As i am posting this topic, am still confused on what to tell my friend, so i decided that Nairalanders will be of great help to me as per the advise i shld give her. My friend was my best friend back then in school. she had a pretty rough life with guys. Before she finished her HND, she met this guy whom she really didnt fancy at first because she said the guy likes to front and always wants to be noticed (maybe because d guy is not too tall.) At first d guy cudnt hv the guts to approach her so he sent a classmate of hers to help tell her of his intention. she later met with d guy on a date, but she cudnt imagine herself falling for this guy, but they seeing each other almost all the time before the guy finished n left school.

She later finished herself and she met d guy again by chance, d guy continued from where he stop, showering her with lots of care, attention n love, she was confused n decided to seek for my opinion about the guy whether she shld agree to d guy n go into a relationship, she however said she don't think she can marry him based on d fact she analysed earlier n moreover, she wants to marry a tall guy because she is not too tall herself.

Well i told her d guy is not bad n she shld leave that fantasy of tall guys n give him a try. she agreed n they started a relationship, she actually enjoyed herself, the guy went ahead to pay for her Computer 2 wks crash programm be4 she will proceed for her NYSC. ok lets say the relationship lasted for just 3mths because she went for her Youth service in September.

d guy almost weeped because she was leaving, he saw her off to d park n refused to leave. After the 3wks orientation camp, she came back to lag (she was posted to Sokoto State) to see this guy, n he spoilt her silly. she went back, 2 wks later this guy came all the way from lag. to visit her in sokoto n spent 3 nights with her. D guy eventually left n suddenly she met this other guy there in sokoto, they were all serving together. u wont believe it, my friend fell for this other guy and they started dating, they stayed together like couples while in youth service, they both finished n came back to lag. then the big wahala now started, she didnt know how to tell her first guy about this new guy, so she was playing the two games(seeing the first guy n d new guy). At a later point she got feed up of playing two games. She felt she was hurting her 1st guy by not telling him d truth. she told me she has made up her mind and decided that she sticks with her new guy. Her reasons for leaving the 1st guy is summarised below:

Her 1st guy is too soft, that she fears she will sit on his head, d guy is afraid of her, afraid that she might leave him, he is not always comfortable when he sees her with any tall person.
- D guys listens to alot of gossips about her outside, because it happens that most of g guy's friends went to d same school with her. because d guy drinks alot, he is always in d coy. of his friends that drink, n when they sit, they tend to gossip alot. Although he tells her weneva he sees her of what people r saying about her and she gets angry n tell d guy that if he wants to hear anything about her, he shld tell n she would gladly narrate her escapeds in school. but d guy wont listen.

- he loves her like a school boy who just fell inlove for d first time, so it irritates her at times. she sees d guy as being weak and not strong enough to protect her.
- she said she is still not comfortable with d guy's stature.

So she eventually left d guy for this other she met in NYSC. it wasnt easy though because d 1st guy cried when they parted. Now she is in d 3year relationship with this older guy, but unfortunately while she is working now, the guy is still searching for a job. she is kind of frustrated n wants to get married very soon. Meanwhile her 1st guy is already working.
Now she wants to go back to her 1st guy knowing very that he still loves her very much n he would take her back. But she is scared because she knows it wont be easy like that, knowing she has really hurt d guy.

so please want do u think she shld do in this circumstances.

She shouldnt have to go back to the 'short' guy cause she doesnt really like him.

Cause she shouldnt fool herslf, she would do the same thing to the guy if he takes her back and she meets another 'tall' guy.
Let her just leave the 'short' guy alone so that he can heal and move on with his life and find someone that truly likes her.

Your friend schouldnt really be thinking about marriage cause she just drops guys for the slightest reasons - too short and cant find a job yet.

the gurl simply does not know waht she wants PERIOD, so now she wanna get married and want someone with a job, all of a sudden, all da negative qualities listed above does not matter to her again, na wah ooooo

sorry 2 say dis bt ur friend does nt no wht she wants,n wht is wrg with d guys stature she be God? well i jus hp the 1st guy has moved on n 4gotten all abt ur friend.

Your friend haved a big problem and i think she have a shallow mind considering her reasons for leaving the first guy.Ask her if she is in the guy´s shoe what would she do? and would she feel? What your friend did to the first guy is wrong.Don´t take people for granted and toy with their heart simply because you know they are in love with you.

Well,i will advice her to stick with the second dude and finish what she started because she can´t eat  her cake and have it.Unless she is  lusting over the second dude and not love.Men!!! what happen to LOVE? She can´t leave the second now simply because the second dude got no job at the moment.Everything in life have it season.

It doesnt work like that. You can't find all the qualities you want in any human being, its called compromise. What makes her feel these guys find no fault in her at all?
Thinking of going back to the 'brief'  guy is absolutely selfish, I thought she loved her new boo
Both of them were probly good for her but she needs to stick with the consequences of  the decisions shes made else she'll keep jumping from one r/ship to another.

I find it so appalling that at this day and age a grown up girl like your friend still doesnt know what she wants out of life!and know shes screaming marriage a lifelong relationship with an opposite partner-thats no joke?does she think shed still dating in marriage?now she wants to go back to the short dude cause hes working not because she feels remorseful and in love with him?I pray the short dude is wise enough to reject her advances,she should brace herself up and face the facts-money,stature ansd status is not just enough to keep a marriage together?she needs to own up to the one she loves and pray for everyother thing to be added?I made a mistke once with a girl I truly loved and let her go cause of material things another girl was showering me with, she ended up dumping my ass as fast as she got it when she felt it was time to move on!i am npt ready to make that same mistake again?I have found that love again and this time it will not slip away?I would say am fortunate but not everybody is that lucky?so tell your friend to leave the short dude alone he has endured enough suffering already she should give love a chance in her life to manifest who she really wants to be with,cheers

I think she should not even try to go and talk to the short dude, because she does not deserve him in anyway, she is just put for material and want to be confrtable in her marriage without working hard for it.

My advice to her is just to stick with the present guy that she's with at the moment and be patient with him, until when he founds a job.

she should be cautious as marriage is not a usual game its a life contract. your friend should be sure of what and who she wants for her to be happy tommorrow.

i don't think physical features or egunje are criterias for measuring love. she should shine her mind

first, i agree with adeboo on this. . she needs to leave the short guy alone and stop toying with his emotions.

secondly, she sure does not know what she wants. here she is dumping guys for the slightest excuses and now she is desperate to get married. Life doesn't work that way. She needs to search deep within herself and figure out what exactly she wants out of life and the kind of guy she's looking for.

thirdly, she should understand that marriage isn't just something u go into because u're working and the guy is working too or because she is short and the guy is tall. She really needs help and needs to go figure out herself well.

@ busta

U've spoken well, What else should i say?

your friend has done a very wrong thing and i must say she is not only toiling with the heart of guys but hers. For the guys even at the age of 40 they can still get a very good job or wifey (talking about both guys now), but for her as a lady she cnt stay too long without marriage and feel normal, it might be too late for her and at last she wuld take whoever she sees.

Why on earth wunt some girls learn? what is it all about stature when u can't create even the smallest being, God does not state any wea in the Bible that the husband shld be bigger or taller than a wife, i knw we all like good things but some times the best thing comes in small packs, by the way once u get married to that tall guy,wuld u go every wea with him to show off the height difference? Most times u wuld be in different places,your kissing him wuld be at home, bed does not knw heights when it comes to sex, Lets be wise. if its for the money i understand because she needs financial protection as well, but that dsnt mean its all in all. I must tell u that she started seeing all the wrongs in the first guy because she found a new guy, what if she leaves the new guy for the old one and then the new one gets a wonderful job? such girls get married but still move around wit other men outside for the love of money. She shld learn to be contented, she could cover her guys ass by fending for him before he gets a job to do, she shldnt go bck to the first guy

there are many girls that knw the best thing for themselves and go for it, while the rest are ready to play around until their life is wasted and spent foolishly,they end up getting the wrong men for husbands. I cnt advice your friend on what to do exactly and i will rather advice u to keep out of it or else she wuld blame u one day for what ever comes as a result of your advice to her.Be very careful but learn from her.

what's there with height, are short guys not meant to marry

anyways the koko is follow ur heart dont go for someone u dont want out of pity at the same time are you sure you wanna stick by the tall guy till/if he gets a Job?

Wait a minute, what the height of the guy?

I have a friend under 5ft girls say it to his face that they can't date him because he is short. But I see nothing bad in been short what I always tell him the right person is yet to come.

As for the girl it is better if she give it a better thought. Because by the way you explained, she not really interested in him or should I say he is more the saying "A ki padanu nkan meji" It sound has if she has lost and now giving the guy a second thought but not sure.

ginajuice:

As i am posting this topic, am still confused on what to tell my friend, so i decided that Nairalanders will be of great help to me as per the advise i shld give her. My friend was my best friend back then in school. she had a pretty rough life with guys. Before she finished her HND, she met this guy whom she really didnt fancy at first because she said the guy likes to front and always wants to be noticed (maybe because d guy is not too tall.) At first d guy cudnt hv the guts to approach her so he sent a classmate of hers to help tell her of his intention. she later met with d guy on a date, but she cudnt imagine herself falling for this guy, but they seeing each other almost all the time before the guy finished n left school.

She later finished herself and she met d guy again by chance, d guy continued from where he stop, showering her with lots of care, attention n love, she was confused n decided to seek for my opinion about the guy whether she shld agree to d guy n go into a relationship, she however said she don't think she can marry him based on d fact she analysed earlier n moreover, she wants to marry a tall guy because she is not too tall herself.

Well i told her d guy is not bad n she shld leave that fantasy of tall guys n give him a try. she agreed n they started a relationship, she actually enjoyed herself, the guy went ahead to pay for her Computer 2 wks crash programm be4 she will proceed for her NYSC. ok lets say the relationship lasted for just 3mths because she went for her Youth service in September.

d guy almost weeped because she was leaving, he saw her off to d park n refused to leave. After the 3wks orientation camp, she came back to lag (she was posted to Sokoto State) to see this guy, n he spoilt her silly. she went back, 2 wks later this guy came all the way from lag. to visit her in sokoto n spent 3 nights with her. D guy eventually left n suddenly she met this other guy there in sokoto, they were all serving together. u wont believe it, my friend fell for this other guy and they started dating, they stayed together like couples while in youth service, they both finished n came back to lag. then the big wahala now started, she didnt know how to tell her first guy about this new guy, so she was playing the two games(seeing the first guy n d new guy). At a later point she got feed up of playing two games. She felt she was hurting her 1st guy by not telling him d truth. she told me she has made up her mind and decided that she sticks with her new guy. Her reasons for leaving the 1st guy is summarised below:

Her 1st guy is too soft, that she fears she will sit on his head, d guy is afraid of her, afraid that she might leave him, he is not always comfortable when he sees her with any tall person.
- D guys listens to alot of gossips about her outside, because it happens that most of g guy's friends went to d same school with her. because d guy drinks alot, he is always in d coy. of his friends that drink, n when they sit, they tend to gossip alot. Although he tells her weneva he sees her of what people r saying about her and she gets angry n tell d guy that if he wants to hear anything about her, he shld tell n she would gladly narrate her escapeds in school. but d guy wont listen.

- he loves her like a school boy who just fell inlove for d first time, so it irritates her at times. she sees d guy as being weak and not strong enough to protect her.
- she said she is still not comfortable with d guy's stature.

So she eventually left d guy for this other she met in NYSC. it wasnt easy though because d 1st guy cried when they parted. Now she is in d 3year relationship with this older guy, but unfortunately while she is working now, the guy is still searching for a job. she is kind of frustrated n wants to get married very soon. Meanwhile her 1st guy is already working.
Now she wants to go back to her 1st guy knowing very that he still loves her very much n he would take her back. But she is scared because she knows it wont be easy like that, knowing she has really hurt d guy.

so please want do u think she shld do in this circumstances.

Tell your friend to jump from the nearest bridge. Did you see her reason for wanting to go back to the first guy? 

typical of most gals,south of the sahara!not surprised though,biologic clock is ticking fast~silly gal!

I don't have a better definition for a gold digger.

3rd years in a relationship and she want to quit because her so called tall lover boy doesn't have a job yet?
I think your friend should realise that she can't eat her cake and have it, what if this "short" guy accepts her and eventually loses his job on the run while the other tall guy finds a job at last? Does that imply that she would leave him again and go ahead to meet the tall guy?
I thought she said she loves the tall guy? well i wonder what her own meaning of love is!!!
My advice is that she should way her options and decide which of them she wants but "to marry someone out of pity is a very grave mistake which always have an adverse effect on marriages."
I am sure the "short" guy might not want you back and might have add someone to replace you. Which ever case it is its your choice

ur friend is very selfish. Let's assume she goes to the short guy and he accepts her and he later loses he's job and just then, the new guy gets a job does it mean she'll leave the guy again and go to the new guy? i think she's very immature and has a problem of indecision. she should just stick to the new guy and stop jumping from one guy to another.

the girl in question is selfish in the sense that she wants to get married and she now wants to go back to the short guy as she said.meanwhile now she is looking for the rejected stone just because he is working had it been he wasn't working she wud not have looked for him.she is greedy,wat goes around turns around.

I must thank you all for your advises, i hv taken notice of every point made and am going to tell her just the way it has been said here. thanks once more.

But i just want to clarify some points:

-  Like i said be4, i hv known this girl for a longtime n she is my best friend, i want to correct the point that she is a gold digger, or she is not contended. She has neva dated any guy based on material or based on money. Unfortunately for her she had nt dated any guy who has money to throw around. she has always taken care of herself n paid the bills by herself. neva relied on any guy to give her money be4 she spends.

Her problem was dat she didnt really fancied d 1st guy in d first place. Fine she went into the relationship, yet she neva imagined marrying d guy. be4 she eventually left d 1st guy, he was already working, but she still left him. She came back form her NYSC in Sokoto n met d guy already working. So working for d 1st guy has nothing to do with her leaving him.
She became angry and feed up with d 1st guy wen everytime they meet, is for d guy to be telling her all the gossips his friend made abt her. she told d guy to always shan them, but he will always listen n come back to tell her, most of which brings back bad memories to her, n sometimes she ends up crying.
i must agree she must be selfish by trying to go back to d 1st guy becos everybody has their own short comings. my friend of course is not perfect, but she not a gold digger n doesnt fo after money at all. Maybe she just want someone she will be proud of by her side, someone who is confident.

Her wanting to go back might  be becos of the age ticking thing, she taught her new guy will just get a job immediately after NYSC or a year later, n they will hit the alter, but it didnt happen dat way. Another fact is dat it is spritually inclined, they told her dat marrying d 1st guy will bring problems to her later becos of d guy's family, but dat with her new guy, she wud find peace from her intended in-laws.

First of all, your friend is the kind of gal that makes so many of us men become the bastards you women accuse us of being.

am still confused on what to tell my friend,
_{heh heh}, is this like that scene 'doctor, my friend has an std, what do you advise?'


and she met d guy again by chance, d guy continued from where he stop,

so, this guy  pursued her in school, he pursued her after school, it was obvious he was crazy about her.


D guy eventually left n suddenly she met this other guy there in sokoto, they were all serving together. u wont believe it, my friend fell for this other guy and they started dating, they stayed together like couples while in youth service,

loose chick!is it that hard to be faithful?  

Her reasons for leaving the 1st guy is summarised below:

[b]Her 1st guy is too soft, that she fears she will sit on his head, d guy is afraid of her, afraid that she might leave him, he is not always comfortable when he sees her with any tall person.

this from a gal who has 'had a pretty rough life with guys'.a sincere fellow comes along, and she decides he's too soft

- D guys listens to alot of gossips about her outside, because it happens that most of g guy's friends went to d same school with her. because d guy drinks alot, he is always in d coy. of his friends that drink, n when they sit, they tend to gossip alot. Although he tells her weneva he sees her of what people r saying about her and she gets angry n tell d guy that if he wants to hear anything about her, he shld tell n she would gladly narrate her escapeds in school. but d guy wont listen.


the guy decided, against his better judgement, and his friends' better judgement, to stay in love, and your friend proved them right!

- he loves her like a school boy who just fell inlove for d first time, so it irritates her at times. she sees d guy as being weak and not strong enough to protect her.  

what ,she's looking for a father figure?

- she said she is still not comfortable with d guy's stature.
what, is she a miss world?

she is kind of frustrated n wants to get married very soon. Meanwhile her 1st guy is already working.

somehow, i can't see your friend living up to those wedding vows: for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health,

Now she wants to go back to her 1st guy knowing very that he still loves her very much n he would take her back. But she is scared because she knows it wont be easy like that, knowing she has really hurt d guy.

note that love was never mentioned anywhere in the post.  

so please want do u think she shld do in this circumstances.

i don't know what she should do, but i know what the guy should do-spit on her sorry ass!!!

Poor guy, i hope your friend has not messed it up for the next woman in his life.i hope (unlike some of us guys) he came out of it with his faith in women still intact and without the following conviction:

'if you put a woman on a pedestal, she will piss on you'

@oyb

oyb:

if you put a woman on a pedestal, she will piss on you'

That's not true, some ladies are bad, some guys make you wanna cry; it's a two way thing.

@ginajuice
girl, i was goin to post some pretty scathing remarks before i saw your your second post about you friend not being a gold digger.
Ok, agreed, she's not a gold digger but she's not very sensitive to people's feelings either. If she knew there was something about the first guy she could never reconcile with she should never have gone out with him, they should simply have remained good friends. Going out with him knowing fully well she will never agree to marry him was a callous thing to do- how would she, even you feel if a guy does that to you? She should have wasted the guy's time, that'snot fair. He could as well have met another girl during the time he was believing his girlfriend was in Sokoto.

In any case, since she's able to take care of herself as you say, then she shouldn't be worried whether her new bobo has a job or not. So what'sher stress? Perhaps the truth is, she wants a tall guy as well as all the love and carethe short guy used to shower on her. Cos if indeed she took the short guy's caring and loving as being soft and irritating, then honestly, she doesn't deserve such a wonderful guy (short or tall)

@junegirl

i am not saying that:

i said that i hoped that he came out of it with his faith in women still intact and without the following conviction:

'if you put a woman on a pedestal, she will piss on you'

i am not advocating the above, i'm saying i hope what the gal did to him would not have made him adopt that sort of attitude towards women.

if ur friend goes ahead and marries the shorty and months after he loses his job, would she divorce him. Cos she's only marrying him because oF his job, not because she loves him, SHE WANTS FINANCIAL SECURITY.
face it, she's a GOLD DIGGER.

natasha:

if your friend goes ahead and marries the shorty and months after he loses his job, would she divorce him. Cos she's only marrying him because oF his job, not because she loves him, SHE WANTS FINANCIAL SECURITY.
face it, she's a GOLD DIGGER.

word!

Talking about your friend, she can not be blamed. She loved the second guy but the first guy is ripe for marriage. Even though, the second guy loves her, she just don't love him, but because of the love he had for her and lack of someone who would have love to talk to her, she decided to go for him until she saw someone else. you also mentioned that she is not tall, and this could have influenced her decision. Now, she want to go back to the short man to fill the gap for her till she sees someome else. Because he loves her, they may marry, however, it may not last for the second guy or someone tall may come along and she will either call it quit or have extra-marital affairs, for it is not easy to disregard ones heart-feeling.
the second guy is not rich today, but may be tomorrow. He may not even appreciate her as much as the first guy, but that is the way of life.
I believe that she should go with the second guy if she does not want a temporary marriage

ginajuice:

Her problem was that she didnt really fancied d 1st guy in d first place. Fine she went into the relationship, yet she never imagined marrying d guy. be4 she eventually left d 1st guy, he was already working, but she still left him.

Then why does she want to go back to the first guy simply because he is working? Isnt your friend confused beyond measure? 

ginajuice:

Her wanting to go back might  be because of the age ticking thing, she taught her new guy will just get a job immediately after NYSC or a year later, n they will hit the alter, but it didnt happen that way. Another fact is that it is spritually inclined, they told her that marrying d 1st guy will bring problems to her later because of d guy's family, but that with her new guy, she would find peace from her intended in-laws.

1. Perhaps the 1st guy not having a job yet is nature's waying of paying her back for dumping the first guy on the grounds of "he is too short"!

2. Oh wait! When did her family tell her she will find "peace" with the family of the new guy? Before she went for NYSC or after 1 yr of living with him as a couple? 

One must conclude that some girls indeed are stupid! 

Girls take decision on ur own never consult an oracle or divination when it comes to  marriage issue, thats the greatest mistake some of u make in life as most of the divination end up being false.
Any human being who waits on another to decide his fate is not worth living.

As for ur friend, it seems you are the one involved in the whole affair,from the onset u never loved the guy. never go into marriage cos of pity as it will not sustain ur marriage or cos of money as it may never be there always.Go 4 love and stop being a gold digger

girls of nowadays sef!
na so so money them sabi
as far as i'm concerned its the poster thats the real person involved in this whole saga and not her so called fictitious friend
its just a camouflage to sample people's opinion
@ poster
i think you need to grow up cos ur(or your so called friend)is yet to know what marriage is truly about
you dey find "food is ready"
your eye go clear

mehn! this is annoying. . @poster; i wonder hw u cope with this friend of urs, infact i hate listening to this kind of story its simply STUPIDITY peeps lyk her make guyz take gurls for granted >>she shouldn't go back to him tell her to learn how to endure!!