I sit here reminiscing on growing up back in naija, and when I look back on some of the things people "before me" did that was so wrong, but was unable to say anything to them back them.

For me it will have to be when my Parent have a quarrel or disagreement with a neighbour and we are barred from playing with the kids of that neighbour. This is just wrong on many levels, I know this back then but gosh I was unable to do anything about it. It is detrimental to how kids interact and in my opinion, it can sow a seed of hatred. I wonder if such practices still goes on.

Another one I remember is if said neighbour brings food over festive period, it goes automatically goes into the bin, due to lack of trust and the cultural beliefs that such food may potentially contain poison. While I agree that there are possibilities, I still feel it is wrong for your neighbour to come with good intentions and such intentions are just met with suspicious. Again as a kid growing up, this makes me actually think my neighbour is a witch and as such the kids must be witches too. You can imagine how destructive that can be for us as a kids.


What are you experiences?

Thats what they made us believe. And parents are never wrong.

thweraja10:

Thats what they made us believe. And parents are never wrong.

I don't understand, Parents can be wrong, are they not humans? Anyway, I am not keen on dragging this but more about people sharing their experiences.

Still no reply? I have a feeling, I am not alone in this. . .

My last bump on this one, no any other reply.

whatever my parents did, they did out of love. Even though the actions may not have been the best at the time. My parents were over-protective to a fault, did not want my sisters marrying from some specific tribes. But guess what, who wouldnt be over-protective, after losing their first child at the age of 9? We all kind of grew up feeling paranoid until I started changing their mind-set about the need to think positive.

My dad would say something mean or beat me up for doing something wrong but the next day he'll buy be a soccer ball or a toy gun  . .or whatever he felt I really wanted. Now that is love. I remember when I passed my common entrance exam back in the 80s - there was a brand new grifter bicycle and guitar waiting for me at home - my dad's joy was unimaginable. He actually kissed me! 

Thank God I have grown up to be the man - my parents get my approval before they do ANYTHING.

And I am now wise and expose enough to avoid their mistakes while bringing up my kids, at the same time showing them the love that my parents showed me. My parents have watched me hanging out with my son and they are proud.

instead of reflecting on the wrongs of my parents i will rather be thankful to them for helping me realise my self, even to some things i thoguht they were wrong about turn out to be the beauty i possess. thank you lord jesus for my parents even as you give me the strenght to appreciate them day in day out.

ElRazur:


Another one I remember is if said neighbour brings food over festive period, it goes automatically goes into the bin, due to lack of trust and the cultural beliefs that such food may potentially contain poison. While I agree that there are possibilities, I still feel it is wrong for your neighbour to come with good intentions and such intentions are just met with suspicious. Again as a kid growing up, this makes me actually think my neighbour is a witch and as such the kids must be witches too. You can imagine how destructive that can be for us as a kids.

Brother, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but on the above, I kinda AGREE with your parents a bit. Brother, this is Africa - Nigeria, for precision! People just get jealous for no big reasons.

Reasons such as
your children are more intelligent than mine
you just bought a new car.
you just bought a new house.

I wonder when we will start thinking right in this dark continent,

Warning: You may not like me because of my views, but my brother, I have seen a lot in this country in my young age.,


.NET

whatever my parents did, they did out of love. Even though the actions may not have been the best at the time. My parents were over-protective to a fault

BS.

we see too much of parent transferring their prejudices, hatreds etal to their kids - and it has NOTHING to do with love.

oyb:

BS.

we see too much of parent transferring their prejudices, hatreds etal to their kids - and it has NOTHING to do with love.

I was talking about my parents. . not yours or anyone else.

Sorry for yourself if your own parents hated you.

Mum chased all the girls away back then cos ma sorry a,  is the only boy

She once went to fight with a neighbour cos i told her the neighbours daughter said she liked me.

Absolutely nothing.

Our parents who came to study in Britain back then, selling everything they had b4 going home. (instead of investing for the future), leaving us to "start again" from beginning when we came over, now they are all regreting it,

ElRazur:

I sit here reminiscing on growing up back in naija, and when I look back on some of the things people "before me" did that was so wrong, but was unable to say anything to them back them.

For me it will have to be when my Parent have a quarrel or disagreement with a neighbour and we are barred from playing with the kids of that neighbour. This is just wrong on many levels, I know this back then but gosh I was unable to do anything about it. It is detrimental to how kids interact and in my opinion, it can sow a seed of hatred. I wonder if such practices still goes on.

in the poliitcs section we have so many er biafrans who did not grow up during those times, who were not privy to everything that happened - and who have basically taken their parents' doctrine as some sort of gospel. thats just one example

Another one I remember is if said neighbour brings food over festive period, it goes automatically goes into the bin, due to lack of trust and the cultural beliefs that such food may potentially contain poison. While I agree that there are possibilities, I still feel it is wrong for your neighbour to come with good intentions and such intentions are just met with suspicious. Again as a kid growing up, this makes me actually think my neighbour is a witch and as such the kids must be witches too. You can imagine how destructive that can be for us as a kids.

i remeber this one wella. we were for a long time, the only muslims on my street as a kid. one sallah we found that 90% of our neighbours ('born agains') were basically throwing the ram meat we gave away. what really made this doubly annoying was that one the dog of one of these neighbours entered our compund and made off with the salted meat .

fast forward to some 15 years later, we meet in the university and these kids have become full fleged nikkas - yeah i know - offtopic

The fact remains that our parents don't use to admit they ever did anything wrong in their time, because if they do, they assume they are telling you to follow suite.

So it is the norm.

The world is full of hatred. An entire family has once joined their ancestors after taking a meal brought to them by family friend. Chairman , prevention is better than cure. Just make sure you are in good terms with everybody, but for the food guy, your long throat can send you to an early grave

THIS IS AFRICA (NIGERIA) WE KNOW THAT WE'RE VERY FETISH AND MOST PEOPLE GET ANGRY OVER THE MOST STUPID THINGS BECAUSE THEY ARE ONE THING OR THE OTHER AND MY GRAND-MA IS AN EXAMPLE, SHE HAS SEEN ALOT OF THINGS AND WARN US EVERYDAY. HER EXPERIENCE UNTIL SHE MET JESUS IS A BOOK TO WRITE IN THE FUTURE.

i remember a man who used to live on top of our house. he was reputed to be involved in shady deals. one day i was just playing around his car and i noticed that the registration number on the windscreen and the side mirrors was different from the one on the front and back of the car so when i got home i mentioned it to my elder brother who then mentioned it to my dad. needless to say, my dad beat me black and blue that day

Orilee9ice:

Our parents who came to study in Britain back then, selling everything they had b4 going home. (instead of investing for the future), leaving us to "start again" from beginning when we came over, now they are all regreting it,

lol, my parents did the same except in the US. They always talk about how naira had more value than the dollar back then.

@tOPIC,Throwing away foods from untrusted neighbours.
Over-minding their biz eg not speaking up when a neighbour is maltreating his house-help so they wont be called amebos.  

My dad, for pampering me silly. this made me expect that from every body else and unfortunately facing the real world now; am learning things don't always go the way we want.

Parents being older have more experiences and most times have a reason for doing what they did.

Regarding food from neighbours, I bet if you have heard stories about families being killed or kids bewitched after eating such meals you would have a similar opinion with your kids.

What my dad did That I thought was wrong? He never praised me for anything, He is one of these parents who are so traditional that a word of praise or any emotions are not allowed.

His Mantra was always "Go and read your books" Whenever I hear my dads car , I would either pick the ball and run away to my books, or switch off the TV and put the Maths textbook on my laps.

My dads principle was work work work, read read read and play once a month

After primary School, I got the best result in our Local Govt. My dad didnt even mention anything.

After JS3 I got 9A's and 3 C's I was scared to show my dad the result, He saw it he didnt say any word of commendation and just flung the result back to me.

When I got the WAEC result, I had the best result in my school, His friends came over to celebrate and wash it with lots of Brandy. See my dad just boning like "it would get into his head" while all his friends were taking turns to give me a handshake and they even invited me to come sit with them (Which is one of the greatest achievement a teenager can have-Sitting with elders)

Another thing was that my dad taught me how to lie perfectly and be very mischievious. No mistake ever goes unpunished, So you have to lie your way through and My dad was a Mini CIA. So your lies must be water tight else Na flogging get you that day. Most cases I would rehearse all my lies well and think of all possible scenarios yet my dad would still burst my bubble and thats multiple caning, Koboko and even cable.

^^
Your dad a teacher/lecturer?

Parent were wrong in some of these in the areas mentioned. But I think it was for the greater.
Many of us would have fallen victims of witch hunt by neighbors and are not for happy for the mere fact that your parents have more kids than they do,
I hope you do understand I point.

ifyalways:

@tOPIC,Throwing away foods from untrusted neighbours.
Over-minding their biz eg not speaking up when a neighbour is maltreating his house-help so they wont be called amebos.  

when thieves (common thieves , not hardcore armed robbers - this was ilorin in the late 1980s) came to our house - we were 9-10 years old then our neighbours 'slept through all our shouting ole ole ole!'

i no fit talk too much - we might have done the same  

my mum was extremely stingy with money

there was this once whne she found i was savin g like 20% of my allowance - and promptly slashed it

now she complains that i'm too stingy with money  

@ dayo, i feel ya!
i remember we were not allowed to watch TV but we soon devised a way out to that one, switch on the standing fan directly over the tv so that when he comes home from work and feels the tv it will not be hot, we also used to use his old spice after shave and top it up with water so it is on the same level, lol, oh and we made a copy of his car keys, no matter where he kept it, we found it, but seriously it was always books, books books, you couldnt get any money out of my dad unless you wanted to buy a book, so of course we invented the prices of all kinds of books under the sun (and got receipts for them 2!), eg, Stone & Cousin (Stone your Cousin, Biology) because it was very big and volumnous, we said it sold for N200.00 (OWO NIYI NIGBAYEN!) bought the damn book for N20.00, and used to rest to "look Behind",  same with Nelkon and that Chemistry book evenplus including Brighter Grammar,

My dad beat me silly when I got 17% in math - 3rd year in high school.

But I know for sure it was the look on his face that made me focus more on the subject. He looked really sad.

when me and my dad are argueing about something, though he is wrong, am suppose to keep quiet for him, cos elders are always right.
and if i push it too much, i get the whip,

kmt

My mom, Her own job was that no friend was allowed.

If any guy came to visit, the first questions would be

Mom: Whats your name

Friend: Dele

Mom: Dele what or dont you have a surname?

Friend: Dele Ajayi

Mom: Which Ajayi?(Wanting to know the guys parent)

after those series of question.

Mom(to my friend): What was your position last term?

Instead of you guys to be discussing about your studies, you would be roaming the streets all over

Most of my friends usually avoid my house for that reason?

Girls? Forbidden!!!!. One time I was sick and my schoolmates came to visit me including my girlfriend. I dont know how my mom suspected she was my GF and after they left she started asking specific questions about the particular girl

Like: Why was she holding your hands and sitting close to you? Whats her name? Trust me i gave her a fake name cos she might know the girls parent.

Another day she searched my schoolbag and found a love letter a girl wrote to me and I faced a tribunal that day.

Up till now, I never tell her anything about my relationships, Even when she asks me, I just give her one worded answers that mean nothing