pocohantas:
Really going to be hard. I understand ypur dilemma as I have an aunty exactly like this. She married an efulefu for love. Her kids are really smart kids and anytime I see them, my heart bleeds. I finally had to take up responsibilty for the first child. She just got admission and has sent me her bill, with prayers join. Wetin man pikin go do?

If not for those kids, e for hard o. Just keep doing the little you can for the children. I pay directly to the school. Never given my aunty the cash, because I know she will give it to her husband.

Built2last:
I was in this your mess for 9 years. Every Family member called me for school fees and feeding money.

My wife could not understand why i have chosen to bear the burden of everyone.

I couldn't do major investments i needed to do. Sometimes delayed paying salaries of my staff.

2015. i went home and visited all my uncles, told them to choose a business they can do and i will settle them with it. on the condition that they do not call me for money again. My wife suggested that. Made sure their wives were in agreement with what their husbands have agreed. in fact, my eldest uncle said the wife will run the business.

They were excited about it but never knew i will get them to sign that i won't be contacted for money after i settle them. Got one of my cousins to run the project. i never gave the money to any of them because they will tell me stories that touch.

When the shops were paid for and well stocked, i went back and called a meeting. they all got to know that their requests have been granted.

what i wanted to achieve was desire to succeed among them. Again, didn't want anyone to think i was giving money to A and not to B.

Setting up those businesses for them cost me millions but was a life saver for me.

Nobody disturbs me for money anymore. My own business is free from unnecessary stress.

I wanted them to know that making money is not easy. The lesson is well served.

I only remember their kids in Christmas.

if you like born 100 kids. not my business anymore. If the business fails. Their kids will descend on them.

Bro, free yourself. you will wake up at 50 to discover your retirement is close and nothing to enjoy in your old age.

uniqueogo:


i am in the same situation but kinda different because in my case it's my sister
if not for her husband i wouldn't have written waec cus my mom was so broke we didn't even have anything to eat at that point in time

now my advice to you,

if God has left in a position to help do help them but[b] don't displease your self in the process, [/b]don't be stupid and neglect your own needs and responsibility because of them.
find a particular amount that wont affect your budget and pay to them every month end after you have received your salary if you are a salary earner or after you have done your account at the end of the month if you are self employed and after that give a deaf ear to every other pleas from them until the next month end of course its gonna be hard but you have to learn how to say NO AND MAINTAIN IT . this will help them manage and budget every funds they receive and even make them have a rethink about how they spend cash and also lessen your burden
sorry that i quoted you i just needed to make sure you see this cus i believe it will go a long way for you

J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

vickydevoka:

For the fact someone doesn't have money doesn't make him efulefu. Wen the table turns around u will be de one to call him my in law

J111333:


I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life,

J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

LadySarah:
This hunger in Nigeria isnt reaching some ppl at all.
Five kids!!

midnighter:
Better start prioritising your own investments and stop financing somebody else's stupidity. Call them and tell them you're not paying anything except school fees. Set up a direct debit to the school and make a good contact there

If the tables turn and you can no longer keep up those kids will still grow up to curse that their stupid uncle ...hope you know that?

Since she takes the church more seriously than her life let the church sink more money into the fantastical business.

By the way, the Bible has a lot to say about wise spending. Or she didn't see that side or what

Bunch of selfish pseudo-religious leeches. She took care of you as a child and now you must take care of her as an adult right? Somebody with a husband for that matter.

10 million! 10 million.

J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

lovingyouhun:
My bro, you have to think twice, no mata the amount you spend on those kids they are never going to be yours, time has thought me that people you help today end up asking you what you did for them, those kids will only remember the day you said no to their request, you are already offending them as it seems because you should have lay down your for them by now.... they will end up loving and caring for this their lazy parents in future. Better think of how you will raise your own family, render help when its convenient, you do not own your cousine yoyr life....look yoy are only encouraging their parents to do nothing, go a d set up your own family, so you can have a way of escape. Look if you have already done that let them lack some finance, they will remember to do something and not yo waste money, they only keep coming to you because they know you do not know how to say no....people are wicked, don't be surprised that these people have money hidden somewhere but are just too greedy to let you be, they do not see how its normal for them to go a day ylwithout spending your hard earned money, my bro be wise a d take actions...

healthserve:
I'll wait here for the elders

Oya

Daddytime

Pansophist

Franchasng

Midnighter

nlPoster:


I dont even get the gist of the story.

He mentioned church, then switched themes to the older son is in university and the parents are having baby 5. The wife is not working, then helping the husband with an imaginary business op gave her a non existent N10 million for, op helped her find a job, then she was swindled of the money (which money?) Op wants to sponsor the kid in university but doesnt want the parent involved, etc etc.

J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

pocohantas:
You are very correct Ishi, but sometimes you look at those innocent kids and you can't ignore. I wish we have social services here. Bringing innocent kids into the world to suffer is a crime or should be a crime.

Make person no do the generousity wey go land you for wahala. I am getting tougher sha.

J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

Tellemall:


The bold part has said it all.

The people who you help with your utmost sacrifice will always have things like that to say, and then begin to hate you. If you die helping them, at worst they will shed a tear then move on.

midnighter:


You should have seen what unfolded when one of my uncles died. It was stranger than fiction.

This man who helped everybody with school fees, food, work, everything! To the point that he even neglected his own projects. The people who stayed in his house rent-free for years, how much did they contribute for the burial N0.00

Everybody was just dodging his house like he was a leper so that they wouldn't have to do anything. Just a few people plus the children had to pull together and prevent the whole thing from being a total disgrace

In short OP should just forget that thing. Feeling guilty my cousin sister blah blah. Nobody cares.

Slimsly100:



some people are like that o. Dem go carry church for head sotey lazy join. Dem nor go wan work

midnighter:


You should have seen what unfolded when one of my uncles died. It was stranger than fiction.

This man who helped everybody with school fees, food, work, everything! To the point that he even neglected his own projects. The people who stayed in his house rent-free for years, how much did they contribute for the burial N0.00

Everybody was just dodging his house like he was a leper so that they wouldn't have to do anything. Just a few people plus the children had to pull together and prevent the whole thing from being a total disgrace

In short OP should just forget that thing. Feeling guilty my cousin sister blah blah. Nobody cares.

Tellemall:


That's life for you. Don't take other people more seriously than you take your self, your wife and your children. Because when it gets dark, they will run far away and they will not help.

I promise you, if something happens to the OP, those people won't drop a cent and they will move on without a care in the world. They will only feel bad that their money bag is gone. This is why I never take people who are after monetary gains serious.

I hope you didn't run from the uncle's family?

midnighter:


Exactly...they will just start avoiding you and gossiping about you somewhere.

Yeah! The most they will do is come for a useless condolence visit, drop some platitudes and go. Or just avoid altogether and show up when everywhere is full so that they can start pretending.

No, we were some of the main people helping, that's why I know how bad it was. Sibling and cousin doesn't mean anything to some people oh, except freebies. It's a pity

nlPoster:


Sounds like the op has issues with the cousin's husband in particular, he clearly mentioned he gave N10 million towards the business but avoided telling how much he gave the cousin to look for a job.

midnighter:


Exactly...they will just start avoiding you and gossiping about you somewhere.

Yeah! The most they will do is come for a useless condolence visit, drop some platitudes and go. Or just avoid altogether and show up when everywhere is full so that they can start pretending.

No, we were some of the main people helping, that's why I know how bad it was. Sibling and cousin doesn't mean anything to some people oh, except freebies. It's a pity

J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

franchasng:
Hmmmmm, speechless cos I love family a lot and I cherish families that help one another...this is family matter and honestly, I am wordless on this matter I got mentioned by Ccc: healthserve lol


From your story, you have tried your best to help her hubby build a business to no avail and you have also tried to help her secure a job Nigerianly to no avail....have you tried helping her migrate out of Nigeria cos I am pretty sure you live outside Nigeria I think that should be your last shot on helping them stand. But don't abandon the kids please cos I love kids to pieces and I hate paying them back with the evil or foolishness of their parents cos they are innocent.


Its so sad that poor and broke people struggling financially in Nigeria are the ones overpopulating Nigeria with their uncontrolled birth, this situation always get me so depressed and I wished I was a military dictator so I can make so harsh national laws to stop this madness of giving birth to innocent kids anyhow without plan because its a ticking time bomb for the society


This is more rampant in the North and among Yorubas; you will see a hungry, jobless Yoruba boy getting married at 24yrs and producing babies and abandoning them with his mother to cater for, and to them it is good because they don't want to marry late like they mock Igbo guys of marrying late, which to me remains the best - marry when you are financially stable enough to cater for a family...and if things refuse to turn out good for you financially, you stay single for life and enjoy your bachelorhood because it is not a crime to die single