Mrs, Eve:

I disagree with you, Livedit when you said "that just the way".  The bible speaks about the man being the head of the household and he does not have a final say. The Holy Father, The Son, and the Holy Ghost have the final say.  When you put everything BEFORE GOD then you are not honoring the LIVING WORD. 

If YOU chooses to follow your husband regardless of how you feel that your choice.  "The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice." (Proverbs 12:15) If you have a house before marriage and he has an apartment before marriage, a wise man will not buy another house for a house is already bought and paid for. REGARDLESS whom the owner of the house was.

How ya doing Mrs. Eve! 

I'm not saying you put any man before God.  Because He is a jealous God and no man comes before him.  That's in the ten commandments.  My reasoning is, granted the man you married is a true man of God and prayed and following the guidance of God.  God did place man as the leader in the household.  That's like telling your manager you will come to work when your ready.  They are the leader (manager) therefore, you have to listen to what they say.  If something goes awry in the household, God looks first at the husband (head).  Just like the church, when things are going wrong in the church, God first looks at the pastors first (head).  It's the same way.  Now, like you said, it would make more since if he lived in an apartment and you owned the house to choose the house. That's a no brainer.  However, if your husband decides, well hey, I want to live in my apartment. Therefore, you have no choice but to obey him.  Because when you disobey your husband, you ARE disobeying God. Those are God's rules.  You two serve him together true dat. But the husband do have the final word.  This is why you both should have a relationship with God first and the choice he make rather or not it's wrong on not, your husband will be accountable for it.  Married couples should always seek the face of God first. God's word has already been written.  That's all I'm saying.

Mrs, Eve:

I disagree with you, Livedit when you said "that just the way".  The bible speaks about the man being the head of the household and he does not have a final say. The Holy Father, The Son, and the Holy Ghost have the final say.  When you put everything BEFORE GOD then you are not honoring the LIVING WORD.  

If YOU chooses to follow your husband regardless of how you feel that your choice.  "The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice." (Proverbs 12:15) If you have a house before marriage and he has an apartment before marriage, a wise man will not buy another house for a house is already bought and paid for. REGARDLESS whom the owner of the house was.

This i believe should have been the topic of this thread.

Would you as a man move into your girlfriends house when you are going to get married ?

Truthfully, i honestly don't know. But let me start by saying that i would be extremely uncomfortable in the house. I can move in with her but you must be prepared for the societal backlash. Unfortunately, i live in a traditional African society (Nigeria) not in US or Europe. Here, depending on your religion or ethnicity you have 2 kinds of marriages ;

1. The traditional marriage

2. The Church/Islamic/Civil Wedding

In both these 2 marriages, the families of the bride and groom are actively involved in all stages of the ceremony. Now imagine you (the man) being asked where you are guys are going to stay and you reply : " Am going to be staying at her house ", am telling you authoritatively that there's going to be a riot. Your family members will curse and disown you if you are not careful and insisted on the marriage. Her family members will regard you as a weak man and say that you married her for her money. All sorts of negativity will start and before you know it, your marriage will be in shambles. Your idea is a good one if you are ;

1. Based outside Nigeria

2. Do not invite your family members & friends to the wedding

I know it sounds cruel but that's the truth. That's why its better if your wife to be has a house, let her rent it out and collect the proceeds. You can both contribute 50-50 to buy a new house.

Hello Livedit.

I do agree with you that the man is the head of your household and that all he is. The bible speaks about a married couple agreeing TOGETHER on any subject that concerns them and not a man deciding for the couple then that will defeat the point of partnership.

You said in your previous thread that married couples should seek the face of God first. If the man makes the final decision and can tell his wife the ways to go, what the point of seeking God first?

Now let me bring it back down a notch,

Hypothetically, your husband tell you that you are to cover your body completely when you leave the house, you are to have ten children, your immediate family is to only visit during holidays, you must only work around nuns, you are only to do certain things, and I can go on and on. He is the man of God and he reads his bible.

You will obey him in all those commands? Remember God didn't make man and woman to be beneath each other but as partners.

samir101ng:

This i believe should have been the topic of this thread.

Would you as a man move into your girlfriends house when you are going to get married ?

Truthfully, i honestly don't know. But let me start by saying that i would be extremely uncomfortable in the house. I can move in with her but you must be prepared for the societal backlash. Unfortunately, i live in a traditional African society (Nigeria) not in US or Europe. Here, depending on your religion or ethnicity you have 2 kinds of marriages ;

1. The traditional marriage

2. The Church/Islamic/Civil Wedding

In both these 2 marriages, the families of the bride and groom are actively involved in all stages of the ceremony. Now imagine you (the man) being asked where you are guys are going to stay and you reply : " Am going to be staying at her house ", am telling you authoritatively that there's going to be a riot. Your family members will curse and disown you if you are not careful and insisted on the marriage. Her family members will regard you as a weak man and say that you married her for her money. All sorts of negativity will start and before you know it, your marriage will be in shambles. Your idea is a good one if you are ;

1. Based outside Nigeria

2. Do not invite your family members & friends to the wedding

I know it sounds cruel but that's the truth. That's why its better if your wife to be has a house, let her rent it out and collect the proceeds. You can both contribute 50-50 to buy a new house.

I guess it a crime for a man to move into a woman's house. Oh no! I wouldn't want to be accomplice to that.

Mrs. Eve your point is very valid and makes perfect sense.  When I say seek God, you do pray to him for wisdom and guidance.  God has also blessed his people with common sense.  I would hope you don't meet a man saying crazy stuff like that, but when I say the husband has the final word. He does hun.  Yes you two should pray and seek God first. But in the end, if your husband says: hun, I don't want you to wear that revealing shirt or I want you to stay home tonight, then you are not to wear it.  You don't have to seek God and be like, God, should I wear this shirt or asking God if you can go out? That's what I mean by the last decision.  If your husband decides he wants to move back to his home country, as his wife. You have to go.

Your point of view is excellent.  There should always be mutual respect, but God does put the man in charge over the household.  This is minus some idiotic common sense stuff.  Just like the bible says: If a man don't work, he don't eat.  There are rules for him as well. But I completely understand what you are saying. Honestly, I do.

Mrs, Eve:

I guess it a crime for a man to move into a woman's house.  Oh no!  I wouldn't want to be accomplice to that.  

You are completely missing the point.

If i understood the basis behind this thread and your previous comments, women who live in houses owned by their husbands or boyfriends have not been treated fairly especially during a breakup where the woman is sent forcefully packing out of the house. Therefore, we are reversing their situations and trying to see how the shoe fits on the other foot. Am i right so far ?

That is why i mentioned the Nigerian environment and compared it to other western countries. Most educated/exposed men secure in their manhood will not have any problem moving into their fiancees house. But as i mentioned, they must be willing to endure their societies backlash. If you are in Europe or the US, nobody gives a damn but here in Africa its a different story. The best solution as far as i am concerned for any man wishing to compromise is to buy a house jointly 50-50. Here nobody has a say over the house and if their is a breakup, you either buy each other out or sell the house and split the proceeds.

samir101ng:

You are completely missing the point.

If i understood the basis behind this thread and your previous comments, women who live in houses owned by their husbands or boyfriends have not been treated fairly especially during a breakup where the woman is sent forcefully packing out of the house. Therefore, we are reversing their situations and trying to see how the shoe fits on the other foot. Am i right so far ?

That is why i mentioned the Nigerian environment and compared it to other western countries. Most educated/exposed men secure in their manhood will not have any problem moving into their fiancees house. But as i mentioned, they must be willing to endure their societies backlash. If you are in Europe or the US, nobody gives a damn but here in Africa its a different story. The best solution as far as i am concerned for any man wishing to compromise is to buy a house jointly 50-50. Here nobody has a say over the house and if their is a breakup, you either buy each other out or sell the house and split the proceeds.

I got your point. I was referring to the Nigerian/African environment.

livedit:

Mrs. Eve your point is very valid and makes perfect sense.  When I say seek God, you do pray to him for wisdom and guidance.  God has also blessed his people with common sense.  I would hope you don't meet a man saying crazy stuff like that, but when I say the husband has the final word. He does hun.  Yes you two should pray and seek God first. But in the end, if your husband says: hun, I don't want you to wear that revealing shirt or I want you to stay home tonight, then you are not to wear it.  You don't have to seek God and be like, God, should I wear this shirt or asking God if you can go out? That's what I mean by the last decision.  If your husband decides he wants to move back to his home country, as his wife. You have to go.

Your point of view is excellent.  There should always be mutual respect, but God does put the man in charge over the household.  This is minus some idiotic common sense stuff.  Just like the bible says: If a man don't work, he don't eat.  There are rules for him as well. But I completely understand what you are saying. Honestly, I do.

Girl, you made me laugh when you said that. I was laughing and crying. My husband thought somebody said something to me on the phone. He was ready to blow his chest out. Over my big, ashy, and juicy nyansh going back to his home country! Shiiiiiid! I hear you though and if it works for you sister girl by all means don't pay me no mind.

I don't give HUMANS that much power over me and I am not the "jump how high" person. By all means whatever works for those who do. I ain't mad atcha!

samir101ng:

@ OP,

By the time i am ready to get married, i would be financially secure and able to provide for my family. That means renting or owning a house and funding the wedding. Any REAL MAN worth his salt must have a plan for taking care of his family. That means being educated, having a job, financially mature etc. Ladies always talk of guys taking advantage of them but why date a dude based on his good looks, charm, prowess in bed etc without looking at his future goals. The probability of any woman seeking a serious relationship that will end in marriage dating a guy that does not have a source of income that will provide for his family is very low.

I agree with this perspective.  I am currently funding my own living space, but when I do marry my expectation is that my husband will provide for the above mentioned items. Of course, I will participate in the provision for the family in an agreed upon way.  Again, I really value a man that expects nothing less of himself than to provide for me and our children. And I am more than ready to execute my role as wife.

Mrs, Eve:

Girl, you made me laugh when you said that. I was laughing and crying. My husband thought somebody said something to me on the phone. He was ready to blow his chest out. Over my big, ashy, and juicy nyansh going back to his home country! Shiiiiiid! I hear you though and if it works for you sister girl by all means don't pay me no mind.

I don't give HUMANS that much power over me and I am not the "jump how high" person. By all means whatever works for those who do. I ain't mad atcha!

You so silly! I'm laughing because I can picture a visual of that happening. Too funny girl!

Mrs, Eve


from: confrenzy on December 26, 2010, 10:10 PM
Its ok if a man moves into a womans apartment 4 a start afta which the man has to make frantic effort to be paying the rent, otherwise the situation becomes abnormal. If the woman own/build a house, then the man still has to be somebody that has a capacity of providing shelter even though they both live in that womans house.

So in the nutshell, You as the man provides the shelter regardless if the woman has a house bought and paid for because it would be abnormal if you didn't?  Okay.  Sighs.

mrs eve , u misunderstood  me or u didnt pay attenttion to my last sentence which reads : "If the woman own/build a house, then the man still has to be somebody that has a capacity of providing shelter even though they both live in that womans house".  what i mean here is that if the man is living in the house u(the woman) built or bought, the reason shouldl not be that because he is a pauper or incapable of sheltering the family.

livedit:

You so silly! I'm laughing because I can picture a visual of that happening. Too funny girl!

He always blowing his chest out like he scaring somebody. I done told him he need to sit down somewhere. I wrote on Twitter page that I wasn't staying nowhere but USA. My family in Nigeria cussed me out saying that over their dead fish dinner that the children will stay in Nigeria and I am coming with them. I responded back and said I wouldn't care if they built a white house and a lincoln memorial over in Nigeria. I am not moving there.

Osama10:
In the ideal setting the woman is supposed to move into the man's house and I stand by that.

gbam