[Marriages can and do survive out here in the West. The first thing we as Africans need to understand is that as husband and wife we choose to get married, not because we are looking for someone to dominate or someone to be domineering, but because we want to find that special person who will be our helper!My husband and I are living testament to it. I work from 8am to 4pm and my husband works from 4pm to 12am. My husband is the one who showers for our 5 month old, feeds her, gets her dressed to drop her at my mothers house before I get home from work. He cooks lunch for himself and leaves some for me to eat when I get home. He is the one who cleans the house, not because I am lazy, but because he likes things done his way, and no matter who cleans it, he is never satisfied.
I make more money than my husband, but if you see us outside, you can't tell who makes more money! I am presently pursuing my Masters degree, which causes my husband to handle more of the "womanly" things around the house. He does this not because he is a dummy, or I have put some serious Juju in his food; but because he understand that his success is tied with my success. He is secure with himself as a man, and does not care what people think or say. If more "African" man can be like him, the world will be a better place!!/quote]
completely in agreement wit u,dis was a young lady i got married too wen she was 23 and i was 25,everyone showed their fear dat we mite not survive in western culture especially wit our young age,we hv been in canada for 7yrs and same same attitude all d way,we are survivin,yes we hv our challenges lik every marriage do but we are blissful,blessful and infact fruitful wit 2 lovely kids.Now alot of younger africans and especially nigerians are beginnin to see us in d light of a role model,where marriages are crashin de often ask us wat has glued us together wit enuff lovin ooo

My husband and I are living testament to it. I work from 8am to 4pm and my husband works from 4pm to 12am. My husband is the one who showers for our 5 month old, feeds her, gets her dressed to drop her at my mothers house before I get home from work. He cooks lunch for himself and leaves some for me to eat when I get home. He is the one who cleans the house, not because I am lazy, but because he likes things done his way, and no matter who cleans it, he is never satisfied.
I make more money than my husband, but if you see us outside, you can't tell who makes more money! I am presently pursuing my Masters degree, which causes my husband to handle more of the "womanly" things around the house. He does this not because he is a dummy, or I have put some serious Juju in his food; but because he understand that his success is tied with my success. He is secure with himself as a man, and does not care what people think or say. If more "African" man can be like him, the world will be a better place!!

African marriages can't survive in the west cos the average African man is an illiterate or permit me to say[b] (an educated illiterate)[/b] who does not understand what it means to be the head of his family and likewise the woman a helper. it will take decades for the black man to come to terms and understand what the word HEAD and HELPER means. thereafter, he might act on it

justwise:

You are talking nonsense, u don't need to be educated to be able to run your family. Many educated couples don't even last more than a yr in marriage.

If you are educated and this is your level of reasonsing then i'm worried about your marriage IF u are married.

I visited a Church at a time that they were having a so called 'family service' the pastor was talking about how to sustain a home and was highlighting the roles of the man and woman. He was through with the roles of a man in 2minutes but went on and on about the roles of the woman

agitator:

There are no laws protecting the man or giving him a right to hit his wife. Please kindly quote the law(s) where available. The difference is that in the African setting marriage is seen as respectable, while in the west female dependence is promoted. There is no pressure on women to marry. That is why single mothers a more common in US and Britain is also catching up.

No tradition to my knowledge encourages a man to hit a woman as a form of punishment.

hard Facts that is bitter to swallow

You don't pay for a wife in the West but in Africa you pay. After the man has paid you want 50/50 partnership as is obtainable in the west. it's impossible!!!

Tink_sh:

What statement? The submission bit? We all know that but i was pointing out that some guys are saying 'the bible says so' and the bible actually says what i wrote. I said both parties have a responsibility as they do to each other.

na wa o.

ladej:

the bible says both, and they are not mutually exclusive. woman submit, man love as Christ loved the church. not woman submit IF man loves as Christ loved the church, or man love IF woman submits. one has to do it regardless[both sexes]. that was my point. hope clarity was provided

furacao:

Amazing how some people think!!! There are laws in the West protecting "people"!!! When you say African marriages being respectable, l assume you mean it is respectable for a woman to be accused of being a witch if her husband dies, or if she has gyne problems, or the man does, she is blamed for it all, referred to as a male dog, and her husband encouraged to take another wife? It is not female dependence that is promoted in the West but dependence generally. Men are not compelled to marry either in many cases, because unlike in Africa, marriage is seen as a personal choice and not a status symbol. Many women in Africa want to marry because their friends are getting married. They dont want to be the "last one" standing. Many only live for the wedding day and after that, cant be bothered to be good wives. Same applies to many men. They marry in Africa cos they feel it is society's expectation of them.
The reason why there are many single mothers in the West is not because "female independence is encouraged" but moreso because many men cannot handle the responsibility of being fathers, especially when they never planned to stay long term in relationships.!!! They are ready to "put it in but not to deal with what comes out", ! Women dont just go around sleeping with anyone one just to raise a child on her own!!!!

If you endorse paying for a wife like a piece of cloth or a Mr Biggs burger, then that woman is ab initio, treated like a piece of property, and if you think a human being should be treated like that, then you must not see how closely linked that is to slavery.

agitator:

You don't pay for a wife in the West but in Africa you pay.  After the man has paid you want 50/50 partnership as is obtainable in the west. it's impossible!!!

furacao:

If you endorse paying for a wife like a piece of cloth or a Mr Biggs burger, then that woman is ab initio, treated like a piece of property.

furacao:


With regards to helping out in the kitchen or with the children, one must realise that the circumstances in Africa (that dictated that women alone "owned" the kitchen and were practically solely responsible for raising the children) are different from those in the West. Women in that description in Africa who did such did not go to work, leaving the house at 7am and returning home at 9pm. In the West, and even in Africa now, such is the case. Women work long hours and contribute to the home financially.

osaska:

in this computer age , how do u would u see marriages survive? wen almost all the women want to ride on a car ,live in a big house of their own and this whole tin of freedom.
like here in libya, u need 2 come n see wat womanhood has turn into,the way women sale themselves for just nothing sake just to be like man ,have freedom.

this is all bushit walahi

Chivision1:

Well, no matter what, Nigeria and African are still far behind from what is obtainable from the Western world.