hoygift:
Mama na Mama forget the behavior you don't like and move on. She is not your mate

Bad things keep happening because good people refuse to speak up/ act.
If I could? I would smash your phone to pieces, for this post of yours

majamajic:
It's normal if a woman treats another woman's children a different way from hers, cos maybe she was not in support of the adoption .

There's nothing u can do here , than continue the love and accommodate the girl , as time goes on everything will be ok

Just keep up the good work , things will be perfect as time goes on , thank God she is a girl

so it is normal,the way she is treating the little girl..

welturebotanical:
o.p is a good man. And am proud of you.

Me too!

pocohantas:


Oga, keep your mansplaining to yourself. IT IS A KNOWN FACT THAT MOST MEN DO NOT LIKE MARRYING SMs- to train kids they didn’t birth. If you are looking for what to argue, pick something else, not this.

Keep your psychoanalyzing to yourself, I have seen so many of your kind act like the next Jesus, whereas they ain’t shit.

Who the fck are you to tell me about caring for (less privileged) kids? Because you have MB to come online today? Stick to the topic and quit the ad hominem. My point stands- take that child back to her mother or somewhere else. It is not wickedness, it is common sense and tact. You mustn’t set your home ablaze because you are doing charity.

Keep quiet fool, so selfish to the bone. If you have seen men not ready to marry single mothers because of the mellow drama. Which man would marry a woman that you would profess your love to, accept her child and can start to display her stupidity towards the same man that accommodated any man child. Truth be told. We men do take up the offer, but your female gender shit recoils men from you.

Do me a favour, try to change that stupid attitude of your and if you are single with a child, a man would come but he must not detect this only me with my child attitude on your sorry ass

kunletexs:


Keep quiet fool, so selfish to the bone. If you have seen men not ready to marry single mothers because of the mellow drama. Which man would marry a woman that you would profess your love to, accept her child and can start to display her stupidity towards the same man that accommodated any man child. Truth be told. We men do take up the offer, but your female gender shit recoils men from you.

Do me a favour, try to change that stupid attitude of your and if you are single with a child, a man would come but he must not detect this only me with my child attitude on your sorry ass

Lmao, NL really gives wings to tadpoles like you. What do you know about selflessness? Because you have future plans of adopting a child?

When you are ready to talk sense, quote me. I will personally educate you on how to train a child remotely, without stepping on toes or putting the child in harms way. No be you go teach me the work. You live it, it is not by typing nonsense to appear good online. Lol.

Once again OP, take that child away. You can never be there to always protect her. As long as she knows your mum hates her, she would also not be truly comfortable. That is BAD for her psyche. All these ones typing, “defend her” should probably come take shifts with you. Some people think such issues are as simple as ABC.

I caution my mum sometimes. Just do it in a very polite and gentle way.Try to appeal to her sense of humanity. I am sure she is not a monster.

xrayj:
But why do women find it difficult to treat other people children like theirs? If it is possible to return the girl to her parents, u people should do it. Your mom won't change her attitude towards the girl. It's just better she leave

**Your mom won't change her attitude towards the girl**word!!! But leaving isn't the best option. Women, especially african women are differently witred from their counterparts in the west...the oyinbos that is. because our people living overseas aren't different.

Karma is real and it would deal with them according to their deeds. If african women go out with their family members you could easily spot the maid or adopted child amongst them, from the way she's dressed to her composure. She could be quiet all through as if her mouth has been sealed because if she talks, she already knows what her response would be. Whereas, a white lady would come to Africa, adopt a boy or a girl and will everything for the African child. The reverse is the case here.
If a maid doesn't wear worn out slippers , the blouse must be bigger than the skirt. Our children are all maids wherever they are overseas or even here because we're not the one taking care of them anymore once they're out of our sight. The man who paid my school fees for one good year was my landlord in Buffalo, upstate New York in those days. He's pure white man while am black. I'd wake up early in the morning and wet all the flowers, tream them, keep the surrounding clean...that's the training I've had before leaving home as a child of a peasant farmer in Ekiti and I never knew he was studying me. He called me one day and asked if I wouldn't mind to move to their apartment, for free. I became a member of their family and this man paid my school fees for one good year with free rent. All their children were grown up and well to do. Whatever we sow, we shall reap, no be curse...karma is stubborn.

Guy, sooner or later, God Himself would sort out the poor girl. Only God knows what she's gling to become in future. Keep being the guardian angel pls.

MuduOfRice11:
.

U this guy, after bashing women non stop, one would think u amount to something.

Surprised seeing u desperately begging for crumbs at poco's giveaway.

You varnished into thin air afterwards to salvage what's left of ur bruised ego, only to resurface later thinking the heat has died down.

Omó alé.!!
Pitiable crumbie.

Cc; pocohantas

please leave pocohantas out of this.. she's a woman with a heart of gold... God bless her for me joor

Davash222:
To caution your mom is not disrespect. She's your mom doesn't mean she can't be cautioned. Don't feel guilty about that.

Absolutely

Women, most of them are naturally hateful

Dganji:
excatly.
You know, during my childhood days before my kid sister was born ive stayed with her mother for holidays. She was never harsh to me, infact i must confess she pampered me to the extent my dad had to avoid me going to stay with her, also ive stayed with my uncles who always treats me well.
They canned me when necessary and treated me like their children, even their wives were not harsh to me but how do i explain to people that my mom is behaving badly to their children when i know they treated me well?
Ill still look for a way to talk to her and see reasons from this angle too.
Thanks for the idea, its an inspiration..

Maybe your mum is a bad person. No offense.

crackkhaus:

Your daughter lives permanently with your sisters?

If that's the case, then it's good to know they treat her better than you do...weird though, but good to know.

Yes she does for now...was living with my elder sis before she traveled out, now she lives with my younger sis 'cause I'm not always in town...if she misbehaves, they call to take permission from me before scolding or spanking her and tend to give almost everything she wants unlike me.

Most women treat children that way because

1 . They are more financially botany than the parents of 'such children

2 . Quarrel they had with the parents

3.mentality that bad things happen to bad people

4.feeling that such people are beneath them and are nothing without them

Op nothing you do(unless relocation ):can change your mom behavior if she believes the above four ,it would rather worsen it.


Am telling you this from experience because I pass through what that girl is passing through now , and it affected my view of women till date

You should never feel guilty for speaking out on abuse... especially child abuse. You have already spoken to your mom..... that strategy didn't work too well... try another...FEAR. Remind her she is getting old.... a time may come when she may have to depend entirely on the children. Who fortune may bless.....no one knows. What if it is her?... will she then apologize and say it was a mistake?...or she didn't know what came into her?..is it then she will be asking for forgiveness? Let her know we sometimes wonder how a person can be living in luxury while their mother or guardian be living in squalor. We wonder... but it is because of the way the mother treated the child . Lastly.... remind her also that karma is a bitch.... what goes around comes around.... her destiny is in her own hands.... how she makes her bed she must be prepared to lay on it. Then end by saying you have to go... you have spoken.

My brother you have done what a man I expected to do. From your explanation you and your father had approached you mom politely on this issue to no avail. I advice you assist the poor girl in your own little way and please do let the little child know that things will be alright and keep talking to you mom and let her know that neighbours are watching and have started talking let's see if you can use that to make her soften her mind

I don't knw y women are over protective of dere own but treat others badly.The life isn't fair at all young girl going thru emotional psychology n physical torture for a crime she knows nothing about.I really pity d young girl now.Women make una try change na abi na every time devil dey use una,?

Cautioning your mom ain't a bad thing because she is human and she is liable to make mistake. Although from your post I can deduce that she habours a lot of hate for the little girls mom hence why she is treating the girl in that manner.

So here is what you will do:

1. Talk to your mom in private and I would advise you to do that with your Dad
2. Call your little bro and have a personal chat with him, make him see reasons to why his actions towards her is wrong.
3. Reason with your mom to call your little bro to order if he misbehaves around the little girl
4. Flog the hell out from your little bro if he misbehaves around her again
5. You can give them games to play, trust me it will help bond them together.
6. Go on random evening strolls together with your little bro and sis
7. If your little bro misbehaves around her again!!! flog the living shit out him and make sure he apologize to her on his kneels
8. Give them random assignments to solve together (your lil bro and sis)
9. If your mom is unrepentant always ensure you caution her whether she likes it or not, keep doing it unrepentantly like her bad behavior towards the girl

May God be with my brother try to stay safe this period

Your efforts should be directed in encouraging the girl, i.e if you want her to stay with you.
as for your mother, she is not going to change,if you frown at her she will call the girl witch who have turned her own children against her. Then she will do everything possible to get her out of the house.
In sum: encourage her to be able to do well, but discourage your brother from taking after your mom.

Dganji:
More than ever am not happy with my mom.

I have this younger sister who was adopted by my dad from his younger sister (her father is late), she's just 10 years of age and I really don't like my mom's attitude towards that little girl. In the past when i was much younger, my mom had many quarrels with the mother of my adopted sister which I really can't give accurate count on who's right or wrong, but for the record my aunty (younger sis mom) is very troublesome no doubt.

She started living with us June last year and I noticed she's always very happy when me or my dad comes home. I was thinking it was because we were very nice to her, not knowing the kind of pressure she was going through at home.

Several occasions I have seen my mom saying too many harsh words to that little girl which I am not comfortable with but I've had to keep my calm. I feel reacting would make my mom hate her more as she might feel the little girl has turned her children against her.

The saddest part of it is that our last born who's 15 years is taking the same part with my mom in frustrating that little girl. Today Ilost my cool and reacted and truth is I'm not willing to continue keeping calm again.

My immediate younger brother (we are 3 boys and no girl) decided to start taking this my little sister out for jugging cos she's too fat. She always returns home crying cos of the pressure they put on her to jug. My mom on hearing her cry today came out and started beating her and saying hatefull words to her, including insulting her mom, calling her mom names which honestly would get any child angry if they are told same about their parent.

Out of annoyance I got up and shouted at my mom to leave her alone that it's becoming too bad for her as a mother to treath children like that. Instantly my mom kept calm and guilt was written all over her face. I'm honestly not happy about disrespecting my mom but I'm no longer keeping my calm.

There was a time when my dad had to take similar action against my mom and it didnt go well for anybody, the little girl suffered more hate from my mom and my dad wasnt really happy with my mom that period.

Returning that little girl back to her mom is never an option as the environment where her mom is very negative and would no doubt worsen her situation.

Talking to my mom calmy about it has been done by me and my immediate younger brother but problem still persists.

My worries are.
1, the little girl
2, my youngest brother who is taking after my mom
3 me disrespecting my mom.

Nairalanders your advice would be appreciated on this situation. I already have what to do in mind already but I will love to hear from those who have experienced similar situation and how best to handle it.

you are doing right thing. as long as you are firstborn and your dad is not in support of your mum, you are good to go. please protect that child, history will judge you tight. May God be with you.

[quote author=OchoL post=88719309]I'm sure that girl's weight is as a direct result of your mother's incessant bullying which has led her into comfort eating. Sorry to say, but your mother is a nasty piece of trash. She is not a true mother and God will surely deal with her for her unjust treatment of another woman's child. [/quote

You must be stupid to be calling someone mother nasty piece of thrash. Do u have a mother stall. Onibaje oshii

Greatzeus:
Most women are like that. When you see a good nice godly woman,if you way to test how good or godly she really is,bring another child home ( a maid or child of a relative or a step child) you will now know why the Bible call women weaker vessels.
The first good woman I will meet in my life will be the one who treats other people's child as her own. Future impossible tense

It happens bro. Though they're few but they exist. I have 3 boys who are not my children under my roof. Bit people hardly know. They're aged 20,(help at the shop), 12(hubby's nephew), 11(my nephew). They're well taken care of to the best of our abilities. So what are you saying

My mother inlaw has 3 with her too (a girl and 2boys but you'll never know she's not related to them. They call her mother, people think they're her biological grandchildren.

Dganji:
thanks..

I'm very glad you are thinking this way because I've seen other women treat their wards very badly. More badly than your mom ever would!

Naturally, your mom is not acting outside of what 80% of women would do in her situation. However, there are certainly women who are able to TREAT their wards FAIRLY.

To address your concerns,

1. Try to look out for the little girl's interest. Guide her in a way she can avoid your mom's anger as much as possible. This is the only way you can be sure some punishment she would normally incur will be avoided if you're not around. Try to establish her routines so she's not stepping on anyone's toes in the house.

2. Straighten your younger brother out. This should be your most easiest tasks. Be firm and treathen him hell WHEN NEXT HE'S BEEN MEAN TO HER. Don't do it in front of the girl or your mom. Don't get physical with him but be FIRM that instant.

Then, after some days, have a brotherly talk with her and give reasons why he's being foolish to follow mummy Everytime she's punishing the girl. Tell him to ALWAYS DECIDE by himself as a man whether to be fair or mean. Let him tell you FIRST ANYTIME he thinks the girl has been disrespectful to Mom or himself and punishment needed to be melted out. ( He probably will never do get to reach this stage with you . But if he does, at most tell him you'd correct her or you can let him do it himself in your presence. Just a correction oh. Never let him punish her. Never)

3. Talk to your mom with respect but be honest. Don't openly disagree with your Mom in the girl's presence. You SHOULD INTERVENE when Mom is abusive or physically punishing the girl. Just sheld them and then have the talk with your Mom.

It's not disrespectful to caution your mom. I did that to my own mom when she's been unreasonable. She knew the kind of boys she raised so she can't have no complaint of my CHARACTER.

So, try to get mom onside with reason. That's the only Long-term solution.

4. Talk to Daddy. You understand who he is better and should know what Truths he can handle. Be factual and give instances of incidents. Let him know about your younger brother's attitude too. Implore him to talk the REALITIES OF LIFE to your mom and his wife. She needs to be remembered again.

WE SIT TOGETHER ON THE ROUND TABLE OF LIFE. WE DON'T KNOW WHO WILL SIT CLOSIEST TO THE BUFFET WHEN THE TABLE IS SPINNED BY THE ALMIGHTY. WON'T IT BE BETTER FOR ME NOW TO SHARE THE FOOD WITH EVERY LEST THEY SHARE IT WITH ME WHEN THEY SIT CLOSIEST TO THE BUFFET?

Christie171:
My sisters are rare gems and precious diamonds...they treat my daughter much better than I treat her.

my mom sisters treated us nicely but when my kicked the bucket ..... I quess you know the rest

Y is your have behaving like a witch

She should not forget that what happened to the girl's father can also happen to her

Tell her to fear God

Bruhhh


Return her and show love from far. Support her in ways you and Dad can from a distance, whether it's paying for feeding or school or whatever


Keeping her in that house will almost certainly end in disaster. She's only 10 years old, don't let mum ruin her emotional and mentally forever.

Please

joyandfaith:


you are doing right thing. as long as you are firstborn and your dad is not in support of your mum, you are good to go. please protect that child, history will judge you tight. May God be with you.

Excellent ,atleast someone here pointed out the facts and spoke my mind.
The OP should keep doing it as how conscious keeps directing him..God bless you

This is how wr grow up to either have soo much hate in us or not know how to treat our pwn kids cause if the type of up bringing we had...pls detest from making that small girl jog shes too young for that...sit ur mom down n ask her what the problem is n if that was her own child she sees is been treated that way how would she feel..

eziezi90:
Bruhhh


Return her and show love from far. Support her in ways you and Dad can from a distance, whether it's paying for feeding or school or whatever


Keeping her in that house will almost certainly end in disaster. She's only 10 years old, don't let mum ruin her emotional and mentally forever.

Please

Thank you!!!

Why do Nigerians think it is until someone lives under their roof they are showing care? Even when the home is dangerously toxic to the person. Jeez! Somethings are common sense.

I don't know the amount of respect you command in your family. I want to say, you should start keeping the girl under your protection without much disrespect to other family members. Let them know she is in your care now.


If a very religious woman I respected so much could maltreatment her little step daughter.

Ladies and gentlemen forget it. Women wicked.

Hmmm... Women differentiating others 4rm their offsprings is instinct, especially as u mentioned she doesn't have a girl child, ur mum might not have control over her actions so I suggest u take it easy on her, but never 4get to be a voice in the face of oppression when u see it, ur mom might feel bad but trust me she will appreciate u more and learn to keep her jealousy in check.

Grew up with my step mum so I’ve got first hand knowledge of what you’re talking about. My gain; even Covid-19 can’t do me
shit