I am posting this for advice. I met the man of my dreams in Aug 2018. He is from Nigeria, he had only lived in America for 5 months when I met him. I am an American citizen but not by birth I am originally from the Caribbean. I don’t know Nigerian customs other than what he has taught me. We are both currently enrolled in university obtaining our professional degrees he is in finance sector I am in medical field. He is 34 and I am 32 neither of us are previously married or have children. It has been a wonderful romance but we have had our hiccups along the way as most couples do. My family fear he is not genuine but I do not feel this way. He has had some women as friends that I did not approve of. Nonetheless we are working through that. I have met his brother and spoken to his sisters and nieces. I love his family. They remind me of my own very solid and loving. He has only met my sister but agrees that my family seems like his. Both of our parents have been married over 50 years. The have no outside children neither of us were raised that way. We both come from Christian households and attend church together when we are not working. A month ago after we had been dating 7 months I asked him a hypothetical question. “if I could not get pregnant would this be a deal breaker?” His answer was yes it would be and further to this he informed that he would either file for divorce or get a woman outside of our marriage pregnant because kids are mandatory for him. This surprised me, I am high risk for pregnancy (he was told from the start) the plan was I would plan with my doctor and get off any medications that might hurt the baby, this did not mean I cannot get pregnant we may just need to try longer, or it might be complicated, but as with all women there is never a guarantee. I asked him for assurance that he would not step outside our relationship, if we had this issue and I would in return assure him that we would try to have as many children as he wanted. He could not give me this assurance . I asked him to let us try to get pregnant now so we could know and If I got pregnant we could get married he says he cannot get me pregnant outside of marriage.
Now he wants to end the relationship.
Is this how any Nigerian man would react or is it more likely that he is looking for an excuse to move on?

Reading.....

You have to understand that we value children so much in African marriage ma'am.

To answer your question ; Not all Nigerian men will act that way but the truth is, majority will act like that.

My opinion ; Dont try getting married to him since you have issue. Look for a man that would understand your situation and who will love you for who you are.

Stay cool.

abandon ship

sherylbakky:
You have to understand that we value children so much in African marriage ma'am.

To answer your question ; Not all Nigerian men will act that way but the truth is, majority will act like that.

My opinion ; Dont try getting married to him since you have issue. Look for a man that would understand your situation and who will love you for who you are.

Stay cool.

Thank you for your response.

marvin906:
abandon ship

Thank you for your advice

i am guessing he must be yoruba, anyway just using your username to guess but anyway, you can talk things with him, if he truely loves you, he will go miles for you.

since he doesnt want to have a child outside marriage, respect his wishes and stop being nervous, just talk to him and make him see the situation

wetdick:
i am guessing he must be yoruba, anyway just using your username to guess but anyway, you can talk things with him, if he truely loves you, he will go miles for you.

Thank you

Op, can u try and check your fertility status with your doctor, so u can be very sure u will get pregnant after walking down the isle. Don't abandon ship yet until u are sure, u are fertile.

We Africans love to have our own children. For me, I can't trade not having kids with an eunuch for anything in this world. No matter how much in love I feel with my man . We must have children. It's a MUST.

So check your status and know what u are about to face now or in the future.

Odabo123:

Yes he is Yoruba. I have tried to talk we have gone back and forth over the past few weeks it seems he thinks he is right to leave. He told me to post here and I will see everyone will agree he should end it.

me i wouldnt agree with him even though kids are important, if he really likes you, he wont be bother by that, he will support you and will follow you to go see a doctor to know your fertility status and find for solutions even if the result was poor. there are couples in the same nigeria without kids and the husband still was in the relationship and marriage.

victorian:
Op, can u try and check your fertility status with your doctor, so u can be very sure u will get pregnant after walking down the isle. Don't abandon ship yet until u are sure, u are fertile.

We Africans love to have our own children. For me, I can't trade not having kids with an eunuch for anything in this world. No matter how much in love I feel with my man . We must have
So check your status and know what u are about to face now or in the future.

Thank you for your response

This is a man telling you that he'll have an affair if things don't work out between you the way it is in his head.

If this isn't your cue to leave — I don't know what to say.

Actually he is right. It is in our culture to have kids of our own

Xaos:
This is a man telling you that he'll have an affair if things don't work out between you the way it is in his head.

If this isn't your cue to leave — I don't know what to say.

Thank you

seniorgozman:
Actually he is right. It is in our culture to have kids of our own

Wow

Odabo123:


Thank you for your response

You are welcome.

Please meet with a gynaecologist and check your chances of having kids.. It's very very important. My dear this one is not church or pastor matter.
No Nigerian man will accept to marry his gf who says she may not have kids for him, no matter how much he loves her, except she accepts he marries another lady outside the marriage to bear him kids. That's if he loves her so much and still don't want to loose her.
Most will be thinking of walking away. Unless the man is an eunuch , then he can let it slide. Be very sure before u close up the affection between u too. Biko.

May God see both of u through amen.

sherylbakky:
You have to understand that we value children so much in African marriage ma'am.

To answer your question ; Not all Nigerian men will act that way but the truth is, majority will act like that.

My opinion ; Dont try getting married to him since you have issue. Look for a man that would understand your situation and who will love you for who you are.

Stay cool.

I THINK THE PROBLEM IS CLEAR, YOU ARE PUSHING HIM TOO FAST WITH YOUR DECISIONS,
FIRST HE IS A MAN ALLOW HE TO MAKE THE CHOICE, THEN YOU CHOSE FROM IT.

victorian:







You are welcome.

Please meet with a gynaecologist and check your chances of having kids.. It's very very important. My dear this one is not church or pastor matter.
No Nigerian man will accept to marry his gf who says she may not have kids for him, no matter how much he loves her, except she accepts he marries another lady outside the marriage to bear him kids. That's if he loves her so much and still don't want to loose her.
Most will be thinking of walking away. Unless the man is an eunuch , then he can let it slide. Be very sure before u close up the affection between u too. Biko.

May God see both of u through amen.

Thank you again

Osuman:


I THINK THE PROBLEM IS CLEAR, YOU ARE PUSHING HIM TOO FAST WITH YOUR DECISIONS,
FIRST HE IS A MAN ALLOW HE TO MAKE THE CHOICE, THEN YOU CHOSE FROM IT.

He made the decision. I just don’t agree

Odabo123:
I am posting this for advice. I met the man of my dreams in Aug 2018. He is from Nigeria, he had only lived in America for 5 months when I met him. I am an American citizen but not by birth I am originally from the Caribbean. I don’t know Nigerian customs other than what he has taught me. We are both currently enrolled in university obtaining our professional degrees he is in finance sector I am in medical field. He is 34 and I am 32 neither of us are previously married or have children. It has been a wonderful romance but we have had our hiccups along the way as most couples do. My family fear he is not genuine but I do not feel this way. He has had some women as friends that I did not approve of. Nonetheless we are working through that. I have met his brother and spoken to his sisters and nieces. I love his family. They remind me of my own very solid and loving. He has only met my sister but agrees that my family seems like his. Both of our parents have been married over 50 years. The have no outside children neither of us were raised that way. We both come from Christian households and attend church together when we are not working. A month ago after we had been dating 7 months I asked him a hypothetical question. “if I could not get pregnant would this be a deal breaker?” His answer was yes it would be and further to this he informed that he would either file for divorce or get a woman outside of our marriage pregnant because kids are mandatory for him. This surprised me, I am high risk for pregnancy (he was told from the start) the plan was I would plan with my doctor and get off any medications that might hurt the baby, this did not mean I cannot get pregnant we may just need to try longer, or it might be complicated, but as with all women there is never a guarantee. I asked him for assurance that he would not step outside our relationship, if we had this issue and I would in return assure him that we would try to have as many children as he wanted. He could not give me this assurance . I asked him to let us try to get pregnant now so we could know and If I got pregnant we could get married he says he cannot get me pregnant outside of marriage.
Now he wants to end the relationship.
Is this how any Nigerian man would react or is it more likely that he is looking for an excuse to move on?

I THINK THE PROBLEM IS CLEAR, YOU ARE PUSHING HIM TOO FAST WITH YOUR DECISIONS, FIRST HE IS A MAN, ALLOW HE TO MAKE THE CHOICE, THEN YOU CHOSE FRIM IT.

Odabo123:



He made the decision. I just don’t agree

MEANING YOU ALREADY KNOW THE PROBLEM?

Osuman:


MEANING YOU ALREADY KNOW THE PROBLEM?

Shouldn’t love be enough to take the risk

What kind of man will get divorced with someone he supposedly loves just because of something she can’t control? People don’t know the true meaning of marriage these days, baby girl please run. This man is showing you that he is incapable of handling mature situations that occur during marriage

Saffi:
What’s kind of man will get divorced with someone he supposedly loves just because of something she can’t control? People don’t know the true meaning of marriage these days, baby girl please run. This man is showing you that he is incapable of handling mature situations that occur during marriage

Thank you for the advice.

you are pushing h too far but you are not getting young know his plans or supposedly you can not get pregnant let him know first. he should marry you for love , bear in mind we Africans love children. instead of wasting your time let him go.

Odabo123:
I am posting this for advice. I met the man of my dreams in Aug 2018. He is from Nigeria, he had only lived in America for 5 months when I met him. I am an American citizen but not by birth I am originally from the Caribbean. I don’t know Nigerian customs other than what he has taught me. We are both currently enrolled in university obtaining our professional degrees he is in finance sector I am in medical field. He is 34 and I am 32 neither of us are previously married or have children. It has been a wonderful romance but we have had our hiccups along the way as most couples do. My family fear he is not genuine but I do not feel this way. He has had some women as friends that I did not approve of. Nonetheless we are working through that. I have met his brother and spoken to his sisters and nieces. I love his family. They remind me of my own very solid and loving. He has only met my sister but agrees that my family seems like his. Both of our parents have been married over 50 years. The have no outside children neither of us were raised that way. We both come from Christian households and attend church together when we are not working. A month ago after we had been dating 7 months I asked him a hypothetical question. “if I could not get pregnant would this be a deal breaker?” His answer was yes it would be and further to this he informed that he would either file for divorce or get a woman outside of our marriage pregnant because kids are mandatory for him. This surprised me, I am high risk for pregnancy (he was told from the start) the plan was I would plan with my doctor and get off any medications that might hurt the baby, this did not mean I cannot get pregnant we may just need to try longer, or it might be complicated, but as with all women there is never a guarantee. I asked him for assurance that he would not step outside our relationship, if we had this issue and I would in return assure him that we would try to have as many children as he wanted. He could not give me this assurance . I asked him to let us try to get pregnant now so we could know and If I got pregnant we could get married he says he cannot get me pregnant outside of marriage.
Now he wants to end the relationship.
Is this how any Nigerian man would react or is it more likely that he is looking for an excuse to move on?

Nigeria is a country of many people, the attitude and behaviour of one cannot be linked, explained or attributed to whole country.

He has told you HIS point of view because you asked right?
Having children is a big deal in almost all African societies not Nigeria only, it’s not that different in Asia.

You asked he responded honestly you can’t hold him ransom for saying the truth. It’s up to you actually he told you where he stands. It’s up to you to accept those terms or leave before it’s gets complex I am sure you know your gynaecologist history why don’t you take him with you so that he understands things fully. If he still feels the way he does then you make a choice based on being fully informed.
If he says no accept the painful and move on with your life.

loricara:
you are pushing h too far but you are not getting young know his plans or supposedly you can not get pregnant let him know first. he should marry you for love , bear in mind we Africans love children. instead of wasting your time let him go.

Love children more than your significant other?

MissRaine69:

Nigeria is a country of many people, the attitude and behaviour of one cannot be linked, explained or attributed to whole country.

He has told you HIS point of view because you asked right?
Having children is a big deal in almost all African socitiee not Nigeria only, it’s not that different in Asia.

You asked he responded honestly you can’t hold him ransom for saying the truth. It’s up to you actually he told you where he stands. It’s up to you to accept those terms or leave before it’s gets complex I am sure you know your gynaecologist history why don’t you take him with you so that he understands things fully. If he still feels the way he does then you make a choice based on being fully informed.
If he says no accept the painful and move on with your life.

So love does not matter...?

Odabo123:


Shouldn’t love be enough to take the risk

YES, LOVE COULD COVER IT, BUT ALLOW ME TO HIT THE NAIL ON IT HEAD, NOW YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT THE FUTURE HOLD FOR YOU, IN TERMS OF FERTILITY? THE CHANCES YOU ARE HAVING NOW ARE MUCH BRIGHTER THAN LATER, WELL, I DON'T WANT TO GO MUCH INTO THAT, IT IS YOUR PRIVACY.

[quote author=Osuman post=76924588]

YES, LOVE COULD COVER IT, BUT ALLOW ME TO HIT THE NAIL ON IT HEAD, NOW YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT THE FUTURE HOLD FOR YOU, IN TERMS OF FERTILITY? THE CHANCES YOU ARE HAVING NOW ARE MUCH BRIGHTER THAN LATER, WELL, I DON'T WANT TO GO MUCH INTO THAT, IT IS

Thank you

Osuman:


YES, LOVE COULD COVER IT, BUT ALLOW ME TO HIT THE NAIL ON IT HEAD, NOW YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT THE FUTURE HOLD FOR YOU, IN TERMS OF FERTILITY? THE CHANCES YOU ARE HAVING NOW ARE MUCH BRIGHTER THAN LATER, WELL, I DON'T WANT TO GO MUCH INTO THAT, IT IS YOUR PRIVACY.

I guess my point is I feel like it’s just an excuse because chances are I CAN have children

Odabo123:


I guess my point is I feel like it’s just an excuse because chances are I CAN have children

You are sure u can children. Then relax and ask him when are u guys entering the next level. And plan ahead. Kids will come, as long as both of you are certified OK, in the fertility department.

No need opening this thread sef.

Madam U no get problem .