subtlemee:
Both of you should leave the business and find fresh ones for peace to reign

Are you for real?

Tehila07:
For my discovered, best gift to earn me money, my wife must agree with the job. But my wife has a job which is at Cross purposes with my job. I'm the biggest asset she needs for her business to flourish, and she is the only person that must agree to work with me in my line of interest. That means if I lend my expertise for her business, she will still be seen as the owner. If she agrees to be with me in my field, her business will go down.

After back and forth arguments, I have realized that heaven will rather fall, wife won't support my business to leave hers behind. If she doesn't support mine, I won't go far in the business; if I fully support hers, she will own the business.

We will need many years to build her business before it can support a family. My own is currently supporting the family. Does that mean I married a wrong person?

What seems like a solution is if I can find another job that won't affect her business. But the only thing I like most is what I'm doing currently.

honestly I'm not even thinking if what to say but more of what kind of businesses and situations are these thatvare so complex?

Very senseless comment !

AJIBOLA840:
that's why they say you should pray before getting married. shameless and selfish woman

Tehila07:
For my discovered, best gift to earn me money, my wife must agree with the job. But my wife has a job which is at Cross purposes with my job. I'm the biggest asset she needs for her business to flourish, and she is the only person that must agree to work with me in my line of interest. That means if I lend my expertise for her business, she will still be seen as the owner. If she agrees to be with me in my field, her business will go down.

After back and forth arguments, I have realized that heaven will rather fall, wife won't support my business to leave hers behind. If she doesn't support mine, I won't go far in the business; if I fully support hers, she will own the business.

We will need many years to build her business before it can support a family. My own is currently supporting the family. Does that mean I married a wrong person?

What seems like a solution is if I can find another job that won't affect her business. But the only thing I like most is what I'm doing currently.

Your problem is very big, I don't even understand what you explained here but the only thing I deduced from the whole story is that your problem is enormous.

Sterope:
What is the family's overall dream? To globe trotting forming nice, wise and friendly to every dick and harry...what if that is not her. Who syas both dreams cannot can go hand in hand. It is left for both of them to sit and plan out their lives.

Thank you very much for diminishing someone else's dreams because she has got a vagina.

You are making assumptions I never made. I was careful to say "family dream" as against husband's dream. If they are a family they should have a dream or vision. Every other dream must align to the family dream. Why insist on having something personal if it can't put food on the table. It's called goal congruency in mgt, it's not a slight on the wife.

yeyeosoronga:


A woman achieving everything really has nothing to do with having an upper hand over her husband.

Yeye i disagree, just tank God for who u re and how He made u. i knw wat am sayin ma.
Ladies outside der dont knw how to manage ego, dey feel like demigoddesses wen in d position of power and authority, der husband is as equal as trash before dem, i knw wat am sayin ma and i think u understand.
The moment many of dem become a bank manager aaaahhhhhh ikakan ode wowon nidi mo, u can even tell dem to cook in d house again dat mean u re goin beyond ur boundary.

there was dis lady who hapend to b a friend of my ex, she was tell my ex dat her husband dare not tell her to wash his cloth, she said nigba tio ya were, local man just opened his mouth to 10cm radius. i was amazed, na dat kain one u wan make i go marry?? God forbid. and na ND1 she dey dat tym oo.

Some of you men seem to have that false sense of importance and think everything is about you.

Tank God u said some, and u re right. But not all

The world doesnt revolve around the penis o.

Lemme be comical here, u re wrong oo, it revolves around it ma at least for procreation.

Do you know how stupid it sounds to say a man wants to achieve success so he can have an upper hand over his own wife?

Yea its stupidity, but not from d men's front alone, rather from both sexes

There are many reasons to strive for success, and having an upper hand over a man is not one of it.

This is to u and those ladies dat belongs to ur category, many ladies are outside der dat all dey want is success soo dat dey can oppress der man and reduce him to trash.

LasLas God kuku knw my heart desire.

Tehila07:


I'm a pastor in one of the biggest churches in Nigeria. She started a school. Profit can't be in school business at the beginning. So I'm helping with teachers salary at times. But in ministry, if I'm transfered, she must follow me. Now the school is growing fast and she said she won't follow me if I'm transfered.

I've been a school teacher for years and I'm the academic backbone of the school.

Pastor,

I don't understand you.

You can't tell the Church not to transfer you?

The last I remembered, your home is your first ministry.

Don't play church and its politics to the detriment of your home.

midnighter:


Ok I understand it now.

Hmm it's a tricky one but tell me, before you married did you discuss the possibility of having to move to some other place for ministry? That is a big consideration when going into marriage with a pastor.

From a Christian perspective, she is supposed to follow you wherever you are called. That's the essence of being a pastor's wife.

I've seen people move to all sorts of places and wife has to follow. Maybe you should get to the bottom of why she refuses to join you .

The husband been called by God is different from been transferred by his Church.

Tehila07:


She knew I would become a pastor. My main church is a Pentecostal one. But where I met her, I was attending orthodox to hide from those who know I had been resisting the calling. When I finally made up my mind, I returned to my church. But she doesn't like Pentecostal churches because her church is orthodox.

Hmmmmm

Wrong foundation.

Op you are greedy!!! You are using church to blackmail your wife, if truly this is your calling and this is where God wants you to be, your wife will naturally follow you, but you are a chameleon, you are different from what you preach, she can not stall her future like most pastor's wife just to answer "mummy". You knew she was from orthodox church, you brought her to Pentecostal, now you expect her to leave her dreams to be following you up and down when she didn't marry you as a pastor. How can people advice you seeing the hand of God in your life? Are you working for people? The time you are using to create thread on nairaland, you are suppose to go back to God and genuinely ask him for directions. Stop guessing when it comes to calling, that you enjoy doing it does not mean that God has called. You can do the work of an evangelist without being a pastor. The only person who can attest to your true calling is in doubt, please prove your calling to her. What is bad in your wife having standard school, faith Oyedepo is in charge of all living faith school, Becky Enenche is in charge of destiny school, why can't your wife be incharge of your family school?

realstars:
Who else dont overstand this write up!?

Me dont understand shit...if u want our advice tell us d business both of u are doing then we can advice if both can prosper simultaneously or not

UIA04:



I know of a school being manned by a married Muslim lady as far back as I can remember. The owner of the school lives abroad. I don't think that woman ever visits.

Although I'm sure the Muslim lady was 'chopping' part of the money but not in the way most school administrators do.

Also, she ran the school so well it grew in leaps and bounds.

If you guys can find an honest administrator to run the school ( by prayerfully searching) because I don't support a pastor and his wife being apart at all.

I believe the church is either redeem or winners and these churches pay their pastors well with accommodation.

If she is business savvy, as the mommy of the church she can colonize buying and selling activities there on Sundays.


Also, I know many part time pastors who are even more anointed than the full time ones. Maybe you can look at that angle.

That school is an asset you both can leave for your kids don't throw it away.

Hahahaha @ RCCG & Winners pay well with accommodation.

For the RCCG part, are you assuming or did a direct full time pastor tell you?

bukatyne:


The husband been called by God is different from been transferred by his Church.

To me those two things are the same...the church is making a decision under God's guidance, no?

What i was trying to get out of the guy is whether they discussed this possibility before marrying...if they were on the same page then why is she so opposed to moving when thats what pastors' wives usually do

She's acting surprised that the guy expects her to pack up and move but thats what usually happens now..

if you dont like it then why marry a pastor

Emmymarvel:

Me dont understand shit...if u want our advice tell us d business both of u are doing then we can advice if both can prosper simultaneously or not

He is a pastor, she is the headmistress of a school.

He also teaches in the school, and hes the one running everything there, according to him because he is an experienced teacher

Now he wants to move his ministry but she doesnt want to go because the school is starting to become popular.

So he's asking for advice

midnighter:


To me those two things are the same...the church is making a decision under God's guidance, no?

What i was trying to get out of the guy is whether they discussed this possibility before marrying...if they were on the same page then why is she so opposed to moving when thats what pastors' wives usually do

She's acting surprised that the guy expects her to pack up and move but thats what usually happens now..

if you dont like it then why marry a pastor

A church appoints a pastor is different from God calling a man to be a pastor.

If you don't know the difference, you can't understand my post.

2ndly, not all pastor's wives move around.

It is actually very disruptive especially when the kids are younger.

Little wonder a lot of pastors can't train their kids.

For instance, the model of Peter or Philip's ministry was very different from Paul's who was single.

Do you notice how the OP sees his pastor hood as 'business' where he is making money?

Doing what I am even tempted to ask.

bukatyne:


A church appoints a pastor is different from God calling a man to be a pastor.

If you don't know the difference, you can't understand my post.

2ndly, not all pastor's wives move around.

It is actually very disruptive especially when the kids are younger.

Little wonder a lot of pastors can't train their kids.

For instance, the model of Peter or Philip's ministry was very different from Paul's who was single.

You arent understanding me either, how can a church appoint a pastor outside of God's will? If he is not up to the task, will they appoint him? If God calls somebody via his church, isnt that what the church is for?

as for your 2nd point maybe its because we attend different churches because I have never witnessed where somebody is transferred and the wife and kids dont join them, even when the person is transferred to the core north or some strange country everybody has to go there at least until kids are old enough to board if the schools in that place are not up to scratch.

Yea you are right about Peter but I am going according to what is practiced...the lady should have known what to expect, which is why i am asking OP if they discussed it before marriage

midnighter:


1. You arent understanding me either, how can a church appoint a pastor outside of God's will? If he is not up to the task, will they appoint him? If God calls somebody via his church, isnt that what the church is for?

2.as for your 2nd point maybe its because we attend different churches because I have never witnessed where somebody is transferred and the wife and kids dont join them, even when the person is transferred to some strange country everybody has to go there at least until kids are old enough to board if the schools in that place are not up to scratch.

3. Yea you are right about Peter but I am going according to what is practiced...the lady should have known what to expect, which is why i am asking OP if they discussed it before marriage

1. My answer in my post. They are different things

2. I meant pastors and their families. Some are static even though full time. Others are rotated within the same axis so they are not moving the family.

3. While I agree they might have discussed it, the OP sounds like someone who shifts goal posts.

bukatyne:


1. My answer in my post. They are different things

2. I meant pastors and their families. Some are static even though full time. Others are rotated within the same axis so they are not moving the family.

3. While I agree they might have discussed it, the OP sounds like someone who shifts goal posts.

1. I dont see any difference and you havent explained it at all. Churches operate according to a belief in God so i do not see a difference there.

2. You said its very disruptive, now youre saying they are either static or not moving the family so I dont get you.

3. Its not about what he sounds like, he needs to tell us what actually happened before he starts complaining. I cant believe someone married to a pastor thought they would be in the same place for their entire married life and thought they could strong-arm him into staying where she planted a school just because she said so... everybody knows what a pastors life looks like

It means there's a disconnection somewhere.

vivypretty:

lol. that's for me, who is not married and has no one my decision to make money will affect.

Okay

midnighter:


1. I dont see any difference and you havent explained it at all. Churches operate according to a belief in God so i do not see a difference there.

2. You said its very disruptive, now youre saying they are either static or not moving the family so I dont get you.

3. Its not about what he sounds like, he needs to tell us what actually happened before he starts complaining. I cant believe someone married to a pastor thought they would be in the same place for their entire married life and thought they could strong-arm him into staying where she planted a school just because she said so... everybody knows what a pastors life looks like

1. Ok

2. I said moving around is disruptive. I also said not all pastors are transferred out of their station. I also said some others are transfered in their locality e.g. They were worshipping at Gbagada and posted to Oworoshoki or Ogudu.

They don't need to move their families.

3. OK.

P. S. : a pastor's experience in RCCG is different from MFM.

Full time pastors and part time also have different experience.

The founding pastor vs the appointed/posted pastor have different tales.

AfroKnight:


Her business will take more time to grow before it can make sense. His own is already making money for the family.

All she needs to do is come to his own side but no, she won’t.

OP, there is a way forward that would support you both. Try to find it.

The woman must have seen something for her not to agree to leave her business for his.

Women see far and can sense things.

I don't blame her at all.

faithfull18:

The woman must have seen something for her not to agree to leave her business for his.

Woman see far and can sense things.

I don't blame her at all.

Why am I not surprised?

AfroKnight:


Why am I not surprised?

That's the truth na.

bukatyne:


1. Ok

2. I said moving around is disruptive. I also said not all pastors are transferred out of their station. I also said some others are transfered in their locality e.g. They were worshipping at Gbagada and posted to Oworoshoki or Ogudu.

They don't need to move their families.

3. OK.

P. S. : a pastor's experience in RCCG is different from MFM.

Full time pastors and part time also have different experience.

The founding pastor vs the appointed/posted pastor have different tales.

2. Ok i get it now, you are right.

to your PS yes, they are all different, no doubt. But seriously a pastor is a pastor and a pastors wife is a pastors wife. Its clear that you are expected to adjust your life to some degree if you marry a pastor. They should have discussed this eventuality a long time ago, thats just my point

Haaa, not support kee? But when you become dangote eventually, she will be telling the world that she suffer with you in achieving it abi? My advice for you just concentrate and focus in it, we know their type sha

Tehila07:


Lol
I'm a pastor in one of the biggest churches in Nigeria. She started a school. Profit can't be in school business at the beginning. So I'm helping with teachers salary at times. But in ministry, if I'm transfered, she must follow me. Now the school is growing fast and she said she won't follow me if I'm transfered.

I've been a school teacher for years and I'm the academic backbone of the school.

If I were ur wife, i won't move an inch, since the school is growing fast. I no dey go anywhere.

Please Don't depend on pastor's salary alone, don't see pastor as a career. I am begging u, please please and please, do another business aside or a not too demanding Job. U can be a pastor and be a business man too.

U more likely to derail unconsciously, if u depend on church money alone, pastor is a work for God not a career. ur statement "pastor in one of the biggest churches in Nigeria" kindof seen like u are interested in bigness of the church and transfer to big branch than the joy of worshiping God (I am not sure tho, cos i can't see through ur heart)

If ur wife decide to supports u and decide to leave with u, it means u both might have to depend on Pastor's salary, if its not enough to sustain the family when Responsibilities grow, or when needs and some wants(good things of life) becomes more than pastor's salary, u will get frustrated and its might affect u faith and u might just unconsciously focus on "give to God" Prosperity preaching.

Listen to ur wife, with her support gather some funds and start ur own small business too and support her business to grow too. u can get a job too (i don't know if full time pastor's are allowed to get jobs outside d church)

One thing I hate about full time pastors that are in charge of transfers is they are no different from politicians, they are usually greedy and inconsiderate, most of them have derailed. If u can explain and try to remain in the CHURCH CABALs good books (am not saying do bad oo or derial, give what is ceasar's to ceasar, God go give u d wisdom) they should understand that u and ur family can't be ok with transfer and they would let u stay put.

Don't let ur quest to become a career pastor affect ur going to heaven, A pastor with a settle home Is a pastor that can work well for God.

There is Joy in the Lord, Let people have a rethink about thier lives whenever u hold the mic, not a rethink on how to become rich.

listen to ur wife

Shalom


MODIFIED

I just read some of ur other topics, and i sincerely don't know if what i typed up there is the solution. marriage don tire u bros.

U both need to see a Counsellor, where u both can pour out ur minds, the truth in ur minds.

or u have a heart to heart talk, beg her to believe u if possible, that u are not hiding anything from her and she ia financial frustrating u. Its affecting u psychologically and getting u depressed. She should just reason the effects on u and help u manage ur money prudently and support u to save also, rainy days are close. Talk to her husband to wife, friend to friend, u both should try compromise on some personal standards and reach a concensus, tell her she can enjoy a frustrated husband, she should support u

faithfull18:

That's the truth na.

I don’t quite agree.

Chamladas:
Is it police and thief busines?

Lol

bukatyne:


Hahahaha @ RCCG & Winners pay well with accommodation.

For the RCCG part, are you assuming or did a direct full time pastor tell you?

I'm sure of winners. I only guessed for RCCG becuase I know someone who started there. I assume since they are big their pastors shouldn't lack, right?

bukatyne:


Hmmmmm

Wrong foundation.

My thought as well, I have been reading all his responses until I get to the point where he said his wife hate Pentecostal and they both went ahead with the marriage? come to think of it he have been wandering from one church to another, common the wife should be tired of that naa.

bukatyne:


A church appoints a pastor is different from God calling a man to be a pastor.

If you don't know the difference, you can't understand my post.

2ndly, not all pastor's wives move around.

It is actually very disruptive especially when the kids are younger.

Little wonder a lot of pastors can't train their kids.

For instance, the model of Peter or Philip's ministry was very different from Paul's who was single.

Do you notice how the OP sees his pastor hood as 'business' where he is making money?

Doing what I am even tempted to ask.

You just opened my eyes to sensitive point now. God bless you ma.