[s]

cococandy:
So you think the purpose of the tradition of paying bride price is to enable the man treat his woman like trash. Is that why you guys fight tooth and nail to stop any talks of abolishing it? Because you want to be able to justifies bad behavior with the excuse of dowry payment?

In case no one will tell you, I’ll tell you. you’re not making any sense. At best, You are making a very unintelligent and almost foolish argument.

Is the price of the side chic or side chics included in the dowry that you paid to your fellow man in the process of marrying his daughter? What’s the relationship between the two?

Once faced with your hypocrisy you (as expected) start fishing around for nonsensical mumbo jumbo to justify it. If you’re not using religion, you’re using pseudo science or misogynistic traditions as a justification.

[/s]
The rants of a bitter feminist is not unexpected!

The dowry and other marriage rites are not just mere exchange of money and items, they have significance (in case you don't know ask the elders in your village-that is if you are even in touch with your root).

A wise woman would do what is appropriate so as not to give her husband reasons to seek alternative to her (another WIFE) especially when his tradition or faith permits him to.

You can hit your head on the wall and rant all you like but IT CHANGES NOTHING

Very intelligent response

TonyeBarcanista:
[s][/s]
The rants of a bitter feminist is not unexpected!

The dowry and other marriage rites are not just mere exchange of money and items, they have significance (in case you don't know ask the elders in your village-that is if you are even in touch with your root).

A wise woman would do what is appropriate so as not to give her husband reasons to seek alternative to her (another WIFE) especially when his tradition or faith permits him to.

You can hit your head on the wall and rant all you like but IT CHANGES NOTHING

Ameboperoo:

You are misquoting him.
He said
1. if the woman in question paid the bride price to marry the man from him family
2 She is the owner of the house or maybe the one who rents the house where they both live.
3. YIMU.
She might not necessarily be the bread winner of the house (according to his post)

Men are a bag of laughs

So paying bride price and house rent is enough to justify infidelity and adultery?

Ameboperoo:

You are misquoting him.
He said
1. if the woman in question paid the bride price to marry the man from him family
2 She is the owner of the house or maybe the one who rents the house where they both live.
3. YIMU.
She might not necessarily be the bread winner of the house (according to his post)

You see some of these people are problem to themselves.

Is it wise for wife, whose dowry was paid and was married according to traditional rites, to deny her husband her body even when she is neither having medical challenges nor stressed out? Is that action not already telling the man that he should get it elsewhere?

See eh most of these ladies are yet to realise that Western perception on marriage is completely different from we Africans.

CHoccolaTE:


Men are a bag of laughs

So paying bride price and house rent is enough to justify infidelity and adultery?

If a married man decides to take a second wife to meet his bedroom and other needs, is that infidelity? Is it adultery?

BTW paying dowry and meeting other marital rites is not an ordinary thing to do as it comes with its own significance and brings responsibilities on the man. If you disagree, you can sue the ancestors, including Abraham

Biglittlelois:



A man is allowed to cheat if the wife withhold sex, but a woman shouldn't because she didn't pay bride price, even though she pays the bills, isn't that hypocrisy and ironic?

Hypocritical and ironic is the default mindset of 90% Nigerian men.
I already knew the guy will continue insisting that men can cheat while women cannot, I knew it even before I asked that question

Its just a fact of life that men are permitted to take multiple wives but not vice versa.

If withholding of sex for an extended period without any solution is the sole reason for the man doing this then the wife only has herself to blame.

midnighter:
Its just a fact of life that men are permitted to take multiple wives but not vice versa.

If withholding of sex for an extended period without any solution is the sole reason for the man doing this then the wife only has herself to blame.

@Bold;

In Christianity, men are not allowed or encouraged to marry multiple wives or cheat.

The solution is quite simple.

Husbands and wives should give their bodies to one another without at all times unless they BOTH agree to abstain for a BRIEF period of time and come back together to bed.

TonyeBarcanista:

If a married man decides to take a second wife to meet his bedroom and other needs, is that infidelity? Is it adultery?

BTW paying dowry and meeting other marital rites is not an ordinary thing to do as it comes with its own significance and brings responsibilities on the man. If you disagree, you can sue the ancestors, including Abraham

Men are funny

So your sole reason for getting another wife is just to have sex?
You would deliberately take on the permanent financial and emotional burden of polygamy because wife locked shop for sometime? What if the second wife also withholds sex?
Will you keep filling your house with wives instead of solving the problem that made her withhold sex in the first place?

By the way I thought Christianity forbids polygamy? What is all this talk of ancestors and significance of bride price?
Where was polygamy stated as the significance of bride price in the Bible?

midnighter:
Its just a fact of life that men are permitted to take multiple wives but not vice versa.

If withholding of sex for an extended period without any solution is the sole reason for the man doing this then the wife only has herself to blame.

Not trying to patronise you but a wife with mentality like yours would not be hurt by a wise husband. Only a foolish man will have a wife that plays her role and would still think of getting a second wife.

My Dad's former boss is a Muslim wealthy man, and one time senior government official. This man, though a Muslim, refused to take second wife. He told his staff and subordinates that his reason is simply that all he desires in a woman js found in his wife. Even after his wife kicked the bucket, he has refused to remarry.

Sometimes when we advice woman to submit themselves to their husbands, many angry and bitter feminists misinterpret our position to enslavement. It is a fact that submissive women are happier wives, while "feministic" married women have terrible relationship, broken marriages and contentious home.

One sure fact is that the submissive wives are most times are the REAL power in the home. Even mothers at home act soft towards obedient child than a child that challenges their authority. God Almighty respond to people that recognises His Supreme Authority more than those that questions him.

CHoccolaTE:

Men are funny

So your sole reason for getting another wife is just to have sex?
You would deliberately take on the permanent financial and emotional burden of polygamy because wife locked shop for sometime? What if the second wife also withholds sex?
Will you keep filling your house with wives instead of solving the problem that made her withhold sex in the first place?

Marriage comes with responsibilities. And yes, people marry up to 5, 10 or even 20 wives.

By the way I thought Christianity forbids polygamy? What is all this talk of ancestors and significance of bride price?

Which passage of the scripture forbids polygamy? New or Old Testament please

Where was polygamy stated as the significance of bride price in the Bible?

Bride price has to do with custom and traditions. It isn't peculiar to Africans and God did not say people should.not observe their customs. People should NOT only observe what doesn't glorify God

midnighter:
Its just a fact of life that men are permitted to take multiple wives but not vice versa.

If withholding of sex for an extended period without any solution is the sole reason for the man doing this then the wife only has herself to blame.

Permitted by whom? By those who say so and think because they said it it’s a fact.

Only for those women who choose to. For the women who do not permit it, the man can go have his multiple wives away from her life. Same as a man who can’t share his woman is free to let her go from his life. No woman will be held prisoner and made to participate in that lifestyle if she doesn’t want to. So the issue of permission is only because women listen, internalize it and accommodate it. If you decide you won’t then you won’t.

You don’t have to take shyt because it’s always been done that way.

bukatyne:


@Bold;

In Christianity, men are not allowed or encouraged to marry multiple wives or cheat.

The solution is quite simple.

Husbands and wives should give their bodies to one another without at all times unless they BOTH agree to abstain for a BRIEF period of time and come back together to bed.

Christianity is not the point; marrying multiple wives is permitted under customary law in this country.

We are in a constant balancing act between religion and tradition in marriage and in our lives in general.

What you wrote afterwards is not contrary to my opinion. However we are not talking about an agreed fasting period but a situation where the man is not satisfied.

The fact of the matter is that he is within his rights to go and get somebody else, no matter how much we may not like it.

So if you dont want that to happen, its naive to unilaterally remove sex from the relationship when you are already in a weak position. Since you yourself cannot go and marry another husband yet he can go and get another wife.

TonyeBarcanista:

Not trying to patronise you but a wife with mentality like yours would not be hurt by a wise husband. Only a foolish man will have a wife that plays her role and would still think of getting a second wife.

My Dad's former boss is a Muslim wealthy man, and one time senior government official. This man, though a Muslim, refused to take second wife. He told his staff and subordinates that his reason is simply that all he desires in a woman js found in his wife. Even after his wife kicked the bucket, he has refused to remarry.

Sometimes when we advice woman to submit themselves to their husbands, many angry and bitter feminists misinterpret our position to enslavement. It is a fact that submissive women are happier wives, while "feministic" married women have terrible relationship, broken marriages and contentious home.

One sure fact is that the submissive wives are most times are the REAL power in the home. Even mothers at home act soft towards obedient child than a child that challenges their authority. God Almighty respond to people that recognises His Supreme Authority more than those that questions him.

So much trash in one post. Where does one begin?

Submission to abuse such as blatant cheating makes the woman powerful huh? You haven’t seen those who submitted to such perverted situations and still ended up with the short end of the stick?

Where did you carry out your research to arrive at the statistics of who has a happier home?

Most importantly, how are you okay with typing trash and bogus claims, call it facts with no reliable data and then click submit the forum?

And don’t you get tired of repeating yourself? “Angry and bitter feminist” is kind of stale. No longer original. Coin a new one.

cococandy:


Permitted by whom? By those who say so and think because they said it it’s a fact.

Only for those women who choose to. For the women who do not permit it, the man can go have his multiple wives away from her life. Same as a man who can’t share his woman is free to let her go from his life. No woman will be held prisoner and made to participate in that lifestyle if she doesn’t want to. So the issue of permission is only because women listen, internalize it and accommodate it. If you decide you won’t then you won’t.

You don’t have to take shyt because it’s always been done that way.

Youre talking about "soft targets" rather than objective facts. We may not like it, we may not be comfortable with it, we may not accept it, yet its still permitted by tradition so its possible on first principles.

The one youre talking about is saying no, kicking against it, threatening divorce, calling family meeting and other things that you do to make your displeasure known. All of that may work, somewhere down the line.

But in the first place the point is that if youre not sleeping with the guy and you dont have a good reason (health, tiredness, temporary reaction for a perceived grievance) then if he comes up with another wife (not girlfriend o) as a solution, whats your argument against it?

TonyeBarcanista:

Marriage comes with responsibilities. And yes, people marry up to 5, 10 or even 20 wives.


Which passage of the scripture forbids polygamy? New or Old Testament please

Which one permits it?
I am not a Christian but I always see this verse being quoted about
Men shall take a wife (not wives) and two shall become one (not 5,6 7 or 20 shall become one)
By the way marrying more than one wife with the way the global economy is just cos of sex is very senseless and stupid, no matter how much you try to justify it. Even in the past when it was rampant men did not do it simply for sex, there was status in having lots of children and many farm hands.

[s]

cococandy:


So much trash in one post. Where does one begin?

Submission to abuse such as blatant cheating makes the woman powerful huh? You haven’t seen those who submitted to such perverted situations and still ended up with the short end of the stick?

Anger, bitterness, frustration all in one post.

Where did you carry out your research to arrive at the statistics of who has a happier home?

Most importantly, how are you okay with typing trash and bogus claims, call it facts with no reliable data and then click submit the forum?

Submissive Wives
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3082398/Three-submissive-wives-lift-lid-unique-marriages-reveal-believe-female-submission-key-happy-life.html

Feminist Wives
https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2006/03/why-feminist-wives-are-unhappy.html

https://thefederalist.com/2018/12/11/the-feminist-life-script-has-made-many-women-miserable-dont-let-it-sucker-you/

And don’t you get tired of repeating yourself? “Angry and bitter feminist” is kind of stale. No longer original. Coin a new one.

Yimu

midnighter:


Christianity is not the point; marrying multiple wives is permitted under customary law in this country.

We are in constant balancing act between religion and tradition in marriage and in our lives in general.

What you wrote afterwards is not contrary to my opinion. However we are not talking about an agreed fasting period but a situation where the man is not satisfied.

The fact of the matter is that he is within his rights to go and get somebody else, no matter how much we may not like it. So if you dont want that to happen, its naive to unilaterally remove sex from the relationship when you are already in a weak position. Since you yourself cannot go and marry another husband yet he can go and get another wife.

I was addressing Christianity and most people I know married under religious laws (Christian/Muslim).

I am not against your post, I only stated provisions in Christianity because polygamy is not allowed.

I doubt Muslim men face denial of sex from their wives though; It is mostly a Christian man's problem.

CHoccolaTE:

Men are funny

So your sole reason for getting another wife is just to have sex?
You would deliberately take on the permanent financial and emotional burden of polygamy because wife locked shop for sometime? What if the second wife also withholds sex?
Will you keep filling your house with wives instead of solving the problem that made her withhold sex in the first place?

By the way I thought Christianity forbids polygamy? What is all this talk of ancestors and significance of bride price?
Where was polygamy stated as the significance of bride price in the Bible?

@bold:

It also forbids a wife/husband locking shop without the agreement of the other partner.

CHoccolaTE:


Which one permits it?
I am not a Christian but I always see this verse being quoted about
Men shall take a wife (not wives) and two shall become one (not 5,6 7 or 20 shall become one)

That passage was about the issue of divorce. I don't want to lay more emphasis.

Same Jesus talked about a groom that is to be married to 10 brides (virgins)

By the way marrying more than one wife with the way the global economy is just cos of sex is very senseless and stupid, no matter how much you try to justify it. Even in the past when it was rampant men did not do it simply for sex, there was status in having lots of children and many farm hands.

Logical reasoning and that is why the wife should perform her wifely duties so that he won't have justification to seek alternative

midnighter:


Youre talking about "soft targets" rather than objective facts. We may not like it, we may not be comfortable with it, we may not accept it, yet its still permitted by tradition so its possible on first principles.

The one youre talking about is saying no, kicking against it, threatening divorce, calling family meeting and other things that you do to make your displeasure known. All of that may work, somewhere down the line.

But in the first place the point is that if youre not sleeping with the guy and you dont have a good reason (health, tiredness, temporary reaction for a perceived grievance) then if he comes up with another wife (not girlfriend o) as a solution, whats your argument against it?

So who’s making up these facts? What’s tradition? Something written in stone and can’t be undone?

No I’m not talking about kicking against it or threatening divorce like a powerless person who can’t decide what their life should be like. I’m talking about actually divorcing the MF. He can have an ex wife and new wife and another ex wife and a new wife until he finds the one who thinks she’s only worth half a man and will take half of him.But he can’t have both.

If women all respected themselves enough to be that way, tell me who will uphold the tradition that allows it.

That’s why they go to lengths to vilify divorced and single women. Such that women internalize such defenselessness and will stay married under such disgusting conditions telling themselves it’s the tradition. Tradition is how people do things and you’re a person who can decide you won’t do it in any way you don’t like.

As for withholding sex if he’s within his rights to go for another woman because all other methods of remediation have failed , so is his woman. I don’t encourage anyone to withhold sex so I feel like that part of your post has nothing to do with me.

But guess what, the men won’t share their wives willingly. It’s up to you to decide if men have more respect for themselves than you women have for yourselves.

midnighter:


Youre talking about "soft targets" rather than objective facts. We may not like it, we may not be comfortable with it, we may not accept it, yet its still permitted by tradition so its possible on first principles.

The one youre talking about is saying no, kicking against it, threatening divorce, calling family meeting and other things that you do to make your displeasure known. All of that may work, somewhere down the line.

But in the first place the point is that if youre not sleeping with the guy and you dont have a good reason (health, tiredness, temporary reaction for a perceived grievance) then if he comes up with another wife (not girlfriend o) as a solution, whats your argument against it?

Simple and short

Wonderful ‘facts’ .

Child please

TonyeBarcanista:
[s]
Anger, bitterness, frustration all in one post.


Submissive Wives
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3082398/Three-submissive-wives-lift-lid-unique-marriages-reveal-believe-female-submission-key-happy-life.html

Feminist Wives
https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2006/03/why-feminist-wives-are-unhappy.html

https://thefederalist.com/2018/12/11/the-feminist-life-script-has-made-many-women-miserable-dont-let-it-sucker-you/


Yimu

[s]

cococandy:


So who’s making up these facts? What’s tradition? Something written in stone and can’t be undone?

No I’m not talking about kicking against it or threatening divorce like a powerless person who can’t decide what their life should be like. I’m talking about actually divorcing the MF. He can have an ex wife and new wife and another ex wife and a new wife until he finds the one who thinks she’s only worth half a man and will take half of him.But he can’t have both.

If women all respected themselves enough to be that way, tell me who will uphold the tradition that allows it.

That’s why they go to lengths to vilify divorced and single women. Such that women internalize such defenselessness and will stay married under such disgusting conditions telling themselves it’s the tradition. Tradition is how people do things and you’re a person who can decide you won’t do it in any way you don’t like.

As for withholding sex if he’s within his rights to go for another woman because all other methods of remediation have failed , so is his woman. I don’t encourage anyone to withhold sex so I feel like that part of your post has nothing to do with me.

But guess what, the men won’t share their wives willingly. It’s up to you to decide if men have more respect for themselves than you women have for yourselves.

[/s]A man that marries a new wife is simply telling you that HE IS TIRED OF YOU! You may choose to divorce and save him the headache of living with you.

TonyeBarcanista:

That passage was about the issue of divorce. I don't want to lay more emphasis.

Same Jesus talked about a groom that is to be married to 10 brides (virgins)


Logical reasoning and that is why the wife should perform her wifely duties so that he won't have justification to seek alternative

As for the Bible part I do sabi that one. I always see Christians saying polygamy is not part of the religion except for very few sects of Christianity

Second paragraph:
You men always claim to be leaders and heads so if you see your wife defaulting in her duties, approach her with love and try to solve the problem together instead of seeking alternatives.
After all una sabi claim leadership position so as a good leader make sure your followers are always happy and satisfied, don't run from problems like Nigerian politicians.

I was actually against polygamy before now until I made research and found out the Jesus did not condemned it while on earth here. I believed you are all aware that people marry more than one wives during Jesus time and he never cause them of rebuke them. He only told them about being adulterous is something that will not be accepted. Moreover he said it that : Matthew 5:17-18 Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke or a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law (the Old Testament) until everything is accomplished.
So since he didn't come to abolished the law they already have in which most of it were given to them by the prophets before him while should he condem it ratherv made adjustment as He deem fit. For the Christian marriage it is clear already the only ground you can deny your spouse sex which Tonye has stated already. If you do otherwise, even Christ will abandon you when your calamity starts.

bukatyne:


I was addressing Christianity and most people I know married under religious laws (Christian/Muslim).

I am not against your post, I only stated provisions in Christianity because polygamy is not allowed.

I doubt Muslim men face denial of sex from their wives though; It is mostly a Christian man's problem.

Yes, that's right. A practising Christian man has no business with polygamy.

We can hope that the person has some kind of Christian conscience, but I was just pointing out that he is not bound by law to indulge it.

So like you named it, the "Christian man's problem" actually has a solution and a wife would be foolish to totally discount it when it's a distinct possibility.

CHoccolaTE:


As for the Bible part I do sabi that one. I always see Christians saying polygamy is not part of the religion except for very few sects of Christianity

Second paragraph:
You men always claim to be leaders and heads so if you see your wife defaulting in her duties, approach her with love and try to solve the problem together instead of seeking alternatives.
After all una sabi claim leadership position so as a good leader make sure your followers are always happy and satisfied, don't run from problems like Nigerian politicians.

I absolutely agree with you as regards fixing a problem first before seeking alternative.

midnighter:


Yes, that's right. A practising Christian man has no business with polygamy.

We can hope that the person has some kind of Christian conscience, but I was just pointing out that he is not bound by law to indulge it.

So like you named it, the "Christian man's problem" actually has a solution and a wife would be foolish to totally discount it when it's a distinct possibility.

Please, can you quote scriptural passage?

TonyeBarcanista:

Please, can you quote scriptural passage?

I don't have any except "one man, one wife". Do you have any that support it?

I see polygamy as a traditional institution and not a Christian one.

For most Nigerian men their relationship and attitude to sex in a marriage is unhealthy and full of entitlement. Your wife is a human being with feelings and emotions she is not just some hole on a wall you can go dump in when you feel the itch.

Ironically, the time, patience, attention and love they refuse to give the wife because they’ve bought the cow is the same or more they spend on the mistress to get the sex. Do you think a mistress will have sex with a Nigerian husband if she is treated or has the same responsibilities as the wife?

Nigerian men do better, put in the work, help in childcare, help with chores, tell her she’s beautiful, make your wife happy, take her out, for most women emotions and state of mind play a huge part in sex.

Happy wife, Happy sex life.

bdchange:
I was actually against polygamy before now until I made research and found out the Jesus did not condemned it while on earth here. I believed you are all aware that people marry more than one wives during Jesus time and he never cause them of rebuke them. He only told them about being adulterous is something that will not be accepted. Moreover he said it that : Matthew 5:17-18 Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke or a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law (the Old Testament) until everything is accomplished.
So since he didn't come to abolished the law they already have in which most of it were given to them by the prophets before him while should he condem it ratherv made adjustment as He deem fit. For the Christian marriage it is clear already the only ground you can deny your spouse sex which Tonye has stated already. If you do otherwise, even Christ will abandon you when your calamity starts.

The law has been fulfilled, nailed on the cross and done with. Even while it persist, it only applies to Israel, biological descendant's of Abraham. It never applies to you or me or a Briton. It was their own tradition and a shadow of the new covenant

However, the new covenant does not forbid us from keeping customs and traditions of our fathers BUT only forbids us from doing what doesn't glorify God (worshiping idol is one). As an Ijaw man, my tradition permits me to Marry multiple wives...

And even Jesus gave a parable of a groom that was to marry 10 brides... Shouldn't that mean polygamy isn't forbidden? Does that ring a bell?