iammo:


For a relationship, you gave a wonderfull piece of advise, but in marriages things don't work out just has you just barely painted it, in relationships Men can take ubujas advise its all cool and helpful, but marriage especially the one with kids, kids you love and ready to do anything over things change and a man needs to exercise a lot of caution and wisdom

Men can always dominate a relationship as you can walk out easily, women on the other hand dominate marriage because they have leverage on you if you truly love your kids

.

in other words, men should stick to being slaves in marriages cos their wives can take the kids away from them? Nothing i no go read o

lilmonarch:
in other words, men should stick to being slaves in marriages cos they wives can take the kids away from them? Nothing i no go read o

its your choice.. isn't it slavish to work all day and use your sweat and salary to pay rent, utility bill , school fees and house keep? or you think marriage is 50% 50% guy wake up. if you haven't being told you would labour hard and sweat for your family and they don't even have to tell you thank you.. highest you would get angry and beat them, while your wife calls you wife beater, your kids call you monster.. nobody cares to listen to your side

iammo:


its your choice.. isn't it slavish to work all day and use your sweat and salary to pay rent, utility bill , school fees and house keep? or you think marriage is 50% 50% guy wake up. if you haven't being told you would labour hard and sweat for your family and they don't even have to tell you thank you.. highest you would get angry and beat them, while your wife calls you wife beater, your kids call you monster.. nobody cares to listen to your side

sir, i can imagine what you're going through in your home.

iammo:


you can be jailed oo my brother, I have someone who heads the infamous mapo customary court and I know first hand..

there is this divorce case, the woman remarried and the man went to court to pay the monthly upkeep as ordered, on getting there the wife came with her new husband and the kids disrespected him in front of his laughing wife, he got angry and decided to skip like 3 months upkeep, soon the wicked woman went back to court, got a bailiff and a police and they went to the guys workshop, they dragged him to court and he signed an undertaken when he can make the payment

[/b]your only way of avoiding payment is to run away from your neighborhood[b]

and that is what most people do.


Some even threaten the woman with diabolical power till she start rejecting the money.

I will even be happy to give an ex ₦10k monthly to raise two kids. That amount may not be enough for one week

solex2346:
My wife is found of the habit of sending our maid which am the one paying her salary to her parents anytime she's travelling and she will call her back when she's back? why would she be the only one benefiting from our house maid,i would be the one cooking my food,washing plates and my clothes anytime my wife is away,am tired of all these shits. pls advise me ooo

She is the Boss
Just kidding!!!

She trust you but she may not trust the girl!!!

Martinez39s:
OP, don't listen to this advice. No one is asking you to quarrel with your wife. This is not a issue of gragra. Also, there is nothing bad in getting a male house help. However, it's imperative that everyone in a family must do the right thing and know their place. If your wife didn't trust you and wasn't comfortable having the maid around in her absence, she should have done the right thing by talking to you about it (usually from the onset) and thereby leading you or her to make plans for a male replacement way before she travels instead of just sending the housemaid you are paying for away against your will, and leaving you stranded. That's wrong, thoughtless, and selfish. She doesn't complain of the housemaid when she is around but all of a sudden, she sends the housemaid you are paying for away against your will, without your permission, and leaving no helping hand in her absence. To make it worse, it's all happening in your own house, your own house.

Since the house belongs to you, you are the one paying the maid, and your wife didn't complain about the housemaid's stay from the onset, your wife has no right to send her away against your will leaving you stranded with no replacement. That right is reserved for you. That's wrong and selfish of her. Had it been she had complained from the onset, we could say she did the right thing she could and you should have employed a male house help. Give your wife the options I listed and stand on it. If you are man enough, call your wife out on her thoughtless behaviour. This time around, if there is going to be a male replacement, your wife must be the one to talk to you about it way before she travels again.

It's funny how women who don't trust their husbands freely, to any extent, investigate any possible shenanigans of the husband, and take every precaution and measure to ensure the husband doesn't cheat regardless of what their husbands think. However, if a man doesn't trust his wife and insists on a DNA test, or decides to check his wife's phone, all hell break loose and the man gets told "don't you trust me?", "are you trying to say I am slùt?" etc. The op can as well play these cards on his wife.

Ubunja, emmaodet, akinbahm, Solex2364

Bro, it still baffles me a lot when guys out there still believes the devil they knew during courtship would change in marriage completely to an Angel by losing guard to them (being lenient) after marriage!!!

Someone up there was trying to make Men being lenient towards their women. How on earth would you give your maid break without the intervention of ur husband all in the name of "Trust issue" aswear it's a slap on the husband he can't call his house to order.

Bro believe me one day she would shit test him by requesting him to clean up either his son or daughter mess that's even if they belongs to him self.

Never you tolerate second hand behaviour from your women if our Fathers tolerated such nasty behaviours our Mothers won't be worthy of emulation today...

SassyGem101:
And why are you bothered she sends her to her mum each time she's travels? Or did she tell you anything?

Abeg let sleeping dogs lie.

The OP should allow 'the boss' to take her decisions without questioning!!!

missimelda01:
Haha your wife is a marlian
She's trying to secure her property. It's only going to be an issue if she travels for a long period of time but if not, just manage yourself to avoid wahala.

Which property did she pay for??
A man that pay a woman's bride price , don't even call her a property.. How is a man, a wife's property??

Is that the goal of Feminism??

iammo:


For a relationship, you gave a wonderfull piece of advise, but in marriages things don't work out just has you just barely painted it, in relationships Men can take ubujas advise its all cool and helpful, but marriage especially the one with kids, kids you love and ready to do anything over things change and a man needs to exercise a lot of caution and wisdom

Men can always dominate a relationship as you can walk out easily, women on the other hand dominate marriage because they have leverage on you if you truly love your kids

This is the problem with many men. Marriage makes a woman secure, invincible, and dominate over the man as much as he let's it. It's not written anywhere that a woman can't be sent packing because she is married. Maybe it's because I am a stubborn and strong-willed man, but I will never be a doormat or compromise my peace of mind just to maintain a marriage with a bad and toxic wife just because of the children. Let the marriage scatter if it means I get to keep my peace of mind. As for the children, I can keep them and the mother will visit. If she wants to keep them to herself, we can go court and fight for joint custody, at least. (a family friend did it, why can't
I). Besides, Nigerian judicial system is notoriously slow that the process MIGHT be completed when your children are seeing their grandchildren... just kidding. If the children wants to stay with their mother, then I must visit them anytime I want or else, they and the mother can fend go for themselves.

By the way, you are indirectly admitting that children are indeed pawns women use to manipulate their husbands. It's true depending on the type of man and the society he lives in. In developed countries with their misandric divorce laws, children are always readily used as pawns by women and the courts to fleece and manipulate the father. Besides, children have always been desired by mothers to be used as pawns where they can since human history. Your remark always begs the question, do mothers really love their children more than fathers?

Not to digress, marriage doesn't make a woman invincible, and there is no law that says you can't send her packing. Marriage is not something you must "kill and suffer yourself" on top. Once a woman has insisted on your being a doormat, withhold sex and weaponizing it, depriving you of your peace of mind, etc. send her packing. Recently, a man made the news for sending his wife packing when he discovered her vagina was too wide. With man like that and myself, marriage is not a security for any woman, and it doesn't make them untouchable. I have one life to live and I can waste it be miserable because of a woman and enduring silently because of children. Fùck all that!

XhosaNostra:
She doesn't want any funny business with the maid while she's gone. After all, some men you can't leave them alone with a hole in the wall. Didn't Schwarzenegger get his fat maid pregnant?

Just marry 2 wives.. Simple!!
Just pray for God's blessings to take care of them..

Marry 2 sumptuous wives!!!

Don't allow one wife to turn you into a glorified manservant!!!

Polygamy is the way, learn from Mohammed!!!

Akinbahm:


Bro, it still baffles me a lot when guys out there still believes the devil they knew during courtship would change in marriage completely to an Angel by losing guard to them (being lenient) after marriage!!!

Someone up there was trying to make Men being lenient towards their women. How on earth would you give your maid break without the intervention of ur husband all in the name of "Trust issue" aswear it's a slap on the husband he can't call his house to order.

Bro believe me one day she would shit test him by requesting him to clean up either his son or daughter mess that's even if they belongs to him self.

Never you tolerate second hand behaviour from your women if our Fathers tolerated such nasty behaviours our Mothers won't be worthy of emulation today...

One thing husbands don't realise is that if they become a doormat today, they will likely be doormats tomorrow. Shit tests are real. If they can't stand their ground today, it will be harder tomorrow. Marriage is not an excuse to be a doormat to a woman.

iammo:


For a relationship, you gave a wonderfull piece of advise, but in marriages things don't work out just has you just barely painted it, in relationships Men can take ubujas advise its all cool and helpful, but marriage especially the one with kids, kids you love and ready to do anything over things change and a man needs to exercise a lot of caution and wisdom

Men can always dominate a relationship as you can walk out easily, women on the other hand dominate marriage because they have leverage on you if you truly love your kids

.

With the rant of guys sorry boys on NL towards their cheating girlfriends truly attest to their dominance in relationship are you trying to be funny or what

Bro, I don dey pity una ooo, u suffered during dating relationship now u don enter another phase through marriage biko redefine una marriage and stop acting like a slave in that Marriage...

Don't let any woman caged you all in the name of Marriage nd Kids u brought them to this world together and you must work hand in hand to make them successful it's not a party job but both party...

lilmonarch:
in other words, men should stick to being slaves in marriages cos their wives can take the kids away from them? Nothing i no go read o

No one should pay attention to the fear mongering divorce tales of iammo. A man too has the right to his children. In Nigeria, who gave the wife the audacity to take the children away? Where is it written that the children belong to her alone? Men who think the children belong to the woman alone and sending their wives packing is never an option are only going to suffer. As far as we are in Nigeria, fathers are not prohibited from fighting for their children.

lilmonarch:
sir, i can imagine what you're going through in your home.

Serious hell, that woman no try at all on top his case.

Akinbahm:


With the rant of guys sorry boys on NL towards their cheating girlfriends truly attest to their dominance in relationship are you trying to be funny or what

Bro, I don dey pity una ooo, u suffered during dating relationship now u don enter another phase through marriage biko redefine una marriage and stop acting like a slave in that Marriage...

Don't let any woman caged you all in the name of Marriage nd Kids u brought them to this world together and you must work hand in hand to make them successful it's not a party job but both party...

The mentality killing many married Nigerian men involve:

1) Dissolving the marriage or send the wife packing isn't an option. This is a big lie, and marriage is not a point of no return. This mentality in men is what makes women feel invincible and untouchable when they get married and it makes them misbehave when they tie the knot.
2) The children belongs to the mothers alone. This is a big lie and men had better start realising that the children are theirs also, and no woman has the right to keep the children to themselves and alienate them from their children.
3) Enduring a toxic wife/marriage and brutally compromising their peace of mind are okay and they are best for the children.

She doesnt trust you at all,and i am suspecting her too for her frequent travelling she might be going to her ex or another man and suspects your house maid will take her place if u discover.
If her health is bad:you are the best person to take care of her.

solex2346:
My wife is found of the habit of sending our maid which am the one paying her salary to her parents anytime she's travelling and she will call her back when she's back? why would she be the only one benefiting from our house maid,i would be the one cooking my food,washing plates and my clothes anytime my wife is away,am tired of all these shits. pls advise me ooo

SHE WANTS TO AVOID STORIES THAT TOUCH THE HEART.

TRY SHOWING YOUR WIFE THIS VIDEO SHA, IT WILL GO A LONG WAY


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSb6bUUMl00

Martinez39s:
One thing husbands don't realise is that if they become a doormat today, they will likely be doormats tomorrow. Shit tests are real. If they can't stand their ground today, it will be harder tomorrow. Marriage is not an excuse to be a doormat to a woman.

No wonder their women threaten divorce to their face since they refused to Man up...

I shunned second hand behaviour from my female siblings who are you that I would condone such from con think of it self someone I paid bride price for NEVER!!!

solex2346:
My wife is found of the habit of sending our maid which am the one paying her salary to her parents anytime she's travelling and she will call her back when she's back? why would she be the only one benefiting from our house maid,i would be the one cooking my food,washing plates and my clothes anytime my wife is away,am tired of all these shits. pls advise me ooo

Tell her next time she sends the girl to her parents, u will be moving to her parents house too. And be serious about it.

iammo:


For a relationship, you gave a wonderfull piece of advise, but in marriages things don't work out just has you just barely painted it, in relationships Men can take ubujas advise its all cool and helpful, but marriage especially the one with kids, kids you love and ready to do anything over things change and a man needs to exercise a lot of caution and wisdom

Men can always dominate a relationship as you can walk out easily, women on the other hand dominate marriage because they have leverage on you if you truly love your kids

.

What leverage do they have exactly?

iammo:


you can be jailed oo my brother, I have someone who heads the infamous mapo customary court and I know first hand..

there is this divorce case, the woman remarried and the man went to court to pay the monthly upkeep as ordered, on getting there the wife came with her new husband and the kids disrespected him in front of his laughing wife, he got angry and decided to skip like 3 months upkeep, soon the wicked woman went back to court, got a bailiff and a police and they went to the guys workshop, they dragged him to court and he signed an undertaken when he can make the payment

your only way of avoiding payment is to run away from your neighborhood

Under what law is that mapo court operating? How can a woman remarry and still keep the children and also be getting monthly upkeep for the children if the woman wants to keep the children then the new husband should be responsible for the upkeep of the children

solex2346:
My wife is found of the habit of sending our maid which am the one paying her salary to her parents anytime she's travelling and she will call her back when she's back? why would she be the only one benefiting from our house maid,i would be the one cooking my food,washing plates and my clothes anytime my wife is away,am tired of all these shits. pls advise me ooo

Oga permit me to say your a pusssy . You don't act like the man of the house . Your wife will travel to go see her boy lover and then send the maid away so you don't get to tap that azz is that not greediness Wake up oga and act like a man

solex2346:
My wife is found of the habit of sending our maid which am the one paying her salary to her parents anytime she's travelling and she will call her back when she's back? why would she be the only one benefiting from our house maid,i would be the one cooking my food,washing plates and my clothes anytime my wife is away,am tired of all these shits. pls advise me ooo

what shit? so she can come here to post a touching story of how her husband was seduced by her maid abi?

angelfallz:
Under what law is that mapo court operating? How can a woman remarry and still keep the children and also be getting monthly upkeep for the children if the woman wants to keep the children then the new husband should be responsible for the upkeep of the children

No one should pay attention to fear mongering divorce tales of iammo. She He just lying left, right, and centre to buttress his narrative.

solex2346:

Honestly,this is not her first time,am thinking of stopping having maid in our house or she should start paying her salary. thats rubish now

It is as simple as that sir...nothing attached...tell her no matter her issue of truth it would not ruin u...just kukuma send the maid away...if she like let he hire her the way you did and pay her...then if you travel KO...tell the maid you no wan see her for your house again till you come back,lemme see how she will feel...woman just think insecurity is everything... Forgetting they may be stopping someone's destiny from shinning. Anyways talking to your wife privately might be a better key #be your own counsellor

Martinez39s:
OP, don't listen to this advice. No one is asking you to quarrel with your wife. This is not a issue of gragra. Also, there is nothing bad in getting a male house help. However, it's imperative that everyone in a family must do the right thing and know their place. If your wife didn't trust you and wasn't comfortable having the maid around in her absence, she should have done the right thing by talking to you about it (usually from the onset) and thereby leading you or her to make plans for a male replacement way before she travels instead of just sending the housemaid you are paying for away against your will, and leaving you stranded. That's wrong, thoughtless, and selfish. She doesn't complain of the housemaid when she is around but all of a sudden, she sends the housemaid you are paying for away against your will, without your permission, and leaving no helping hand in her absence. To make it worse, it's all happening in your own house, your own house.

Since the house belongs to you, you are the one paying the maid, and your wife didn't complain about the housemaid's stay from the onset, your wife has no right to send her away against your will leaving you stranded with no replacement. That right is reserved for you. That's wrong and selfish of her. Had it been she had complained from the onset, we could say she did the right thing she could and you should have employed a male house help. Give your wife the options I listed and stand on it. If you are man enough, call your wife out on her thoughtless behaviour. This time around, if there is going to be a male replacement, your wife must be the one to talk to you about it way before she travels again.

It's funny how women who don't trust their husbands freely, to any extent, investigate any possible shenanigans of the husband, and take every precaution and measure to ensure the husband doesn't cheat regardless of what their husbands think. However, if a man doesn't trust his wife and insists on a DNA test, or decides to check his wife's phone, all hell break loose and the man gets told "don't you trust me?", "are you trying to say I am slùt?" etc. The op can as well play these cards on his wife.

Ubunja, emmaodet, akinbahm, Solex2364

The woman doesn't trust her husband maybe due to past experience or history with the man been maybe a flirt.
They should hire a male house help or someone from the man's side to stay with them.

emmaodet:
The woman doesn't trust her husband maybe due to past experience or history with the man been maybe a flirt.
They should hire a male house help or someone from the man's side to stay with them.

Maybe, but it is highly unlikely. If the man had been a flirt and cheat to the knowledge of his wife, I don't think he would be puzzled by his wife behaviour to even open a thread on nairaland. Either the wife is overprotective, or she is playing "away match" during her travels and she suspects her husband will cheat just like her in her absence.

Get a male househelp, send him to your parents house whenever you are travelling and also ensure your wife pays his salary

Men are no longer men. Pussies parading about calling themselves men. Stop being a pussy .

Simple answer, she doesn't want you to Bleep the small pikin and bring shame to her, period.
got it?

Martinez39s:
Maybe, but it is highly unlikely. If the man had been a flirt and cheat to the knowledge of his wife, I don't think he would be puzzled by his wife behaviour to even open a thread on nairaland. Either the wife is overprotective, or she is playing "away match" during her travels and she suspects her husband will cheat just like her in her absence.

Hmmmmmm