OP, you are the kind of son every father prays to have. You can hold the family together and enforce discipline and justice in the absence of the father.

Your dad should take her back to her mother.

Men should stop bringing in kids/relatives that they won’t care for, because the welfare of that child would rest mainly on the woman and if she isn’t interested- you know how it goes.

Most men do not want the responsibility of training another man’s child (marrying single mothers). I don’t know why over and over, they try putting their wives in same position they so dread. While it is VERY wrong for your mum to maltreat a child. Your dad is no saint for bringing in the child to an environment where she isn’t wanted.

If you want peace in a home on such matters, appeal to the wife. If the wife is happy, everybody will be happy. Take the girl somewhere else.

You are a good soul
What to do? Forward this thread to all your family members’ phones (father, mom and siblings and not your cousin). Anybody with a conscience would feel contrite and amend their ways after reading the responses here. If not, then they are not good people.
Don’t ever tow their path. May blessings find, and follow you always.
I wish that if the whole thing came to an ultimatum, that you and your dad and any other sibling on your side would choose your cousin. I know this is probably impossible but I still wish it.

You may deactivate after showing them and open another account so you can remain anonymous, and hidden from them too.
Cheers.

creekman:
Most women naturally maltreat other people's children. It's just their nature and this is bad.

True. But some of their actions, especially against vulnerable kids do attract curses upon their lives and that of their kids.


The op should continue to avoid future curse as a result of his mother's wickedness to a vulnerable child.


Sometimes women act foolishly without caution or thinking twice.

Why are African female gender that selfish in general; they are only after their own. Yet they can't pray for their children to fall victim of another mother's care. Which reasonable mother prays to just be seeing her child leave under her to go and stay with another woman?

I want to adopt and that a thing my wife MUST be in support of before we marry as any sign of maltreatment from her can make me end the marriage. It may be harsh but haven being a victim of such treatment myself is making me press the brake on marrying a woman because of my burning desire to adopt.

YouTube is filled with children giving their step mom surprise both certificate form so the step mom can have their names replaced in the birth certificate. You need to see the crying from mothers and it also bring tears to me too. Why can black or African mom's take same steps.

kunletexs:
Why are African female gender that selfish in general; they are only after their own. Yet they can't pray for their children to fall victim of another mother's care. Which reasonable mother prays to just be seeing her child leave under her to go and stay with another woman?

I want to adopt and that a thing my wife MUST be in support of before we marry as any sign of maltreatment from her can make me end the marriage. It may be harsh but haven being a victim of such treatment myself is making me press the brake on marrying a woman because of my burning desire to adopt.

YouTube is filled with children giving their step mom surprise both certificate form so the step mom can have their names replaced in the birth certificate. You need to see the crying from mothers and it also bring tears to me too. Why can black or African mom's take same steps.

Proud of you

my suggestion to that issue is that you give your mom instances on how she will feel seeing her own son staying with relatives and been maltreated that way will she be okay....and the very point there is that when the hatred gets to the peak the girl will rather turn the good or bad of life and your family will pay for it

Greatzeus:
Most women are like that. When you see a good nice godly woman,if you way to test how good or godly she really is,bring another child home ( a maid or child of a relative or a step child) you will now know why the Bible call women weaker vessels.
The first good woman I will meet in my life will be the one who treats other people's child as her own. Future impossible tense

Exactly.

Dganji:
More than ever am not happy with my mom.

I have this younger sister who was adopted by my dad from his younger sister (her father is late), she's just 10 years of age and I really don't like my mom's attitude towards that little girl. In the past when i was much younger, my mom had many quarrels with the mother of my adopted sister which I really can't give accurate count on who's right or wrong, but for the record my aunty (younger sis mom) is very troublesome no doubt.

She started living with us June last year and I noticed she's always very happy when me or my dad comes home. I was thinking it was because we were very nice to her, not knowing the kind of pressure she was going through at home.

Several occasions I have seen my mom saying too many harsh words to that little girl which I am not comfortable with but I've had to keep my calm. I feel reacting would make my mom hate her more as she might feel the little girl has turned her children against her.

The saddest part of it is that our last born who's 15 years is taking the same part with my mom in frustrating that little girl. Today Ilost my cool and reacted and truth is I'm not willing to continue keeping calm again.

My immediate younger brother (we are 3 boys and no girl) decided to start taking this my little sister out for jugging cos she's too fat. She always returns home crying cos of the pressure they put on her to jug. My mom on hearing her cry today came out and started beating her and saying hatefull words to her, including insulting her mom, calling her mom names which honestly would get any child angry if they are told same about their parent.

Out of annoyance I got up and shouted at my mom to leave her alone that it's becoming too bad for her as a mother to treath children like that. Instantly my mom kept calm and guilt was written all over her face. I'm honestly not happy about disrespecting my mom but I'm no longer keeping my calm.

There was a time when my dad had to take similar action against my mom and it didnt go well for anybody, the little girl suffered more hate from my mom and my dad wasnt really happy with my mom that period.

Returning that little girl back to her mom is never an option as the environment where her mom is very negative and would no doubt worsen her situation.

Talking to my mom calmy about it has been done by me and my immediate younger brother but problem still persists.

My worries are.
1, the little girl
2, my youngest brother who is taking after my mom
3 me disrespecting my mom.

Nairalanders your advice would be appreciated on this situation. I already have what to do in mind already but I will love to hear from those who have experienced similar situation and how best to handle it.

Kudos to you boy. I am happy reading this from you. Shows me you will grow up to become a real man, a responsible man. May the GOOD LORD give you a good wife to boot.

Now, you have done absolutely nothing wrong. Of course I doubt your mom will even chance, you know what they say about old habits however, keep speaking up, maybe just maybe she will change.

I had/have a similar issue, was practically disowned for it....let's leave it here.

humilitypays:
sometimes I wonder if the all good sounding ladies we have on Nairaland are different from all the evil, wicked women we have all over Nigerian homes, abi una de turn good women only online ni

Na person wey go bite you you dey find

Dganji:
excatly.
You know, during my childhood days before my kid sister was born ive stayed with her mother for holidays. She was never harsh to me, infact i must confess she pampered me to the extent my dad had to avoid me going to stay with her, also ive stayed with my uncles who always treats me well.
They canned me when necessary and treated me like their children, even their wives were not harsh to me but how do i explain to people that my mom is behaving badly to their children when i know they treated me well?
Ill still look for a way to talk to her and see reasons from this angle too.
Thanks for the idea, its an inspiration..

All the sermons that you would be needing to have a heart-to- heart with your mum have already been summarized by the same you here. So, search no more. Believe me, if you can highlight these points emotionally to your Mum, her hard heart towards the innocent girl will melt for good. And when discussing this with her, spark it up with tears ( wether crocodile own,all join) and you will see your mum melting literally before you. Advisably, have that your youngest brother around too while having the emotional talks with your Mum! May God soften her heart towards the innocent girl and sow an everlasting seed of love there in,Amen!

Hmmmmmmm

Dganji:
More than ever am not happy with my mom.

I have this younger sister who was adopted by my dad from his younger sister (her father is late), she's just 10 years of age and I really don't like my mom's attitude towards that little girl. In the past when i was much younger, my mom had many quarrels with the mother of my adopted sister which I really can't give accurate count on who's right or wrong, but for the record my aunty (younger sis mom) is very troublesome no doubt.

She started living with us June last year and I noticed she's always very happy when me or my dad comes home. I was thinking it was because we were very nice to her, not knowing the kind of pressure she was going through at home.

Several occasions I have seen my mom saying too many harsh words to that little girl which I am not comfortable with but I've had to keep my calm. I feel reacting would make my mom hate her more as she might feel the little girl has turned her children against her.

The saddest part of it is that our last born who's 15 years is taking the same part with my mom in frustrating that little girl. Today Ilost my cool and reacted and truth is I'm not willing to continue keeping calm again.

My immediate younger brother (we are 3 boys and no girl) decided to start taking this my little sister out for jugging cos she's too fat. She always returns home crying cos of the pressure they put on her to jug. My mom on hearing her cry today came out and started beating her and saying hatefull words to her, including insulting her mom, calling her mom names which honestly would get any child angry if they are told same about their parent.

Out of annoyance I got up and shouted at my mom to leave her alone that it's becoming too bad for her as a mother to treath children like that. Instantly my mom kept calm and guilt was written all over her face. I'm honestly not happy about disrespecting my mom but I'm no longer keeping my calm.

There was a time when my dad had to take similar action against my mom and it didnt go well for anybody, the little girl suffered more hate from my mom and my dad wasnt really happy with my mom that period.

Returning that little girl back to her mom is never an option as the environment where her mom is very negative and would no doubt worsen her situation.

Talking to my mom calmy about it has been done by me and my immediate younger brother but problem still persists.

My worries are.
1, the little girl
2, my youngest brother who is taking after my mom
3 me disrespecting my mom.

Nairalanders your advice would be appreciated on this situation. I already have what to do in mind already but I will love to hear from those who have experienced similar situation and how best to handle it.

It saddens my heart when I see women behave like that, the fact remains that 95% of women who find themselves in such scenario will act like your mom; that’s how mean most women can be.
I was a victim of such too but today I decided to check my Uncles wife on Facebook, I saw her face once again after 22 years, and the fact is I turned out better in all places she said I won’t do well but up till today she can’t boast of a son of her own (Karma Right?), your mom is lucky she has 3 sons, so she decided to treat her adopted daughter badly.
Well bro, if you are old enough to know that ur is been a bad mother to ur sister then you r old enough to caution her big time and like a man too and I’m sure that’s not been rude of disrespectful. Sending the girl back is not a good option when she has you, your dad and your your younger to speak for her.
As for your youngest, in a couple years he too will be old enough to know that your mom is been evil to the poor girl. Make him understand that if the reverse was the case, would he be happy to see the girls mom treat you guys the way ur mom is currently treating her? But sincerely your mom will never change, but don’t keep quiet and watch things go from bad to worse. Be a man, I presume you are up to 20.

The best solution to this is to return the child back to her mother o if she’s still alive or take her outta that house. All this comment won’t solve anything. The truth is if she’s still living there she’ll continue suffering till she turn 13. That’s when her number six with give her some nerves to run go meet BRODA kunle living at the next street. That’s when her life go completely ruined after getting belle

Dganji:
More than ever am not happy with my mom.

I have this younger sister who was adopted by my dad from his younger sister (her father is late), she's just 10 years of age and I really don't like my mom's attitude towards that little girl. In the past when i was much younger, my mom had many quarrels with the mother of my adopted sister which I really can't give accurate count on who's right or wrong, but for the record my aunty (younger sis mom) is very troublesome no doubt.

She started living with us June last year and I noticed she's always very happy when me or my dad comes home. I was thinking it was because we were very nice to her, not knowing the kind of pressure she was going through at home.

Several occasions I have seen my mom saying too many harsh words to that little girl which I am not comfortable with but I've had to keep my calm. I feel reacting would make my mom hate her more as she might feel the little girl has turned her children against her.

The saddest part of it is that our last born who's 15 years is taking the same part with my mom in frustrating that little girl. Today Ilost my cool and reacted and truth is I'm not willing to continue keeping calm again.

My immediate younger brother (we are 3 boys and no girl) decided to start taking this my little sister out for jugging cos she's too fat. She always returns home crying cos of the pressure they put on her to jug. My mom on hearing her cry today came out and started beating her and saying hatefull words to her, including insulting her mom, calling her mom names which honestly would get any child angry if they are told same about their parent.

Out of annoyance I got up and shouted at my mom to leave her alone that it's becoming too bad for her as a mother to treath children like that. Instantly my mom kept calm and guilt was written all over her face. I'm honestly not happy about disrespecting my mom but I'm no longer keeping my calm.

There was a time when my dad had to take similar action against my mom and it didnt go well for anybody, the little girl suffered more hate from my mom and my dad wasnt really happy with my mom that period.

Returning that little girl back to her mom is never an option as the environment where her mom is very negative and would no doubt worsen her situation.

Talking to my mom calmy about it has been done by me and my immediate younger brother but problem still persists.

My worries are.
1, the little girl
2, my youngest brother who is taking after my mom
3 me disrespecting my mom.

Nairalanders your advice would be appreciated on this situation. I already have what to do in mind already but I will love to hear from those who have experienced similar situation and how best to handle it.

It saddens my heart when I see women behave like that, the fact remains that 95% of women who find themselves in such scenario will act like your mom; that’s how mean most women can be.
I was a victim of such too but today I decided to check my Uncles wife on Facebook, I saw her face once again after 22 years, and the fact is I turned out better in all places she said I won’t do well but up till today she can’t boast of a son of her own (Karma Right?), your mom is lucky she has 3 sons, that’s why she decided to treat her adopted daughter badly.
Well bro, if you are old enough to know that ur is been a bad mother to ur sister then you r old enough to caution her big time and like a man too and I’m sure that’s not been rude of disrespectful. Sending the girl back is not a good option when she has you, your dad and your your younger to speak for her.
As for your youngest, in a couple years he too will be old enough to know that your mom is been evil to the poor girl. Make him understand that if the reverse was the case, would he be happy to see the girls mom treat you guys the way ur mom is currently treating her? But sincerely your mom will never change, but don’t keep quiet and watch things go from bad to worse. Be a man, I presume you are up to 20.

No one knows tomorrow.....Help as much as u can...

Davash222:
To caution your mom is not disrespect. She's your mom doesn't mean she can't be cautioned. Don't feel guilty about that.

Exactly
That's is wat most Africa kids fail to know ,

My own mom messed up and when I caution her she became angry,,,
Bro who cares ,she day on her own now ,and I no send

Ishilove:

Simply cut down on her sugary and fatty food intake and let her do some light exercises. Stop pressuring this child, ehn. Your good intentions are adding to her misery. She is a child. You people seem to forget she is just 10years old.

You have a very valid point but the child may also be enjoying, and looking forward to the running (to escape, to dream, to please, to have a nice time with someone she is sure that loves her, etc). While doing this she would get a nice muscle build and tone and the feel good endorphins released during exercise she clearly needs. So it’s still a win I feel.

Mstick:
Did your parents both agree to adopt the girl?

Your mother like most of people is taking out her anger on the weakest person in the house because she knows the girl wouldn't react.

I am happy you and your dad aren't in support of her ill treatment towards her and you stood up for her but don't try to correct or scold your mother in front of the girl it will do more harm in the long run than good.

exactly, I experienced the same thing too, I had to warn my junior bros never to do it in the little girl presence

crackkhaus:
[/b]Pointed me to a woman who can treat a child not borne of her uterus like he/she was her own biological child, and I'll confidently explain what a rare precious diamond she is.[b]

Your mum is not doing anything unusual but keep correcting her whenever you can. Honestly though, I highly doubt you will be able to put a final stop to anything.
If your father, her husband, was unable to rein her in, you certainly will never be able to.

Keep trying...

My sisters are rare gems and precious diamonds...they treat my daughter much better than I treat her.

That is family palaba try and make your mom the reason why she Should stop treating her the way she do, and why.

pocohantas:
Your dad should take her back to her parents.

Men should stop bringing in kids/relatives that they won’t care for, because the welfare of that child would rest mainly on the woman and if she isn’t interested- you know how it goes.

Most men do not want the responsibility of training another man’s child (marrying single mothers). I don’t know why over and over, they try putting their wives in same position they so dread. While it is VERY wrong for your mum to maltreat a child. Your dad is no saint for bringing in the child to an environment where she isn’t wanted.

If you want peace in a home on such matters, appeal to the wife. If the wife is happy, everybody will be happy. Take the girl somewhere else.

Lady, learn to speak for your gender and speak to them to stop the useless act they do against children who are not theirs.

Who says men don't like taking care of other people children but what you don't know is that we do but the useless attitude from selfish wives like you make us restrain

You can bring in your whole family members to stay in your husband house bur there would be war if your husband's. Younger brother comes to stay for two weeks.

You strike me as a woman who would instruct your house help not to sit on the chair but on the floor in the parlour.

You strike me as one that your milk of kindness only stop with your children and some to your sibling children.

Take a break from the circle of selfishness and go to YouTube to see children coming to hand over surprise forms to their stepmothers to sign so she can be in their own birth certificates.

The blessing might not be seen now but in future you never can know if that child would be the one that would setup your own children to higher places.

IT PAYS TO BE GOOD LADY. TRY IT SOMETIMES RATHER THAN TRYING TO JUSTIFY YOUR GENDER ATTITUDE WHILE PAIN TING THE MALE GENDER BAD.

humilitypays:
Proud of you

You response brought tears to my eyes. I am grateful.

Some feminist up there is putting the blame on the man that brought the girl. The kind of women that pour hot water on their maids.

Dganji:
Alright, ill suspend the excercise .
She'll soon go to boarding school, there are diets would automatically adjusted..

Please don’t suspend the exercise, just don’t make it appear like a chore she has to do. That way she feels no pressure. While cleaning your jogging shoes at night, you can just say to her, “Ngozi, are you going with me tomorrow? I know you won’t, scaredy cat”. This gives her a choice. I bet she would choose to run with you most times. Let her sleep in when she doesn’t want to go. (Running in the late afternoon/early evening would actually be better, because she needs more than 8 hours of sleep every night for optimal brain development and body health). Don’t set running targets for her, let her just run to her fill and wait for you (in a safe place ooo). That way she follows her body’s pace.
People her age are cheerleaders and gymnasts. They usually have healthy, well toned and graceful muscles. So it won’t kill her. She may even decide to be an athlete later on in life as a result. I would rather she wasn’t starved in the name of dieting. She should eat well, and play/run.
Just remember, no pressure at all.
This is a doctor’s advice (but I am not a paediatrician shaa, but could find out more, if need be).
Cheers.

Cautioning your mom isn't disrespect, if you don't do it now, your wife might suffer the same fate.

kunletexs:



Lady, learn to speak for your gender and speak to them to stop the useless act they do against children who are not theirs.
dren to higher places.

Oga, keep your mansplaining to yourself. IT IS A KNOWN FACT THAT MOST MEN DO NOT LIKE MARRYING SMs- to train kids they didn’t birth. If you are looking for what to argue, pick something else, not this.

Quit the psychoanalyzing, I have seen so many of your kind act like the next Jesus, whereas they ain’t shit.

Who the fck are you to tell me about caring for (less privileged) kids? Because you have MB to come online today? Stick to the topic and quit the ad hominem. My point stands- take that child back to her mother or somewhere else. It is not wickedness, it is common sense and tact. You mustn’t set your home ablaze because you are doing charity.

kunletexs:



Lady, learn to speak for your gender and speak to them to stop the useless act they do against children who are not theirs.

Who says men don't like taking care of other people children but what you don't know is that we do but the useless attitude from selfish wives like you make us restrain

You can bring in your whole family members to stay in your husband house bur there would be war if your husband's. Younger brother comes to stay for two weeks.

You strike me as a woman who would instruct your house help not to sit on the chair but on the floor in the parlour.

You strike me as one that your milk of kindness only stop with your children and some to your sibling children.

Take a break from the circle of selfishness and go to YouTube to see children coming to hand over surprise forms to their stepmothers to sign so she can be in their own birth certificates.

The blessing might not be seen now but in future you never can know if that child would be the one that would setup your own children to higher places.

IT PAYS TO BE GOOD LADY. TRY IT SOMETIMES RATHER THAN TRYING TO JUSTIFY YOUR GENDER ATTITUDE WHILE PAIN TING THE MALE GENDER BAD.

You nailed it!

I like people with conscience.I like you

@Op
Talk to your mum when she’s in a good mood. Remind her of what the Bible says about taking care of the fatherless or the equivalent in the Quran if you’re a Muslim. Tell her that only God knows tomorrow. She can be in a position to help any of you in future. There are so many real life examples of such. Discuss with your dad too for a better understanding of the situation. Perhaps he needs to reassure your mum in some ways. It’s good that you know that If you don’t treat her well today, it will remain in her memory even if she forgives. Persuade your mum to ignore the girls mums attitude. She should understand that your dad means well.

Keep doing your best and tutor the mind of your younger brother to understand the possible consequences of what he’s doing.

Christie171:
My sisters are rare gems and precious diamonds...they treat my daughter much better than I treat her.

Your daughter lives permanently with your sisters?

If that's the case, then it's good to know they treat her better than you do...weird though, but good to know.

majamajic:
It's normal if a woman treats another woman's children a different way from hers, cos maybe she was not in support of the adoption .

There's nothing u can do here , than continue the love and accommodate the girl , as time goes on everything will be ok

Just keep up the good work , things will be perfect as time goes on , thank God she is a girl

I went through what the little girl is going through now. I eventually suffered depression. I survived till today through inner strength. @Op please don't relax in your fight for this little girl. WOMEN!!!