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How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? - Family (14) - Nairaland

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Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by Ishilove: 10:42pm On Feb 16
djon78:


Well wisdom is from God. Thanks too
They chase shadows and leave the precious jewels behind. Their love is fickle and built on wrong foundations.
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by weyreypey: 6:42am On Feb 17
kingreign:
grin grin

No be love, no sex, mind blowing sex blow their brains and logical reasonings away.

To every young unmarried man reading this thread, please go thru

1. proverbs 21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife

The Bible still repeated it again in proverbs 25:24 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife
How are those calabar women treating you?
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by kingreign(m): 7:17am On Feb 17
weyreypey:

How are those calabar women treating you?

I don't know what you're talking about, I am not in calabar, I am not having any relationship with any calabar lady.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by weyreypey: 7:39am On Feb 17
kingreign:


I don't know what you're talking about, I am not in calabar, I am not having any relationship with any calabar lady.
Where are you? Oh Uyo ... How are the women there?
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by kingreign(m): 7:43am On Feb 17
weyreypey:

Where are you? Oh Uyo ... How are the women there?
i don't go about chasing women.
Oh the last time I checked I woke up in Kubwa, Abuja

1 Like

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by weyreypey: 9:40am On Feb 17
kingreign:
i don't go about chasing women.
Oh the last time I checked I woke up in Kubwa, Abuja

OYO 4U
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by CityNGR: 9:59am On Feb 17
oga kip quayet

kingreign:
i don't go about chasing women.
Oh the last time I checked I woke up in Kubwa, Abuja
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by kingreign(m): 10:04am On Feb 17
weyreypey:


OYO 4U
CityNGR:
oga kip quayet

Yimu!

Comot for road make I see front. You want start to dey snoop on me?

2 Likes

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by CityNGR: 10:05am On Feb 17
hehehe abegi I am busy searching for the nnamdi vw 2012 engine pics joor
kingreign:

Yimu!

Comot for road make I see front. You want start to dey snoop on me?
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by kingreign(m): 10:06am On Feb 17
CityNGR:
hehehe abegi I am busy searching for the nnamdi vw 2012 engine pics joor
You dey derail this self glorifying divorce thread.
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by consultancy: 11:20am On Feb 17
Ishilove:

Her father must be related to Rambo: his distant cousin on his maternal grandfather's side.
lol

1 Like

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by consultancy: 11:21am On Feb 17
kingreign:


And you believe his storyline? He's a saint and his ex-wife, plus their families are villains?
If you believe this, you'd believe any lies.

the story is ridiculous, that's why i wondered

1 Like

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by aaronson(m): 11:32pm On Feb 17
tizan:
Mine is a bit different. It's about how my marriage is going to end. As negative as it may sound, I currently feel I will have to bring and end to this marriage in order to be happy.

The problems:
Keeping secrets and telling lies about everything from past relationships to whether she had dinner. Once visited a male friend without my knowledge. Still passing off an ex as a family friend, and keeping that relationship (platonic or not) going till today. Just to name a few.

And it's not just about ex's. The lies and deceit from her are at a level I never imagined I would have a personal experience of, and with marriage I have realized; unfortunately for me, that it runs in their family. For example, I found out after marriage that the house she took me to meet her parents is not their house. And everyone in their family played along.

My curiosity was aroused when I noticed her deleting chats from her phone about two days after the wedding but it faded in the excitement of that period. I was intrigued further when I observed another red flag phone conversation after two weeks while still adjusting to the new status, and then I knew something was not right. So I decided to investigate some of my concerns and the stuff I have found make my heart sink. I realize I am being betrayed repeatedly and now have virtually lost trust in her words, actions and intentions.

Let me add that I never expected an angel, we're human and are all liable to lie and stuff like that, but with her its like a deep rooted problem and I find that I can't deal with it. I'm too open and straight-forward to be matched up with a pathological liar.

I have confronted her on some of the lesser lies (e.g she lied about her salary on a job she got through my network, lied that she didn't do MMM whereas she did twice, lies to maintain her previous lies, and just lying even when it's unnecessary). I have had to be playing the fool just to get enough information to confront her with when the time comes. Because I don't want to bring up a situation that will leave room for any family members and their expected begging, or reconciliation.

I am glad now that I did not question her immediately. Now that I know her much more from living together, I realize she would have just told more lies to cover up and blocked my means of finding out once she found out my method of getting info, and I wouldn't have gotten all the additional information I have now. I know a lying is an essential ingredient of cheating, and I am only anticipating catching her red-handed on a matter of faithfulness, and that's it.

For those who say some comments here are from people making out to be victims and not confessing their own shortcomings, I say with a sense of seriousness, DON'T JUDGE. And I sincerely pray you don't find yourself in these types of circumstances. As for me though, I have become more irritable and tend to over-react at times. For example, I have reacted physically, though regrettably, on two separate occasions in the early days of my discoveries, but now I'm not as shocked anymore and find it easier to keep my cool. Additionally, I don't show as much care as I can, and probably don't regard her with the kind of respect she deserves as my Mrs. The love has diminished. But that's what happens when trust flies out of the window.

What I've written above does not do the situation justice as it's not possible to capture everything in a few paragraphs, but overall I have not been genuinely happy for months and want out for sure.

Please note that I am not looking for sympathy or consolation as I know what I've gotten myself into. I'm just sharing so that someone can learn from my experience, and also hoping to read others' experiences as well.
You smart and emotionally strong. I know your plans and its the right thing to do sir.
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by okikiosibodu(m): 7:58am On Feb 18
tizan:
Mine is a bit different. It's about how my marriage is going to end. As negative as it may sound, I currently feel I will have to bring and end to this marriage in order to be happy.

The problems:
Keeping secrets and telling lies about everything from past relationships to whether she had dinner. Once visited a male friend without my knowledge. Still passing off an ex as a family friend, and keeping that relationship (platonic or not) going till today. Just to name a few.

And it's not just about ex's. The lies and deceit from her are at a level I never imagined I would have a personal experience of, and with marriage I have realized; unfortunately for me, that it runs in their family. For example, I found out after marriage that the house she took me to meet her parents is not their house. And everyone in their family played along.

My curiosity was aroused when I noticed her deleting chats from her phone about two days after the wedding but it faded in the excitement of that period. I was intrigued further when I observed another red flag phone conversation after two weeks while still adjusting to the new status, and then I knew something was not right. So I decided to investigate some of my concerns and the stuff I have found make my heart sink. I realize I am being betrayed repeatedly and now have virtually lost trust in her words, actions and intentions.

Let me add that I never expected an angel, we're human and are all liable to lie and stuff like that, but with her its like a deep rooted problem and I find that I can't deal with it. I'm too open and straight-forward to be matched up with a pathological liar.

I have confronted her on some of the lesser lies (e.g she lied about her salary on a job she got through my network, lied that she didn't do MMM whereas she did twice, lies to maintain her previous lies, and just lying even when it's unnecessary). I have had to be playing the fool just to get enough information to confront her with when the time comes. Because I don't want to bring up a situation that will leave room for any family members and their expected begging, or reconciliation.

I am glad now that I did not question her immediately. Now that I know her much more from living together, I realize she would have just told more lies to cover up and blocked my means of finding out once she found out my method of getting info, and I wouldn't have gotten all the additional information I have now. I know a lying is an essential ingredient of cheating, and I am only anticipating catching her red-handed on a matter of faithfulness, and that's it.

For those who say some comments here are from people making out to be victims and not confessing their own shortcomings, I say with a sense of seriousness, DON'T JUDGE. And I sincerely pray you don't find yourself in these types of circumstances. As for me though, I have become more irritable and tend to over-react at times. For example, I have reacted physically, though regrettably, on two separate occasions in the early days of my discoveries, but now I'm not as shocked anymore and find it easier to keep my cool. Additionally, I don't show as much care as I can, and probably don't regard her with the kind of respect she deserves as my Mrs. The love has diminished. But that's what happens when trust flies out of the window.

What I've written above does not do the situation justice as it's not possible to capture everything in a few paragraphs, but overall I have not been genuinely happy for months and want out for sure.

Please note that I am not looking for sympathy or consolation as I know what I've gotten myself into. I'm just sharing so that someone can learn from my experience, and also hoping to read others' experiences as well.
Hmmmmm. I know the trauma of having a lying partner. You have to find out the truth about a thing long before asking her and even when you do, you stil sometimes doubt yourself cos of terrific style of manufacturing the sweet lies. When she says it is raining, you stylishly look through the window to confirm the statement, and you still have a war goin on within you as to whether or not to believe the next words coming through her mouth. Had to deal with one too some years ago, though it was not in marriage. And yes just like you, I had to keep the means of finding out a mystery to her, so she doesn't find out nd block it or cover up. Whatsapp web did the job. How fun to watch a version of lie manufactured on the spot, when you knw the truth alrdy. I was not happy I did this and wish I never had to, but have no regrets doin so. It was a timed bomb of sadness waiting to detonate in the future. I understand you brother. I hope you are able to forgive her and move on. Not forgiving her can draw a lot of set backs for one, and make it impossible or difficult to love again. Not all ladies are like that.
Sugar97..... Come read up, perhaps this will make some sense to u. I hope u dont get offended by the mention

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by okikiosibodu(m): 8:47pm On Feb 18
GREATESTPIANIST:
Thanks dear, will post them soon, really busy with Hussle and stuff.....
Nairaland didn't alert me of your mention, I just came across this post while reading through. Pls don't forget to mention my moniker when u do. Pls do so several times, since Nairaland dey do one kind these days
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by okikiosibodu(m): 8:50pm On Feb 18
Ishilove:

Is there a possibility that she can change??
Nah. Such don't change. You just seriously wish in your heart they do, but you eventually have to resolve to fate after several fatal failures and heart breaks that enrols after u wipe the slate clean several times and give a fresh start countless number of times. It's not a good experience, trust me
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by okikiosibodu(m): 8:58pm On Feb 18
djon78:


Sure you hit it spot on. Many people enter into wrong marriages because they don't put in God. It is only God that knows the true condition of a person. What his or her future will be like.

But people follow physical appeal which is very fleeting. Also another thing i have come to see is that most times, the things that will make our life better may not be appealing to our senses. It may not really look ideal, but those are the things that will make our life the best.
And that is how many people miss out on happiness in life.
Marriage is like a TV station. You choose a channel that u stay glued to for the rest of your life. You go with all the programmes in it, whether boring or not. Some choose too early and chose a cartoon station, only to realise years later that they have outgrown it and wat sports or news channels.
Identifying some mineral resources required skilled eyes and some spouse in their raw form before being processed, are looking haggard, skinny and unkempt. Some people that are able to see past the present and project into the future tru the help of God, have been able to pursue the right "better half"

6 Likes

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by AutoElectNG: 9:20pm On Feb 18
@Tizan

Sorry

That's why I posted the below a while ago

https://www.nairaland.com/2893475/dating-drills-guys-only/222#74535703

Can I talk to you privately? Email? PM?Whatever suits you?
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by Biglittlelois(f): 9:56pm On Feb 18
djon78:


Sure you hit it spot on. Many people enter into wrong marriages because they don't put in God. It is only God that knows the true condition of a person. What his or her future will be like.

But people follow physical appeal which is very fleeting. Also another thing i have come to see is that most times, the things that will make our life better may not be appealing to our senses. It may not really look ideal, but those are the things that will make our life the best.
And that is how many people miss out on happiness in life.



@bolded wow, just too true.
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by Evangkatsoulis: 4:18pm On Feb 19
hotspec:
Yes I am. and yes she is better off... But I live in South west Nigeria, and I believe if ure truly married and have ever faced any challenge from ur in laws, u will understand me. Dt story I summarised in 3 lines, if I should give u d full gist, it will be up to 500 pages of A4 paper, front and back.

did I mention my inlaws (I mean her father and mother came to beat me one night) just because we were having issues and she called them (we live in d same town). dt day she left home since 9am and came back around to 9 in d night, without telling where she was going to since dt morning. so I told her to go back to where she was coming from.

that was it, d next thing was to called her parents who came to pack her things. her father broke my door with his leg. and started beating me.


it was in my house one day dt her mother told her that she's too dull and dt is why I'm dictating to her. dt if it's her Elder sister (who is also now a single mother) she would have locked d husband, tear her cloth and beat him. since dt day, any little misunderstanding, she will pounce on me, tear my cloth and neat me. I can show u pictures of tore cloths. twice I've been to police station to report her.


madam, I can drop my digits for anyone who cares to listen to d full gist. my story is verifiable. I have loads of evidence to support my claims.

How you go dey old man and woman go dey beat. You no fit paralyze d man?
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by architectHUrSH(m): 6:36am On Feb 20
Peace of mind is very important
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by tizan: 2:29pm On Feb 20
AutoElectNG:

Can I talk to you privately? Email? PM?Whatever suits you?

PM. What do you have in mind?
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by egojeny1(f): 12:02pm On Feb 21
cococandy:
You tried to severe someone’s relationship with her parents? And you have over 100 likes for that?

You’re an awful person.
She’s better off without you. .

Why i like you is that u are blunt and u don't mind saying the truth. Keep it up my dear sister.

2 Likes

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by egojeny1(f): 12:04pm On Feb 21
cococandy:
In your mind 6k a month is good enough for your two children?

You call yourself a father?

1 Like

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by AutoElectNG: 12:38pm On Feb 21
cococandy:
You tried to severe someone’s relationship with her parents? And you have over 100 likes for that?

You’re an awful person.
She’s better off without you. .


But doesn't Genesis 2:24 say the couple would become one flesh meaning no other bond was to be stronger, not parents, not kids, not friends?

Is undue influence of the bond not a problem irrespective of whether it comes from the husband's side of the family or the wife's side of the family?

My understanding is "the Scriptures emphasize that, upon marrying, your mate becomes your closest relative. Your husband or wife becomes the first one to love, care for and consult."
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by AutoElectNG: 12:40pm On Feb 21
hotspec:
Wife's parent are d one controlling her. after several attempts to severe her relationship with them was unsuccessful. divorce was successful. shez back with her parents now, and she's d one doing d cooking and washing for them.

Should the issue by severing the relationship or making the relationship with the husband more important and all other relationships subservient to the marriage relationship?

When the bible speaks of "one flesh" it means intimacy of the highest degree, so when a partner reports his mate to a parent or parents, or allows parents to remote control their union, such a person in effect demonstrates disrespect for God and the marital arrangement

No other relationship is described this way with the words "one flesh"

The other important word in that passage is "leave" a man must leave his parents, their control of him must seize, so he can have the freedom to start an independent family, so if a wife is controlled by her parents, she impedes the man's attempt to set up his very own family. It is thus very wrong for parents to attempt to talk less of succeed at monitoring or directing the affairs in the home of their married offspring
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by chiteny(m): 6:39pm On Feb 21
Ishilove:

There you have it. People don't factor God in when choosing a life partner, that's why we have so many failed marriages
...and why did those pastors that factored God in when they chose their marriage partners (including those that had visions and those pastors prophesied their life partners) have failed marriages?

Possibly i have a different thought about "physical" and that does not necessarily mean physique or beauty. Physical to me could mean how one relates with other humans, morality, ideology and ideals in life, willingness to sacrifice, humility, flexibility, life future goals and achievement, etc. So its not all spirituality. Many unbelievers as well have "perfect" homes i can assure you.

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