opejulie10:


what do I want to do again,my dad scolded me and I went to him tonight to apologize for calling him gay, infact he closed his ears with his two hands and still shooed me away... what have I done wrong?is it wrong I love my husband or I have as my best friend,is it wrong I scolded him?is it wrong I corrected him,it hurts so much,I am weak,and I break down easily emotionally, I feel like running away from all this...God,I am tired,I am so tired, if I knew I wouldn't have married so early..... I would have had some friends so I can confided in and not hurt this much....thank you so much nairalanders you have been of great help...

bryanarchie:
Madam, make friends and have fun...

Don't report to anyone, ignore totally and hold on to God...

Build your life and tell your self what will be, will be...

ifyalways:

I think she married early. She sounds a tad too needy and clingy.
The husband might have just gotten tired of all the suffocating love and is trying to breathe.

@OP, get a life, a healthy life outside of your marriage and husband. You took the accusations too far. . .

Nigerian women often lose their individuality once they get married. Please hang out sometimes with your girlfriends, go on vacation alone or with the kids. Marriage is not a death sentence; don't suffocate youraelf or your spouse.

Zither:


That is enh...I'm peeved at the realization that it is now the norm. When a woman unburdens herself about the predicaments she faces in her marriage they blame her for it. They tell her to kneel before her husband and apologise for being a human with feelings, for not ignoring his shortcomings threatening the union, for making efforts to keep her marriage from collapsing. And when the man shares the predicaments in his marriage, they take sides with him and hurl unprintable names at the woman. They go to the extent of calling females who speak in defense of their suffering fellow feminists. Any guy who tries to empathise with her is dubbed a 'patient womaniser'. Warped thinking everywhere.

opejulie10:
nairalanders, I am confused and this is the last place I would ever think I would bring my family issues. I have been married to my husband for 8 yrs with 2kids..he has been caring and all sort.

The problem started 6 months ago when he brought in his friend without informing me

to leave with us cos of the distance from work to his home, along with the line, I noticed my husband started coming home late like past 12 am, 1 am or even 2 am, he doesn't bother calling me when he is at work

I do the calling and I kept complaining he apologizes and he continues again.

whenever he comes back from work,he would rather sit with his friend and even forget to sleep in his friend room,I have to wake him up to come over and sleep,he doesn't even help with the kids anymore,he doesn't want to go to church anymore,I keep wasting food as he won't eat if his friend his around. on Val's day my husband didn't even call or send a message or buy a gift, it has never happened before.

I called his friend and warned that I don't want to see him in my matrimonial home again and I guess he told my husband, my husband didn't speak to me since morning, I even went to meet him about what was wrong and he said he was going to beat me up when I called him gay.

he has reported me to my family and I feel so bad, I am so hurt and I don't know what to do,he is not himself this morning because his friend is not around

opejulie10:



yes I am jealous and worried,he has had other friends in past and I have never complained because they are not as irresponsible as these new friend he has

Daeylar:


He is absolutely wrong for this.
You are right to be upset.

,
Also wrong, You're right to be upset.



Also wrong.

After he started acting Like this just because his friend came what was he expecting you to think?

How can a man forget and ignore valentines day just because his friend came? Ignore you. Ignore your food. Is he the first person to have a friend?
No wonder you're upset.



Now he is threatening you

I'm guessing this is why you felt he was gay.

Your complains are valid, don't let anyone make.you feel like you're acting out unnecessarily.

I don't even think you should apologize for calling him gay. Let him apologize for treating you badly first. Then you can apologize

crackhaus:

Relax, now the friend is gone. However, your husband is not happy with you and you now have a double task of mending your home while dealing with the guilt of being responsible for his friend leaving.

What I am trying to tell you is you could have had a better approach, that is all.

You also have to be honest with yourself, do you believe you handled it well going by the results you have so far?

gobuchinny:


Very bad advice yemi.,very bad..a woman of wisdom should know how to handle things better..Marriage is an institution and the woman is to help the man and vice versa..this method will most definately lead to divorce and I wonder if that's what you will take if it was you that had this problem.

Its easy to advise on this route but will you do the same knowing it will crash your marriage.,if you try this method with most men that r true men not a man that lives off his in laws or wife then it will definately back fire.,,men don't like to be threatened like I said a true man not a gold digger.

The first mistake the op made was accusing the husband of being gay which if she was wrong would greatly bruise his ego and secondly confronting the friend directly...no naaa. .pls let's be smart..that's y we have so much divorce in the land...wisdom is profitably to direct..

This man could have a number of reasons to behave like this..I'm not condoning his acts but it could be anything that the op should try and find out as his friend...maybe his pressured to make a wrong business dealing that he fears will back fire, prresure from work, peer pressure, insecurities, whatever.. also his wife might be pushing him away with her attitude.

Madam get on your knees and pray forget all this advises that will lead to divorce..leave him and give him his space..don't disrespect him and if it's getting worse you can inform his parents or urs and if he lays a hand on you then leave him immediately but I beleive if you get on your knees and give him his space he will have a change of heart, don't be in his face but allow him..control him from your knees and let him c that love and peace in you first then it will change him.

Peace

yemi15:


We have a problem of not confronting problems head on in marriages here, that is why most marriages fail here. My advice is to confront the problem head on, if the man and his nefarious behaviour can't be reigned in by the threat of reporting to authority he respects or actually reporting him to such, the marriage should go to a divorce. A man that does not respect authority should not be in a marriage in the first place! So seems like a good advice to me. I am realistic, you are in imagination land. Problems are not solved by imagination. My 2 cents.

UjuJoan2:


Your suspicions that he may be gay, based on what you just described is completely unfounded. Except there's something you are not saying.

Even if the guy was his lover, do you think he would be stupid enough to bring him into his matrimonial home?

Wisdom is profitable!

blessedaunty:
Which guilt are you talking about, that a grown adult that calls himself my husband's friend will come and live in my home and be causing problems in my marriage. First and foremost, my husband will not allow such situation and i for one will not allow it, even if my husband allows it. if he wants to help his friend he should rent a house for him.

OboOlora:

Not everytime u see warning signs.
Ebuka has been gay from his Masters days at Washington but the wife never suspected till she saw his gay partner (Yoye Banks) nude pic on his phone during honeymoon!

opejulie10:



Thanks a lot...we learn everyday
I am not trouble some, my husband would have sent me packing because he doesn't rubbish and I grew up under a submissive mum, I have only learnt I can't keep my husband to myself, others too have to share him right

opejulie10:
nairalanders, I am confused and this is the last place I would ever think I would bring my family issues.. I have been married to my husband for 8 yrs with 2kids..he has been caring and all sort..

The problem started 6 months ago when he brought in his friend without informing me to leave with us cos of the distance from work to his home, along the line,I noticed my husband started coming home late, like past 12am,1am or even 2am,he doesn't bother calling me when he is at work, I do the calling and I kept complaining he apologizes and he continues again.
whenever he comes back from work,he would rather sit with his friend and even forget to sleep in his friend room,I have to wake him up to come over and sleep,he doesn't even help with the kids anymore,he doesn't want to go to church anymore,I keep wasting food as he won't eat if his friend his around. on Val's day my husband didn't even call or send a message or buy a gift,it has never happened before. I called his friend and warned that I don't want to see him in my matrimonial home again and I guess he told my husband,my husband didn't speak to me since morning, I even went to meet him about what was wrong and he said he was going to beat me up when I called him gay. he has reported me to my family and I feel so bad,I am so hurt and I don't know what to do,he is not himself this morning because his friend is not around

eyinjuege:


The key to your happiness only lies with you, not your husband. Once you completely understand that principle, you will take life with a pinch of salt. Humans will always be humans
Go where you are celebrated. Pick up new hobbies, and start looking after yourself more. It's easy for married couples to let themselves go, and not bother with their appearance anymore. Start looking after yourself, Do that for yourself, it gives a boost to your self confidence and sense of worth.
Hook up with old friends that you trust and have things in common with, and make new friends. You live a richer, fuller life.
Your husband may have discovered this. Do same.
I'm not in support of his friend living with you guys though. Talk to your husband you're not comfortable with his friend living with you, and you want your privacy in the home. There are times you want to walk about half naked, but that will be difficult with strangers of the oppsosite sex. Let him give you a time frame the friend will be leaving.

opejulie10:



Thank you... about the appearance, I am looking younger than my age, you will never know I'm married not to say having kids, for those saying I don't want him to hang out with his buddy, seems you don't get it,he has lot of friends but the influence this one has on him is bad.... I don't like it and I won't watch him become a drunkard or become a stranger to his kids in his own home because of a friend. I am going to let him be,he is still not talking to me but I will keep my job and kids.... I have told his family about all the recent stuff and he is not listening to any of them, I have tried to talk to him overnight,he is saying my guilty conscience is eating me up ,I should kindly shut up my mouth and take care of the kids.... I will let him be and face my life...na him Sabi..

eyinjuege:


That's it. You can't force an adult to be responsible. He will realise his mistakes sooner or later, but unfortunately it may be too late as his wife may no longer be emotionally available for him.
Make yourself happy, don't put the responsibility for your own happiness on him. When I say looking after yourself, it's not just about looks but also your mental health. Carry yourself like the queen you are, go out when you are also chanced with friends. You can all hang out with your children or when you don't want kids there, drop them off with grandparents or a babysitter. This life is just once. Of course it's not going to be a daily thing, as its expensive but at least once a month give yourself a treat because you deserve it.

chiwex:
watch WAR ROOM

UjuJoan2:


Your suspicions that he may be gay, based on what you just described is completely unfounded. Except there's something you are not saying.

Even if the guy was his lover, do you think he would be stupid enough to bring him into his matrimonial home?

Wisdom is profitable!

opejulie10:



exaggerating doesn't add a Kobo to my account not sympathy from readers,these is the only place I can share this and I don't have friends I talk to about what is happening in my home

chiwex:
watch WAR ROOM

opejulie10:



Thank you... about the appearance, I am looking younger than my age, you will never know I'm married not to say having kids, for those saying I don't want him to hang out with his buddy, seems you don't get it,he has lot of friends but the influence this one has on him is bad.... I don't like it and I won't watch him become a drunkard or become a stranger to his kids in his own home because of a friend. I am going to let him be,he is still not talking to me but I will keep my job and kids.... I have told his family about all the recent stuff and he is not listening to any of them, I have tried to talk to him overnight,he is saying my guilty conscience is eating me up ,I should kindly shut up my mouth and take care of the kids.... I will let him be and face my life...na him Sabi..

opejulie10:
his job is demanding but he has been coping,we talk about his work a lot, I even assisted him with loans from my office to help out,he is taking care of the kids,we don't have monetary issues, but this late home coming, drinking at beer palor, been friends with someone that has like 3 girlfriends apart from his wife is my problem... could my husband so value this friendship that he can act so cold towards me to the extent of trying to beat me up because I warned him I don't want to see friend at our home??