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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Daddy's 10 Rules Of Dating His Daughter (3218 Views)
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Daddy's 10 Rules Of Dating His Daughter by diddysmile(m): 10:50pm On Jun 04, 2007 |
DADDY’S 10 RULES OF DATING HIS DAUGHTER While I was searching for an appropriate link for the book, 10 Commandments of Dating, I typed 10 Rules of Dating in Google instead and I found this piece. I think it's cool so I'm sharing it. Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier Method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka — zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car –there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. Selah |
Re: Daddy's 10 Rules Of Dating His Daughter by iice(f): 5:23am On Jun 05, 2007 |
Is this from the show ten rules for dating my daughter? Sure sounds familiar |
Re: Daddy's 10 Rules Of Dating His Daughter by Tywoh(f): 11:40am On Jun 05, 2007 |
This is very interesting. I think most dads are actually implying this, though it's not being said/expressed. Take note guys, it might save you lots of embarrassement. |
Re: Daddy's 10 Rules Of Dating His Daughter by syren: 7:14pm On Jul 11, 2008 |
Do dad's do this stuff? Anyway it's funny sha diddysmile: LMAO Pure Jokes |
Re: Daddy's 10 Rules Of Dating His Daughter by Gamine(f): 7:16pm On Jul 11, 2008 |
Funny |
Re: Daddy's 10 Rules Of Dating His Daughter by Sisikill: 8:22pm On Jul 11, 2008 |
After the rules, come the application process. APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. NAME_____________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________ HEIGHT_____ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_______ SOCIAL SECURITY #________ DRIVERS LICENSE #_________ BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________ HOME ADDRESS______ CITY/STATE_______ ZIP______ Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No If No, explain:__________ Number of years they have been married ______________ If less than your age, explain __________________________ ACCESSORIES SECTION: A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No C. A waterbed __Yes __No D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No E. A tattoo? __Yes __No F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? ___Yes ___No (IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.) ESSAY SECTION: In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? ___________________________ In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ___________________________ In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?_______________________ REFERENCES SECTION: Church you attend__________ How often you attend _____ When would be the best time to interview your: father? _____________ mother? _____________ pastor? _____________ SHORT-ANSWER SECTION: Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential. A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: ______________ B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:_____________________ C: A woman's place is in the: ___________________________ D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:_____________ E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________ F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:_____________ G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _______ I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE. __________________________ Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, slowpoke!) Mother's Signature________ Father's Signature________ Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman___________ Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back) |
Re: Daddy's 10 Rules Of Dating His Daughter by Nobody: 1:00am On Jul 12, 2008 |
Nairaland una no go kill person o Wish I could copy this.Ill save it on my system for future use. |
Re: Daddy's 10 Rules Of Dating His Daughter by Esss(m): 1:17am On Jul 12, 2008 |
Sisikill: Also submit 1. Your International passport 2. A fullset of fingerprints with dental records 3. Copy of your drivers license 4. Two current passport photograph 5. A set of photographs showing your front, side and plan view 6. A detailed body statistic including, height, hair colour, eye colour 7. A copy of a police character report signed 3 hours before the time of submission 8. Full record of your family tree 9. Names and addresses of friends, family relatives and acquintances both here and abroad. 10. A sample of your hair, blood and any other body fluid. |
Re: Daddy's 10 Rules Of Dating His Daughter by Nobody: 1:44am On Jul 12, 2008 |
Re: Daddy's 10 Rules Of Dating His Daughter by Gabry(f): 1:47am On Jul 12, 2008 |
My dad dont come up with the rules, my mom does. She's the Boss |
Re: Daddy's 10 Rules Of Dating His Daughter by Nobody: 1:48am On Jul 12, 2008 |
moms are more dificult to deal with |
Re: Daddy's 10 Rules Of Dating His Daughter by Gabry(f): 3:15am On Jul 12, 2008 |
olrotimi: HAHA! Agree! but my bf is best friends with her. . . . . . |
Re: Daddy's 10 Rules Of Dating His Daughter by Nella(f): 12:39pm On Jul 12, 2008 |
Sisikill: Esss: lmao! I can definitely imagine my dad presenting such list to somone who came to pick me up! lol, |
Re: Daddy's 10 Rules Of Dating His Daughter by datingreviewz: 12:51pm On Mar 13, 2021 |
Cupid is an overall dating site propelled by NSI Holdings in June 2002. In spite of the fact that the organization is situated in the UK, the dating site is home to individuals from all around the world, including nations like the United States, Brazil, India and France Amolatina.com. |
Re: Daddy's 10 Rules Of Dating His Daughter by charlie34: 10:22am On Jun 02, 2021 |
Another one of the most helpful, datinging Europe on a budget is to take a trip to Europe and see what all the fuss is about. Europe is not just a beautiful place to visit. |
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