I have read about some many sad tales on Nairaland about marriages and I have seen similar pitfalls. Please note that my post is from a man’s view and does not aim to bring down women. I am also posting this because many young men do not get solid advice on how to pick their partners.

It is only when you get married that you begin to understand marriage. However, young men, if you adhere to some of the advices below, you will avoid some marital pitfalls and approach marriage from a logical point of view.

No 1 - Never marry for love. Love should never be the underlying factor to marry a woman. Why - marriage is a long term commitment for the foreseeable future. Love is an emotional situation and just like every other emotions, love comes and goes. There would be days and even months, that your partner irritates and disgust you. If love is the main reason you marry, young man, you would be heading for the divorce court.

No 2 - Never marry a single mother. What ever you do, never ever marry a single mother. Don’t start your family with another man’s family. Start your family brand new. I would love to explain this fully, but it would make this post longer.

No 3 - Assess and conduct proper due diligence on your future in-laws. Know your in-laws properly. Know their source of livelihood. Ensure your future in-laws are doing financially well as well as the siblings of your future wife. You will not enjoy your marriage when excessive financial burdens fall on you. Except you are excessively wealthy, which I doubt as a young man starting off life, and you have a big heart as well as a big house, don’t marry a woman where you cannot verify her family income.

No 4 - Don’t marry a lady from a broken home. Many women will paint a story of not leaving their marriage because they are from a broken home. However, please note these women do not have the knowledge, opportunity or privilege to be in a stable household. Many of them did not see their mothers adore and respect their fathers. Many only get to hear about negative information of their fathers. These are the first set of women to leave their marriage when things take a downward spin. If you want to have an idea of how your wife would treat you, look at how her mother behaves or treat her father and if the father is not around, this is a huge risk.

No 5 - Never marry for beauty. I don’t need to explain this so much. Beauty fades as one age and even if it doesn’t, beauty becomes inconsequential during marriage. Behavioral attitude matters a lot. At some point, your wife’s beauty becomes non existent and you begin to see her as an individual and not because she is beautiful.

No 6 - Assess your future wife’s friends and those who influence her. Women are largely insecure. Many rely on the advices of their friends, family, or spiritual leaders to make decisions. You have to assess the character of the person who has a major influence on your future wife. You have no choice on this because this individual would be running your home from his/her own location. If the individual is of no good and your future wife cannot cut ties, don’t marry such a woman. If the individual is of good standing, befriend such individual.

No 7 - Polygamous home - if the father of your future wife do not have a strong influence over his large family, run away.

No 8 - Never marry for food or sex. These are things a man with good income can easily get. Don’t let this form an opinion for selecting a wife. As you age, your sex drive dwindles down. Also, you get preoccupied with other more important things. For food, we can all agreed many of us eat out either due to the job or recreational purposes. Furthermore, food and sex do not define a man. If this is why you want to get married, think again.

No 9 - Never marry an illiterate, semi-educated or poorly educated woman. This is actually because of your kids. Women play a pivotal role for the early development of kids. An educated smart woman would raise smart kids.

No 10 - Never marry a prostitute. We get to hear prostitutes make fine wives. I wonder the foolish set of people who pushed the agenda. A prostitute has no regards for her body and health. She is highly materialistic and considers money to be her ONLY master. Prostitutes have served a wide range of different men and are only with men for money. A prostitute would marry you for the financial security you bring. She would be the first to sleep with your friends when that financial security no longer exist. She also may continue to indulge in her sexual escapades whilst married because she enjoys the thrills.

If I can remember more - I would post them. You can also ask me reasons why I came up with the criteria above, form a discussion or even critique them.

Op, take one glass of the finest wine. 1, 4,5, 6 and 9 on point.

spot on !

StarUp:
Op, take one glass of the finest wine. 1, 4,5, 6 and 9 on point.

so about Single Mothers @ number 2?

ubunja:
so about Single Mothers @ number 2?

I am not trying to bring down single mothers. The present situation might have not been their own fault. Some make wonderful wives. However, my advice is from a man’s point of view. I advice young and even old men to avoid single mothers - why

- They already have children. Mothers are very protective of their children. Regardless of how she professes love to you, a man can never replace a mother’s love.

- The father maybe a third wheel. Some fathers would want to be involved in the lives of their children. They want to know the man close to their children. They may interfere in the marriage and also in the family structure. They may still be sleeping with the mother of their kids. They may be jealous and carry hideous acts.

- The children may hate you. You cannot replace the love a child has for the parent. Some kids may think you are the reason daddy is not going to come back. Some kids may act rudely towards you and remember you that you are not their father. Their mother may take sides when you want to discipline them.

- Financial commitment - whether the father of the child has any financial arrangement with the mother or not, you would still play a huge role financially in bringing up that child or children. Your only reason to spend is because you are in a relationship with their mother. Hence, you are raising another man’s kids when you could start a brand new family. Don’t fall for the nonsense or assist a dead beat dad - Go and start your family afresh - Brand new.

- Many Single mothers are damaged women. You might be in a relationship with a woman who is suffering the effects of previously being in a damage or abusive relationship or she is actually the abuser.

ubunja:
so about Single Mothers @ number 2?

You have to put into consideration that some of them were raped or drugged and before they knew what was happening, it was too late... I once had a female colleague who's a single mother: her boyfriend drugged and slept with her on Valentine's day (back in the university) and before she knew it, she was pregnant and had to give birth to the child because she was scared of abortion(killing another life). Another case was that of a girl that was raped by armed robbers and her parents who were born again Christians told her to keep the pregnancy that followed...she gave birth to the child and handed him over to a childless couple...so not all single mothers were/are wayward(there are exceptions).

StarUp:


You have to put into consideration that some of them were raped or drugged and before they knew what was happening, it was too late... I once had a female colleague who's a single mother: her boyfriend drugged and slept with her on Valentine's day (back in the university) and before she knew it, she was pregnant and had to give birth to the child because she was scared of abortion(killing another life). Another case was that of a girl that was raped by armed robbers and her parents who were born again Christians told her to keep the pregnancy that followed...she gave birth to the child and handed him over to a childless couple...so not all single mothers were/are wayward(there are exceptions).

I have listed reasons why young men should avoid single mothers. It may be not fault of theirs. However, like I said many single mothers are suffering the consequences of a either a bad relationship or situation. Many get married because they want financial support from men. At some point, a man would begin to struggle for the attention of his wife with his kids and if that child is not his, he becomes spiteful towards the child. My best advice - Avoid them completely if you can. Start your family brand new.

My advice is for men who want to approach marriage logically and not emotionally. Many men who are married will confirm what I am saying. I am married and this is from a practical viewpoint. If a man allows his emotions overwhelm his logical decisions, he would suffer the consequences afterwards.

nice post op but i cant see myself marrying someone i have no attraction for so attraction and love must dey for person wey i wan hook up with.as for single mothers its not dat anything is wrong with them but the issue a man might get wary its the baby daddy dat will be pestering ur marriage or her child dat will never respect u cos u not his/her biological dad.if u must marry a single mom make sure its a single mom with children dat are not so grownup and if u must marry a single mom with with grown up children make sure u urself is a divorcee with grown up children so as to command respect.any young man wey never marry b4 put head go marry a single mom with grown up children is entering one chance.

lefulefu:
nice post op but i cant see myself marrying someone i have no attraction for so attraction and love must dey for person wey i wan hook up with.as for single mothers its not dat anything is wrong with them but the issue a man might get wary its the baby daddy dat will be pestering ur marriage or her child dat will never respect u cos u not his/her biological dad.if u must marry a single mom make sure its a single mom with children dat are not so grownup and if u must marry a single mom with with grown up children make sure u urself is a divorcee with grown up children so as to command respect.any young man wey never marry b4 put head go marry a single mom with grown up children is entering one chance.

Of course attraction is good. I can tell you for free that when a man and a woman stay together for a long period, they fall in love.

As for single mothers - whether the child is grown or not. You will still suffer the consequences I listed. If the children are grown, you suffer it instantly. If they are young, the consequences is deferred and this is even worse because you have committed so much, financial, emotionally and otherwise, that you find it difficult to leave.

Please I have nothing against single mothers. I am writing based on practical experiences I have witnessed.

StarUp:


You have to put into consideration that some of them were raped or drugged and before they knew what was happening, it was too late... I once had a female colleague who's a single mother: her boyfriend drugged and slept with her on Valentine's day (back in the university) and before she knew it, she was pregnant and had to give birth to the child because she was scared of abortion(killing another life). Another case was that of a girl that was raped by armed robbers and her parents who were born again Christians told her to keep the pregnancy that followed...she gave birth to the child and handed him over to a childless couple...so not all single mothers were/are wayward(there are exceptions).

those are like 1% out of total single mothers. We go with the majority.

Single Mothers are shît

OP you are insightful. One might say following these rules would get a man no wife at all..lol.

StarUp:


You have to put into consideration that some of them were raped or drugged and before they knew what was happening, it was too late... I once had a female colleague who's a single mother: her boyfriend drugged and slept with her on Valentine's day (back in the university) and before she knew it, she was pregnant and had to give birth to the child because she was scared of abortion(killing another life). Another case was that of a girl that was raped by armed robbers and her parents who were born again Christians told her to keep the pregnancy that followed...she gave birth to the child and handed him over to a childless couple...so not all single mothers were/are wayward(there are exceptions).

ok wats wrong for a lady just to be honest and tell her man dat yes she had a relationship wrn she was much younger with a guy but it never worked out and dat her child is d product of her relationship. all dis one about saying oh i got raped on my birthday by my ex or on valentine day or my uncle raped me and dats how i got dis child....biko dat format na since d mid 90s dem dey use am.rape is a serious issue and it doesnt go well wen a lady uses it to lie for sympathy.make girls dey talk true abeg.yes i got pregnant wen me and my ex was so taken away dat i did it without cd or i got pregnant cos he assured me he would marry me.a guy cherishes honesty than deciet.

kingralph:
OP you are insightful. One might say following these rules would get a man no wife at all..lol.

Hahahahaha- you are funny. Believe me. If you adhere to it, you will only meet women of higher status and the other question is - are you a man worthy of such women. So when you finally meet one, you appreciate her and work hard to keep your marriage.

Boss13:


Of course attraction is good. I can tell you for free that when a man and a woman stay together for a long period, they fall in love.

As for single mothers - whether the child is grown or not. You will still suffer the consequences I listed. If the children are grown, you suffer it instantly. If they are young, the consequences is deferred and this is even worse because you have committed so much, financial, emotionally and otherwise, that you find it difficult to leave.

Please I have nothing against single mothers. I am writing based on practical experiences I have witnessed.

if d child is very young like 6 to ten yrs old im go respect u cos he is growing with u and d familiarity go dey imprint for im mind.but for a young man to go dey marry a single mom with a 15 yr old child now dats disaster.na dose ones u go see dey beat up their step papa.

Boss13:


Hahahahaha- you are funny. Believe me. If you adhere to it, you will only meet women of higher status and the other question is - are you a man worthy of such women. So when you finally meet one, you appreciate her and work hard to keep your marriage.

OP i repeat..you are insightful. I think you are worth listening to. Do give me a buzz. Rather how can you be reached?

good stuff.

lefulefu:
if d child is very young like 6 to ten yrs old im go respect u cos he is growing with u and d familiarity go dey imprint for im mind.but for a young man to go dey marry a single mom with a 15 yr old child now dats disaster.na dose ones u go see dey beat up their step papa.

You would be unable to discipline that child. Because of the protective nature of mothers, the woman would be the first person to remind you that you are not the father of the child.

The child will grow to become a teenager and remind you that you are not his/her father.

The woman will be wary of you if the child is a girl because she maybe afraid you may sexually assault the child. Imagine your wife having such thought because you are only offering fatherly love.

Bro - forget single mothers I know what I’m saying and I know many men suffering this because dem no hear word.

kingralph:


OP i repeat..you are insightful. I think you are worth listening to. Do give me a buzz. Rather how can you be reached?

My email. Though I’m not in Nigeria at the moment. Hence, the time difference maybe a limiting factor

Boss13:
I have read about some many sad tales on Nairaland about marriages and I have seen similar pitfalls. Please note that my post is from a man’s view and does not aim to bring down women. I am also posting this because many young men do not get solid advice on how to pick their partners.

It is only when you get married that you begin to understand marriage. However, young men, if you adhere to some of the advices below, you will avoid some marital pitfalls and approach marriage from a logical point of view.

No 1 - Never marry for love. Love should never be the underlying factor to marry a woman. Why - marriage is a long term commitment for the foreseeable future. Love is an emotional situation and just like every other emotions, love comes and goes. There would be days and even months, that your partner irritates and disgust you. If love is the main reason you marry, young man, you would be heading for the divorce court.

No 2 - Never marry a single mother. What ever you do, never ever marry a single mother. Don’t start your family with another man’s family. Start your family brand new. I would love to explain this fully, but it would make this post longer.

No 3 - Assess and conduct proper due diligence on your future in-laws. Know your in-laws properly. Know their source of livelihood. Ensure your future in-laws are doing financially well as well as the siblings of your future wife. You will not enjoy your marriage when excessive financial burdens fall on you. Except you are excessively wealthy, which I doubt as a young man starting off life, and you have a big heart as well as a big house, don’t marry a woman where you cannot verify her family income.

No 4 - Don’t marry a lady from a broken home. Many women will paint a story of not leaving their marriage because they are from a broken home. However, please note these women do not have the knowledge, opportunity or privilege to be in a stable household. Many of them did not see their mothers adore and respect their fathers. Many only get to hear about negative information of their fathers. These are the first set of women to leave their marriage when things take a downward spin. If you want to have an idea of how your wife would treat you, look at how her mother behaves or treat her father and if the father is not around, this is a huge risk.

No 5 - Never marry for beauty. I don’t need to explain this so much. Beauty fades as one age and even if it doesn’t, beauty becomes inconsequential during marriage. Behavioral attitude matters a lot. At some point, your wife’s beauty becomes non existent and you begin to see her as an individual and not because she is beautiful.

No 6 - Assess your future wife’s friends and those who influence her. Women are largely insecure. Many rely on the advices of their friends, family, or spiritual leaders to make decisions. You have to assess the character of the person who has a major influence on your future wife. You have no choice on this because this individual would be running your home from his/her own location. If the individual is of no good and your future wife cannot cut ties, don’t marry such a woman. If the individual is of good standing, befriend such individual.

No 7 - Polygamous home - if the father of your future wife do not have a strong influence over his large family, run away.

No 8 - Never marry for food or sex. These are things a man with good income can easily get. Don’t let this form an opinion for selecting a wife. As you age, your sex drive dwindles down. Also, you get preoccupied with other more important things. For food, we can all agreed many of us eat out either due to the job or recreational purposes. Furthermore, food and sex do not define a man. If this is why you want to get married, think again.

No 9 - Never marry an illiterate, semi-educated or poorly educated woman. This is actually because of your kids. Women play a pivotal role for the early development of kids. An educated smart woman would raise smart kids.

No need to just get married....Stay alone and you can also have kids without getting married. You mistake love for infatuation

Boss13:


You would be unable to discipline that child. Because of the protective nature of mothers, the woman would be the first person to remind you that you are not the father of the child.

The child will grow to become a teenager and remind you that you are not his/her father.

The woman will be wary of you if the child is a girl because she maybe afraid you may sexually assault the child. Imagine your wife having such thought because you are only offering fatherly love.

Bro - forget single mothers I know what I’m saying and I know many men suffering this because dem no hear word.

hmm na wa oo.anyway where i see it might get balanced is if the man getting married to a single mom is a single dad himself.

Boss13:


Hahahahaha- you are funny. Believe me. If you adhere to it, you will only meet women of higher status and the other question is - are you a man worthy of such women. So when you finally meet one, you appreciate her and work hard to keep your marriage.

life is not all about status it goes beyond that

lefulefu:
hmm na wa oo.anyway where i see it might get balanced is if the man getting married to a single mom is a single dad himself.

Yea this may bring some stability. However, the other factors still comes in play. The woman will fight you when your own child is rude to her. She may concentrate more resources attention and time towards her own child.

Many single mothers don’t like single fathers - you’d be surprised. Except you are of good financial standing. In fact, I want to be proven wrong on this. Many single mothers remarry because of financial struggles. A wealthy single mother would prefer to concentrate on her children and have male intimacy gadgets or boyfriends.

Bro is easier to avoid these issues from onset and work hard to protect your marriage and family.

loswhite:
life is not all about status it goes beyond that

Sorry sir I disagree with you on this. If you are referring to a good woman or man - then I will say that does not exist. Under intense pressure, so many people do unthinkable things.

Pragmatically valid points but everything you listed above is like playing on Defence..
No matter how careful one is,life still finds a way to tease you.

I shouldn't marry for love... Hmmm. I am really not getting this one OP

ubunja:
those are like 1% out of total single mothers. We go with the majority.

Single Mothers are shît

#fact

Boss13:


Yea this may bring some stability. However, the other factors still comes in play. The woman will fight you when your own child is rude to her. She may concentrate more resources attention and time towards her own child.

Many single mothers don’t like single fathers - you’d be surprised. Except you are of good financial standing. In fact, I want to be proven wrong on this. Many single mothers remarry because of financial struggles. A wealthy single mother would prefer to concentrate on her children and have male intimacy gadgets or boyfriends.

Bro is easier to avoid these issues from onset and work hard to protect your marriage and family.

u very correct on the issue of single ladies mainly getting remarried cos of financial struggle.u cant blame them though..e no easy at all being a single mother in nigeria.and as for single mothers ptefering guys who havent married b4 well all i can say is dat most of d single moms i have seen tend to be with single dads or at most a polygamous man or dating a married man.

lefulefu:
if d child is very young like 6 to ten yrs old im go respect u cos he is growing with u and d familiarity go dey imprint for im mind.but for a young man to go dey marry a single mom with a 15 yr old child now dats disaster.na dose ones u go see dey beat up their step papa.

Consult God, HE has marriage manual.

lawrykings:
I shouldn't marry for love... Hmmm. I am really not getting this one OP

Yes he's right. That alone shouldn't be the basis for getting married. There are far more important requirements that must be considered before venturing into marriage.

Don't get him wrong, he's not saying that you should neglect love if one is lucky to have that when other important marital essentials checks out.

Number 4 cost me my last relationship. My ex lost her mum when she was a baby and her dad got married again. She grew up with aunties and uncles homes where there is no love. One quarrel to another and it affected her psychological.