crackhaus:

Suddenly abortion is not easy anymore (ibkayee said it's dangerous), yet y'all are the same ones clamoring for abortion rights around the world.

See I'm allergic to linear thinking, it's not my fault, but my mental development allows me to make deductions & conclusions using multiple data at every given moment.

If you wantu vex, vex very well.
Tenkyu.

Having an abortion has never been easy, women are clamouring for it so that it’s at least an option when they find themselves in a position where it’s absolutely necessary. It comes with a ton of risks, it’s not something to get just for the sake of it

What did you say you were allergic to again?

UjuJoan2:


This your analogy is quite a stretch isn't it? This woman wasn't raped was she?

It isn't an analogy.
No one said she was raped, the question is to expose your mindset for what it truly is.

It was consensual sex between two adults, both knowing the full implication of their actions. So why do you guys now want to absolve the man here? HE didn't discuss birth control options with her, he didn't categorically state pregnancy was off the table, he conveniently hid the fact that he was married, maybe even hinted she was 'the one' (we all know how you guys get . . .) . . . he had unprotected sex with an adult female and is fully aware of the consequences.

Like I noted initially, nothing he claimed or said is a crime anywhere. That she believed all of it, is her responsibility and hers alone.
Sharp hunter go be sharp hunter, bush meat go remain bush meat. No ones fault but hers.

Then when she gets pregnant, he unilaterally decides she goes through a life-threatening procedure, to save himself!!!

I like this part of your comment so much, it tickles me.
So he is not allowed to unilaterally decide not to be a father, but she is allowed to unilaterally decide to force him to be a father.

How do you even make sense of this to yourself without feeling any jerk in your brain?

IF the woman was raped, against her consent . . . I doubt she will be hassling her RAPIST for support, as that will mean keeping him in her life forever.

After beating around the bush, you finally answers the simple question.

She can't hassle a rapist for child support because she doesn't want to keep him in her life forever. A rapist is a bad person and should be done away with, meaning she can take care of her child on her own in this instance.
Now tell me why she is insisting on keeping this married man who is also a very bad person, wants nothing to do with her, in her life forever?

PS: I will NEVER advocate for abortion for someone her age . . . no matter the circumstances.

This is not about you or what you advocate, you're not a doctor and even if you were, it is what she wants, she will do, according to you and your cohorts right?

Now I have a question for you . . .

Do you think that the responsibility for birth control should lie solely on the woman Ideally? Do you think men should be absolved from such responsibility?

This is too easy a question because you're showing me you have a short memory. I have and did not absolve the man of responsibility, neither did I ever lay the responsibility for birth control solely on the woman.

What I have been saying is this:
The moment the man 'chose' not be a father, he absolved himself of responsibility. The moment the woman 'chose' to keep it, she made the pregnancy her full responsibility.

In your sense of fairness & justice, why should one choice suddenly more important than another choice made by two humans with equal standing?

I choose, you choose.
I take full responsibility for my choice, you take full responsibility for yours. It's that simple.
No one is supposed to force any thing out of anyone.

It's this same issue of choice versus outcome that is causing many legislative deadlocks round the world.
For instance, a transgender man chooses to be recognized by law, but the owner of the pub down the street is not allowed to choose not to let the transgender man make use of his services.
Both have made choices again, yet one is actually forced to accept the choice of the other at the detriment of his own.

Again I ask, how can you make sense of this imbalance without feeling any jerk in your brain?
I'm sorry, but my mind is just not capable of coloring the options just to suit my feelings.

ibkayee:

The well being/interest of the child trumps this ‘whose consequence should supersede the other’s’ competition you’re holding.

Once the baby is in the picture, how you feel about it is irrelevant, not wanting to do something does not exempt you from your responsibilities lol especially when it was down to carelessness.

It seems like I'm talking to a rock.

The moment you make a choice to do something, you take full responsibility for it.
Whatever happened before that point becomes irrelevant to the situation.

crackhaus:

It seems like I'm talking to a rock.

The moment you make a choice to do something, you take full responsibility for it.
Whatever happened before that point becomes irrelevant to the situation.

Lol fair enough, I need to remind myself that not everyone lives on earth hence the culture difference between here and wherever you are. No problem sha

crackhaus:

Suddenly abortion is not easy anymore (ibkayee said it's dangerous), yet y'all are the same ones clamoring for abortion rights around the world.

See I'm allergic to linear thinking, it's not my fault, but my mental development allows me to make deductions & conclusions using multiple data at every given moment.

If you wantu vex, vex very well.
Tenkyu.

Abortions in Nigeria is illegal and mostly majority is via unsafe practices done by every Tom, dick and harry mostly non Drs. This is sadly the reality women face in Nigeria. Note I'm talking about the challenges faced in Nigeria and not worldwide now where the sevcies are even free in developed countries(no headache about affording it)
However, if abortions were legalised, more trained Drs will be doing it without fear of been prosecuted.
That been said, abortion is not a proscribed form of family planning. Pregnancy, even though a normal physiological process, is also associated with a lot of high risks and dangers. Don't trivialise it as it is different for every woman.
From the risks of forming deadly blood clots, bleeding, ectopic pregnancy, preeclampsia and eclampsia/hypertension, gestational diabetes, even psychosis after having the baby. It's a very dangerous period for women abeg. The worst of all is the poor access to good healthcare. When you think of how quickly things can go south, you'll wonder why people are still having babies. At least abroad, they're on top of checking for all these possible complications. Is it the market woman still hustling to make 500naira daily that will go to a hospital for antenatal?

ibkayee:

Having an abortion has never been easy, women are clamouring for it so that it’s at least an option when they find themselves in a position where it’s absolutely necessary. It comes with a ton of risks, it’s not something to get just for the sake of it

What did you say you were allergic to again?

Linear thinking, which is what you dropped again in the first paragraph.
Don't worry, you won't see it

Snowflakes in a blizzard.

ibkayee:

Lol fair enough, I need to remind myself that not everyone lives on earth hence the culture difference between here and wherever you are. No problem sha

No point here.

The woman in question lives in a place where the culture is different from where you are, yet you've been all over trying to do what exactly?

crackhaus:

Linear thinking, which is what you dropped again in the first paragraph.
Don't worry, you won't see it

Snowflakes in a blizzard.

Lmao ok bros

crackhaus:

No point here.

The woman in question lives in a place where the culture is different from where you are, yet you've been all over trying to do what exactly?

Lmao r/ woosh

In which of my post did I encourage unprotected sex?I wrote that my comment because rather than give your advice, you and others were busy asking her why she dated the man. Of cuz not every lady would feel intimidated being single and successful, but that isn't the purpose of this thread. Have I ever said marriage is the ultimate? Isn't it your society that says so, and puts some ladies under pressure? If you see nothing wrong in a married man having unprotected sex with a woman, impregnates her, and chickens out cowardly, then it's pathetic. Both share the blames, both should share the responsibilities.

Deepfeel:
haba so cause men look down on single independent ladies they should risk it all and have unprotected sex with men so they can trap them with pregnancy? really is marriage the ultimate should women see marriage as the ultimate? Come oon hun you can do better than this your judgment is too sentimental, one sided, so because we initiate sex it's our responsibility to use protection, ok what if it was not just pregnancy what if the man infected her with HIV? Even if the man lied about his marital status giving him unprotected sex is not a guarantee he was going to marry her

LilMissFavvy:
In which of my post did I encourage unprotected sex?I wrote that my comment because rather than give your advice, you and others were busy asking her why she dated the man. Of cuz not every lady would feel intimidated being single and successful, but that isn't the purpose of this thread. Have I ever said marriage is the ultimate? Isn't it your society that says so, and puts some ladies under pressure? If you see nothing wrong in a married man having unprotected sex with a woman, impregnates her, and chickens out cowardly, then it's pathetic. Both share the blames, both should share the responsibilities.

But your blame was only on the man on why he didn't use protection cause men are the ones who usually initiate sex, I on the other hand, was asking why she noticed all the bad qualities possessed by that man, jumping from club to club, having multiple sexual partners, those are clear signs of a bad man they say nothing will harm you as long as you see it coming, is like she saw the train coming but remained on the train tracks purposely for the trian to harm her, you enter the car of a drunk man and expect a smooth ride how foolish is that? So it was a simple question why be with such a man

What's the purpose of this thread? My blame was on the man because he is the one chickening out, and running away from his responsibilities.

Give your inputs, what should she do..... Forget my own inputs.

Deepfeel:


But your blame was only on the man on why he didn't use protection cause men are the ones who usually initiate sex, I on the other hand, was asking why she noticed all the bad qualities possessed by that man, jumping from club to club, having multiple sexual partners, those are clear signs of a bad man they say nothing will harm you as long as you see it coming, is like she saw the train coming but remained on the train tracks purposely for the trian to harm her, you enter the car of a drunk man and expect a smooth ride how foolish is that? So it was a simple question why be with such a man

O dear he already made a choice to be a parent by contributing half of his DNA to make a child. The child is in the BODY of another human, there is nothing like his ‘choice’ when it is something that can have an adverse effect on someone else. You can’t force someone to undergo a medical procedure that they don’t want, what a choice? So let’s see, because we want to make way for his ‘choice’ we should completely disregard 1. The woman’s fear of abortion- a botched abortion has a lasting effect. 2. Her religious beliefs- if her religion frowns at taking a ‘life’. 3. This probably the most difficult, emotional trauma.

The only viable choice he had was the one he could control, strap up or zip it, he made a choice to disregard both, now he has to be a man and accept the responsibilities of said choice. By the way abortion is illegal in Nigeria, so that choice isn’t even available to him. If you want a certain outcome, never leave it to someone else to decide it.

crackhaus:

Lmao.. You probably didn't realize the question I asked you has no right answer. Either way you answer it (and I'm pretty sure you thought hard before typing your response), it still reveals the inherent flaw in the psyche of women who demand the right to have choices, but are not ready to handle the outcomes of those choices.
You guys will remain your own worst enemies if you don't look for a way to accept responsibility for the outcomes of the choices and rights you fight for.


Let me break down your response for you:
1. You met a man unknown to you he was married...you became enthralled, he said the right words, turned on your spirit animal and lied his way into your pants - up until the point you took off your undies, you made all the choices. We should also note that lying isn't a convictable offense. Even you will lie sometimes in your day to day life. The man who successfully got into you by lying about his marital status outwitted you. your choice again to allow yourself to be outwitted.

2. Man invites you over to his place or you invite him over to your place - either way, you made your choice to be alone with him.

3. Man starts all those tested & trusted sweet moves that nature made sure will always work on women once the punaní starts throbbing, then sex happened - another choice you made.

4. In the heat of the moment, man didn't use protection and you didn't ask for one, or maybe you did but of course the punaní is throbbing hard and doing most of your thinking, so you couldn't be bothered...after all, you can take the pills or so you thought IF you had no ulterior motives- you have made choices again.

5. One month later, you discover you're carrying. You inform sweet-talking married expert game player and he tells you, hey I don't want a baby, we have to get rid of it. You tell him NO WAY, I'm keeping it - you have made this choice on your own, forgetting that this G after becoming a part of the unborn child's life when he didn't use a condom (according to your comment), he also became part of the joint decision to be a parent...but of course ONLY you can now decide this for him.


SUMMARY:
Your choices brought you here, his choices also brought him here, both towards the same outcome up to that point.
However, immediately one made the choice to be a parent and the other made the choice to NOT be a parent, how do you begin to rationalize the importance of one choice over the other without seeming like a completely entitled person?
Isn't the progressive movement all about respecting people's (male & female) choices anymore? Why the double standards? Why the hypocrisy?

Isn't the idea of freedom to choose hedged on the stone of responsibility?
Why should anyone be taking responsibility for the decision of someone else?

Same way the man couldn't make the decision to terminate a pregnancy carried by you because you have no interest in that, is the exact same way you can't make the decision to have him open his heart & pocket towards a pregnancy he has no interest in.
Isn't this what fairness is supposed to be about?
What exactly are people fighting for in this world if the simple concept of equal choices & equal outcomes cannot be followed through?

Ibkayee, I rest.

Omoluabi16:
So does it mean I have to personally give/feed contraceptives to whoever I'm with to avoid stories? This case is double edged oh.

What stops you from taking precautions? Why must the onus of using contraceptives lie with the woman alone?

Thank you! Absolute madness.

UjuJoan2:


I don't know how people don't get that the society is YOU and I.

Maybe if 'the society' called out men who indiscriminately impregnate women, as often as they slut shame women who get pregnant out of wed-luck, things will be different.

Maybe if 'the society' put as much responsibility for birth control on men, as it does on women, things will be different.

In saner climes, a married man who not only had an affair, but also lied about his marital status and is now denying responsibility for the pregnancy he initiated . . . . will be thoroughly disgraced and suffer severe consequences.

But in Nigeria, we just hate women. Women are to blame for EVERYTHING. The fact that you think a married woman getting an abortion is something to be taken lightly is of serious concern to me.

This man is married (why am I the only one concerned about this fact ) and had unprotected sex with a random woman . . . . He exposed his wife and kids to great risks and nobody is even talking about that!

PS: I have been pregnant before, and yes the hormones can make you go crazy . . . SO I will not address the OP's crazy behavior. If I were her I'll probably do worse!!!!

Ishilove:

What stops you from taking precautions? Why must the onus of using contraceptives lie with the woman alone?

who has more to lose?

who will carry baby for nine months?
who will be slut shamed?
who knows for certain they are the parent? [no guarantee the guy is the father]
who has to avoid smoking, drinking, rough sex etal?

LilMissFavvy:
What's the purpose of this thread? My blame was on the man because he is the one chickening out, and running away from his responsibilities.

Give your inputs, what should she do..... Forget my own inputs.

Well my blame is on the lady cause she inflected herself with this injuries she's publicly crying about, she is not the first and will not be the last getting pregnant outside wedlock the man is simply a sperm donor and his not the only one there are sperm donors like him everywhere she should deal with it herself sperm donors are not fathers

Hmm......ok, I thought sperm donors donate sperm in the hospital, and go through some thorough processes. Thanx for sharing!

Deepfeel:

Well my blame is on the lady cause she inflected herself with this injuries she's publicly crying about, she is not the first and will not be the last getting pregnant outside wedlock the man is simply a sperm donor and his not the only one there are sperm donors like him everywhere she should deal with herself sperm donors are not fathers

ornicus:


who has more to lose?

who will carry baby for nine months?
who will be slut shamed?
who knows for certain they are the parent? [no guarantee the guy is the father]
who has to avoid smoking, drinking, rough sex etal?

It's still no excuse for not taking precautions. They are both equally responsible

LilMissFavvy:
Hmm......ok, I thought sperm donors donate sperm in the hospital, and go through some thorough processes. Thanx for sharing!

we have street sperm donors too they don't follow due process, they donate freely
You are welcome

Yea we don’t believe in forcing people to do what they don’t want. Once he freely donated his DNA into another person’s body, he longer had a say. It’s her body and her right. I don’t know why this concept is difficult for you to grasp. She is already taking responsibility for her choice, when does he start his? Or do you think he has NO responsibility for any part he played in this mess?

crackhaus:

Welcome to the liberal world, where 'choice' is becoming the suitable replacement for common sense.

The thing with you and others is I don't see any of you complaining about people having choices when it accommodates your worldview, it only becomes a problem when the outcome of those choices go against your personal beliefs.

If there were laws criminalizing sexual relations between unmarried people, it's still you and your crew that will start screaming that everyone should have the 'choice' to have sex if they want.


Let me pick your brain:
If this woman was raped, got pregnant, then decided to keep the pregnancy, would you also be clamoring for the rapist to pay child support or will the conversation become a case against the woman for deciding to keep the child of a rapist?

Please a clear response will be appreciated.

Ishilove:

It's still no excuse for not taking precautions. They are both equally responsible

Ishi, from conception to the first two years of a child's life, the mother has a much greater responsibility for the child's welfare. It is what it is.

Who has to breastfeed, who has to manage her diet? If I the father, don't take folic acid what will happen to my pikin?

ibkayee:

Having an abortion has never been easy, women are clamouring for it so that it’s at least an option when they find themselves in a position where it’s absolutely necessary. It comes with a ton of risks, it’s not something to get just for the sake of it

What did you say you were allergic to again?

liberalchick:
Yea we don’t believe in forcing people to do what they don’t want. Once he freely donated his DNA into another person’s body, he longer had a say. It’s her body and her right. I don’t know why this concept is difficult for you to grasp. She is already taking responsibility for her choice, when does he start his? Or do you think he has NO responsibility for any part he played in this mess?

To have the baby was her choice, not his. This unfortunately is the way women reason most of the time. They unilaterally take decisions that have a high impact, then expect the men in their lives to handle the issues that come from those decisions.if the man refuses then the emotional you are an irresponsible man blackmail starts.

Omoluabi16:
About condoms, we know of people(men and women) who insist on doing it raw because it's 'sweeter'. Also, condoms can break. Ladies also do their ovulation maths bla bla.
When the sex is a one off thing, Child support or commitment is almost impossible.

Even when the sex is a half off thing. As long as a child is involved, Child Support is super possible.

You just made me laugh..... ;Dstreet sperm donor indeed, na you expose such secret o, tank God you be guy.

Deepfeel:

we have street sperm donors too they don't follow due process, they donate freely
You are welcome

An embryo subsequently a baby possesses half DNA from each the man and the woman. The man made a unilateral decision to create one. He needs to be a man and accept the consequence of his decision.

ornicus:


To have the baby was her choice, not his. This unfortunately is the way women reason most of the time. They unilaterally take decisions that have a high impact, then expect the men in their lives to handle the issues that come from those decisions.if the man refuses then the emotional you are an irresponsible man blackmail starts.

liberalchick:
An embryo subsequently a baby possesses half DNA from each the man and the woman. The man made a unilateral decision to create one. He needs to be a man and accept the consequence of his decision.

The man made a decision to have sex.he did not make a decision to have a child. Are you married? So everytime you have sex you decide to have a child? So everytime I get it on with my wife, we are deciding to have a child?Are we animals?

Having a child is a decision reached by both parents, not by one. It is all the more glaring since the woman has b u her own admission made it clear the man is not daddy material.

Una no dey tire for this thread. Just keep going in circles. Una well-done fa.


Modified:


Op, what's the update?

Yea we all know were babies come from. If you have unprotected sex with a woman, and she didn’t tell you she is taking any precautions, you should know there is 99% chance of a pregnancy occurring. So if you leave your fate up to chance, then you should be ready to accept any outcome.

ornicus:


The man made a decision to have sex.he did not make a decision to have a child. Are you married? So everyone you have sex you decide to have a child? So everyone I get it on with my wife, we are deciding to have a child?Are we animals?

LilMissFavvy:
You just made me laugh..... ;Dstreet sperm donor indeed, na you expose such secret o, tank God you be guy.

But it's true na, see don't ever be blinded by love or poisoned with sweet words, always keep your eyes open with an alert mind, to differentiate between sperm donors and genuine lovers, Nigerian girls fall in love with the wrong guys for wrong reasons

Look....any guy that sleeps with a woman without protection, and gets her pregnant should be ready for problems, as long as he did not tell her he was a donor. He should not be surprised to be called out to face responsibilities.

Deepfeel:

But it's true na, see don't ever be blinded by love or poisoned with sweet words, always keep your eyes open with an alert mind, to differentiate between sperm donors and genuine lovers, Nigerian girls fall in love with the wrong guys for wrong reasons