victorian:













I have read it.

If her mind is restless and unsettled about what the guy is saying, she should just follow her mind and quit! They are not married yet, so I wonder what's she's missing about and giving herself sleepless night for.

Op, if your mind is warning you to steer clear from the guy, listen to your mind and ignore the yearning of the heart. Our guardian spirits can never lead us wrongly.

For me, I don't see any big issue in this matter. She should follow her mind and cut him off! He will never take her to Nigeria to see his family and that's the hard truth.

The guy is married in Nigeria. The earlier op realise the better for her. Have stopped taking Nigerian men serious. Immediately I notice any foul play, I cut off! No time to waste and I don't have a heart anymore for someone to break. So no need guessing or worrying.. No time jare.

Mo raye oshi.

Ure so bitter... Why

Erums:


Ure so bitter... Why

Cause I no longer have patience for players and deceitful men, all in the name of baby I love you.

I bet you that edo guy will come up later with series of excuses why he can't marry her after dating her for a while and achieving his aim of why he came into her life.

A script is already on play.

victorian:








Cause I no longer have patience for players and deceitful men, all in the name of baby I love you.

I bet you that edo guy will come up later with series of excuses why he can't marry her after dating her for a while and achieving his aim of why he came into her life.

A script is already on play.

We all go thru experiences daily... It should not make us bitter.. Listen, the op never said the nigga was proposing marriage... Grown ups can date witot the need to marriage.. It decision dey could reach.. But the op said she doesn't just wanna be involved with a polygamous guy.

Back to you, I think u shud let go of some bitter experience.. Live free. Be hopeful, work witot course for a payback, be ur self without sentiment.. Things will fall into play.. Never expect a perfect guy... Expect a nigga and give him a reason not to play dirty on u... Cheers

Suzette911:
Hello Everyone,
How is everyone doing. Looking for a bit of advise from people from Nigeria. First off I am Canadian(black)and I met this guy from Nigeria in september. He lives anf work in Canada. I am 35 with two kids. He says he is 38 with no kids.He came up to me and began talking to me, i was somewhat agitated because i really didnt plan on meeting someone. We exchanged numbers and I didn't think anything would develop out of this. He waited 2 days and tried to get in contact with me. I ignored him after a few messages. He eventually calls and I asked him so who are you supposedto be again. I knew he felt out of sorts but of course a lady has to play hard to get. I noticed how persistent he was and I decided to talk to him via texts and calls. Currently we have been on three dates and counting. I really seem to be enjoying this young man's company for some reason. He is very sweet , says the right things, treats me very well. It feels like I knew him for so long. I am very open and honest with him. I feel like I can call him whenever and he calls me whenever. We spend a lot of time on the phone. Honestly speaking we are kind of fast paced,we have made love once which we both wanted.I have a very deep liking to him and I am smitten by him. I can't say that I love him but it's getting there. I can't help it I am somewhat of a detective or PI if you want to call it that. I went snooping on his Facebook page and saw a lady with his same last name. I asked him if he was married. He struggled somewhat before he gave me an answer. He said it was his cousin and ever since we are just arguing. He is accusing me of other relations of which I am innocent of. We blew things so bad, we have been arguing for days. I genuinely care about him and I am stuck at this point because I honestly don't want to date anyone married but I dont want to walk away if he isn't. It's been so bad I think I am causing him to go grey because I am giving him an extremely hard time. He has invited me to spend time with him but I just can't go. I told him let's go to Nigeria,he said he will take me. I really want to go with him to see the place and experience his culture and meet his family

I don't know what to do. I feel stuck. I amso miserable I wonder why he wants me...what should I do.

I won't advise you, but will only tell you facts about Nigerians.

1. Hardly will a Nigerian marry a single mother.
2.A Nigerian seeking for permanent residency will marry almost any woman.

3.Many Nigerians will go out of their way to marry a citizen of the target country just to get residency even when they have a wife back in Nigeria. The plan is usually to abandon their previous wife, retain their previous wife or divorce then new foreign wife after gaining permanent residency.

Erums:


We all go thru experiences daily... It should not make us bitter.. Listen, the op never said the nigga was proposing marriage... Grown ups can date witot the need to marriage.. It decision dey could reach.. But the op said she doesn't just wanna be involved with a polygamous guy.

Back to you, I think u shud let go of some bitter experience.. Live free. Be hopeful, work witot course for a payback, be ur self without sentiment.. Things will fall into play.. Never expect a perfect guy... Expect a nigga and give him a reason not to play dirty on u... Cheers

I don't expect a perfect guy in this earth, cos no human is perfect.
I'm living free but wiser ,careful And plain.
Like I said, I don't take men serious. I will simply play along and if something fishy pops up with no reasonable reason to back it up from his end. I simply withdraw.
I don't need unnecessary emotional stress. Have paid my dues in the past.

The remaining rest of my life na to enjoy free and fair relationship without drama.

Cause Daily living in Nigeria is stressful on it own.

And lastly I'm not bitter. I don't have the strength to be bitter, it drains one deeply. And one ages faster and quicker! As you can see on my pic, I look younger than my age, cos I no longer take rubbish or I don't allow any man take advantage of me, ever again.

Na enjoyment and peace of mind remain.

victorian:









I don't expect a perfect guy in this earth, cos no human is perfect.
I'm living free but wiser ,careful And plain.
Like I said, I don't take men serious. I will simply play along and if something fishy pops up with no reasonable reason to back it up from his end. I simply withdraw.
I don't need unnecessary emotional stress. Have paid my dues in the past.

The remaining rest of my life na to enjoy free and fair relationship without drama.

Cause Daily living in Nigeria is stressful on it own.

And lastly I'm not bitter. I don't have the strength to be bitter, it drains one deeply. And one ages faster and quicker! As you can see on my pic, I look younger than my age, cos I no longer take rubbish or I don't allow any man take advantage of me, ever again.

Na enjoyment and peace of mind remain.

I didn't really bother checking ur pik, cos I regard nlabd as a faceless forum..
I'm glad to know you live free, I think you went ahead to pay ur dues at the wrong time.. But u still shudnt stop paying dues... If dues need to be paid, pay dem accordingly, 8f you know what I mean..

I wish u peace to, and yes I hope u dnt give Rubbish too since you ain't taking any?

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Suzette911:

What is wrong with that...I am non judgemental. I am stubborn when I am in love... hahaha

someone here was suggesting u should also go thru the lady"s facebook page.it would be a wise idea if u do such.go through all the lady"s pics on facebook.u even made a mistake quickly confronting him.u ought to have even gone through all the lady"s pictures b4 confronting him .
;;;;;

My dear Benin men are not to be trusted. Better run whilst you can and listen to your gut feeling.

Suzette911:

Sister in USA lol
When I sit back and analyze things I can tell that he does care for me. My gut feeling says he loves me but probably into polygamy. He is from Benin City lol

MariaLavina:
Lemme call the counsel of honest and intelligent elder I know here to help you out.

Pansophist


Please help op out.

Well, others before me have already buttressed my point. I think she should push to know his family, especially the unmarried sister with his surname. Since he has agreed to take her to Nigeria, she should refuse to stay in a hotel mostly and request to see her family, from grandma to mama, she should be very inquisitive.

Usually if she will be used for documents, he should have been pestering her earlier on, to know if she is a sure catch or that he should browse ahead. She can only be used if she is ignorant, if not, na voicemail brother jam

Saffi:
My dear Benin men are not to be trusted. Better run whilst you can and listen to your gut feeling.

+5
Kontinu

Suzette911:

Sister in USA lol
When I sit back and analyze things I can tell that he does care for me. My gut feeling says he loves me but probably into polygamy. He is from Benin City lol

Benin men are the least polygamous amongst the people from South south ooo.......you are mistaken itsekiris,urhobo,ijaw and ishans with Benin,they are not all benin

MariaLavina:
Lemme call the counsel of honest and intelligent elders I know here to help you out.

Uncle Lefulefu

Pocohantas

LordKO

Pansophist

GrammarNazi1

MissRaine69

Capslocked

Ishilove

Dominique



Please help op out.

U have forgotten to mention baby iam Airforce 1

havilla:
you didn’t tell us if you snooped through the ladies Facebook page. Did she have pictures of both of them? Any kids? Does he have more than one picture of her on his page? I guess this can be little clues. Having the same surname isn’t enough evidence as I have male cousins with the same surname as me on my fb page.

No I didn't get on her page because of privacy settings. Time reveal everything and I have lots of time.

havilla:
you didn’t tell us if you snooped through the ladies Facebook page. Did she have pictures of both of them? Any kids? Does he have more than one picture of her on his page? I guess this can be little clues. Having the same surname isn’t enough evidence as I have male cousins with the same surname as me on my fb page.

He doesn't have her photos or any children just himself.

jesmond3945:
if you have decided to listen to your heart instead of your head no problem. Everybody on this thread can only advise but when taking you have to be neutral so as to process the information and make an informed decision. If i were you i would do more digging to be sure he is clean but the dopamine levels in your blood stream is still high and making you not to judge correctly.

I agree

Suzette911:
Hello Everyone,
How is everyone doing. Looking for a bit of advise from people from Nigeria. First off I am Canadian(black)and I met this guy from Nigeria in september. He lives anf work in Canada. I am 35 with two kids. He says he is 38 with no kids.He came up to me and began talking to me, i was somewhat agitated because i really didnt plan on meeting someone. We exchanged numbers and I didn't think anything would develop out of this. He waited 2 days and tried to get in contact with me. I ignored him after a few messages. He eventually calls and I asked him so who are you supposedto be again. I knew he felt out of sorts but of course a lady has to play hard to get. I noticed how persistent he was and I decided to talk to him via texts and calls. Currently we have been on three dates and counting. I really seem to be enjoying this young man's company for some reason. He is very sweet , says the right things, treats me very well. It feels like I knew him for so long. I am very open and honest with him. I feel like I can call him whenever and he calls me whenever. We spend a lot of time on the phone. Honestly speaking we are kind of fast paced,we have made love once which we both wanted.I have a very deep liking to him and I am smitten by him. I can't say that I love him but it's getting there. I can't help it I am somewhat of a detective or PI if you want to call it that. I went snooping on his Facebook page and saw a lady with his same last name. I asked him if he was married. He struggled somewhat before he gave me an answer. He said it was his cousin and ever since we are just arguing. He is accusing me of other relations of which I am innocent of. We blew things so bad, we have been arguing for days. I genuinely care about him and I am stuck at this point because I honestly don't want to date anyone married but I dont want to walk away if he isn't. It's been so bad I think I am causing him to go grey because I am giving him an extremely hard time. He has invited me to spend time with him but I just can't go. I told him let's go to Nigeria,he said he will take me. I really want to go with him to see the place and experience his culture and meet his family

I don't know what to do. I feel stuck. I amso miserable I wonder why he wants me...what should I do.

bring him here.

victorian:











She should run and not look back!

Edo guy? Red flag!

I don't usually comment but this comment got to me...really "Edo guy ? Red Flag" hmm really you mean every Edo guy is red flag right that was a poor from you coming from a woman. In your earlier post you said you have no heart that they will break anymore, so they broken your heart overtime and I will say am not surprised if you can make a comment like this then your reasoning is below par and guyz these days ain't have time for ladies like that so they have to move on....so the earlier you start checking yourself the better for you and stop generalizing .


Back to topic, as for the op I think he loves you but he is caught inbetween the Web of circumstances ( I maybe right or wrong ), but one thing is sure and that is your happiness, babe life is too short and we only live once, your happiness cannot be traded for anything, if am lying try sadness, think about the other side of the coin if I let him go will I still be happy, will I be happy with the next guy I will meet, how sure am I that the next guy will be "totally free" of any holds back, just enjoy every minute and moment.

For me I think you shouldn't rush things but don't quit yet ( that is if you are going to quit at all), just go with the flow for now and more importantly after sometime try and see if your kids will find him interesting cos it matters.

Nevertheless, women like you are rare to comeby., from your post I deduce that when you love you love and this statement made me conclude that you really like this guy and you are happy here :

"But when i am with him I am young at heart and feel like a giddy school girl. Priceless." That's strong

Wish you the best

Erums:


I didn't really bother checking ur pik, cos I regard nlabd as a faceless forum..
I'm glad to know you live free, I think you went ahead to pay ur dues at the wrong time.. But u still shudnt stop paying dues... If dues need to be paid, pay dem accordingly, 8f you know what I mean..

I wish u peace to, and yes I hope u dnt give Rubbish too since you ain't taking any?

What I can't take from another person, I don't give. Which means I don't give rubbish either. Have groomed and improved on myself, mentally, physically, educationally, spiritually, psychologically through so many years of ups, downs and lows.
So I can have something of quality and great value to impact in my home and also teach my children as they grow. My own lineage will not be cut off, because enemies have tried to cut mi off but their plans will always fail.

At the bolded you are right, I paid my dues too early in life but that's what life threw at me, and I had to go through it. I was too young to make a wise choice and my parents were too desperate to marry me off in a very young age. But that's a story for another day.
If more dues come my way, I will pay them. I don't have choice, it's part of life and living so I can move to the next level in life.

We work, rest, work, rest, work, till we are called by God.. That's when we rest finally.

victorian:

















What I can't take from another person, I don't give. Which means I don't give rubbish either. Have groomed and improved on myself, mentally, physically, educationally, spiritually, psychologically through so many years of ups, downs and lows.
So I can have something of quality and great value to impact in my home and also teach my children as they grow. My own lineage will not be cut off, because enemies have tried to cut mi off but their plans will always fail.

At the bolded you are right, I paid my dues too early in life but that's what life threw at me, and I had to go through it. I was too young to make a wise choice and my parents were too desperate to marry me off in a very young age. But that's a story for another day.
If more dues come my way, I will pay them. I don't have choice, it's part of life and living so I can move to the next level in life.

We work, rest, work, rest, work, till we are called by God.. That's when we rest finally.

Goodmorning, Vic... Hope u slept free... Do u mind if I send a pm? We cud relate further privately.. Cheers

Erums:


Goodmorning, Vic... Hope u slept free... Do u mind if I send a pm? We cud relate further privately.. Cheers

Good morning Erums, I slept well, thank God.
No prob, you can send pm. I will reply.

victorian:










Good morning Erums, I slept well, thank God.
No prob, you can send pm. I will reply.

thanks ...

Erums:


thanks ...

You are welcome

[quote author=UniQue84 post=74038194] I don't usually comment but this comment got to me...really "Edo guy ? Red Flag" hmm really you mean every Edo guy is red flag right that was a poor from you coming from a woman. In your earlier post you said you have no heart that they will break anymore, so they broken your heart overtime and I will say am not surprised if you can make a comment like this then your reasoning is below par and guyz these days ain't have time for ladies like that so they have to move on....so the earlier you start checking yourself the better for you and stop generalizing .


Back to topic, as for the op I think he loves you but he is caught inbetween the Web of circumstances ( I maybe right or wrong ), but one thing is sure and that is your happiness, babe life is too short and we only live once, your happiness cannot be traded for anything, if am lying try sadness, think about the other side of the coin if I let him go will I still be happy, will I be happy with the next guy I will meet, how sure am I that the next guy will be "totally free" of any holds back, just enjoy every minute and moment.

For me I think you shouldn't rush things but don't quit yet ( that is if you are going to quit at all), just go with the flow for now and more importantly after sometime try and see if your kids will find him interesting cos it matters.

Nevertheless, women like you are rare to comeby., from your post I deduce that when you love you love and this statement made me conclude that you really like this guy and you are happy here :

"But when i am with him I am young at heart and feel like a giddy school girl. Priceless." That's strong

Wish you the best [/quo
Yes the heart wants what it wants....I love him with all of me. I am not judgemental...whatever it is he feels bad to tell me about, That's what I am attracted to. Life is too short to not want to be with whoever you love. When I am with him I am at my happiest... he makes me laugh, he dances for me and can't stop playing Davido wonderwoman to me...even though I don't understand most of it.He cooks for me...Honestly I don't want to get off the cloud I am on.

[quote author=Suzette911 post=74065111][/quote] lady I understand you totally, happiness is bae, when you are happy your whole being is happy, your spirit, soul and body feel excited, these things don't come easily. If you ask me I will tell you to go for what your heart want, life itself is a risk and it applies to all areas of life including emotions.

He is happy man going by what you wrote up there the truth is the best of every man comes out when he is
Super happy always try in your little way to make the environment a happy one and you will enjoy your man and in turn your happiness will know no boundary.


Let me give you one secret some sensible ladies use in getting the attention of thier man 24/7 and increase the love he has for them and that is RESPECT. African men loves respect especially bini men using words such as SIR, DADDY to address him sometimes , sounds respectful to them.....try this and thank me later.

NB: Am a bini man too

Best of luck and merry Christmas.

UniQue84:
lady I understand you totally, happiness is bae, when you are happy your whole being is happy, your spirit, soul and body feel excited, these things don't come easily. If you ask me I will tell you to go for what your heart want, life itself is a risk and it applies to all areas of life including emotions.

He is happy man going by what you wrote up there the truth is the best of every man comes out when he is
Super happy always try in your little way to make the environment a happy one and you will enjoy your man and in turn your happiness will know no boundary.


Let me give you one secret some sensible ladies use in getting the attention of thier man 24/7 and increase the love he has for them and that is RESPECT. African men loves respect especially bini men using words such as SIR, DADDY to address him sometimes , sounds respectful to them.....try this and thank me later.

NB: Am a bini man too

Best of luck and merry Christmas.

It's over now... I told him I can't see him no more. . Not pleased with my decision but I don't know what to do with myself if I would find out he is married it would kill me.

Suzette911:

It's over now... I told him I can't see him no more. . Not pleased with my decision but I don't know what to do with myself if I would find out he is married it would kill me.

seriously?why make such hasty decision without thorough investigation? jeez! I hope you don't regret it.

Hello everyone i am back again. I am Canadian (black). I used to date this Edo man but i became so confused. I still loved him however i walked away and dated a Canadian guy. I told the Edo guy about it. We maintained a friendship all through out this time so he knew of my Canadian boyfriend. I will admit crazy on my part. Edo guy always wanted me to come over to his house. He was extremely jealous. But the only reason i left him was because I am not sure if he is married in his country. I went snooping and searching and found a lady who had his surname on his social media but everything was locked shut i couldnt even see a photo of her. I was at his house one night and his brother called and said that she is a cousin to them who lives in the US. I didnt really buy it. Even one night whilst i was atvhis place he got three whatsapp calls from the same lady. He had left his phone near me and gone to the washroom. When he came back i told him that his wife had just called him and he just began kissing me and telling me thats not his wife. These are the reasons why i walked away and did what i did. Long story short, my relationship with the Canadian only lasted 10 months and being that me and the Edo guy never stopped talking we started getting close again. He told me to stop fooling around and just settle down with him and get married and we can raise my 2 kids Becoming a family. I am tempted to do so because I have always loved him. I dont know what to do...i always seem to keep running back to him. He always says to me that i will be back. I also still fear that he may still be married. But i want him so much. Truth is he lives here in Toronto ,he is extremely hard working, independent and we are about the same age. We are quite compatible...there's never a dull moment when we are together. I think we really make each other laugh and happy.when i am with him he says i am funny and i could see it in his eyes that he is truly happy. His laughter radiates from his soul. What do you think i should do... he says i keep angering him everyday which i do by telling him he is married and about other women in Canada. I am very guilty of it. He always say if i find out the truth that he is not married what will i do when he has moved on.i have not seen him in over a year but we converse via whatsapp video chat and text. Do you think he loves me. I don't know if he has permanent residence in Canada but i am more than happy to help him stay here if he is genuine. What should I do ..should i try my luck ...Thank you so much guys
Graciously,
Suzette

Wtf you seek public opinion for...cut the man some slack
Relationship is personal, Nigerians are generally good people.

If after 10 months you can't still get over him then you are hooked already, go on and do things with him.You are at the mercy of fate now.

If his story smells fishy, that's because it most probably is. Move on.

Dear OP

Simply contact the said lady with his surname on Facebook . Send her messages and let her know your relationship with the said guy and why you reached out , then watch how the truth would unfold .

If she is just a relative indeed, she will tell you , if she isn't , expect a Nigerian woman to fight for her man, she will tell you the truth. We are that jealous and territorial.

A friend of mine experienced same thing, she reached out to the said lady and it happened that the guy was dating the both at the same time and had promised marriage to both !


So think with your head and not your V , be smart . Use that Facebook as your investigative tool . Infact comment on all his posts with words like " Cute honey of mine " My love " My boo " . The essence of this is that , if he is married , engaged or in another relationship , the women or woman will come for you on his page or might contact you directly .

Good luck .