I was inspired to pour out my heart after reading this thread (https://www.nairaland.com/5780636/lost-job-girlfriend-dumped-me) by Tankunland .


I really don't know how to begin, as I'm currently typing with tears in my eyes while contemplating suicide. I had to create this new account in order to post this, because I'm active on my main account and a few nairalanders have my mobile contact.

I'm the only child of my mother, raises by her alone. My dad left when I was very young and remarried. All my life mother have been my king and I love her respect her alot.

I graduated 4 years ago and went for NYSC. Started job hunting and sent CVs to so many places, written several tests and got invited for interviews but somehow I never get called. I have so many people promise me a job only for them to stop picking my calls, or they will pick and promise to call back, yet no one calls.

I retired to helping my mom in her shop, while applying for jobs and download YouTube videos at night to learn a skill, but it has been difficult for me since my mom operates a mini bar and restaurant. I go to the shop every morning, I wash the plates, clean the places, fetch water and attend to customers.

My mom is aging and I understand. As at last year she started becoming irritated with anything I do, she finds fault in the smallest thing I do. She will scream at me in public and hull insults at me. I told early last year to let me go to Lagos and join some friends, so that I can actively job hunt but she refused.

She insisted that I should be applying and managing the beer parlour. This beer parlour business does not give me anytime to develop myself because I go to shop Monday-Sunday, morning till night 9pm upwards. And I feel very weak whenever I return home, so I will just sleep off.

I do not have any social life, as I do not have the luxury of time to mingle with friends, I do not even have a girlfriend because I understand that it can be time demanding.

Today after cleaning the shop as usual and fetching water, I told my mom that I need to go home and feed the dogs and also fetch water at home she agreed. It wasn't up to 30 minutes she called me on the phone and said I left her to be suffering in the shop. I was surprised and I replied "mom I just left & I told you what i was going to do at home". She yelled.

I had to end the call, out off the fire I already set for the dog food and dashed back to the shop. On reaching there she started yelling and cursing me, saying I'm very lazy. I felt very sad and said mom but I just left here now, why are you disgracing me in this public place?

She kept yelling, people gathered and she took a knife saying she will kill me. I couldn't utter a word, I cried like a baby and left the shop, came back home. I took my bath, then she came home and started cursing me, cursing my father (that I'm irresponsible like him) that God will punish me.

I kept crying, neighbors had to rush in. She seized my keys and went out with it.

The reason I decided to type this information here today is because this is not the first nor second time that this is happening. All the people that live around my house can testify that o don't do anything stupid, I don't smoke, o don't womanize, I don't steal, I don't disrespect people, I only mind my business and try to see that I do the right things.

But my mom keeps piling pressure on me and telling me that I'm the reason why her life is like this, that she regrets giving bet to me, she says so many words to me. Most times I cry and ask God to just take my life if what I'm doing is not enough.

I don't know what to do, I didn't ask to be born, I wish I have siblings from her, I'm really loosing my mind. I know I'm doing my best, but to my mom I'm not doing anything, yet she refuses to let me go and hustle.

I know suicide is not the way and it is what cowards do, but I'm really tired, I'm drained emotionally, I love her and I really want to make her proud and happy. But nothing seems to be working well for me.

Please someone with similar experience, or someone that understands what I have written up there, please help me, I'm dieing inside, I don't what to do or how to manage this anymore. I think of taking my life but I know it is not the right thing to do.

Please

Trust me. I have one advice for you. It always works in this condition and has never failed a man that applied it. Because many men when they got to this position restarted to thing this action I will tell you. If you're desperate enough for the right answer, convince me, and I'll give you the cure to this solution 100%. If you apply it and it fails, please come here and demand 200k from me

Hmmn, my advice will be for you to leave home for a while.

Most Nigerian parents will start nagging and giving you signs no matter how much they love you if you still depend on them financially or are yet to get some things done at a particular age and time as they expect.

I am certain that's what is adding to her frustrations.
As long as you have saved up funds that you can use to get basic things like accomodation, feeding etc sorted for atleast 6months, then you can leave the house.

The book of Proverbs says if you often visit your neighbor, he will get weary of you. It means if people constantly see you, disrespect sets in.

Let her know you are leaving as you are all she has, also visit from time to time as well.

healthserve:
Trust me. I have one advice for you. It always works in this condition and has never failed a man that applied it. Because many men when they got to this position restarted to thing this action I will tell you. If you're desperate enough for the right answer, convince me, and I'll give you the cure to this solution 100%. If you apply it and it fails, please come here and demand 200k from me

Please what can I do to convince you? It's taking a toll on me already.

faithfull18:
Hmmn.

Sister if you have anything to add, please do. I'm feeling like I have nothing to live for. Everyday people are dieing, I have lost a few friends this year. I'm alive and thankful for the gift of life. But things are just not working out.

He that is down needs fear no fall. It can't get worse. It can only get better

Shibaraba:
He that is down needs fear no fall. It can't get worse. It can only get better

Eynon niyen. Ki lo n pop

Shibaraba:
He that is down needs fear no fall. It can't get worse. It can only get better

I hope so

healthserve:


Eynon niyen. Ki lo n pop

Baba we dey ooo. Nice one

I don't understand what you mean by she didn't let you go out to hustle.

You mean you still listen to a mother who tells you to your face that she regrets giving birth to you?

Okay then, stay there.
I don't think you're angry enough yet.

LoneRanger28:


Please what can I do to convince you? It's taking a toll on me already.

Let's not talk too much story, you will do a few things.ike three that's all

Nothing more tiring than a woman who nags. I won't be surprised if your mum nagged your father to leave their relationship and remarry. Unfortunately there's nothing you can do to stop her from nagging other than relocating and coming back a few years when you have acquired something or started doing something for yourself cos the rate with which you're going, I doubt if you would have time to do anything meaningful for yourself. Take the bull by the horn and relocate. Let her cater for herself while you hustle your way around till you can find a good footing. Best of luck

StPete:
Nothing more tiring than a woman who nags. I won't be surprised if your mum nagged your father to leave their relationship and remarry. Unfortunately there's nothing you can do to stop her from nagging other than relocating and coming back a few years when you have acquired something or started doing something for yourself cos the rate with which you're going, I doubt if you would have time to do anything meaningful for yourself. Take the bull by the horn and relocate. Let her cater for herself while you hustle your way around till you can find a good footing. Best of luck

Thank you, I had the intention of relocating, before the issue of covid-19 came up.

healthserve:



Let's not talk too much story, you will do a few things.ike three that's all

Things like?

crackland:
I don't understand what you mean by she didn't let you go out to hussle.

You mean you still listen to a mother who tells you to your face that she regrets giving birth to you?

Okay then, stay there.
I don't think you're angry enough yet.

Thanks for your input.

You gotta man up pack your things and leave. But before you do that, make sure you have enough savings to start up wherever you wish to go like for a single room accommodation, feeding for a couple of months because to have someone that ll house and feed you without drama these days is rare. Best of luck.

Sorry for all the pain and struggle... and please don't be angry with what I want to share with you as they come from the brain of a youth but below are the things you can try to help yourself...

**************************

STRIVE FOR YOUR INDEPENDENCE WHILE WITH HER.

You may be thinking about relocating but kindly consider what may happen to you if you do. try to consider how life will be with such step. You relocating means you'll start catering for yourself. do you have what it takes?

Are you capable enough to cater for yourself? Pay rent? Pay bills? how do you envisage your life will be like if you relocate?

remember, if you don't have enough, it could turn out to be a real trying time for you. You could suffer and you could also be tempted or influenced to start doing criminal things.

So if you know you cannot, maybe you shouldn't try it.

rather, this is what I advice you to do. Stay with your mum and do as she commands. I know she may go extreme but if you are doing as she commands, then her complains and threats will at least reduce. Put up with all her excesses and the pain but while doing this, ensure you are limiting your spending and SAVING A LOT from what you gain.

Note: Please, whatever you do, don't steal her money. You will not get any blessings (from God) on it and if she finds out, you may be giving her more reasons to hate and maltreat you.

So try saving a lot. all what you do not need and can require you spending money, for now, leave it aside. Save a lot of money that can be enough for you to start a small business. there are small business around that you can start with like 50k especially if you can see someone to help you with instruments and space and someone (like a friend) to squat with. that 50k, if you're diligent with the business, can help you and God can bless you through it.

So throughout this time, put up with her excesses, do as she commands and save a lot.

Or you may need the money to do some other things if it's actually a degree or white collar job you got. You need money sha. Never stop saving!

**************************

During this period man, please open our mouth and reach out. Ask for help; both physically and virtually (on social media). Meet with the big men or well off people in your area that could help you and ask them to help you concerning work that you can do.

Note: except if you find it absolutely necessary, never you tell them about what your mother is doing and paint her black. Don't expose your mum. Just complain to them of how you need a job badly and you're doing nothing... e.t.c...

So reach out as much as you can, you never can tell where help may come from.

*****************************

Then do you have family members? this might be a time to get closer to them but don't do it in an annoying manner.

do you have aunts? uncles? Try calling them regularly but not too much. Try getting familiar with them both from mother and father's side. Just call them to ask after them and everything.

If you could establish an harmonious and good relationship between you and your relatives, it's like you are getting closer to getting your problems solved or alleviated.

That uncle or aunt or relative you call regularly may start feeling pleased and compassionate towards you and may want to ask about your life one day. They may want to send you money. they may want to invite you to come spend time at their house. they may want to know how your life is going and may be willing to help. Who knows? You can get your problems solved from there.

These are some of the reasons why ties of kinship are very important.

****************

Then another thing but this one requires a GREAT DEAL of boldness, especially when considering the kind of person your mum is.

So if you're bold enough, let's go.

You see, I know there are exceptions, but generally, the love of a mother to her child is powerful and cannot change. She conceived you, carried you for nine months, you came out through her 'hole', she breastfed you, tended you, took care of you; all of these things are experiences that establishes a great connection between mother and child and leaves this very powerful compassion between a mother and a child.

You see, your mum may love you for real. There are mums who do or have done worse than hers to their children. She may love and feel some affection for you but all these actions may be influenced by her bad attitude or character or maybe because of an experience she suffered, that caused an adverse impact on her psychology and influenced her attitude towards you.

Perhaps, it's because of all the pain she suffered while raising you alone without help from anyone. perhaps, it's because of something bad your father did to her and it has caused her to hate or maltreat you. Or it may be because she's expecting that at your age, you should have become something and she's seeing other children of your mates doing it and the fact that she's spending on you and not receiving, pains her. There could be an experience in her life in relation to you that's causing all these.

so if you are bold enough, I advise you to do this.

- Swallow your pride and embrace humility to the fullest!

- Summon all boldness you can in you.

- Call your mum and tell her you want to see her at a time when she's not busy.

- When she obliges you, take her to a secret, silent place and sit her down.

- While she's seated, go down on your kneels before her, summon all the tears you can find and hold her two legs (there's a big secret in holding someone's legs while begging them. It's kind of regarded as the topmost phase of humility).

- Start by thanking her for all what she's done in your life. Mention the fact that she took great care of you despite the fact that your father left and she had to raise you alone and despite the fact that you've not been the best child to her, but her love for you remains still. Ensure that you speak of her and all what she's done for you in the MOST LOFTY TERMS you can find. Don't ever attribute any bad thing to her (like mentioning all what she did to you). Tell her she's the BEST!

- Then (this was the reason I said 'swallow your pride'), tell her you are VERY sorry for all the pain you've caused her and all the misdeeds you've done to her all these while. Tell her it's all because you were carried away by the too much love and chance she has given you and they were all mistakes. Appreciate the fact that she never turned you away despite all what you've done and she has always been there for you. Tell her you're sorry for everything and that you want her to forgive you for everything and you are ready to be good boy and make her proud.

- After that, tell her that you know that you should have been doing more for her as a child but you have not just been chanced. Tell her she means a lot to you and you intend doing anything for her. Tell her how she means the world to you, how you intend taking her to the moon and bringing her back but you've not just been chanced and her keeping you in the house and not allowing you go out to go find a living is limiting all your dreams. Show her you have dreams; show her your plans to success; show her you want to be successful and make her proud (you can leave her legs and hold her cheeks now or knees).

- Ask her that she should give you a chance to prove yourself and she should support you more like the good mother she has been all these while and you will try all your best to make her proud. Try to convince her as much as you can.

- After you have said everything, you can now end by going down flat on your belly, crying seriously, holding on tight to her legs and repeatedly saying "mummy, please. mummy, Please." or something to that effect.

I hope that you get a positive response from her after doing this and if you do and she gives you the chance you want, it's now left to you to decide if you'll be serious with your life and make her proud like you said or you'll let the temptations of the devil and laziness get the better of you.

But if you do not get a positive response, continue trying those three points I stated above and pray hard, and we hope that God will grant you a way out of this and ease your affairs.

But whatever you do, even if you relocate, never dump your mother totally or cut her off from your life totally. That's like a GRAVE mistake.

So that's my advice.

I can relate. Stay strong. Time heals everything.

Ahmed0336:
You gotta man up pack your things and leave. But before you do that, make sure you have enough savings to start up wherever you wish to go like for a single room accommodation, feeding for a couple of months because to have someone that ll house and feed you without drama these days is rare. Best of luck.

Thanks. I have some money, I just can't travel now due to the lockdown.

LoneRanger28:
I was inspired to pour out my heart after reading this thread (https://www.nairaland.com/5780636/lost-job-girlfriend-dumped-me) by Tankunland .


I really don't know how to begin, as I'm currently typing with tears in my eyes while contemplating suicide. I had to create this new account in order to post this, because I'm active on my main account and a few nairalanders have my mobile contact.

I'm the only child of my mother, raises by her alone. My dad left when I was very young and remarried. All my life mother have been my king and I love her respect her alot.

I graduated 4 years ago and went for NYSC. Started job hunting and sent CVs to so many places, written several tests and got invited for interviews but somehow I never get called. I have so many people promise me a job only for them to stop picking my calls, or they will pick and promise to call back, yet no one calls.

I retired to helping my mom in her shop, while applying for jobs and download YouTube videos at night to learn a skill, but it has been difficult for me since my mom operates a mini bar and restaurant. I go to the shop every morning, I wash the plates, clean the places, fetch water and attend to customers.

My mom is aging and I understand. As at last year she started becoming irritated with anything I do, she finds fault in the smallest thing I do. She will scream at me in public and hull insults at me. I told early last year to let me go to Lagos and join some friends, so that I can actively job hunt but she refused.

She insisted that I should be applying and managing the beer parlour. This beer parlour business does not give me anytime to develop myself because I go to shop Monday-Sunday, morning till night 9pm upwards. And I feel very weak whenever I return home, so I will just sleep off.

I do not have any social life, as I do not have the luxury of time to mingle with friends, I do not even have a girlfriend because I understand that it can be time demanding.

Today after cleaning the shop as usual and fetching water, I told my mom that I need to go home and feed the dogs and also fetch water at home she agreed. It wasn't up to 30 minutes she called me on the phone and said I left her to be suffering in the shop. I was surprised and I replied "mom I just left & I told you what i was going to do at home". She yelled.

I had to end the call, out off the fire I already set for the dog food and dashed back to the shop. On reaching there she started yelling and cursing me, saying I'm very lazy. I felt very sad and said mom but I just left here now, why are you disgracing me in this public place?

She kept yelling, people gathered and she took a knife saying she will kill me. I couldn't utter a word, I cried like a baby and left the shop, came back home. I took my bath, then she came home and started cursing me, cursing my father (that I'm irresponsible like him) that God will punish me.

I kept crying, neighbors had to rush in. She seized my keys and went out with it.

The reason I decided to type this information here today is because this is not the first nor second time that this is happening. All the people that live around my house can testify that o don't do anything stupid, I don't smoke, o don't womanize, I don't steal, I don't disrespect people, I only mind my business and try to see that I do the right things.

But my mom keeps piling pressure on me and telling me that I'm the reason why her life is like this, that she regrets giving bet to me, she says so many words to me. Most times I cry and ask God to just take my life if what I'm doing is not enough.

I don't know what to do, I didn't ask to be born, I wish I have siblings from her, I'm really loosing my mind. I know I'm doing my best, but to my mom I'm not doing anything, yet she refuses to let me go and hustle.

I know suicide is not the way and it is what cowards do, but I'm really tired, I'm drained emotionally, I love her and I really want to make her proud and happy. But nothing seems to be working well for me.

Please someone with similar experience, or someone that understands what I have written up there, please help me, I'm dieing inside, I don't what to do or how to manage this anymore. I think of taking my life but I know it is not the right thing to do.

Please

Your mum is trying to keep you caged,but you have to take your independence by force.
She's your mum but you have the right to live and find your own path in life.

Since your mother does not appreciate your efforts, and the jobs you want are not forthcoming, go out and look for those menial jobs that you think are below your standard.
Even if you don't like the job and the pay is low, accept them, it'll pave way for bigger jobs and avoid waste of time.
It'll also give you a sense of independence, worth and something or somewhere to look forward to. You'll begin to feel needed and useful.
Also, your mum will begin to respect you when she does not get to see you all the time.

MariaAngeles:


Since your mother does not appreciate your efforts, and the jobs you want are not forthcoming, go out and look for those menial jobs that you think are below your standard...even if you don't like it and the pay is low.
It'll give you a sense of independence, worth and something or somewhere to look forward to. You'll begin to feel needed and useful.
Also, your mum will begin to respect you when she does not get to see you all the time.

Thank you Maria.

LoneRanger28:


Thank you Maria.

Read my comment again...I modified it

MariaAngeles:


Read my comment again...I modified it

You are right. Thanks again.

Oga, leave home and go and start your life wherever the hustle leads you. Why will you be doing maid work in your mother's shop and be crying up-and-down like a child 4 years post graduate? Surely, you would be disappointed in you son who finished school for more than 4 yrs but opted to be fetching water in his mom's shop because said mom says he shouldn't chase opportunities, yet he's being abused by the same mom! Even if all you do is to get properly skilled in the environment you're in and offer whatever service is needed there.

Please, act the adult you are and help yourself. The other guy whose story you were referencing was a hustler...no time was he being controlled by his mom/gf regarding how to hustle for his livelihood biko. That guy was a winner even when he was down! Good luck.

You have to leave that vicinity man. What's your course of study btw ?

LoneRanger28:


Sister if you have anything to add, please do. I'm feeling like I have nothing to live for. Everyday people are dieing, I have lost a few friends this year. I'm alive and thankful for the gift of life. But things are just not working out.

Your Mum is bitter - pure and simple
Your being around is aggravating that. She's piling all her mistakes on you. She chose your father you didnt and until she realises that she's gonna carry that bitterness to her grave. Dont let that bitter seep into you.
Leave - you don't need her permission you're an adult and carve out a life for you. You are a human being outside of whose loins you were born.

LEAVE - stop being her punching bag

LoneRanger28:


Sister if you have anything to add, please do. I'm feeling like I have nothing to live for. Everyday people are dieing, I have lost a few friends this year. I'm alive and thankful for the gift of life. But things are just not working out.

I already posted above, you also need to calm down. You are alive, that's a good thing. What you should be bothered about now is skilling up and stop comparing yourself with others. We are all different, some will have it easy, some will have it tough.

Also, never forget the place of God in your dealings because at the end of all these struggles, He is all that matters, don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

LoneRanger28:
I was inspired to pour out my heart after reading this thread (https://www.nairaland.com/5780636/lost-job-girlfriend-dumped-me) by Tankunland .


I really don't know how to begin, as I'm currently typing with tears in my eyes while contemplating suicide. I had to create this new account in order to post this, because I'm active on my main account and a few nairalanders have my mobile contact.

I'm the only child of my mother, raises by her alone. My dad left when I was very young and remarried. All my life mother have been my king and I love her respect her alot.

I graduated 4 years ago and went for NYSC. Started job hunting and sent CVs to so many places, written several tests and got invited for interviews but somehow I never get called. I have so many people promise me a job only for them to stop picking my calls, or they will pick and promise to call back, yet no one calls.

I retired to helping my mom in her shop, while applying for jobs and download YouTube videos at night to learn a skill, but it has been difficult for me since my mom operates a mini bar and restaurant. I go to the shop every morning, I wash the plates, clean the places, fetch water and attend to customers.

My mom is aging and I understand. As at last year she started becoming irritated with anything I do, she finds fault in the smallest thing I do. She will scream at me in public and hull insults at me. I told early last year to let me go to Lagos and join some friends, so that I can actively job hunt but she refused.

She insisted that I should be applying and managing the beer parlour. This beer parlour business does not give me anytime to develop myself because I go to shop Monday-Sunday, morning till night 9pm upwards. And I feel very weak whenever I return home, so I will just sleep off.

I do not have any social life, as I do not have the luxury of time to mingle with friends, I do not even have a girlfriend because I understand that it can be time demanding.

Today after cleaning the shop as usual and fetching water, I told my mom that I need to go home and feed the dogs and also fetch water at home she agreed. It wasn't up to 30 minutes she called me on the phone and said I left her to be suffering in the shop. I was surprised and I replied "mom I just left & I told you what i was going to do at home". She yelled.

I had to end the call, out off the fire I already set for the dog food and dashed back to the shop. On reaching there she started yelling and cursing me, saying I'm very lazy. I felt very sad and said mom but I just left here now, why are you disgracing me in this public place?

She kept yelling, people gathered and she took a knife saying she will kill me. I couldn't utter a word, I cried like a baby and left the shop, came back home. I took my bath, then she came home and started cursing me, cursing my father (that I'm irresponsible like him) that God will punish me.

I kept crying, neighbors had to rush in. She seized my keys and went out with it.

The reason I decided to type this information here today is because this is not the first nor second time that this is happening. All the people that live around my house can testify that o don't do anything stupid, I don't smoke, o don't womanize, I don't steal, I don't disrespect people, I only mind my business and try to see that I do the right things.

But my mom keeps piling pressure on me and telling me that I'm the reason why her life is like this, that she regrets giving bet to me, she says so many words to me. Most times I cry and ask God to just take my life if what I'm doing is not enough.

I don't know what to do, I didn't ask to be born, I wish I have siblings from her, I'm really loosing my mind. I know I'm doing my best, but to my mom I'm not doing anything, yet she refuses to let me go and hustle.

I know suicide is not the way and it is what cowards do, but I'm really tired, I'm drained emotionally, I love her and I really want to make her proud and happy. But nothing seems to be working well for me.

Please someone with similar experience, or someone that understands what I have written up there, please help me, I'm dieing inside, I don't what to do or how to manage this anymore. I think of taking my life but I know it is not the right thing to do.

Please

Sorry dear but it's time you take your life into your own hands. You won't be able to make any progress as long as you remain in that toxic environment. Simply go to Lagos and find a new life. Do not let your mom pour out her frustration on you. Remember she has lived out her youth, it's time you live yours.

LoneRanger28:


You are right. Thanks again.

Guy Escape

She's frustrated.
Seeing you unable to reach your full potential makes her feel like she failed.
.
It must not be Lagos. Ask around for odd jobs you can do in your vicinity. Working other jobs aside from her restaurant will show her that you are not content with where you are and you want to be better. No job is too small as long as you get paid. Gradually, she will be the one praying for God to bless your hustle.
Save money from this and keep trying to update your knowledge.
I know you will succeed.

Mykel51:
You have to leave that vicinity man. What's your course of study btw ?

Chemical engineering

sisisioge:
Oga, leave home and go and start your life wherever the hustle leads you. Why will you be doing maid work in your mother's shop and be crying up-and-down like a child 4 years post graduate? Surely, you would be disappointed in you son who finished school for more than 4 yrs but opted to be fetching water in his mom's shop because said mom says he shouldn't chase opportunities, yet he's being abused by the same mom! Even if all you do is to get properly skilled in the environment you're in and offer whatever service is needed there.

Please, act the adult you are and help yourself. The other guy whose story you were referencing was a hustler...no time was he being controlled by his mom/gf regarding how to hustle for his livelihood biko. That guy was a winner even when he was down! Good luck.

Thanks for your advice