i am a girl who is so confused. ...........i mean its got to do with my love life,i am now in along distance relation ship,me and my boyfriend were together for a year befor i came to europe,from the moment i met him i knew we are ment to be together 4ever.Its been almost two years since i have seen him and all the telephone conversation can't take the place of his touch,the hard part is i am realising that he is giving up,i can sence it ,and i am trying so hard to make this relationship last long.but i am afraid that i might be the only one tryin.
Friends tell me to move on.........and that i can do alot better than him...well i don't think they really understand my feelings for him but i also know they mean no harm at all.its just so hard.
I trust him as much as i trust myself,but my patience is running out because he is giving me some crub excuses all the time..but the problem is I AM SO MUCH IN LOVE WITH HIM and no matter how hard i try to be strong and senceable it just seems not to work............HIS MY WEAKNESS AS WELL AS MY SRENGTH.AND WHAT I AM AFRAID IS IF HE IS NOT BE SO INNOCENT TO ME AS I HOPE HE IS.HOW WILL I BE ABLE TO HANDLE THE CONSEQUENCES?

Hello mahi,

I'm sorry to hear about what you're experiencing!

Seun.

I too was in a long distance relationship at one time. It took the both of us working together to make the relationship continue to grow; however, the downfall in it all was the expense behind traveling to see one another. We just came to a mutual agreement that we would just be friends. Right today...we have a beautiful friendship! Whatever you decision might be, please make sure that in the end you are happy. Please don't spend a lifetime waiting because there could be someone right under your nose that will bring you even more joy. Pray about what you should do and when you get your answer....don't hesitate. Good luck!

Hi mahi,
i can see that you are so confused.i am in a long distance relationship as well but mine is going on well and okay.
The only advise i can give u is dat both of u should talk things straight and from the way i read it.i think the guy doesn't like long distance relationship, ask him so that you won't waste your time.Also if he really luvs you and wants the relationship to continue, you will surely knw by the way he acts[i hope u understand].Finalise that and confirm it from him if he really wants it 2 work.i also agree with wat b_e_b_e say.

HI
I AM ALSO IN A longdistance relationship, which according what is going on between us it is fine and HOT

mahi,
i am a man i will not lie to you, he is giving up because according to ur post you siad u have not seen him in 2 YEARS??
1;how do u want him to cope
2;how do u want him to believe you are waiting for himm when the gist is going round that 9ja girl become bad when they travel........ although you might be different ........... but that is a man's thought for you .


i think the one and only solution to this PALAVA is for you to

1;TRAVEL HOME AND SEE HIM.......... and the traveling should be long like 1 month or more {which might be tough if you dont have IWE or papers} even if you have it is tougher to travel home then for him to come.

some one like me i plan to go home this year to ask permission from her parents, if she can be coming ... and i think that should favour us more

2; try to make arrangment for him to come and visit you and go back.................because if you dont see it might ...hmnnn

but have no fear God works in miracoulous ways.

Hunnie.. u need to MOVE ON. Yes it's hard, but Long distance relationship don't work. You put ur your hope/trust/faith and u try to believe that it'll work, but at the Long run, it's not worth it. Im serious when i say you need to move on. You'll fall in love with another guy where you are at. And if you and ur bf are made to be.. You'll get back together later. For now.. just move on and forget abt him You should try.

hot-angel:

And if you and your boyfriend are made to be.. You'll get back together later.

Good! HA, I'm going to use this sentence of yours to start a thread on one question that's puzzling me.

Ohh okay. Send me link then.

Mahi,

I am involved in a long distance relationship and boy it was not easy,I did not see my woman for almost 2 years and I was so confused and mad but guess what things worked out fine and she came home during the Xmas hols,I believe that if you love your man you should be able to make him wait for you and also wait for him,don't listen to those who are pushing for the move on with your life thing,how many times do you want to move on in this life when love is involved,do you know what it is starting all over again,and right now I am engaged to my love that I did not see 4 almost two years,hold on to what you have and try and make sure you see each other as soon as you can,please also make him feel secure,once you do this you will sure enjoy it,not that I am saying that it was all rosy for me,I had some side bettings along the line if you know what that means but I made them understand that I have a woman that I will neva ever leave for anyone.

It is all about the mind and heart.

Guard your heart.

i totally agree with wat roscodaddy said but u gat to find out from your guy wat he is fearing from.Maybe he thinks that you will leave him or find another guy there and other stuffs like that .Talk things tru and ask him if he will surely waits for you.one thing as well, don't listen to people.you gat to make your own decision by yourself.

Mahi,
Before you wait for, ask him his plan for two of you.If he really wants to marry you cos he may be afraid that you might have another guy over there.Let him know you are for him alone and start making plans for him to come over. because DISTANCE matters a lot.
If he tells you HO-HA that he is not ready don't waste time CROSS THE BRIDGE. Be clear b/4 you make the move.
Note: if the preferable is not available,what do you do? you make use of the nearest/available one.
It is only GOD that you will trust or wait upon, not human beings.

tnx guyz
You have all been so helpful........i mean even though i havent yet decided what i am gonna do next,i think i should try to tell him what is bothering me and yes and also ask him where he thinks this relationship goes to.I am also gonna try to go there as soon as possible but its hard to do so with school,the sooner i can go there is in summer and hopefully he will be patient till then.Once again thanks for ur sweet advice ya all

better.
God is already with you.

Hi,
My contribution may sound CRUDE.
You just have to move on! It's just impossible to keep a long distance relationship WHEN YOU ARE NOT ALREADY MARRIED unless we want to deceive ourselves! No matter the pledge the two parties make, if marriage is not done within a short time, regret is always the result! I was in a similar situation. She was going to the States and I was back here working. I had a beautiful job in the oil & gas sector, I tried convincing her to stay but her mind was made up despite the love she professed. We were in touch professing love for about a year. But to be frank, we both knew that the 'train' of the relationship was running out of steam. This took us to the next level of questioning the reduction in the numbers of calls exchanged. At a point I had to tell her that it ain't working out. We were but hurt but life goes on and time healeth all. She's happily married now and so am I with 2 lovely kids. We are still good friends.

MAHI, be strong, don't be deceived for there's a better guy for you out there. You will find him only when you search and let go of the past for it is slowing your pace down. Remain blessed.

Dear Mahi,
I agree with most of the replies so far. Long distance relationships don't work. However, they can work in EXCEPTIONAL cases...ONLY if the two people involved are totally committed to see it work and where there is also some sort of agreement in place as to WHEN you will be REUNITED.

I am assuming there is also a prior intention to share your future together.
If that's not the case, then "Sista" my word of encouragement to you is to let go the past and embrace the future. I was in a similar situation years ago (though I was a lot younger) but I had to find the strength to move on. In my case, it appears, he felt it was too good to be true that I was still interested in him even though I had left Nigeria for England.
If you feel like you're the only one trying, then it's likely to be that he has given up possibly for fear of disappointment on your part or other reasons best known to him.

Go out, make friends, socialise... and don't put your joy and happiness on hold for someone who appears to have moved on. I guess it's harder for men to cope with long distance relationships. If you are a christian, then ask God for the strength to move on and wait for His best. You may just find that it was all part of your destiny to meet "the one" you were really destined to be with.

All the best,
Lady-Ti

There is really no such thing as a long-distance relationship. It's just a time-off from a loved one. The length of time and an agreement how to cope with it on both sides will determine whether the relationship can survive the separation. Although emotions plays a huge role in making this decision, it wont save the relationship if either partner is not comfortable with the agreement.

hard part is i am realising that he is giving up,i can sence it ,and i am trying so hard to make this relationship last long.but i am afraid that i might be the only one tryin.

My dear it takes two to make any relationship work both long distance and other wise. If you sense he is giving up then talk to him and find out where he stands and make the necessary move from there. It's your life you know.

If it is not meant to be the long distance will help u find your true destiny but if you guys are meant to be, even even the distance will only be as an illusion.

And dont ever be the only one trying to make any relationship work.

eiyaaaaaaa. thats so sad. well i didnt have time to read everyone's message but i read d starter's own. Gurl, i understand/feel ur pain. I know what it feels like to be in love and i know how it feels like to be away from a loved one. But whatever will be will be. At times we think d pple we're with are the one we're meant tobe with but who knows what fate has in stock? Love and be loved is the logic. His love 4 u is obviousy fading if he cant seem to appreciate everything u're doing to make this work. U have to talk it out with him. It could be a convo on phone.... let him know what u have observed and how u feel abt the thins u observed. Find out if he still loves you. Communication is d key here. U need to talk abt the issue seriously. If he doesn't amend his ways after that, I'm afraid u'd have to move on cause u deserve to be loved as much as u love someone . I hope this helps n i wish u luck with ur love life.

Question for you..

And you'all please don't bite my head off..

But what does it really matter if he's "giving it up" to another chick?? ...

If he says he loves you, and you truly believe he does, and you're in love with him, isn't that what's important?..

Just curious..

CimonJorr:

Question for you..

And you'all please don't bite my head off..

But what does it really matter if he's "giving it up" to another chick?? ...

If he says he loves you, and you truly believe he does, and you're in love with him, isn't that what's important?..

Just curious..

At times in a long distance relationship, saying i love you just doesn't cut it or prove one's fidelity to the other. If the guy has given up on her whats the essence of using those words.

I think u misintepreted my words..

Giving it up = having sex with someone (else)..

prettyH:

At times in a long distance relationship, saying i love you just doesn't cut it or prove one's fidelity to the other. If the guy has given up on her whats the essence of using those words.

CimonJorr:

I think u misintepreted my words..

Giving it up = having sex with someone (else)..

Obviously my interpretation of "giving up" and that of yours differ. If i were to apply your interpretation, then that makes it even worse. Why would you profess love to one person while sleeping with another? That just goes to show that the guy doesn't love or else why would he cheat on her?...Or don't u consider cheating an important issue in a relationship?

My dear,act according to your mind,you can still makes him love you than before.But presence strenthy love and absence shapened it.

Geez gal im so sorry 2 hear dat
long distance relationships are tough im in a long distance relationship but ma guy is just da opposite of urs i can see how much u must love him yet knowing he's so far away
dnt worry deres nothin u can reallly do now just ope he comes around
good -luck

Its quite sad,but i wont advice u 2 giv it up like dat,u need to talk to him abt it b4 u make ur decision,at present am in a long distance relationship n its cool,its just dat its pretty difficult to believe som things @ tyms but he really luvs u and he's got plans 4 u,den u both shld be able 2 rise up evrytym u fall.^{Good luck}.

Rottweiler:

It's just impossible to keep a long distance relationship WHEN YOU ARE NOT ALREADY MARRIED unless we want to deceive ourselves! No matter the pledge the two parties make, if marriage is not done within a short time, regret is always the result! .

I beg to differ on that note of impossiblity.I've been in a loooooooooooooong distance relationship for over one year now,I live in Australia and he lives in the states! Things are so wonderful. We had our introduction and traditional marriage some three weeks back in naija and we have both decided on where to live as a couple. My point is: it's not impossible! What works well for A may not work for B.

@Mahi,
I think the problem is insecrurity,lack ot trust and a wide gap in communication. How often do you guys talk on phone,or exchange emails? Do you have the means of visiting him? if yes,then do! Honestly I think two years is way too long to leave a loved one without looking back,the flesh is weak and he may not even trust you enough to believe you're still waiting.Like what most folks here suggested,I think it's safer to find someone around,move on.

Let the truth be told, anyman who cannot stand long distance relationship is not a man. A man happiness is not hinged on his woman, rather on his ambition, i dont know why an ambitious young man can't wait for his girl to attain success in any given endeavour. Its pathetic, its sad that MEN (supposedly) have become so feminized, It pains my hear deeply.

What do you mean by being "feminized"? Are you saying there's something negative about feminity i.e. womanhood?

Mahi,

I hope God will strenghten you. I read most of the responses and most of the sisters wrote to you to ask him right now!. You don't have to pressure him.  When we (men) are bombarded with such questions from you ladies, we read different meanings to most of them, 8  out of 10 times especially if it gets to do with commitment. The guy may even think that it's because you already met someone else that's why he is getting that kind of question from you. Other people may even be telling him crazy stuffs like she probably already met another guy, it happed to so so and so.

Here is what I will suggest

1) If you are Christian and don't life food too much go into 3 days fasting and God will surely direct u.

2) The take your communication back to the basics of when you first got to Europe.  Flow in the relationship without fear or pressure and regain each other's trust and feelings using all available medium (phone, email, cards, pictures, little gifts etc).  Discuss other stuffs of interest to both of you sports, cars, politics, business, education, things that can better him/you or what have you. Then gently flow into commitment questions rhetorically (like lead on questions that only requires yes or no) say after about 2 or 3 weeks of regular communication. (that's a secret about us) Hopefully you can gather what you need to know. The problem is that when a woman loves a man, he hardly does anything wrong. She only sees/hears what she wants to see/hear. This time you have to be strong.

Good luck to u.

kpele dear. i feel your pain. i have been through a long distance relationship. being in a long distance relationship is anguish. its real hard. being so in love with someone who you cant even see. its not something you wish on your worst enemy. you hear all kinds of conflicting advice from friends. some just down right ridiculous. at this point the ball is in your court. you alone know if the relationship is worth salvaging. u say you havent seen him for 2 years. why? how old are you guys? how serious were you before you left? was it a mutually exclusive relationship? too many questions. we dont know the details. u do. the only way this relationship can move forward is for both parties to see each other once in a while. yep you spend a fortune flying back and forth. but some things are better talked about eye ball to eye ball.

hmmmmmmm
sis, for a long distance relationship 2 work, the 2 peeps gotta be comitted.it aint easy.where 1 person ois  n  the other  is  not, then  the relationship  is  doomed,
take heart it aint  easy.all most  every1  has  a story  or  2  to  tell  about  long distance  relationship,

eeeyyah!! u come dey cry on top person wey dey million miles away, when me wey dey near yu here lack girlfriend, abi na girlfriend-less? abeg , wipe ya tears, come marry me jooooooooo!! i dey vacant ooooooooooo!!