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Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by Zither(m): 10:21am On Feb 17, 2019 |
opejulie10: It is okay. You just do what you can to pacify his anger. Some good people here have helped you realize where you went wrong. Take steps to make amends even if he pushes you away. In time, his stony heart will give way to your persistence. And you do need to make friends but not for the wrong reasons like relating your marital troubles to them. That could compound your troubles when you least expect. It is not easy to have a friend who you can confide in but your instincts will help you select one from the many. |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by bryanarchie: 10:28am On Feb 17, 2019 |
Madam, make friends and have fun... Don't report to anyone, ignore totally and hold on to God... Build your life and tell your self what will be, will be... 1 Like |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by ifyalways(f): 10:46am On Feb 17, 2019 |
bryanarchie:I think she married early. She sounds a tad too needy and clingy. The husband might have just gotten tired of all the suffocating love and is trying to breathe. @OP, get a life, a healthy life outside of your marriage and husband. You took the accusations too far. . . Nigerian women often lose their individuality once they get married. Please hang out sometimes with your girlfriends, go on vacation alone or with the kids. Marriage is not a death sentence; don't suffocate youraelf or your spouse. 3 Likes |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by bryanarchie: 10:52am On Feb 17, 2019 |
ifyalways: Yes, I married early too... Made the same mistakes and now I know better.. Never lose your individuality in marriage, tòo much love can be suffocating... 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by crossfm: 10:52am On Feb 17, 2019 |
Madam I must commend you for your response so far.it shows you want your home back to what it use to be.let me make it clear that am not in support of him keeping such friend and bringing him into your home.calm down mar,the fact that you called him gay is a misnomer and as a man I must tell you it has some psychological effect.you don't expect him to accept your apologies imediattly but the fact remains he will surely come around.please nest time avoid confronting his friend. Some men see such action as weakness on their part.for them it means it's the woman that calls the shorts in the family.Again,the wost advise will be seeking for divorce as some persons said above.you have to realise that marriage has its ups and downs.am married and I know what am saying.it might intrest you to know that their is no perfect marriage. I will advise you look inward,sometimes as a person we don't know when we go wrong.look into your dress style and packaging it matters .then finally be prayerful. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by Daeylar(f): 11:19am On Feb 17, 2019 |
This thread is disgusting. A woman is being mistreated badly by her husband and people are attacking her for acting out. Trying to act as if her concerns aren't valid and trying to imply that she is overreacting. The husband is spoiling the marriage yet she is being blamed for reacting. She can't even get support from her parents. The married Nigerian woman's life sha. Not something to aspire to at all. Zither: This @bold is exactly what's happening in this thread and it is beyond irritating 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by Daeylar(f): 11:34am On Feb 17, 2019 |
opejulie10: He is absolutely wrong for this. You are right to be upset. to leave with us cos of the distance from work to his home, along with the line, I noticed my husband started coming home late like past 12 am, 1 am or even 2 am, he doesn't bother calling me when he is at work, Also wrong, You're right to be upset. I do the calling and I kept complaining he apologizes and he continues again. Also wrong. whenever he comes back from work,he would rather sit with his friend and even forget to sleep in his friend room,I have to wake him up to come over and sleep,he doesn't even help with the kids anymore,he doesn't want to go to church anymore,I keep wasting food as he won't eat if his friend his around. on Val's day my husband didn't even call or send a message or buy a gift, it has never happened before. After he started acting Like this just because his friend came what was he expecting you to think? How can a man forget and ignore valentines day just because his friend came? Ignore you. Ignore your food. Is he the first person to have a friend? No wonder you're upset. I called his friend and warned that I don't want to see him in my matrimonial home again and I guess he told my husband, my husband didn't speak to me since morning, I even went to meet him about what was wrong and he said he was going to beat me up when I called him gay. Now he is threatening you he has reported me to my family and I feel so bad, I am so hurt and I don't know what to do,he is not himself this morning because his friend is not aroundI'm guessing this is why you felt he was gay. Your complaints are valid, don't let anyone make. you feel like you're acting out unnecessarily. I don't even think you should apologize for calling him gay. Let him apologize for treating you badly first, Then you can apologize 6 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by crackhaus: 12:03pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
opejulie10:Relax, now the friend is gone. However, your husband is not happy with you and you now have a double task of mending your home while dealing with the guilt of being responsible for his friend leaving. What I am trying to tell you is you could have had a better approach, that is all. You also have to be honest with yourself, do you believe you handled it well going by the results you have so far? 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by crackhaus: 12:05pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
Daeylar:Dunning-Kruger Effect. |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by lereinter(m): 2:39pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
Do you know the friend before you both married if your story is true investigate for any initiation |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by blessedaunty: 3:38pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
crackhaus:Which guilt are you talking about, that a grown adult that calls himself my husband's friend will come and live in my home and be causing problems in my marriage. First and foremost, my husband will not allow such situation and i for one will not allow it, even if my husband allows it. if he wants to help his friend he should rent a house for him. 4 Likes |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by perousd: 4:50pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
Madam! There are flaws in your character that you didn't add to your write up. You said you've been trying to correct his flaws but the way you threatened his friend outta ya house shows the kinda arrogance you might have been using to dish out the correction. You've been treating the man like shit before the arrival of his friend. I know ladies that will be killing their man emotionally but still play the victim card. Wake up dear! if you still value your marriage, tell him you're ready to change your negative attitudes. And you self know that he's not gay; you're just looking for excuse to transfer the blame on something else . God bless your home. 3 Likes |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by JoannaSedley(f): 5:01pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
They made marriage seems like the end goal of every girl child but left the boychild to slither around like some fvcking cobra when it comes to marital issues. When everything goes south they blame the woman quoting their usual medieval replica of epic of Gilgamesh. Realizing that you have a life outside marriage is so blissful. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by yemi15(m): 5:59pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
gobuchinny: We have a problem of not confronting problems head on in marriages here, that is why most marriages fail here. My advice is to confront the problem head on, if the man and his nefarious behaviour can't be reigned in by the threat of reporting to authority he respects or actually reporting him to such, the marriage should go to a divorce. A man that does not respect authority should not be in a marriage in the first place! So seems like a good advice to me. I am realistic, you are in imagination land. Problems are not solved by imagination. My 2 cents. 1 Like |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by gobuchinny: 6:51pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
yemi15: Well am not sis but a married guy for almost 10 years and I tell you if you do it like this the marriage will be lost You can handle things like this with a man that answers to his wife and in laws..head on confrontations are done with wisdom and without wisdom it has lead to many divorces.. this your method lacks wisdom no offense meant. Abroad divorces are on the high because they train their ladies to be independent and always question authorities , the man is the head of the house and should be respected.if he feels his position is threatened then it will never end well.she has already disrespected him by calling him gay... If any woman did this to her husband if it doesn't break the marriage 5he man will pretend and deceive the woman.,wisdom is very needed...I have friends 5HAT have lost their marriages so I'm not in an imagination land Let the guy be for now and pray for him..give him his space...besides she didn't catch him cheating unless I missed something..everything op is saying is speculation so what exactly is she reporting? If the op wants a divorce then your way is the best but if not then she should be calm and think through critically..no be everything be agidi..life is all about being wise 3 Likes |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by Nobody: 7:41pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
UjuJoan2:You comment is good 2 Likes |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by crackhaus: 8:18pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
blessedaunty:This is beautiful. However, the grown adult has come and has lived in the OP's home and the problems have already been caused. Solutions are what she requires, not your hypothetical rant-filled prevention theories. 3 Likes |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by Giddyperson: 5:03pm On Feb 18, 2019 |
OboOlora:Tell us more since you went on honeymoon with them. What later happened 2 Likes |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by eyinjuege: 9:42pm On Feb 18, 2019 |
opejulie10: The key to your happiness only lies with you, not your husband. Once you completely understand that principle, you will take life with a pinch of salt. Humans will always be humans Go where you are celebrated. Pick up new hobbies, and start looking after yourself more. It's easy for married couples to let themselves go, and not bother with their appearance anymore. Start looking after yourself, Do that for yourself, it gives a boost to your self confidence and sense of worth. Hook up with old friends that you trust and have things in common with, and make new friends. You live a richer, fuller life. Your husband may have discovered this. Do same. I'm not in support of his friend living with you guys though. Talk to your husband you're not comfortable with his friend living with you, and you want your privacy in the home. There are times you want to walk about half naked, but that will be difficult with strangers of the oppsosite sex. Let him give you a time frame the friend will be leaving. 1 Like |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by TonyeBarcanista(m): 10:57pm On Feb 18, 2019 |
opejulie10:Honestly, I still don't know what your problem is. A man is with his Buddy and you assumed he's gay? Seriously? |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by opejulie10: 8:52am On Feb 19, 2019 |
eyinjuege: Thank you... about the appearance, I am looking younger than my age, you will never know I'm married not to say having kids, for those saying I don't want him to hang out with his buddy, seems you don't get it,he has lot of friends but the influence this one has on him is bad.... I don't like it and I won't watch him become a drunkard or become a stranger to his kids in his own home because of a friend. I am going to let him be,he is still not talking to me but I will keep my job and kids.... I have told his family about all the recent stuff and he is not listening to any of them, I have tried to talk to him overnight,he is saying my guilty conscience is eating me up ,I should kindly shut up my mouth and take care of the kids.... I will let him be and face my life...na him Sabi.. |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by eyinjuege: 9:22am On Feb 19, 2019 |
opejulie10: That's it. You can't force an adult to be responsible. He will realise his mistakes sooner or later, but unfortunately it may be too late as his wife may no longer be emotionally available for him. Make yourself happy, don't put the responsibility for your own happiness on him. When I say looking after yourself, it's not just about looks but also your mental health. Carry yourself like the queen you are, go out when you are also chanced with friends. You can all hang out with your children or when you don't want kids there, drop them off with grandparents or a babysitter. This life is just once. Of course it's not going to be a daily thing, as its expensive but at least once a month give yourself a treat because you deserve it. 4 Likes |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by Acidosis(m): 10:50am On Feb 19, 2019 |
Your husband's "gay" friend has a wife and 3 concubines (girlfriends)? So gays do keep like 4 women? That's strange ma'am. Give that man a breathing space please, and also try to get busy. You don't have to be in each other's lives all the time. Allow him miss you sometimes, and vice versa. It brings live and positive energy to the whole mix. Your husband wants to miss you. Stop doing the calling 100% and stop freaking out whenever you call. He would definitely come around soon. 6 Likes |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by Daeylar(f): 2:33pm On Feb 19, 2019 |
Nice to see someone who isn't blaming her or making her feel stupid for voicing out her opinion or trying to silence her. eyinjuege: 1 Like |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by chii8(f): 5:08pm On Feb 19, 2019 |
1 Like |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by alBHAGDADI: 6:49pm On Feb 19, 2019 |
UjuJoan2: You probably don't know how stupid gays/sodomites are. How stupid is a man who chooses to insert his manhood inside a hole full of faeces? Such a man can do anything. |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by Nobody: 7:47pm On Feb 19, 2019 |
opejulie10: Madam, you need to calm down. The first year of marriage is supposed to be the hardest. You've done 8 years. By now the two of you should understand yourselves better. Lack of communication or insufficient communication is the number cause of marital strife. First you shouldn't have accused him without solid evidence that he is gay. That was no-no. Second try and think back to when you first noticed the change in his behaviour and ask yourself truthfully and frankly if you could be the immediate or remote cause for this change. Sometimes after child birth a woman changes physically and emotionally. Try and understand what could have caused his change of attitude. Third, since he's still pissed with you for calling him gay, allow him to calm down, apologize when he's ready to talk, and then sit down with him and bare your mind, putting into consideration that the tone of voice and body language pass more information than the words you speak. Fourth, if he isn't forthcoming, then it is time to take drastic measures to save tour marriage and I don't mean dragging him by his trousers or shirt, or pouring hot water on his head (JK). Seek out family members whom he respects a lot and solicit their help. Otherwise, call a family meeting on his head and lament your lamentations there. I hope you solve this amicably. All the best. |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by Nobody: 7:50pm On Feb 19, 2019 |
chiwex: You do know that's just a movie, right? 4 Likes |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by Nobody: 7:16am On Mar 23, 2019 |
opejulie10: What is the update on the situation? |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by baby124: 8:41am On Mar 23, 2019 |
Was he acting like he is gay? Yes. Did you confront him about it? Yes. Why is he upset if it’s not true He should only be upset that you chased his friend away which you had every right to from the situation of things. That friend is a very bad influence and you should warn him to stay away from your family or else.... if common sense cannot direct the friend to thread cautiously in your own home even when your husband is stupid then that friend should be chased away. Your husband will be fine. Give him time. How can one yeye friend come from no where and cause such havoc in such a short time in a family? Especially a friend that needs help, just imagine? My dear your concerns are valid and your actions are valid too. When sudden changes start happening in your family you have to address it quickly. Nothing we don’t hear these days so anything is possible and one has to be on guard. Please stop inviting people to come and sleep in your house anyhow. Some people have very bad energy and will bring it to destroy your home. I am sure you have learnt a very hard lesson here. 1 Like |
Re: Could My Husband Be Gay??? by baby124: 8:51am On Mar 23, 2019 |
opejulie10:How can you invite such a friend into your home? Why is your husband still Friend’s with this guy? Married with 3 girlfriends, no wonder your home is shaking. Only a matter of time before he convinces your husband to start keeping multiple girlfriends. Please be wise and cautious around who you bring around your family. Especially your kids, you don’t want people who lack sexual control around them. The guy sounds like a sexual deviant. |
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