seniorgozman:
Actually he is right. It is in our culture to have kids of our own

Are Nigerian men just looking for baby makers?

victorian:








You are sure u can children. Then relax and ask him when are u guys entering the next level. And plan ahead. Kids will come, as long as both of you are certified OK, in the fertility department.

No need opening this thread sef.

Madam U no get problem .

But no one is 100% and I don’t want divorce outside children that’s why I asked. Because I grew up knowing love matters But it seems to a Nigerian man children matter more. Am I just a baby maker?

Odabo123:


Are Nigerian men just looking for baby makers?

pls stop believing all these nonsense some people write here about a baby is a must. are babies not the work of both man and woman( a sperm and a egg) they make it seems like women take in by themselves.

there are thousands or even millions of couples here married with no child for more than 4-5 years and nobody is complaining except society, they live their lives like any other.

Odabo123:


So love does not matter...?

It’s not enough for some people it’s important but it cannot be the only thing binding two people. Would you have preferred he lied? I don’t understand how some people think. He told you what his deal breaker was, we have explored the rationale behind that deal breaker. Advice has been given, some of it very good, some of it questionable. The matter rests with you ultimately.
What do you want to do?
Girl love is important but you need more than just love especially where this person is concerned.
Not sure what else to tell you .

wetdick:


pl stop believing all these nonsense some people write here about a baby is a must

there are thousands or even millions of couples here married with no child for more than 4-5 years and nobody is complaining except society, they live their lives like any other.

I agree. I’m thankful not everyone shared the opinions of some others on this thread.

wetdick:


pl stop believing all these nonsense some people write here about a baby is a must

there are thousands or even millions of couples here married with no child for more than 4-5 years and nobody is complaining except society, they live their lives like any other.

She mentioned the issue she was having with that man she is with now. Not how how other Nigerians live their lives. That’s the difference . This man has told HER where he stands on the matter of children.
We can’t speak on behalf of a whole country so the ultimate decision rests with her .
She is informed as a manner of speaking.

MissRaine69:

She mentioned the issue she was having with that man she is with now. Not how how other Nigerians live their lives. That’s the difference . This man has told HER where he stands on the matter of children.
We can’t speak on behalf of a whole country so the ultimate decision rests with her .
She is informed as a manner of speaking.

In fairness my question was a generalization of the culture I am unfamiliar with. Is this a commonality that males will throw away a great relationship or Is this particular male likely looking for an excuse to leave.

MissRaine69:

It’s not enough for some people it’s important but it cannot be the only thing binding two people. Would you have preferred he lied? I don’t understand how some some think. He told you what his deal breaker was, we have explored the rationale behind that deal breaker. Advice has been given, some of it very good, some of it questionable. The matter rests with you ultimately.
What do you want to do?
Girl love is important but you need more than just love especially where this person is concerned.
Not sure what else to tell you .

Thank you for your insightful response

Odabo123:


In fairness my question was a generalization of the culture I am unfamiliar with. Is this a commonality that males will throw away a great relationship or Is this particular male likely looking for an excuse to leave.

It matters that much to him he views it as a deal breaker. Is that not a matter of choice as well? Removing emotional thinking out of the frame.

Odabo123:


Thank you for your insightful response

You are welcome.

MissRaine69:

She mentioned the issue she was having with that man she is with now. Not how how other Nigerians live their lives. That’s the difference . This man has told HER where he stands on the matter of children.
We can’t speak on behalf of a whole country so the ultimate decision rests with her .
She is informed as a manner of speaking.

yes, but many comments here made it seems like every Nigerian man must have kids to be complete,what of those men with weak sperm making it seems it is the woman fault. people here are generalising, so i think i need to write down the truth and reality

she is a foreigner and wants to understand the nigerian mind in order to solve her problem, at the end of the day, she will have to go with the decision and advice that she thinks can solve her problem.

MissRaine69:

It matters that much to him he views it as a deal breaker. Is that not a matter of choice as well? Removing emotional thinking out of the frame.

I agree I am close to the situation and emotionally involved. However, is it just a fantasy western way of thinking? Am I missing something? If two people love each other should fear be the motivation behind quitting. Prior to this I was Ifemi. How could a 50/50 possibility change this. It seems backward to me.

wetdick:


yes, but many comments here made it seems like every Nigerian man must have kids to be complete,what of those men with weak sperm making it seems it is the woman fault. people here are generalising, so i think i need to write down the truth and reality

she is a foreigner and wants to understand the nigerian mind in order to solve her problem, at the end of the day, she will have to go with the decision and advice that she thinks can solve her problem.

Exactly I thought it was a cultural misunderstanding at first but I know Nigeria is a modern and forward thing place. I don’t believe that people would think I should agree to outside children to keep my husband happy. Or that he is entitled to something I have no control over.

Odabo123:


I agree I am close to the situation and emotionally involved. However, is it just a fantasy western way of thinking? Am I missing something? If two people love each other should fear be the motivation behind quitting. Prior to this I was Ifemi. How could a 50/50 possibility change this. It seems backward to me.

Marriages break in the west because of the issue of children. I am very famialir with fertility issues when it comes to women as that’s one of my jobs. The strain takes its toll on a relationship when trying for a child regardless of background.

I have seen it happen often enough, a couple tries for years the husband leaves meets someone and within a year that other woman is expecting. Fertility affects both by the way so he cannot assume he will be able to father children. But fertility treatment is brutal on a woman’s body.

Odabo123:


Exactly I thought it was a cultural misunderstanding at first but I know Nigeria is a modern and forward thing place. I don’t believe that people would think I should agree to outside children to keep my husband happy. Or that he is entitled to something I have no control over.

pls if this man can not support you even after you have explained to him in simple english, pls leave him, he is not the only black man in the world. i know a nigerian guy that have been in the same situations as yours and the guy supported his girl-friend and even went to see the doctor together to find for solutions, i dont know if they have kid now but i watched and saw how he supported the girl.

MissRaine69:

Marriages break in the west because of the issue of children. I am very famialir with fertility issues when it comes to women as that’s one of my jobs. The strain takes its toll on a relationship when trying for a child regardless of background.

I have seen it happen often enough, a couple tries for years the husband leaves meets someone and within a year that other woman is expecting. Fertility affects both by the way so he cannot assume he will be able to father children. But fertility treatment is brutal on a woman’s body.

You are right. Especially since it’s clearly already taking a toll.

Odabo123:


But no one is 100% and I don’t want divorce outside children that’s why I asked. Because I grew up knowing love matters But it seems to a Nigerian man children matter more. Am I just a baby maker?

God has already created a woman to give birth to children, it's your civic responsibility as a woman in a marriage. Love is not the only thing that holds a marriage together. All those talks about love is all that matters is all fairy tales. In the real world Where we are, it's not just about love only.
Family, children, compatibility, team work, loyalty, passion, care, etc are certain ingredients that keeps the home warm and eager to rush to after a hard days work.

Your man is an African man and he's been sincere to you. You are a woman for crying out loud. What's the use been married without the tiny innocent voices and screams of those lovely brats, we call kids

Abeg move on from that discussion ,you both had and look at the brighter side of Spending your lives together and enlarging it.
For me it's a MUST!

I no wan hear excuses. Love alone cannot do it for me

wetdick:


yes, but many comments here made it seems like every Nigerian man must have kids to be complete,what of those men with weak sperm making it seems it is the woman fault. people here are generalising, so i think i need to write down the truth and reality

she is a foreigner and wants to understand the nigerian mind in order to solve her problem, at the end of the day, she will have to go with the decision and advice that she thinks can solve her problem.

Nigerians can’t understand other Nigerians most of the time so this is a bit of a tricky situation.
But at the end of the day she knows
And he was honest
What happens is up to her.

MissRaine69:

Nigerians can’t understand other Nigerians most of the time so this is a bit of a tricky situation.
But at the end of the day she knows
And he was honest
What happens is up to her.

even though he was honest, he made it sound like a business transaction, something like "if you cant give me kids i will divorce you" what of if he was also a problem maybe like having sperm issues, what would he have done.

so if they were married he wouldnt go length for his family maybe like when severe health issues arise, he will just abandon the ship

wetdick:


even though he was honest, he made it sound like a business transaction, something like "if you cant give me kids i will divorce you" what of if he was also a problem maybe like having sperm issues, what would he have done.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

victorian:








God has already created a woman to give birth to children, it's your civic responsibility as a woman in a marriage. Love is not the only thing that holds a marriage together. All those talks about love is all that matters is all fairy tales. In the real world Where we are, it's not just about love only.
Family, children, compatibility, team work, loyalty, passion, care, etc are certain ingredients that keeps the home warm and eager to rush to after a hard days work.

Your man is an African man and he's been sincere to you. You are a woman for crying out loud. What's the use been married without the tiny innocent voices and screams of those lovely brats, we call kids

Abeg move on from that discussion ,you both had and look at the brighter side of Spending your lives together and enlarging it.
For me it's a MUST!

I no wan hear excuses. Love alone cannot do it for me

Using your argument about God creating women to have children. What’s the purpose of a man who has low sperm count or no viable sperm?
So the men is infertile so what’s his purpose in life? To shoot blanks?
The woman should look to stay or go?

victorian:








God has already created a woman to give birth to children, it's your civic responsibility as a woman in a marriage. Love is not the only thing that holds a marriage together. All those talks about love is all that matters is all fairy tales. In the real world Where we are, it's not just about love only.
Family, children, compatibility, team work, loyalty, passion, care, etc are certain ingredients that keeps the home warm and eager to rush to after a hard days work.

Your man is an African man and he's been sincere to you. You are a woman for crying out loud. What's the use been married without the tiny innocent voices and screams of those lovely brats, we call kids

Abeg move on from that discussion ,you both had and look at the brighter side of Spending your lives together and enlarging it.
For me it's a MUST!

I no wan hear excuses. Love alone cannot do it for me

Lol I don’t agree with the civic duty but I appreciate the honesty

wetdick:


even though he was honest, he made it sound like a business transaction, something like "if you cant give me kids i will divorce you" what of if he was also a problem maybe like having sperm issues, what would he have done.

so if they were married he wouldnt go length for his family maybe like when severe health issues arise, he will just abandon the ship

I could not have said it better myself! :-)

All of you claiming culture up there may thunder not strike your mouth. Odabo123 it is not our culture to be myopic in thinking. If he truly loves you, he'll do anything extra mile to not let you go. Lastly, tradition is man made so fuckkk Tradition

victorian:








[s]God has already created a woman to give birth to children, it's your civic responsibility as a woman in a marriage. Love is not the only thing that holds a marriage together. All those talks about love is all that matters is all fairy tales. In the real world Where we are, it's not just about love only.
Family, children, compatibility, team work, loyalty, passion, care, etc are certain ingredients that keeps the home warm and eager to rush to after a hard days work.

Your man is an African man and he's been sincere to you. You are a woman for crying out loud. What's the use been married without the tiny innocent voices and screams of those lovely brats, we call kids

Abeg move on from that discussion ,you both had and look at the brighter side of Spending your lives together and enlarging it.
For me it's a MUST!

I no wan hear excuses. Love alone cannot do it for me [/s]

You're the type that makes The whites believe our IQ is low. Thrash babies are annoying.

MissRaine69:

Using your argument about God creating women to have children. What’s the purpose of a man who has low sperm count or no viable sperm?
So the men is infertile so what’s his purpose in life? To shoot blanks?
The woman should look to stay or go?

That's another reason why God gave man the resources and idea to create drugs in boosting sperms and also fertility in some women. If I marry a man who sperm is low? We will go for treatment and go through the process of boosting his sperms. I will walk the walk with him, if he's eager to be a dad. If he's not eager, I don waka!

But a man with blanks? That's no sperm? Such men are rare to find, but if God forbid I marry such man? Hmmmm, I will honestly be thinking about divorce or he allows me get knocked up elsewhere and bring home my kids. If not? My dear, na divorce. I can't go through life without having kids, at least a mini me, which have always been dreaming all my life and possibly cute boys that look like me, but if they take their dads look, no probs, but my girl must, I mean MUST look like me! Cos I look like my mother (refined version) while my mum God bless her soul looked like my grandmum( her mum). Invariably I must have my own version( no contesting it).


OK look at Kim Kardashian, she has sensitive body and womb. Doctor says her pregnancy will be high risk, she almost lost north her first daughter, she went through hell and back, lots of tears during the pregnancy stages, mehn it was hell for Kim but she pulled through at the end. Due to those pains and issues hee body went through, almost loosing her life, they resulted to surrogacy in order to have more kids.

In fact Kim and Beyonce are competing who will have more than the other.

Abeg! Kids is extremely important in a home.

amaniro:


You're the type that makes The whites believe our IQ is low. Thrash babies are annoying.

What's my own with me and the white man?

I'm living my life the way I want and have dreamt about it, u are talking of white

What's my own white man?

Make white man go siddon one place and lemme breed my kids and have a lovely home.

White ko, Caucasian ni.

Odabo123:


Lol I don’t agree with the civic duty but I appreciate the honesty

I will say it as it is.

My dear, no time to sugar coat things.

For me, it's civic duty


I was talking to my friends and we were talking about teenagers in school messing up and all. I said we'll my own is this, I will talk to my daughter, if u want to have sex use protection, use condoms. I don't want to hear u went through abortion? Neither do I want to see any extra human being following back home when u graduate, except the man who wants to marry you and lastly your womb must be intact! I no wan hear story.. As soon u graduate, we heading to our family doctor hospital for checkup. I want everything intact in that body of yours! I no hear story.. I'm I understood? Keep that brain, pussy and womb intact for God sakes! Those are the only three things u owe me in this life, after graduating with First Class or second class upper. Story I no wan hear. And pray our doctor gives us a good result after all the tests and scans
My friends were looking at me.. I said yes o!

At least he has shown to be genuine with this so I suggest you give him a full disclosure about your health status before your wedding becomes another Vegas wedding.
It's true, we Nigerians love to have kids no matter the kind of love invloved. Even Saint Valentine himself can't change that so I suggest you guys come to a compromise.

victorian:










That's another reason why God gave man the resources and idea to create drugs in boosting sperms and also fertility in some women. If I marry a man who sperm is low? We will go for treatment and go through the process of boosting his sperms. I will walk the walk with him, if he's eager to be a dad. If he's not eager, I don waka!

But a man with blanks? That's no sperm? Such men are rare to find, but if God forbid I marry such man? Hmmmm, I will honestly be thinking about divorce or he allows me get knocked up elsewhere and bring home my kids. If not? My dear, na divorce. I can't go through life without having kids, at least a mini me, which have always been dreaming all my life and possibly cute boys that look like me, but if they take their dads look, no probs, but my girl must, I mean MUST look like me! Cos I look like my mother (refined version) while my mum God bless her soul looked like my grandmum( her mum). Invariably I must have my own version( no contesting it).


OK look at Kim Kardashian, she has sensitive body and womb. Doctor says her pregnancy will be high risk, she almost lost north her first daughter, she went through hell and back, lots of tears during the pregnancy stages, mehn it was hell for Kim but she pulled through at the end. Due to those pains and issues hee body went through, almost loosing her life, they resulted to surrogacy in order to have more kids.

In fact Kim and Beyonce are competing who will have more than the other.

Abeg! Kids is extremely important in a home.

Drugs to boost sperm? It’s not feasible in all cases.
Ok Einstein just so you know
Not all infertility can be treated Male or female.
And secondly those examples you given are of woman who have access to money and resources not all women can afford that.
Too many IVF cycles causes early menopause

amaniro:
All of you claiming culture up there may thunder not strike your mouth. Odabo123 it is not our culture to be myopic in thinking. If he truly loves you, he'll do anything extra mile to not let you go. Lastly, tradition is man made so fuckkk Tradition

Thank you

MissRaine69:

Drugs to boost sperm? It’s not feasible in all cases.
Ok Einstein just so you know
Not all infertility can be treated Male or female.
And secondly those examples you given are of woman who have access to money and resources not all women can afford that.
Too many IVF cycles causes early menopause

But at least one will try if there is money, than to seat idle.
My married aunt of 46years old after 20years of marriage and endless trials in drugs and fertility treatments, she eventually got pregnant with twins boys.

Another married friend of mine, shes not that rich. Her husband too is just an average worker and it took them 5 years, before she got pregnant. And they are not rich but she confided in me that her fertility is low and her doctor prescribed some certain drugs for her, which she was taking consistently. Before she and her husband were always going to church night vigils, church programs, they are even workers in church, prayers with prayer warrior and pastor everytime. Until Pastor asked them , have they gone for checkup? They said hmm no! They are believing in God. Their Pastor said faith without work is dead and they should go check themselves and that's how they did and knew the wife has low fertility.




So if it's you missraine, what will be your decision in such marriage? Or relationship?