colour of men when there is money.

110% correct!

My dear men are like dat u will only know who ur man realy is when he has money i tell u all those tings he used to tell u like how much he has wat he plan to do it takes a God fearing man to continue when he is now rich just reduce the way u put ur self on him don't give him the impersion that if he leaves u will die try as much as possible to keep ur self busy u will see that as u start doing that he will come closer and in all tings put ur relationship in prayers and tell God that if he is his will for u no woman will take ur pace

Omo, I have been in the same shoes b4 now but as a man.The lady in question also supported me when I was waiting for a job but she lacks something wey dem dey call character.She is hot tempered and dont want me to even talk to some of my old friends.As a man, u av to give me reasons not to do somthing at least but her reason is that she does not like some of these friends of mine.Haba ! These r friends that I went to school with for God sake.She cant come overnyt to tell me that. There was a day this lady push me against the wall and held onto my neck for speaking to a female colleague even while she cud listen to our conversation.She was according to her protecting her 'beloved asset' in the person of me, but that method fear me o.
Meanwhile this omo dey wait make I propose to am.I no even mention such thinking she will change, but she later displayed her usual xter in the presence of my sister.Na dat one I take give her sack letter(mean while I don dey hammer then as I later got a job as well).So this thing is a 2-way thing.While I am not saying u r at fault here, it is best if the guy can tell u where it all went wrong.If u know where or how to make him say same but if not then, just be urself.
On the other hand, it may be he is seeing another 'vision' and as such wants a change of guard.U wrote that he has an international job, so he may just be seeing some international ladies as well.Finally, if u r meant for him or vice versa, he will surely go and come back.But if not regard all u have done for him in the past as being done for charity and pray to God to show u the way forward.God may just have saved u from a a true monster.

A man with a lil money, THEY START TO GET A LIL POSSESSIVE,


RUN!!!!!

It's funny how some dude's spit's out all the rubbish in their mouth inhere without shame!

@sayso, i dey enjoy u jare. na real Ewu London be that!
@OP, just like i said before on ma previous post, i'v gone thru all this drama dat u'r goin thru now and i know how it hurts but no think'am. the BEST advice among the best is @Denitro's advice, this is what he said. . ."The best solution is for you to give him some space, Sometimes we guys have to taste the bitter to appreciate the sweet. After a while he will come back to himself and realize the errors of his ways, IF NOT, Then he is not the right guy for you, That's all I know!" I think that's the Best amongst all. never mind some guy's that said "it's payback time" I'm a guy also, i know the spirit involving money, it can make someone do an un-do, just like what your BF did. all u gat to do is relax, take it easy, just like the last phrase of @Lagerwhen's post when he said "Take am easy be urself and be supportive, but keep an eye out for better fish in the market." i think he also made a good point there, so just keep your head up. hope is not yet lost. down fall of a (wo)man is not the end of his life. be corrageous to what u are. to me, (somehow) i believe u women are the source of (some) men's success in life. u won't understand but when u travel outside the country, na dia u go know say women na GOD to some men. but after every-every, trust (some) naija guys na, dem no go remember the good wey dem (women) do for dem b4, dem go dump your a$$ with sorrow. (Even take more food out of d mouth dat fed dem when dey were nobody) millions of our naija guys wey dey abroad even some wey dey here in NL, most of dem survived thru women. what i'm tryna say is, u'r down but u'r not out yet. there'r stil thousands of men out there wantin to b with u but, while u welcome some admirer, just use that medium to xcercise some patient for your BF, and if he doesn't show up anymore, then carry on with your life, NOTHING DO YOU!!!

i think the handwriting is written clearly, its sad that u fell into such a crappy trap!
guys true xter only shows when they have money never waste time with any broke ass bastard,
they are never worth it, they will only use u  for sex cos they cant  trip the type of  babe they want outside.
sorry about  ur situation pray and become elusive but move on  if he comes back lucky him, but i pray God gives u a better guy than him amen.

Ranoscky:

It's funny how some dude's spit's out all the rubbish in their mouth inhere without shame!

@sayso, i dey enjoy u jare. na real Ewu London be that!
@OP, just like i said before on ma previous post, i'v gone thru all this drama dat u'r goin thru now and i know how it hurts but no think'am. the BEST advice among the best is @Denitro's advice, this is what he said. . ."The best solution is for you to give him some space, Sometimes we guys have to taste the bitter to appreciate the sweet. After a while he will come back to himself and realize the errors of his ways, IF NOT, Then he is not the right guy for you, That's all I know!" I think that's the Best amongst all. never mind some guy's that said "it's payback time" I'm a guy also, i know the spirit involving money, it can make someone do an un-do, just like what your BF did. all u gat to do is relax, take it easy, just like the last phrase of @Lagerwhen's post when he said "Take am easy be urself and be supportive, but keep an eye out for better fish in the market." i think he also made a good point there, so just keep your head up. hope is not yet lost. down fall of a (wo)man is not the end of his life. be corrageous to what u are. to me, (somehow) i believe u women are the source of (some) men's success in life. u won't understand but when u travel outside the country, na dia u go know say women na GOD to some men. but after every-every, trust naija (some) naija guys na, dem no go remember the good wey dem (women) do for dem b4, dem go dump your a$$ with sorrow. (Even take more food out of the mouth that fed them when they were nobody) millions of our naija guys wey dey abroad even some wey dey here in NL, most of dem survived thru women. what i'm tryna say is, u'r down but u'r not out yet. there'r stil thousands of men out there wanting to be with u but, while u welcome some admirer, just use that medium to xcercise some patient for your BF, and if he doesn't show up anymore, then carry on with your life, NOTHING DO YOU!!!

U get mouth die, I was thinking the same

I cant believe I read this thread from the first post to the last. One thing I like about nairaland is that its a large community. A community is made up of different categories people. In it, we have intelligent people, shallow-minded people, gold-diggers, dull people, over-dull people, nice people, wicked people, blunt people, funny people, on and on like that. This thread has demonstrated what a community entails, having gone through the whole thread. The thread is so interesting that I had to stick to it as if I am reading a detective novel.

@Poster, lest I forget, you made mention of another thread you started, describing how you let a good man slip away. I think need to read the thread too. This thread is loaded with lots of advice (both the good, the bad and the ugly). Thank God you ate the apple in the garden of Eden and you know the difference between good and bad. I think you should be able to sort them out and stick to the good ones. Off I go.

WO!(MAN)

Now he has money, you have started seeing faults,

Better change your physco , he will never remain

the same after getting such offer/job.

Never expect that to happen.

@poster

You need to up your game

deoyel25:

I cant believe I read this thread from the first post to the last. One thing I like about nairaland is that its a large community. A community is made up of different categories people. In it, we have intelligent people, shallow-minded people, gold-diggers, dull people, over-dull people, nice people, wicked people, blunt people, funny people, on and on like that. This thread has demonstrated what a community entails, having gone through the whole thread. The thread is so interesting that I had to stick to it as if I am reading a detective novel.

@Poster, lest I forget, you made mention of another thread you started, describing how you let a good man slip away. I think need to read the thread too. This thread is loaded with lots of advice (both the good, the bad and the ugly). Thank God you ate the apple in the garden of Eden and you know the difference between good and bad. I think you should be able to sort them out and stick to the good ones. Off I go.

LOL

It's nice to know someone is bringing in the comic relief!

MOMO4444

  You must have forgotten how men kept calling your phone back then and you kept saying they were admirers and you accepted gift from them and you gave them your numbers and heaven know what else you did behind his back and i bet you must have forgot a lot of other issues, how you kept dragging him for money he borrowed from you,how you belittled him,how you did this and that,how you and your fellow girl friends said he no dey try ( typical niger lady), how you kept boasting that you will find a male friend to come pick you up with his car ( even when you know he could not afford a car back then)

I think you are trying to indirectly tell us what your ex girlfriends did to you, you said you are married but you still sound like a wounded lion. In a relationship, there's no perfection.  you hinted she gave her numbers to other guys and accepted gifts from them(maybe you were one of the admirers cos i don't know how you knew) any way what makes u so sure the guy in question didn't cheat on her even when he was broke? or you think he was innocent?

Really i expected you as a married man to talk to her like she was your sister, if your sister had come to you with this problem would you have giving her this sermon you gave this young lady

Most Nigerian men are guilty of this; money brings out the beast in them and because of this most Nigerian women would prefer dating guys that are already stable. Treat Nigerian women with  love and respect and i bet you you'll get same in return

@poster, i believe you have gone thru all the posts on ur topic; good and fine. If you are a graduate try get a job that will maintain you and pay your bills.
I was once in ur shoes, i didnt seek advice from anywhere, i advised myself. When he realizes that i have gotten a better job that takes me outside d country almost every month, he started making move to come back to me. The true talk there be say, level don change, i no fit go back to him because my level pass his. Your man level don pass urs, if he is urs, definitely he will come back after tasting the bitter leaves.

But My dear poster, stop living in fantasies, the era has passed. Live large and meet big guys that worts it! Am a living example.

i will like to meet this lady, stephnina0 (f)
PM me on fb

My sister nothing do u! Warri people talk say na play-play play-play dem dey take catch monkey ! so my advice is simple , put your Bobo in a lighter mood, then ask your questions. At least get a clue why he is acting funny, don't just walk away from a relationship you have been building and don't be rash in your decisions. Facebook will always ask a question , "whats on your mind" Know whats on his mind or his thought process presently then you have your soultion to your problem. Please don't listen to man-eaters on nairaland like Ujujoan , You will never get any meaningful advice from them. Pray and I believe God in his infinite mercy will guide you through. Shalom!

@ Poster,

If my memory won't deceive/fail me, you mentioned about how u allowed a nice guy slip off ur hands. Was this during the course of ur present relationship? Does it means u were double dating or u were about to do just that? Do u think ur present boyfriend did not know this?

Let me just tell u the truth. Ur boyfriend knew everything u thought he didn't know and now that he can stand on his own financially, it is necessary that he pays you back. Like pple do say, that niggar called KARMA is a bitch.

Poster,

Your man don sing 9ice for u, 1nce beaten 2wince shy
The guy don soji fast, as money don dey levels go change, even u as the woman d time wey you no get money, can you call ur bfriend a monster?
If he has not beaten you or reacted physically n u called him a monster, then what are u?
N u still plan to marryy the monster? U dey bey marry monster? na way o

sir t:

@ Poster,

If my memory won't deceive/fail me, you mentioned about how u allowed a nice guy slip off your hands. Was this during the course of your present relationship? Does it means u were double dating or u were about to do just that? Do u think your present boyfriend did not know this?

Let me just tell u the truth. your boyfriend knew everything u thought he didn't know and now that he can stand on his own financially, it is necessary that he pays you back. Like pple do say, that niggar called KARMA is a naughty woman.

Why is computer/moderator changing my words? I didn't say " Karma is a naughty woman" I said the niggar called KARMA is a bit*ch.

Computer take time oooooooooo

baby girl that's guys for you oo. they only know you when they don't have but when they have nko they don't know you again,but nevertheless it is your side alone we are reading now we have not heard from he to hear his story, but if you ask me just pray if you truly love him. after all we can't be praying for our guys not to be rich now abi well just pray everything works out well for yourselves ok?

Sorry but you got what you actually bargained for, during the relationship, did he ever introduce you to his families as his fiancee ,  did he ever border to get to know your family(visit them conscientiously, how many times did you spend time with members of the family. during the relationship he actually showed you signs that he will not be with you for long but you closed your eyes to the signs

ok ok, enough!!!!

the man has suddenly grown balls and all hell has broken loose!!!

well, FYI, the babe don nack una story, una don begin dey postulate. has it even occured to you yet that per chance you meet the chap and ask him whats up, he could tell you sumtin totally different?

as in really, lets leave apart the dumb nitwits with the bad advice, the other seemingly sound advice could take on a different coloration if there was feedback from the other person!!!

women will always back one another even when its ridiculous, or have you not seen women who went to help a friend beat her boyfriend for talking to another suspected lover? as in how dumb can one be!!!

BESIDES WHICH INDIVIDUAL WILL BE CALLED TO A PANEL AND WILL NARRATE HIS STORY TO INCRIMINATE HIMSELF?

ehen na, as una don conclude say a perfectly rational human being will magically turn into a bad person JUST BECAUSE OF A JOB AND NAIRA NOTES? as in really? i did not get the part where the poster said the guy was mentally handicapped or had a mean streak.

but the job/money suddenly made him mean hmmn interesting

@Poster

There are some things you are not telling us; marriage is quite another thing. You should go and do a total rebranding, repackaging of yourself and then move on.

stephnina0
I think you are trying to indirectly tell us what your ex girlfriends did to you, you said you are married but you still sound like a wounded lion. In a relationship, there's no perfection.  you hinted she gave her numbers to other guys and accepted gifts from them(maybe you were one of the admirers cos i don't know how you knew) any way what makes u so sure the guy in question didn't cheat on her even when he was broke? or you think he was innocent?
Really i expected you as a married man to talk to her like she was your sister, if your sister had come to you with this problem would you have giving her this sermon you gave this young lady

Most Nigerian men are guilty of this; money brings out the beast in them and because of this most Nigerian women would prefer dating guys that are already stable. Treat Nigerian women with  love and respect and i bet you you'll get same in return

[color=#990000:
Stephnina sweety, you write smart as a lady,maybe too smart and thats the problem with Niger ladies,well for me i was lucky and went out with my wife for 10 years before we got married last year,i am lucky to ve someone like her that plan ahead,some people re lucky and i am one of them, i read, i talk,i move around,i have been with ladies and used ladies of all kind and most Niger chicks of 20 - 30 years dont know what they want,they just want to rock,swagger,party,groove and help we guys eat our hard earned cash, i know what they are (Niger ladies), the average Niger lady is shot sited, most of them dont know tomorrow and they dont know that the young guy today will grow tomorrow, i have always know a woman will get her salt and pepper from we men here on earth, it is the way nature made it, and i have not been used or dumped by an ex girlfriend,i am too smart. The poster is worried now cos she knows she is getting old and may not find a made guy to marry her,she should have treated her Man right in the past and she will be reaping or harvesting a lot right now,( My wife is presently reaping and harvesting a lot for treating me right in the past), and for the record there is no STABLE as you call it or MADE FREE GUY OUT THERE,they all ve someone,they only looking for a bed mate for now to use and dump.

[/color]

Poster ,

I think this kind of situation mostly happen between a man and a woman, the best thing to do is leave him and move on with your life.Such is life.