I don't know if you are married or not. Whatever help you render others, make sure your immediate family is comfortable.

With regards to your cousin, I want you to know that your assistance in their life is the reason they strive hard to succeed. Nobody enters the scotching sun to wander about when there is shade and ice water in the house. Support these kids educationally, but in terms of stipends and any other, slow down.

You have spent close to 10m on these people and there's almost nothing to show ? these people see you as a cash cow, as an ATM. coupled with a bloated entitlement mentality. You better wash your hands off them before you wreck yourself. you have your own life to leave. the kids will be fine, when you no longer send money, they will hustle instead of Fvking like rabbits

Sorry.

There's no end to it.

You don start be say you don start.

Remember, the thing with most people is that they only remember the you didnt help them.

It doesn't matter if you have been helping them since 1904.

ornicus:


Ishi is finally coming round to the fact that gold circle delivers a sub par experience.

Cannicus it seems like you’re jobless and without dignity because the way you stalk Pocohantas and maybe ishilovec on this forum is something else

Try and fix your cousin with a job and also help the hubby with a business idea he can venture in so as to put them on their feet. pls don't stop helping people if you have the fund and means but don't help at your own detriment.
open a student account for the boy and transfer him money for his upkeep, pls don't leave the account to be control by your cousin so that the boy won't get stranded in school, there are many banks in unilag.
no body knows tomorrow, you never can tell what and who those kids might become in future.
i have seen people who were once rich and today nothing for them also I have see people who were once nobody but now can feed thousands of people without hurting their finance.
in summary; help when you have the means, the person you helped today might be your saviour tomorrow
NOTE: always help but not at your own detriment

J111333

If I have to be honest, the real problem here isn't your cousin. It is You! Simply you.

It's your nature to help them. Anyone telling you to stop is telling you to do the impossible.

If you suspect their suffering because you refuse to help, you'd be moved to spend on them lest the kids suffer.

You're giving for a purpose and not just for giving sake. You want the best for the kids. If not giving derails that goal, you'll always compromise. It's because you love them that you give which is a very powerful motivator.

People can be parasitic. Some think you're an un-tiring cash cow at their beck and call. They can pressurised you into promising and terrorise you until you give. It can be merciless.They just don't understand why you can't give and never understand he word "no".

If this is your nature, there might be no choice but you bearing and receiving praise from their children when they are all successful thanks to your effort. Also, your father in heaven will also reward you.

I understand your plight and I can relate to what you are going through right now. Instigate a small quarrel and cut them off for a while and see how much you will save from that.

You can start by telling her and her husband that you are no longer comfortable bearing their family burdens. Take offense once they try to play the victim and blackmail you emotionally.

Nothing will happen to those kids and come to think of it..... Don't they have paternal relations??

My favorite cousin - though not married - who I placed on a monthly stipend and paid for her apprenticeship got angry because I scolded her and left my house since July.

Every month, I put her allowee somewhere and I know how much I have saved.

That's aside other tips for cream, hair etc.
Even the work she no learn again and my money just go like that.

Plead:


Cannicus it seems like you’re jobless and without dignity because the way you stalk Pocohantas and maybe ishilovec on this forum is something else

I suggest you stop stalking me like a homoerotic maniac.

J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

If the child is up to 16, He/She can Open an account with just a jamb admission letter, but may be restricted to receive maybe 1 or 2 million max.

Continue doing your own, continue to advise them, focus on that boy in school, you can send for the boy and take him to any bank for opening of account by yourself for his upkeep. You can put your cousin on a certain amount upkeep too but dont fall for any business stories from them.
I asked you to continue because no good deeds is lost in life. Infact when you are doing good, you are doing it for yourself. God bless you.

J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

Change your number and location or that love for their kids, would turn you a bankrupt.......

You're simply encouraging their excesses.......

ornicus:


I suggest you stop stalking me like a homoerotic maniac.

Stalking you?


Lmao, clown of the decade.

Biglittlelois:



Wow, a leech typing from experience.

The fact that you are unhappy does not mean you should troll people on the internet to release your frustrations on. Try giving and helping people for a change, then you will know true joy. I know this because i am typing from experience.

NonFarmPayrol:
You see some Nigerian

Once you help them once, they tend to think your a governor

It is too far.

Once you don't beg, they believe you have in excess.

In every family, the people that have sense should help the people that does not have sense.
Don't stop helping your cousin but at the same time don't do pass yourself because you cannot stop the world from hurting.

Deepfeel:


hope you read the part where he said this particular sister was more than a nanny to him and his sister when growing up? she's not just a family friend, no matter what never go against your blood, every family has a breed winner that is ment to take care of the entire family at large when u are in that position and fail to do that, that position gradually moves to another person with all the Blessings that follows it

Hmmmmm.

I hope you remember that thir cousin is married and has kids.

Except you are telling me that he is now the bread winner of the cousin's family?

See cheap blackmail.

It seems you are like the OP's cousin.

foolbuster:


The fact that you are unhappy does not mean you should troll people on the internet to release your frustrations on. Try giving and helping people for a change, then you will know true joy. I know this because i am typing from experience.

That is why I called you a leech but okay.

daddytime:
Huh?

Continue you hear?

I go advise make you build them pen make Dem get space breed well well for you to train. Na body dey catch you...continue to dey aid and abet children proliferation dey form the supportive and favorite cousin.

Na who see who dey Bleep am dey get mouth complain say Toto dey pepper am.

Na wetin oyibo do Blackman by producing for them to forget to produce for themselves na him you put yourself so.

You better go arrange your own life because when the chips go fall down, na the same people go ask you wetin you use your #10m do and dem go still dey survive without you.

Na so my parents throwey 11 of us for ground wey make me carry my two leg enter road begin waka go Europe to go find way to support children wey den bring me and dem enter world.

Woo oo....shine ya eye o

I swear man your head correct

Dear Op, I know that feeling. I have been dear. In my case, it was a woman who kept dropping new babies every time as if her life depended on it. Ordinary food this woman and the husband could not afford, and now they two have five kids. I had to close my eyes to all the thoughts about their children and I stopped giving dole outs to her.

When you give alms to a beggar you reinforce his begging career. You keep him longer in this begging trade because that trade keeps working for him. Most of the people who are financially comfortable and buoyant today it's because at some point lack or the fear of it forced them to get off their butts to work and to do it smartly.

If at that critical point when you need to respond to lack/poverty by working... if someone offers you some dole out, some change, that person has effectively aborted your destiny... You will think the person is helping you while in actual fact he is reinforcing and consolidating your poverty. Op, that is what you have been doing. You think you love those kids and their parents while all you have been doing is to condemn them on a permanent basis to poverty. And they will never escape it as long as you continue this terrible harm you are causing them.

The best way to stop doing that is by stopping doing it. And it is simple, you will simply tell them "No, I don't have spare money". For me the way I do that is by ensuring I do not have any serious sum of money lying around doing nothing. By principle you can make sure that money does not lie around in your account by investing it immediately money enters your account. For me, money entering my accounts must not stay 24 hours in the account, and rarely 48 hours. So when I tell you I don't have money, I am not lying, even though that doesn't make you poor.

Of course, there will be occasions when you are required to give financial help especially when health/life is involved.

J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

oga...you are a ritualist

There is an app you can use to put money aside for these kids, while you get interest on their savings (even though you may not be interested) it is called " Schoolable"

When the time for school fees mature, you withdraw and pay.

This way, is is like a trustee arrangements
Your cousin cant touch the funds
And her kids don't have to be 18years to "open"
You are the one responsible for managing it

J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

The best way to survive is to put up something with a steady income... Take your cousin to MBA Forex office and invest N1,000,000 in her name. She will be paid N150,000 every month. After six months the capital will be returned but make sure you follow her up so she doesn't withdraw and spend all, make sure she reinvest it.. 150k per month should manageably keep her family running and saving you stress.

bukatyne:


Hmmmmm.

I hope you remember that thir cousin is married and has kids.

Except you are telling me that he is now the bread winner of the cousin's family?

See cheap blackmail.

It seems you are like the OP's cousin.

if she's married so what? she seize to be his cousin? there is always that one person in a family thats blessed to be a bread winner to the family at large , any family who doesn't have that one blessed person is not a united family. it's not cheap blackmail, am igbo my mother is Tiv I see it done in my igbo family and Tiv family , too bad if your family is not that united , in my family the problem of one is the problem of all

J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

My dear friend listen nd listen very well..love ur cousin as we already know u did. Try nd call her nd ask her wot her immediate plans her...her p might b her status.... ladies chances of securing jobs fall by almost 90% once dey get married. Mayb that is her problem....ask her wot nxt sh would want to do...nd finance it...

After that, pick their eldest child nd sponsor wholely through skl...that way even devil will know u hv tried

Biglittlelois:



That is why I called you a leech but okay.

Wow such toxic negativity. I normally tell troubled females that are past their peak to stay positive and things will change. Dont go around exposing your bitter side.

More reason why I won't marry a religious lady.

foolbuster:


Wow such toxic negativity. I normally tell troubled females that are past their peak to stay positive and things will change. Dont go around exposing your bitter side.

Lmao, okay dude, happy leeching to you

EasternPrince:



Op... J111333 .... don't listen to crap talk like that of this e-witch. It will land you in trouble that will last forever.


Stop overlooking that first son about to get in Unilag. Call him and sit his ass down and talk. Promise him support till NYSC and then he takes over his family as a man.

Tell him honestly that you can't be both breadwinner for his family and yours but you will fight to train him and then he trains his siblings and takes care of his family. In the meantime, as you do your best for the family and leave the rest you will always have an inside ally in that boy. If you just walk away they will all be your enemy and you may never be able to fix thing.

Your sister is right, don't give the boy all the money. Give it to your sister. I don't think she will miss use it, women don't play with first son's training. But the father may misuse it.

As time goes on, whoever they ask for money tell them you've given what you have to their first's education. Your wealth will not last forever, it must finish one day. Let that day start now.

Your sister and her husband need a wake up call or your will regret it if ever you have problems and need help. They will not be able to help you but will hate you for not helping them anyway. People are just that way..... greedy as hell.

Lol look at this EasternWimp...I'm sure you're one of those greedy leeches who feels everybody owes them for a living

Keep sucking on your uncles wealth so that he can help you repeat all your failed classes from high school in Texas hahaha

frozen70:


Thanks too, Use that extra to insure your income by committing it to a revenue generating business

You will pull out gradually form their liability

See them. Bad wife

LadySarah:
This hunger in Nigeria isnt reaching some ppl at all.
Five kids!!

When they have seen mugu.

Built2last:
I was in this your mess for 9 years. Every Family member called me for school fees and feeding money.

My wife could not understand why i have chosen to bear the burden of everyone.

I couldn't do major investments i needed to do. Sometimes delayed paying salaries of my staff.

2015. i went home and visited all my uncles, told them to choose a business they can do and i will settle them with it. on the condition that they do not call me for money again. My wife suggested that. Made sure their wives were in agreement with what their husbands have agreed. in fact, my eldest uncle said the wife will run the business.

They were excited about it but never knew i will get them to sign that i won't be contacted for money after i settle them. Got one of my cousins to run the project. i never gave the money to any of them because they will tell me stories that touch.

When the shops were paid for and well stocked, i went back and called a meeting. they all got to know that their requests have been granted.

what i wanted to achieve was desire to succeed among them. Again, didn't want anyone to think i was giving money to A and not to B.

Setting up those businesses for them cost me millions but was a life saver for me.

Nobody disturbs me for money anymore. My own business is free from unnecessary stress.

I wanted them to know that making money is not easy. The lesson is well served.

I only remember their kids in Christmas.

if you like born 100 kids. not my business anymore. If the business fails. Their kids will descend on them.

Bro, free yourself. you will wake up at 50 to discover your retirement is close and nothing to enjoy in your old age.

Am still young and single but I have read this piece three times, I have taken a cue against an impending scenario because even without acquiring much, I am seeing the possibility of this 'torn' happening, especially from people who are not even directly related to me.

J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

Hmmmm......same thing happened to me and my elder sister after uncountable times I paid for their house rents,fix the first son into business which he couldn't account for,spent also on this same guy to fly him abroad e no work,with other little and little money I borrowed them,at the end my Nephew call me a FOOL also add IDIOT join,just because I tried to caution him consigning his life style....anyway that doesn't change the fact that I love my elder sister but then I don treat my idiotic foolishness..


Who can please the world?.. NOBODY.
Just do your BEST