MrBrownJay1:


the minute a woman wants to have more than ONE basket, she has already lost. no wonder so many are failing when you dont give yourself fully in a r/ship. you can either be with someone 110% or get out, but being there half-half while being sneaky and looking for an upgrade, is wrong IMHO. the above state of mind surely shows why many men are very careful/undecided while dating some women for years.

whether a man is undecided or not, he still deserves the complete love/care/affection/loyalty of his woman... a marriage certificate certainly isnt the tool that should decide whether your woman is loyal to you and your r/ship (or not). it says a lot about women if/when they think that, because a man hasnt married them yet, they can be deceitful/disloyal to that man. if you are not happy with the outcome of a r/ship, then feel free to leave, but being sneaky and looking for replacement (while pretending that all is ok AND while your man still values you) is wrong. this aint the lottery.

let me therefore ask you: if a man hasnt married you yet, do you also accept him to be disloyal to you too?

Sixfeetbelle:


Let me ask this question cause it's beginning to dawn on me that basically all men behave the same way when in relationships.

Should a lady in a relationship not go for dates with another guy?

Zornes123:
how will you feel if someone tells you your man went on a date with another girl? He didn’t tell you himself?
Be sincere won’t you think he’s up to something

Sixfeetbelle:


Until we are exclusive, he can do whatever he likes. Hounding him/her down is what is leading to all these premium tears stories we read here.

Zornes123:
well people vary, rationally you will feel bad. Maybe a little, except it’s some you don’t feel much for.

Sixfeetbelle:


I won't feel bad if I'm not invested in the relationship and I know not to invest in a relationship that isn't defined.

I make comments most times based on what I've experienced. See, I met this guy like 3 years ago. He was charming and everything and I liked him so I was free with him. Due to distance and circumstance, we couldn't meet (which probably would have led to sex if we did). Anyway, like a year later or so, we were discussing something and he pointed out that we weren't in a relationship. I was shocked initially but I took time to consider his words and realised he was right. He never did ask me to be his girlfriend. I just assumed we were a couple. Imagine if I went through his phone and found some chats and got crazy. I would just be making a big fool of myself.

Same thing is rampant today. People assume they're in a relationship without discussing it with their partner. Calling a girl/guy bae after a hot sex and crazy shopping isn't a relationship and you don't have exclusive rights to his/her phone. You also shouldn't expect loyalty until you define the relationship and follow it up with actions (making it public and such)

I hope this narrative helps you understand.

Zornes123:

I totally get your point, but what you fail to realize is this OP might have defined his relationship with this same lady. The scenario you explained in no way relates to his own story.
I have this I don’t care personally when it comes to relationship with the believe everyone cheat. But let’s say I am engaged to you and you do something like the OPs girl did. I won’t be happy at all.

Sixfeetbelle:
And when he finally decides he wants to settle, it's still fair game on who he will marry even if the girl was completely loyal from the start.

Loyalty is earned, not deserved. If we're dating and our circle of friends can't confidently say these two people are together, anyone of them can go on dates with other people. We must not be married to be exclusive but until we decide we are, loyalty is fair game.

I still maintain: I expect both parties to be clear about what the relationship is about. For your question; if he is undecided, he doesn't deserve loyalty and is not expected to be loyal as well. Loyalty is for people who defined their relationship right from the start.

MrBrownJay1:


LOYALTY certainly aint earned, everyone in a r/ship deserves loyalty from their partner (unless you are dating a deceitful/untrustworthy/unfaithful person)... if a person is disloyal then they shouldnt be in a r/ship, to begin with. you MUST be loyal to your partner until they show you that they dont deserve it, and when they do, then thats the time for you you to leave that r/ship... but being disloyal certainly aint part of the deal ... because it just shows the type of negative/failed character you possess (that no person desire their partner to have.

do you actually believe that someone would want to settle with you, after you have been disloyal to them?!?!?!?!?!?!? the minute you think you should be disloyal to someone, is the minute that this r/ship is over, and you should walk away. thinking that you can be disloyal to your partner (until they act right) is a joke, as disloyalty can ONLY make your r/ship worse than it is, and certainly not better.

why would you even care what other people think of your r/ship (so long as YOU BOTH know what you have together)?! if someone ask you out, while you and a guy are dating (but nobody knows) then what better way to show these strangers that you guys are dating than by saying:" no i cant because i am in a r/ship with XYZ?!?

you can only define a r/ship when you know where it is going AND when you fully discover the person you are dating. you cant meet someone and before you guys even date, you tell this stranger that you guys are gonna end up as husband and wife. you are talking as if marriage is a lottery and you could marry just about any unknown strangers out there. NOBODY should be forced to tell you where your r/ship is going, until they know it themselves, and the reality is that only time can tell. if you dont want to wait then you can dump the guy, but certainly not start to be disloyal.

Sixfeetbelle:
At the bold, does XYZ admit also to toasters that they are in a relationship with you? How can you be loyal to someone who doesn't think you mean something to them? That right there is foolishness and nobody should do that.

Until they know where the relationship/FWBship/Catchingfunship/Situationship is going, Loyalty is not for free. If we start dating today and do that for like six months more, you won't have my loyalty until you tell me exclusively you want to be my boyfriend and then I see you tell people that I'm your girlfriend. Otherwise, nothing like loyalty in the mix. For all I know, you are just catching fun and I can't be rejecting serious toasters cause of you when we were not exclusive.

See, I've realised we may never agree on this but I still stand by what I say. Loyalty will always be fair game until a guy/girl requests they be exclusive, then the loyalty becomes a priority. Note: cause you seem to be confusing the two: exclusivity doesn't mean it will eventually lead to marriage.

igbarasdynasty:
show this story to a blind man begging on the street to give you suggestion..... it could be a miracle to him because he would see clearly that this girl DOES NOT LOVE YOU.......
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AustinX:
Hello guys , ma girl have been behaving strange lately so I decided to buy another sim yesterday, I chatted her on whatsapp claiming to be someone who got her contacf from her last year.

So from there on we started chatting , at this point I was chatting to be Uchanna and she was following up accatdingly. I also asked her if she is in a relationship she said yes , so where is the lucky guy from she said she dont want to talk about it. But she spent hours chatting with the so called uchanna. Meanwhile when I chat her with my real contact she talks hours to reply, she always claim she is watching status.



Now I have succeeded in asking to out for dinner tomorrow and she has agreed. So said she is broke n I have agreed to give her son money.


Am feeling sad now cos I love this girl ans we have been dating for almost a year now, I have supported her in everywhere I cant believe she will do this to me.

Am thinking if I should use one of my friends but feeling ashamed cos they know us to be two love birds.

Pls guys an advice from you will go a long way.

MrBrownJay1:


the important question is: why ANYONE in a r/ship should go on dates with people who want to date them?! isnt that a waste of time since you are already in a r/ship?... and if that other person wants to go on a date with them to be friendly and get to know them (like a colleague etc), then you the BF/GF of that said person should come along then...

Kingarthur21:
you see here naija girls reason?After they will be opening wailing threads appealing to us to treat women right

AustinX:
Hello guys , ma girl have been behaving strange lately so I decided to buy another sim yesterday, I chatted her on whatsapp claiming to be someone who got her contacf from her last year.

So from there on we started chatting , at this point I was chatting to be Uchanna and she was following up accatdingly. I also asked her if she is in a relationship she said yes , so where is the lucky guy from she said she dont want to talk about it. But she spent hours chatting with the so called uchanna. Meanwhile when I chat her with my real contact she talks hours to reply, she always claim she is watching status.



Now I have succeeded in asking to out for dinner tomorrow and she has agreed. So said she is broke n I have agreed to give her son money.


Am feeling sad now cos I love this girl ans we have been dating for almost a year now, I have supported her in everywhere I cant believe she will do this to me.

Am thinking if I should use one of my friends but feeling ashamed cos they know us to be two love birds.

Pls guys an advice from you will go a long way.