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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? (41664 Views)
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Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Nobody: 1:06pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
Start attaching conditions and set goals/objectives to every financial assistance you give her and her family. Make it clear that this objectives must be met before any further assistance will be given. This will help them appreciate the value of money more and hopefully help them establish themselves in the long run. If you like this idea then contact me for me details. |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Chummynoni(m): 1:06pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
i was tempted to abuse yur cousin's husbnd for being irresponsible both financially and mentally but i gave it a second thot since i havent heard his part of d story pertaining to what he uses money for. i still dont understnd d reason why they keep breeding kids wen they arent financially capable of fending for them. maybe they forgot nothing last forever because there will surely be a point when you wud tell then NO!enof of all this entitlement. lemme share a little of my story. i impregnated my gf in 2015 while in my 300l while she was in 200l. we got the moral and financial support from our families. i finished serving in 2017 and i have been jobless since then despite being one the best brains in class. some peers have been pushing me to take my girl and our kid who is now 4years old in since i have family that will be supporting us. wont i be a fool if i heed to that idea?.i aint doing shit until i have a source of income cos i cant be a burden to anyone .moreover ,we have together to spend together so am taking chill pills.. moral of the story, talk to your cousin about being self reliant cos with the way i digested this story, no mtter how much you give to them,they will always come back for more. set her a business and implore her to manage it efficiently because you will never give money to her again then try as much as possible to be sending the boy in sch monthly stipend thru his student account. dont mind her xcuse tat an under 18 cant open account, thats a lie. God bless you sir and may u neva retrogress 3 Likes |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Enemyofpeace: 1:06pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
dominique:childrens especially femail childrens are blessings from God. Please don't discourage parents from burning them, God will always provide for them |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Ishilove: 1:06pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
pocohantas:Gold Circle condom na 100 naira. Even investing in the more expensive and natural feeling ones makes more sense than bringing innocent children into world without provision for their care. Even if you can't ignore, their parents need to be called to order. 2 Likes |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Nobody: 1:09pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
Ishilove: Ishi is finally coming round to the fact that gold circle delivers a sub par experience. |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by NL1960: 1:11pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
J111333: Your cousin and her husband have taken you to be their ATM. They will never be serious in as far as you are there to always dole out the cash. I know of a case like this. The woman's sister has two kids and was doing well with her husband. Her sister was doing nothing with her husband. They were just birthing kids saying that God said 'go ye and multiply'. They had four kids with the husband being unemployed. The sister too was not doing anything. The sister decided to take one kid off them and used her connections to get one into a boarding school and also was footing the bill in order to lessen the burden on them. The sister and her husband saw it as an opportunity to birth another child as they said God said 'Go ye and multiply'. This got her annoyed that she returned the child she took to them and also stopped paying for the one in school. That was when their eyes were opened. The husband started running all over the place since to feed became a problem and no free money was coming again from his sister-in-law. The sister husband is now working and leaves the house very early Monday to Friday and come back late. "Na person wen chop belleful and sit down for house all day long dey get energy to dey hammer woman all day". They have not given birth to another kid for close to five years now. Man no dey stay for house again. Woman no dey stay for house again. Woman dey manage one small teaching job that the pay is not even regular. 10 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by juman(m): 1:11pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
Continue helping them. I don't see any thing bad in what you are doing for the family. The fifth child might be mistake pregnancy. Look, in our extended family, my late uncle was our god, our benefactor, our guardian, our provider etc. Three surat quraish to him. |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Enemyofpeace: 1:13pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
Ishilove:if i talk now you will gang up against me and send me to nairaland prison to go do Christmas 2 Likes |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Maslib: 1:14pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
My brother forget all these people with their advise . There's one thing in life you need to know even as a Muslim you must carry one cross in this life. Unless your means of income is not growing like before , but Bro pinch yourself and ask yourself will she think this way about you if you are Inot her shoes ? Forget Bro continue this good works . Call the husband as a man you are talk to him advise him . Look into the man's ways of spending because he might be spending this money recklessly and your sister is not aware of it . And you know ladies they will defend their own . Bro, if your business is booming and from the thing you said you love your sister carry this cross the blessings attached to it you might not see today or tomorrow when it will come you will ask God so is because I helped someone you did this wonderful thing for me . Again call your sister separately will love and pet names so she won't feel bad , talk to her let her know she needs to stand in a good business and you will support her to stand . Don't listen to advise of people who will give you wrong notion. Even from the little I have I carry lots of families. Instead pray to God not to bless you not for your own seek but for the seek of the people you help . I know necessities breeds innovation but Bro the economy is not favorable at all how do you want them to stand . I will caution you to ask God for forgiveness for bringing this issues to this platform. Believe me your pocket will multiple in 100 fold , don't take that decision. What about the kids you said you love what will they do . Please carry that cross and ask Allah to bless you just for the seek of those kids . Be wise because you can't mock Allah who gave you without your knowledge so give with joy . Let it sink only if you like . 1 Like |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Godhatesodomy: 1:15pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
Wow |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by lavenjcrown(m): 1:16pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
You have done so great for you cousin. i believe that God really sees your helping heart and he will continue to bless and protect you. please keep doing what you think is best to you and never follow any ones advise. please i'm always in financial need and i would love you to assist me. my acct Detail: ADESINA STEVEN AJIBOLA....... ACCESS/DIAMOND BANK........... 0023830047. Thanks in anticipation. J111333: |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by LotusFan: 1:16pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by deavicky(m): 1:16pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
J111333:you have tried as a human, but i still feel if u have the capacity to help, don't stop there is a special blessing attached to it. I'm saying this because it works for me. And One of the reasons we make money is to help people around us. 1 Like |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by lavenjcrown(m): 1:17pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
You have done so great for your cousin. i believe that God really sees your helping heart and he will continue to bless and protect you. please keep doing what you think is best to you and never follow any ones advise. please i'm always in financial need and i would love you to assist me. my acct Detail: ADESINA STEVEN AJIBOLA....... ACCESS/DIAMOND BANK........... 0023830047. Thanks in anticipation. J111333: 1 Like |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by OkpaNsukkaisBae(m): 1:18pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
I don't see anything wrong in helping ur cousin. Family is family. For me it's unfair 2 abandon d children cox of d parents poor choice and inaction. I love my uncle's children so much. I can extra mile 4 them. |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Godhatesodomy: 1:18pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
Wow The rich only eat organic grown food. |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by EasternPrince: 1:20pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
midnighter: Just shut up ok? |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by skyhighweb(m): 1:21pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
keep doing wat u can |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Ishilove: 1:22pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
ornicus:No be you tell me sey Gold Circle feels like polythene bag? |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by JBL316: 1:22pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
Ur cousin husband no pure (waffi language). No go ki urserf o...If e get anyway u fit take care of the children pls do...but those 2 adults.... |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Ferdinandu(m): 1:24pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
I've learnt that helping family members is a lifetime commitment you will never stop if you are the type that is always seriously emotionally committed to family. Take heart Bro. Just don't try to please them to the detriment of your own peace of mind or that of your immediate family. If you have excess always continue to help. That is what family is meant for. You are just the God they are seeing. Do the one you can and leave the rest to them and God |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by mechanics(m): 1:26pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
Maybe you should discuss with her husband so he can venture into a more profitable business. |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Nobody: 1:28pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
dominique:Because the kids are their fantasy to living in paradise as well as bank in this case |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by shadeyinka(m): 1:30pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
nlPoster:He seems to have no financial issues. He seems to be worried only about the financial illiteracy of his cousin and her husband. He seems to want to help in spite of everything he knows. Then a sure way is if he adopts their son in the university. Throwing money in her business or setting her up will not amount to anything except if he gives it to them as a loan. BUT a big financial burden will KILL any small business. 1 Like |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by LibrarianD: 1:30pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
J111333 open an account, drive to Akoka and hand over the ATM to him 2 Likes |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by donjahsy(m): 1:31pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
Give them help only when you can and don't give them when you don't have enough. Simple and short |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Nobody: 1:33pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
LadySarah: There are some couples who don't believe in condoms , hence if they have unprotected sex, pregnancy will occur |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by shadeyinka(m): 1:33pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
Built2last:Good sense bro especially if you are bouyant enough to do that. It also requires methodical planning. |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by ud4u: 1:33pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
You put in 10m already and nothing to show for it, please try to convince me more. |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Emmaxy9(m): 1:34pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
#Richdad poor dad No matter how much you continue to spend on them, the thing is that they will continue to ask for more. Oh, maybe you Want To try help them set up businesses, and you give them money, just watch it, it'll still be the same story. It's All about the mindset. I know people who 1,000 naira changef heir lives and right now theyre living big. You have to stand your ground. But try to help them mentally, I mean to change their mindset. Doing that can help them become successful with little money. 2 Likes |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Nobody: 1:35pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
Tales by moonlight |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by EasternPrince: 1:36pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
midnighter: Op... J111333 .... don't listen to crap talk like that of this e-witch. It will land you in trouble that will last forever. Stop overlooking that first son about to get in Unilag. Call him and sit his ass down and talk. Promise him support till NYSC and then he takes over his family as a man. Tell him honestly that you can't be both breadwinner for his family and yours but you will fight to train him and then he trains his siblings and takes care of his family. In the meantime, as you do your best for the family and leave the rest you will always have an inside ally in that boy. If you just walk away they will all be your enemy and you may never be able to fix things. Your sister is right, don't give the boy all the money. Give it to your sister. I don't think she will missuse it, women don't play with first son's training. But the father will definitely misuse it. As time goes on, whoever they ask for money tell them you've given what you have to their first son's education. Your income will not last forever, it must slow or stop one day. Let that day start now. Your sister and her husband need a wake up call or your will regret it if ever you have problems and need help. They will not be able to help you but will hate you for not helping them anyway. People are just that way..... greedy as hell. 2 Likes |
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