eku_bear:

You have to think about what life will be like when you are 40 and she is 52, though. Or you 50 and she 62. Right now while she is still young, it might seem OK to you. But once age hits a woman, it hits her hard (no offense intended to anybody here, just keeping it real.)

eku_bear:

In the short terms things wouldn't be bad. She can even have kids up until age 40 (though the risk @ 37, 38 is way higher than having kids at 22 or 25.)

MzD@rkSkin:

The only I am saying is that most men do not mature before they are well into their thirties and most women in the thirties already have an idea what they want in life so do not be surprised if the relationship seems more like mother and son, if you are not on her level mentally or financially.

kkabi:

Ulsherlan and Dulcet thank you. That is the main issue: the society we live in.  

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Hmmm so we should take some time apart? Thanks for the advice Plutarch.

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Thanks but you know marriage is not an isolated life. Its a family and socio-cultural affair as well as it is interpersonal to husband and wife. We cant cut them all off, it will create instability over time

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I never said anything about not being concerned with having children, Mrs Eve. I am asking because these are fellow Nigerians who will understand my case. Probably you are not a Nigerian. Thanks.

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sigh. You are right. I know 12 years is a lot!

kkabi:

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Thanks but you know marriage is not an isolated life. Its a family and socio-cultural affair as well as it is interpersonal to husband and wife. We cant cut them all off, it will create instability over time

eku_bear:

You have to think about what life will be like when you are 40 and she is 52, though. Or you 50 and she 62. Right now while she is still young, it might seem OK to you. But once age hits a woman, it hits her hard   (no offense intended to anybody here, just keeping it real.)

In the short terms things wouldn't be bad. She can even have kids up until age 40 (though the risk @ 37, 38 is way higher than having kids at 22 or 25.)

But I'm just worried about how things will work out in the long term.

toba:

child abuse

MzD@rkSkin:

Hmmmm. Honestly I say do as you please because you are an adult. The only I am saying is that most men do not mature before they are well into their thirties and most women in the thirties already have an idea what they want in life so do not be surprised if the relationship seems more like mother and son, if you are not on her level mentally or financially.

Abugani:

I agree with eku_bear. What would it be like when you both grow old,she 62 and you 50. I'm a woman and personally,i dont like the idea of of having a younger guy as a boyfriend talk more of marriage. From what you've said though,you both are kinda head over heels for each other. But lets face it,lets face reailty,they'll be too many compatibility issues,submission issues,you know and without true love and willingness to sacrifice,the whole thing will come crashing down right before your eyes and then it'll be a mess. Don't get me wrong,even with a younger girl,it's not perfect but it's ideal. But in this case its not. Forget age being nothing but a number, thats just a way people like to decieve themselves.you're 25 and she 37, Hw does that look? Its so wide,you're not even peers. Honestly i think that r/ship is like a time bomb that will explode soon enough. Think hard and goodluck.

tolu001:

There is nothing wrong in dating an older woman, but u must be very sure of what you are going into especially in the area of compatibility. I will advice you give the relation sometime, study her very well and make sure she's all what u wanted in a woman before u take any major step.

Dont rush things, give yourself sometimes to understand each other very well and make sure it's not just some infatuations.

kkabi:

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Thanks a lot. One correction though: at the risk of sounding proud, Hilda looks up to me in almost every regard. Somehow in my life I think I matured really very early. The mother/son thing just cannot be. At the worst, if we were not in love this would have been be a big sister/little brother thing.

Mrs, Eve:

Please HOOKED ON PHONICS much! I said if you are not CONCERN with having children then what the wait?  You right I am not Nigerian.  What you felt the quick kick in the nuts?  

queensmith:

thats not true- theres not 1 element of truth in that! marriage is between a man and his wife and the BEST marriages are those between couples that have managed to keep it that way!
the BIGGEST PROBLEM in african marriages are those caused by outsiders
not having family around avoids interference it cant cause instability i dont no where you got that from!

Mrs, Eve:

None taken. Next time read.

If you are not so concern with having children then what you waiting for?

Mrs, Eve:

If it makes you feel better.  I will take one for the team.

harakiri:

12 years older you say?

It's great and dandy if it's just a fling but can you honestly tell me that you would be ready to settle down with a 37 year old? You're 25 right now so i guess you wont be thinking much of marriage until you're at least 30-35. Imagine how old she would be by then. Imagine being 35 and she's 47. . .can you marry her then? Hmmm?

harakiri:

***[s]all these children from nairaland sef dey tire me[/s]***

Omolola1:

@OP, The gap is too much, but then age is jxt a numba