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Am I Being Stupid Here?? - Romance - Nairaland

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Am I Being Stupid Here?? by Manyalove: 12:07pm On Dec 13, 2018
Hello all. I'll try to be very brief here.
So, I have this very cute guy, who's every woman's dream of a man- a typical TDH (tall, dark and handsome). He's the cutest of every guy i've ever dated. He also very good in bed. Exceptionally good. He's very much in love with me. However, he has a baby and a mama; the product of a fling he had. Thing is, his desire to be part of his son's life made him take in the mama (kid's three years old BTW), to stay in one of the rooms in his house. I've also got kids from a previous union which didn't work out fine and i'm doing my very best to move on and get settled again. He told me about his mama from the onset, but i hid my history from him. He later found out on his own and had no issues with it. I'm very beautiful and attractive and one would hardly know i've had kids before if i don't tell u.
My concern with this guy is that he's not very stable. He does several hustles here and there, but is always struggling with cash. I do work and help him out sometimes but, i'm often restricted by the fact that i have kids of my own who though stay with my parents, are my sole responsibility. Again, the fact that he has a woman like me in the background, whom i know he'll be giving money to for upkeep turns me off from helping always as well. Besides, its not like i earn so much too, its just that its more steady than whatever he does. He hardly gives me anything, but i hardly complain. Couple of months back i missed my period and informed him. He was happy and wished for a daughter. However, i was against the idea of having another child, at least not out of wedlock. I tried to make him see reasons with me and somehow, he obliged. A month after again, same thing happened. As usual he begged that this one should stay, again i refused. I insisted he must provide the funds for it to be taken care of since he keeps refusing to protect himself. But as usual, he was broke. I took care of everything on my own and kept my distance from him. In fact, i wanted to put an end to everything between us. It was within this period i met someone else, who actually tickles my fancy. He's not as handsome as my other guy, but he's not totally bad either. (I'm sure by now u wld hv figured i have a thing for appearances). Anyway, this new guy has a steady job, and he's really fun to be with. He's very much single and knows about my status yet he's cool with it.
Couple of weeks back, my other guy came pleading with me for us to get back together (as i have all this while been giving him the silence treatment). Somehow, he got to know that I've been seeing someone else and he's very mad at me. As things stand now, we're on the verge of a break-up. I should be happy since its what i had initially wanted, but I've been miserable; can't sleep well at nite, can't eat well too. Don't know why i'm feeling this way. There's this deep sadness that has since enveloped me and i cant seem to shake it off. Worse still, he's not taking my calls. I'm really confused and feel very alone right now. Should i just let him be and move on with this new guy or do i still try harder to win him back seeing how i'm feeling without him?
Guess i made it long after all. Soo sorry folks, had to pour almost all out. Won't mind reasonable advice, comments and suggestions pls. Try to take it easy with the bashings too pls, as i'm qiute unstable emotionally now. Thanks.

6 Likes

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by Tamarapetty(f): 12:18pm On Dec 13, 2018
Move on with the new guy, seems more responsible.


ARE U FEELING DOWN cause u'll miss his features?? What if ur current dude also has nice features plus he's responsible? Will u think twice before moving on with him? Better don't lose this dude over LOOKS

7 Likes

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by Zebulun15(m): 12:20pm On Dec 13, 2018
choose by ur self so dat anything that d futur holds for u ,so u no go blame anybdy.
make u kwn say nah ur cup of tea.

5 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by carter009(m): 12:32pm On Dec 13, 2018
Please follow your heart dear.
Manyalove:
Hello all. I'll try to be very brief here.
So, I have this very cute guy, who's every woman's dream of a man- a typical TDH (tall, dark and handsome). He's the cutest of every guy i've ever dated. He also very good in bed. Exceptionally good. He's very much in love with me. However, he has a baby and a mama; the product of a fling he had. Thing is, his desire to be part of his son's life made him take in the mama (kid's three years old BTW), to stay in one of the rooms in his house. I've also got kids from a previous union which didn't work out fine and i'm doing my very best to move on and get settled again. He told me about his mama from the onset, but i hid my history from him. He later found out on his own and had no issues with it. I'm very beautiful and attractive and one would hardly know i've had kids before if i don't tell u.
My concern with this guy is that he's not very stable. He does several hustles here and there, but is always struggling with cash. I do work and help him out sometimes but, i'm often restricted by the fact that i have kids of my own who though stay with my parents, are my sole responsibility. Again, the fact that he has a woman like me in the background, whom i know he'll be giving money to for upkeep turns me off from helping always as well. Besides, its not like i earn so much too, its just that its more steady than whatever he does. He hardly gives me anything, but i hardly complain. Couple of months back i missed my period and informed him. He was happy and wished for a daughter. However, i was against the idea of having another child, at least not out of wedlock. I tried to make him see reasons with me and somehow, he obliged. A month after again, same thing happened. As usual he begged that this one should stay, again i refused. I insisted he must provide the funds for it to be taken care of since he keeps refusing to protect himself. But as usual, he was broke. I took care of everything on my own and kept my distance from him. In fact, i wanted to put an end to everything between us. It was within this period i met someone else, who actually tickles my fancy. He's not as handsome as my other guy, but he's not totally bad either. (I'm sure by now u wld hv figured i have a thing for appearances). Anyway, this new guy has a steady job, and he's really fun to be with. He's very much single and knows about my status yet he's cool with it.
Couple of weeks back, my other guy came pleading with me for us to get back together (as i have all this while been giving him the silence treatment). Somehow, he got to know that I've been seeing someone else and he's very mad at me. As things stand now, we're on the verge of a break-up. I should be happy since its what i had initially wanted, but I've been miserable; can't sleep well at nite, can't eat well too. Don't know why i'm feeling this way. There's this deep sadness that has since enveloped me and i cant seem to shake it off. Worse still, he's not taking my calls. I'm really confused and feel very alone right now. Should i just let him be and move on with this new guy or do i still try harder to win him back seeing how i'm feeling without him?
Guess i made it long after all. Soo sorry folks, had to pour almost all out. Won't mind reasonable advice, comments and suggestions pls. Try to take it easy with the bashings too pls, as i'm qiute unstable emotionally now. Thanks.
Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by wis3(m): 12:33pm On Dec 13, 2018
What makes you think this new guy will stay true to you? He can have any girl he wants since hes rich and handsome.
Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by Amthol(m): 12:42pm On Dec 13, 2018
Young woman I have a question for you
What do you want? cos it seems from the write up you are yet to make up your mind on what you want
So do this and go after what you want. To me it seems you have chances with the two guys with efforts but be assured they both have their own Advantages and Disadvantages so make your decision wisely.
However if you want my own stand I will recommend you go with the new guy cos it seems the initial guy has unsettled issues.
Good luck

4 Likes

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by marvin906(m): 12:48pm On Dec 13, 2018
follow your heart but let your head be your guide..
That's all I can say
Na who where shoe na know where dey pain am

2 Likes

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by Lucifer66(m): 12:58pm On Dec 13, 2018
Sounds like an obvious gold digger.
Jumping from the highest bidder to another.

6 Likes

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by Eberechi24(f): 1:02pm On Dec 13, 2018
madam do whatever you want to do but stop getting pregnant, you are not a teenage girl.

21 Likes

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by Nobody: 1:03pm On Dec 13, 2018
If you love yourself, go for the man who is financially responsible and able to take care of you. Imagine a man living with his baby mama, and you want To jejely squeeze yourself in, madam you no get shame? You think he doesn’t have access to her puna? Good diickk and fine looks do not pay the bills, you’re just in lust with the first dude. A woman with a child, you have to be extra smart you’ve got no time to waste. Please use a condom and don’t allow any man to trap you without a ring, didn’t you learn from the first mistake ? Ogaaa ohhh.

14 Likes

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by carter009(m): 1:03pm On Dec 13, 2018
Please stop, why they insults, if you don't have anything reasonable to tell her, why not let her be...
Lucifer66:
Sounds like an obvious gold digger.
Jumping from the highest bidder to another.

5 Likes

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by samysmoothfresh: 1:26pm On Dec 13, 2018
Niggahs and bitches above me be saying "follow your heart", "do what you think is best for you", "follow your heart but use your head" etc


they dont know op's heart and head is as confused as she is right now.


Una want make she follow her confused "heart and head" abi

5 Likes

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by pastie(m): 1:26pm On Dec 13, 2018
You are very selfish and confused at the same time, what happened to the other partner you have kid with, ain't part of his responsibility to take care of it? As it is now, you are after appearance and stable money but in this scenario, you can't have both, you can manage the second guy because the first one is still moving along with his baby mama, just let him go and manage your new relationship but I pray you don't cheat on him, cuz you are obviously obsessed with cute men.

2 Likes

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by samysmoothfresh: 1:30pm On Dec 13, 2018
Saffi:
If you love yourself, go for the man who is financially responsible and able to take care of you. Imagine a man living with his baby mama, and you want To jejely squeeze yourself in, madam you no get shame? You think he doesn’t have access to her puna? Good diickk and fine looks do not pay the bills, you’re just in lust with the first dude. A woman with a child, you have to be extra smart you’ve got no time to waste. Please use a condom and don’t allow any man to trap you without a ring, didn’t you learn from the first mistake ? Ogaaa ohhh.


it's always about finance/money/cash with you.


Makes me wonder if your intense love for financial security and advocating that women marry wealthy financially stable men is fueled by the bitter experience of your mom, relative or close acquintance who married a poor wan and was forced to live a poverty stricken life.


You may have lived in such family setting and hence your desire to avoid such for yourself and future kids.


Anyways to be fair, you made a tiny winny bit of sense in your write up.

8 Likes

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by Lucifer66(m): 1:34pm On Dec 13, 2018
In fact sef I forgot.
Can't you work for your own money?
Must the man support you?
I have said it time and time again you women are useless leeches.

1 Like

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by Manyalove: 1:45pm On Dec 13, 2018
pastie:
You are very selfish and confused at the same time, what happened to the other partner you have kid with, ain't part of his responsibility to take care of it? As it is now, you are after appearance and stable money but in this scenario, you can't have both, you can manage the second guy because the first one is still moving along with his baby mama, just let him go and manage your new relationship but I pray you don't cheat on him, cuz you are obviously obsessed with cute men.


T'wasnt a just a kid. I said 'Kids'. We were actually married but like i said, d union didn't work out and we both went our separate ways. Its been years now, almost a decade. Its actually his responsibility to take care of the kids but he refuses to do so and truth is, i gave up asking a long time ago. Just want to move on and start my life anew. Not obsessed with cute guys, but just love my guys to be quite presentable, dats not too much to ask for na! He doesn't love his baby mama, i know that for sure.

5 Likes

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by Manyalove: 1:51pm On Dec 13, 2018
Lucifer66:
In fact sef I forgot.
Can't you work for your own money?
Must the man support you?
I have said it time and time again you women are useless leeches.


If you had taken time to read carefully, u wld hv seen where i mentioned that 'he hardly gives me anything and i hardly ask'. I have a job, its not the best job in the world, but it does help pay my bills and take care of my kids' needs.

1 Like

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by boomssey(f): 1:53pm On Dec 13, 2018
Eberechi24:
madam do whatever you want to do but stop getting pregnant, you are not a teenage girl.
I like dis.

4 Likes

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by Nobody: 1:56pm On Dec 13, 2018
You’re obsessed. Stop quoting me every minute, jeez. I don’t like you, I’ll never want you. Coming from someone who looks like a starved squirrel you should know what true poverty feels like. Fortunately I can’t relate. Stay away from me.
samysmoothfresh:



it's always about finance/money/cash with you.


Makes me wonder if your intense love for financial security and advocating that women marry wealthy financially stable men is fueled by the bitter experience of your mom, relative or close acquintance who married a poor wan and was forced to live a poverty stricken life.


You may have lived in such family setting and hence your desire to avoid such for yourself and future kids.


Anyways to be fair, you made a tiny winny bit of sense in your write up.

10 Likes

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by pastie(m): 2:09pm On Dec 13, 2018
Manyalove:



T'wasnt a just a kid. I said 'Kids'. We were actually married but like i said, d union didn't work out and we both went our separate ways. Its been years now, almost a decade. Its actually his responsibility to take care of the kids but he refuses to do so and truth is, i gave up asking a long time ago. Just want to move on and start my life anew. Not obsessed with cute guys, but just love my guys to be quite presentable, dats not too much to ask for na! He doesn't love his baby mama, i know that for sure.
As it is, If he has no business with her, the baby mama and child should have been with her parent or close relation while he foot the bills, but her been so close to him means there is some strong bond,

I believed you definitely need a guy like me but sadly I'm taken and can't settle with you.
hope you sort this out.

1 Like

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by empire2017(m): 2:11pm On Dec 13, 2018
Manyalove:



T'wasnt a just a kid. I said 'Kids'. We were actually married but like i said, d union didn't work out and we both went our separate ways. Its been years now, almost a decade. Its actually his responsibility to take care of the kids but he refuses to do so and truth is, i gave up asking a long time ago. Just want to move on and start my life anew. Not obsessed with cute guys, but just love my guys to be quite presentable, dats not too much to ask for na! He doesn't love his baby mama, i know that for sure.
that new guy can never marry u..I'm very sure of that..no sensible mother will allow her son marry a babymama with *KID'S* not even kid.in my mum's Voice "U BETTER COME MARRY ME IF U CAN'T FIND ANY SINGLE LADY TO MARRY OTHER THAN A BABYMAMA"

12 Likes 1 Share

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by dollyjoy(f): 2:14pm On Dec 13, 2018
pastie:

As it is, If he has no business with her, the baby mama and child should have been with her parent or close relation while he foot the bills, but her been so close to him means there is some strong bond,

I believed you definitely need a guy like me but sadly I'm taken and can't settle with you.
The last sentence is actually uncalled for Sir!!

2 Likes

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by pastie(m): 2:18pm On Dec 13, 2018
dollyjoy:
The last sentence is actually uncalled for Sir!!

I'm sorry ma, op I apologize,
only tryna pass a message to a stalker.
Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by Manyalove: 2:22pm On Dec 13, 2018
empire2017:
that new guy can never marry u..I'm very sure of that..no sensible mother will allow her son marry a babymama with *KID'S* not even kid.in my mum's Voice "U BETTER COME MARRY ME IF U CAN'T FIND ANY SINGLE LADY TO MARRY OTHER THAN A BABYMAMA"

Well hopefully, there'll be one "insensible" mother with an unbiased mind out there that will trust her son enough and allow him the freewill of making such important life decision for himself.

9 Likes

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by Manyalove: 2:28pm On Dec 13, 2018
pastie:

As it is, If he has no business with her, the baby mama and child should have been with her parent or close relation while he foot the bills, but her been so close to him means there is some strong bond,

I believed you definitely need a guy like me but sadly I'm taken and can't settle with you.
hope you sort this out.


If she goes, she goes with the kid. Like i explained earlier, he wants to be a part of the kid's life and so he's refusing that. Thanks.
Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by DFlyest: 2:28pm On Dec 13, 2018
grin

You might want to stick with the one who has you as a top priority and doesn't have any other woman in the picture, to avoid stories that touch the heart.
And why does Mr A want another child, as it is seems like he's struggling to care for the one he already has??

Other things I noted;
• You're not actually broken up with Mr A right now, you say he found out you were seeing Mr B and is now ghosting you
< Somehow, he got to know that I've been seeing someone else and he's very mad at me. As things stand now, we're on the verge of a break-up >

• You've been aborting for Mr A, I'm not judging, it's your life, but you might want to start taking contraceptives seriously, then again, it's only my opinion
< I insisted he must provide the funds for it to be taken care of since he keeps refusing to protect himself. But as usual, he was broke. I took care of everything on my own and kept my distance from him>

Edit: After going through your post again, I decided that you're probably experiencing "Withdrawal symptoms" it's normal, the feeling of despair after a breakup, doesn't necessarily mean you love them or the relationship is good for you
My advice, give yourself some time to adjust to being away from Mr A, if you still feel you must continue with him, then do, dating afterall is a game of trial and error.

Take my advice with a pinch of salt, I am no dating expert!!

9 Likes

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by pastie(m): 2:36pm On Dec 13, 2018
Manyalove:



If she goes, she goes with the kid. Like i explained earlier, he wants to be a part of the kid's life and so he's refusing that.
imaging 3 of you living together, sounds awkward to me while another independent man is ready to settle with you,
who finest epp ?
madam no tie yourself up with another man wahala, everyone has his/her cross to carry

4 Likes

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by ShilohEagle(m): 2:36pm On Dec 13, 2018
Manyalove.
The present situation you find yourself is really hard. Left first hubby due to irreconcilable difference and that with kids, entangled with a handsome and good-in-bed baby daddy but no stable income source, then a very average looking guy but at least fun to be with and of stable income.
Madam, first, u need to set your priorities right. Seems to me you don't know what u actually want. Second, you have to be very decisive and act.
I wouldn't support you going ahead with d good-lookin dude, good looks n fine bedmatic skill doesn't pay bills.
I as well wouldn't say you should jump at the stable guy just 'cause of d good income he has 'cause I believe all that glitters ain't gold.
I also know you are really lonely right now. But to avoid making bad decisions, be patient till you are emotionally stable.
Again, forget that guy with good looks. Forget him totally.
As per the person u are currently seeing, I don't know him and neither do you know him WELL, so I will say don't be hasty to go with him. Get to know him.
And again take a decision about him when you are not in any emotional dilemma.
There are still good looking dudes with legal sources of income out their and with true love.
Patience madam, patience.
May the good Lord guide you

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by Manyalove: 2:41pm On Dec 13, 2018
ShilohEagle:
Manyalove.
The present situation you find yourself is really hard. Left first hubby due to irreconcilable difference and that with kids, entangled with a handsome and good-in-bed baby daddy but no stable income source, then a very average looking guy but at least fun to be with and of stable income.
Madam, first, u need to set your priorities right. Seems to me you don't know what u actually want. Second, you have to be very decisive and act.
I wouldn't support you going ahead with d good-lookin dude, good looks n fine bedmatic skill doesn't pay bills.
I as well wouldn't say you should jump at the stable guy just 'cause of d good income he has 'cause I believe all that glitters ain't gold.
I also know you are really lonely right now. But to avoid making bad decisions, be patient till you are emotionally stable.
Again, forget that guy with good looks. Forget him totally.
As per the person u are currently seeing, I don't know him and neither do you know him WELL, so I will say don't be hasty to go with him. Get to know him.
And again take a decision about him when you are not in any emotional dilemma.
There are still good looking dudes with legal sources of income out their and with true love.
Patience madam, patience.
May the good Lord guide you






Thanks Man. Really appreciate.
Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by danieljessy: 3:14pm On Dec 13, 2018
What load of rubbish did I just read,after having a failed marriage which ended with kids which could be due to your promiscuous lifestyle,one would think you should now have some iota of sense now,you even have the gots to be choosy and selective after undergoing several abortions "tuah"(spits)..Better know now that the new young fellow will never marry you,all he wants his to have is own fair share of your now hideous, smelly disgusting virgina and maybe have you abort some more which is by now your specialty..

Madam I'm beautiful and attractive stop sleeping with every tom dick n harry that comes across you,you're not a teenager and like someone said earlier you sure must be a gold digger..there's really no shame in this world anymore undecided

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by Nobody: 3:23pm On Dec 13, 2018
Yes, you are being stupid.

So you cheated on your guy then jump to a new guy like he disposable.

men, you are not stable also, you just keep jumping and falling in so love

one guy is broke,fine and has a child the other has a income,no child and single and you have an income with kids but single

the reality is most single mother dream is to date and marry a single man without kids and with good income so that he can support them and their child or children. many wont date other single dad because of the lack of attention.

You dont like the second single guy, you are just there because he has a steady income flow which he can use to support himself, yourself and your kid.

Your priority should be your kids not these men, can you cut out these men and concentrate on your life till you are emotionally balance to know your left from right.

what you are looking for is someone that can provide for your needs but anyway fine face and good bedmantics wont provide food on the table and also single guy with good income can get bored oneday and leave.

what will you do?

for the feeling of sadness: Stop lying to yourself, the first guy still hold some value to you.

5 Likes

Re: Am I Being Stupid Here?? by sparkle6(m): 3:31pm On Dec 13, 2018
They no dey use Handsome buy Benz.
Fine boy fine boy no be for cash.
Someone else is more loaded and financialy buoyant but u still running around with enkindled feelings for a broke Man.
What makes you think he wont use you as a 2nd Baby Mama.
Here are 4 things you should do and Fast.
1. Uninstall every feelings you had for that guy.
2. Make sure you delete every folder of that guy from your heart.
3. Get a fresh copy of feelings from this new guy and make a clean installation.
4. Always run your heart and feelings for him as Adminstrator.
Thank me lera.

5 Likes

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