Hi This is not a therapy session nor will any of the advise be taken to heart

its just a chance to see various opinions about this situation and it goes

What if u knew all ur bride to be' dark secrets, and i mean ALL! the ones u

suspected that drove u to be foolish n attempt cheating on her back in the

day,The current ones that are giving ur relationship a mountain to climb!

everything, and they were all exposed here on Nairaland! What would u

do?

confusing

LOL

She has our relationship slip-ups online

n worse of all , she has her bare infidelities online

n i found out, actually i have been reading it all morning!

U know what, its like the stories being said here every minute

about him not doing shit or she doing crap, now the subject has seen

it all online n he is heavily crushed however life must go on

so do u understand now?

nope, who is the she and he. could you just be a bit straight. narrate it in a straightforward manner, give details if you want people to throw in their opinions.

o my God!!!!!!!! am so sorry this has to happen to you. I do think about it happening to me. My dear, do not feel so bad. It could have been the other way round. I know she never told you most of the things you got to find out on Nairaland, its not everything the eyes sees that the mouth must say. Like you said, her past, just let it be her past. For the present, you can work something out. If she has cheated did she say why on the thread? learn and know her better. Make her comfortable to always tell you things rather than the world. Mind you not everything you read here is true. I feel your dissapiontment. Sorry luv.

Finally someone that understands me

Kuala Lumper chic no offence!

I am cool, yes she cheated n more than i can even imagine, she got a guy

that asked her dad for his blessing, i dont really get that side, seems to be

a lie, however thats what i tell myself, I am just very sad now , y cos she is

delibrately, inshort! this is not the place, I am fine i just wanted to know

pple would do if their business was out as well as the dark secrets of their

loved one!

and u are about to propose!

Whatever, but i don't see the need to address me by where i stay. i believe you got eyes to read and see my name.

Just calm down. You sound really pissed.  We donot use our real names here so how do you know for certain. It could be a coincidence. Pls sleep on this before you act. She cheated on you!!!! thats very bad but why did she do it? You guys really need to talk but definately not today do it when you are calm. Am so sorry.

N I believe i am at my own disgression to use whatever i like to identify u

N i said No Offence!

Madam, LOL I am just off a boiling soup, i dont need ur aggro

Apologies if u feel vexed

bebe2007:

Just calm down. You sound really pissed. We donot use our real names here so how do you know for certain. It could be a coincidence.

if this was referred to me, could you tell me something i don't know,

@kratos
whatever.

@KL---Ditto

@Mizz 2007,

LOL I aint stupid, i know she is always on it cos we live together

i just decided to look it up n i know she has various id, i am not angry

i just guess its all for closure, u know when u want to put a lid on what

hurts u, alot has been said about me in this forum, esp in a bad way, i

havent been portrayed well at all, When u see things about ur life

flashing in front of u, u will know its not a coincidence,it really happened

reading it makes me sick, all the sex talk is painful n embarrassing

however its the past i have looked over it all

however it will take like an hour to freeze d pain

thanks 2007, shit happens!

@Thoniaslim,

I was talking to the poster. Easy o! one thing you do not know is this: the poster is not in a good mood so you should be able to excuse his reference to you as kuala lumpur chic its not an insult. Give him some slacks. You should be more sensitive it could have been anyone of us here.

@poster

Sexy talks here are usually overrated. If she hurt your pride, forgive. You know, not many women can be honest with their men about sex. She probably didnt know how best to tell you without hurting your feelings.Now that you have seen it here try and make amends. Your problem is lack of communication obviously. She acts one way and thinks anorther. You have to make her come clean with you. Does she want the guy with her Dad's blessing or you?

I have said things on nairaland that i would dare not tell someone in the physical, saying them here makes it easy cuz you are anonymous. I guess she wanted to use the medium to express herself. She probably wouldnt hurt you like this on purpose. I trust you to handle this rationally, put yourself in her shoes. Its like reading anorther persons dairy you know. you really cannot blame them for what they think about you but you could help to change that.

@ kratos

My dear, it pains my heart to hear read what you're going through . .yea, shit does happen but atimes its to our own benefits  - - -even though we don't see it that way at the time, when we're in a better place in future, we'll look back at it and see it as "one of those things" you pass through to reach a better height.

If you want to talk to her, fine but i don't think you guys have the trust and compartibilty to make it work. It was good while it lasted, but hun "that" just broke the camel's back

When you love or even care for someone, you'll say no rude evil about them no matter where you are, whether its your real name or just a cover-name, its of no consequence - - your feelings don't just change, to lead you to the extent of talking down of someone you "supposedly" love . . geez, i'm still baffled!!

If she had the heart to say all "that", hmmm . . if half of what she said is what you can relate to, then why would we not believe the restb unpleasant ones?? I'm all for love, but i don't advice people to bury their heads in the sand, all in the name, esp. when your partner isn't living up to it

@ bebe2007

I admire your responses, and i would have been coming from the same direction if the poster's thread suggested what you're saying. I understaand she's said a lot to condemn him and his way of things in their relationship??
I understand what you mean by being free Cos of the anonymousity, but dearie i'm sure you wouldn't talk in a careless manner about the guy you love, all in the names of "jokes" and "nairaland".
I've said things too, but if you really love someone, and love what they stand for, you wouldn't have the heart to diss them. If she can't come clean to him, bearing some contrary thoughts in her mind, what good would it do for them??

Afterall like things seem, her bringing it to nairaland hasn't made their sotuation better, or give her the courage to stand up to her guy and point out his faults . . with the way they're going, the more she bears the rage in her, the more she hates him and wishes she had something else.
I go weak when its "love" talks, but i wouldn't forget to be realistic too!!

@Cute_ASS

Thanks gyal, U know i was just looking at her last night n tears came down

my eyes, she asked am i ok, i said yeah, its the hay fever i am having!

i didnt know when i cried, i really have to forget all she did cos i need to

be with her, its weak of me, but i guess its d future i am looking at, i am

unhappy now, very, with the captions of what i read flashing in front of me

every other sec, and i have to act very happy n excited as we are off on a

weekend break, i tell u this is my last push to make it work, i will talk to her

tell her i know it was her, even though she refused outrightly, n tell her

lets just move on from it n she should let go of everything. I hope it works

if it doesnt, then i have to bare myself for the 'unthinkable'

@Kratos

How are you doing today? Hope u feel better. After the talk you will be fine. I hope and pray that she admits her mistakes and apologise for all the trouble. No more pretence!!!You guys must learn to communicate with each other more ok. Its a lesson. Do have a fantastic weekend.

@ poster: God neva promised us a easy life! Things like this has been happening & will continue to happen! But pls realise that the best way to keep your power as a man is to neva talk about your partners infidelity! And if you must do, allow for weeks or months or else you'll come up as hurt & emotional which is a weakness! _{That's my lil bit which I guess is from xperience!}

@2007

Thanks but she will never admit it cos in her stories on Nairaland she said even if she had a gun in her face, she would still lie, and its true we have been dating for  15yrs, on and off cos we travelled out of Nigeria, n got back in 2000,, ! All i want is a commitment that she will let go of the past and we can move ahead together n i never said i was a saint,however u wouldnt find my crap out for the world to see!

@ hayday

Thanks mate, i am going to let it go cos if i keep it i will explode from vex one day. i just want her to forgive herself n give us a chance as we have been living together for 4 yrs now, its about time i stepped up but can u step up if u see n hear things like this otherwise get treated like a fool , its sad.but i will be ok!

15yrs!!!!!!!!!!! that is no joke o!!!! you guys practically grew up together. You know all her flaws already. The question is:CAN YOU LIVE WITH THESE FLAWS? CAN SHE LIVE WITH YOURS? you cannot condonne them today and expect a change tomorrow. People dont really change except by the grace of God. You guys are taking the next big step:MARRIAGE, you must be sure of what you are getting into. I believe by the time you have your heart to heart talk with her you would come up with something. If she does not admit to any of the post, fine. Just talk generally about your fears at least now you have an insight to what she really feels and thinks of you.

I must commend your effort at trying to make your relationship work. Most guys leave it to the women to do. Keep it up ok. All the best.

@Topic
Look here bro' I would say " LET GO AND LET GOD". Let God renew your faith in love and a new relationship that will give you a peace of mind ! I dated my ex-fiancee for 10 yrs. off and on too but mostly on, she cheated on me and i found out through her phone's text message. I was able to forgive but i could not forget. I decided that the best thing for us is to go our separate ways because i loved her so much and i could not forget how she betrayed my trust and lied about it. She also denied it because she didn't want to lose me but i knew better. I prayed to god and i have been able to move on with my life eventhough it hurts at times. My point is that the worst has already happened because you found out, now the question is can you completely forget and renew a trust in somebody like that ?? Please becareful because the situation can get worse if you don't think it through properly and you allow the sentiments of love and 15 yrs. to get in your way temporarily ! Goodluck and God bless ! My sister ones told me that women are more powerful than a bullet, they can hurt you without spilling a drop of blood and leave you helpless !

@ Kratos.
Hey bro. how are you doing? Believe me, this is going to be the very first time I'm going to be serious on Nairaland. I sincerely feel your pain. What should I say, but sorry about your discovery. If you really want to know what I feel, please call and talk about it once and for all. That way you'll get to know her reason(s) for coming to share it on Nairaland without talking to you first. Please I believe there is still a chance that it will work out between the two of you. And by God's grace it will (If God wants that).

One thing I've learnt from life is not to make people get me of gaurd. Life is full of shit as you said, but I believe you can always avoid the shits and take a cool bath after a shit. Be good man, just talk to her comprehensively and try not to make her feel too bad. People say loads of things they don't really mean here, and I think am one of them.

WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! silly, na u be this?? cant believe it. On behalf of Nairalanders, i say a big thank you for not being SILLY. Poster, take him seriously pls, this is a first.

Na you sabi. Before I forget, bebe2007 kiss me, make I kiss am back I give you double dosage.

@ sillyboy
For the first tym on nairaland indeed,

@poster
I really understand and feel your pain,though its cool to forgive your partner but sometimes,there are some stuffs that you will never forget,though when love issues are @ hand,we are always weak but i think its better to be realistic,from your posts,there seems to be a lot of bad stuffs between you and your gurl and i'd advice you to be very sure you can cope with this,am very sure you can't forget them.Though 15 years aint a joke but its worth moving on sometimes and don't get blinded by the number of years you two have spent together.
Nevertheless,if the gurl is willing to change and you are very sure you can cope with all those flaws,then its alright,just hope she will admit and turn a new leaf.All the best.

@Sillyboy

Whoaawww! Its like i know u or u know me, because u dropped it right at the spot, thanks and its very cool to see u very serious for the first time. nyce one dude!

@Hot_Chic

Its not the number of years that is doing me, i just know i love her too much
and please don't forget i have done some things , lol i guess if u read nairaland posts that much, 99.9% i am one of the boyfriends that didnt care that cheated or whatever Jack the Ripper didnt do (but we have the same 'hatred'), I am just saying if i ever have the feelings my gyal has, i wont waste a sec with her anymore, i messed up but i never disgraced her outside.


The thing about me is that i hurt easily and heal fast,  i can be sad n wasted now the next minute, i am playing pro evo on ps3, and the world seems away, ! i WILL KEEP You ALL POSTED

Then its cool,sounds like you can cope.Wishin you all the best in your relationship.

@Hot_Chic

U know how it is, sometimes u r up and the next u r down, the issue is long the status lasts!, This nairaland is addictive, i used to wonder y she was always in the room on the laptop looking at Nairaland, Now i know better, I havent worked today, i have been reading ALL the stories in various headers LOL

Anyway, Life will go on thanks for ur encouragements, Love will prevail!

@ kratos

Sure dear, love will prevail, but rememeber it shouldn't be pushed. That word "love" is strong and can do wonders, but don't expect it to cut the whole cake. The people involved have to be willing too.

I like your courage though, and i hope to God she wouldn't hurt you deliberately, that she was just desperate after getting sympathy from people, or wanted to know better things to do to make "it" work.

I don't know the contents of her posts, i hope it wasn't something unforgettable Cos if it is, dearie it might not be as easy as you think. Don't make excuses saying "afterall you've done some mistakes too". partners do mistakes, one partner's mistake shouldn't be an excuse for the other to go astray, and i don't think she came all the way to nairaland to pay back, - - - only you know what you read, and i pray with all i got that you be able to forget and totally forgive, and sooner or later be able to look back at it as "one of those", but please be sure before taking any important step.

Some crazingly in love couples aren't together today because of one thing or the other, just to prove that love and hate aren't so apart from each other . .somethings don't just go away, if you're too sure she's the one in the posts, why is she denying them?? I thought giving something a new shot and fresh start was supposed to be a two person's thingy?? where all came clean and open?? Call her and make her see reasons with you, you're the one hurt here, let her not be the "supposedly" victim, she isnt. Tell her how much her posts hurt you

At the end of the day, its your sole decision to make, hope you make the right one. Good luck pal, your girl is most lucky . Wish you all the best!!

kratos,

have you ever thought that just maybe she wanted you to find out? she knows you visit nairaland, she was probably talking to you in all her post and hoping that somehow you'd get to see it and talk about it. and if she wasn't hoping you'd findout, she was probably hoping you'd read the post and compare it to your relationship an try to make improvements.

my dear 15 yrs together and living for 4 yrs together is a lot. dont throw it away, just tell her you read her posts and state precisely how you knew it was her. just listen to what she has to say and try to work things out and make her see that you are not what she painted you to be.

try to pick out those areas you can improve on and try your best to do just that. dont worry, things will work out fine. take cre.

can u clarify youe post i dont understand

neither do i?