What she can only do now is to only pray for him to change and come back to his right senses.

Lekan239:
My parents got married 27years ago, since then it has been hell for my mom. It's as if my mom was forced on him or did the love just seize to exit, this I need advice on, from my brothers and sisters here on what to do next.

It all began in 1993, two years later I was born (1995), then we reside in Lagos but my dad later moved to pH in search of greener pastures. He only comes back home (Lagos) once in a while. My mom tried all her best to cater for her kids during all those period with no help or whatsoever coming from my Dad. It wasn't easy at all.

Fast forward to early 2003, my dad came visiting after two years without hearing from him and then my mom decided we are going with him to pH, he opposed but my mom Insisted. To cut the long story short, after we get to pH we found out my dad was living carelessly, womanizing, his social life is zero because he doesn't drink or smoke but he lavished all his money outside and Care less about his family.

My mom strived and engaged in little business which we managed to survive on. My dad only comes home when he is Short of money and acted low and submissive but as soon as he got some money, he changed immediately.

So 2010 I left pH to the village, was writing waec, looking for admission and so on, later going to lag to hustle around 2013 as I'm the one to foot my education expenses.

2015 I gained admission in a polytechnic, after my OND in 2017 I went back to lag to begin the hustle as I have to further my education, all this period I did not visit my family in Port Harcourt. I went back for HND in 2018 but had to withdraw because of lack of funds, I went back again in 2019 because a family member advised he will foot the bills which he later didn't do.

So because of this covid 19 I visited my parents in pH. My mom was very ill, she can't move nor stand and she has been the one taking care of the family, my father inclusive. My father has been a lazy man who depends solely on his wife for survival. He does not work, he does not stay at home with his sick wife. 6am he will enter the kitchen and eat any food he finds he won't even ask if four of his kids and my mom will eat. He will go and sit down in people's shops around the streets discussing with people's wife's. 10am he will be back home, straight to the kitchen to check if there's any food if my mom had drop money for us to prepare food, he will eat it without even talking to anybody, in fact he owns the kitchen now. He repeats same 2pm, 5pm and night meal also. I'm just so angry right now I don't even know what I am typing again.

After seeing all this behavior i advised my mother to give him some space, she gave birth to four children for him and three of us can survive on our own as we are no longer kids, but she won't obliged it's just as if maybe she is okay with suffering.

Today this morning, my dad did the most outrageous thing, he woke up and started ranting, saying does my mom think he is not going to be rich later, and he won't stay here forever. I got the message he was passing that he is going to leave my Mom if he stumbles upon some money. And I exactly told my mom this statement yesternight too.

Please you guys should advise me on what to do because at this junction, it hurts me a lot having the knowledge that my mom is with man who doesnt care or love her, even at her sick bed, he never for once visited the doctor nor the man of God taking care of my Mom.

Since 3 of u can fend for yourselves then leave that place and at will each of u can take turns to cater for ur mum. I think it pops will soon learn from his actions

Dpharisee:

Stop quoting all the topic as if you are inconsiderate

Nor vex

Lekan239:
My parents got married 27years ago, since then it has been hell for my mom. It's as if my mom was forced on him or did the love just seize to exit, this I need advice on, from my brothers and sisters here on what to do next.

It all began in 1993, two years later I was born (1995), then we reside in Lagos but my dad later moved to pH in search of greener pastures. He only comes back home (Lagos) once in a while. My mom tried all her best to cater for her kids during all those period with no help or whatsoever coming from my Dad. It wasn't easy at all.

Fast forward to early 2003, my dad came visiting after two years without hearing from him and then my mom decided we are going with him to pH, he opposed but my mom Insisted. To cut the long story short, after we get to pH we found out my dad was living carelessly, womanizing, his social life is zero because he doesn't drink or smoke but he lavished all his money outside and Care less about his family.

My mom strived and engaged in little business which we managed to survive on. My dad only comes home when he is Short of money and acted low and submissive but as soon as he got some money, he changed immediately.

So 2010 I left pH to the village, was writing waec, looking for admission and so on, later going to lag to hustle around 2013 as I'm the one to foot my education expenses.

2015 I gained admission in a polytechnic, after my OND in 2017 I went back to lag to begin the hustle as I have to further my education, all this period I did not visit my family in Port Harcourt. I went back for HND in 2018 but had to withdraw because of lack of funds, I went back again in 2019 because a family member advised he will foot the bills which he later didn't do.

So because of this covid 19 I visited my parents in pH. My mom was very ill, she can't move nor stand and she has been the one taking care of the family, my father inclusive. My father has been a lazy man who depends solely on his wife for survival. He does not work, he does not stay at home with his sick wife. 6am he will enter the kitchen and eat any food he finds he won't even ask if four of his kids and my mom will eat. He will go and sit down in people's shops around the streets discussing with people's wife's. 10am he will be back home, straight to the kitchen to check if there's any food if my mom had drop money for us to prepare food, he will eat it without even talking to anybody, in fact he owns the kitchen now. He repeats same 2pm, 5pm and night meal also. I'm just so angry right now I don't even know what I am typing again.

After seeing all this behavior i advised my mother to give him some space, she gave birth to four children for him and three of us can survive on our own as we are no longer kids, but she won't obliged it's just as if maybe she is okay with suffering.

Today this morning, my dad did the most outrageous thing, he woke up and started ranting, saying does my mom think he is not going to be rich later, and he won't stay here forever. I got the message he was passing that he is going to leave my Mom if he stumbles upon some money. And I exactly told my mom this statement yesternight too.

Please you guys should advise me on what to do because at this junction, it hurts me a lot having the knowledge that my mom is with man who doesnt care or love her, even at her sick bed, he never for once visited the doctor nor the man of God taking care of my Mom.

Sad to know what you're going through brotherly. If you can afford to get one room for your mum outside that place, that would be great. Meanwhile fear your dad before out of anger and frustration he curses you or anyone else in your home. Just be careful, you can as well meet your Pastor to help you out. I pray that God will help you resolve this.

What is the cause of your dad's behaviour, has he made money before but lost it? Is he frustrated in any way or simply inferiority complex?
Don't be the one to separate your parents. If you and your siblings take side with your mum each time they quarrel then nothing makes a man lose it easier than this.
Now that you are a man, try talking to your dad man to man. Don't be rude because I can see that there might have been a confrontation.
Bring him back to his senses with love. Above all remember they knew each other before you came around.
God will give you the wisdom you need to deal with this.

Op your father is a redpiller like Ubunja aka liquidfaya.

Do all you can to keep your mum alive.Fast and pray even. Do all you can to succeed LEGALLY. When you finally make it and your useless father comes for a share of the bounty, shoot him dead.

Lekan239:
thanks very much. I'm doing everything in my power and waiting patiently for this lockdown of a thing to be over. My days in school are numbered that I surely know off all I'm just thinking about is getting a petty job which I could engage in after I withdraw. As for my dad, I will follow your advice

PLS ABANDON YOUR FATHER FOR NOW IF NOT FOREVER AND USE THE SCARCE RESOURCES YOU HAVE FOR YOUR MUM AND SIBLINGS. I TELL YOU, YOUR DAD LL REMAIN A COST CENTER /SHELL PIPE THAT HE HAS ALWAYS BEING. TRUST ME YOU LL FEEL USED WHEN AND IF THINGS TURN AROUND IN HIS FAVOR.

HE CANT AND WONT CHANGE. WAYWARD LIFESTYLE DON ENTER HIM BODY. SO DONT EVEN BOTHER YOURSELF WITH SUCH UNNECESSARY BURDEN..

People like him dont understand or feel any form of remorse for their actions. They believe they are simply doing you favour. And so treat them they way they ought to be treated like 'TRASH' Then only ll they return to their senses if they actually ll and as for you , emotional hurt ll sieze.

NO HARD FEELINGS. THAT'S LIFE. Goodluck

I never knew there are other families going through what we've gone through our entire lives .
Even though your dad seems better my dad has done the most unspeakable things no human has or can do to their loved ones.

The sad part is my mom never told us anything bad about our dad,we grew up to find out ourselves.we love him more than we love our mom because why mom was going out to fend for us, he was the one we see occasionally and get acquainted with.

After 45yrs,we are still begging mom to leave him but she refused, anytime we forcefully take her away,she would go back.i do not know if it is love or spiritual poo as my mom family believes.
But what I'm certain of is that my mom truly loves and care for him.

He's over 70 now and still very selfish and stubborn. we have left him to karma and karma is really dealing with him.we give him everything he needs but he never gets our attention.

Op, don't worry,be strong and work hard.your mom might never want to leave him for reasons best known to her . Just try to make this money and take care of yourself, siblings and mom because he might never care till thy kingdom come.

Evercurious:


PLS ABANDON YOUR FATHER FOR NOW AND USE THE SCARCE RESOURCES YOU HAVE FOR YOUR MUM AND SIBLINGS. I TELL YOU, YOUR DAD LL REMAIN A COST CENTER /SHELL PIPE THAT HE HAS ALWAYS BEING. TRUST ME YOU LL FEEL USED WHEN AND IF THINGS TURN AROUND IN HIS FAVOR.

HE CANT AND WONT CHANGE. WAYWARD LIFESTYLE DON ENTER HIM BODY. SO DONT EVEN BOTHER YOURSELF WITH SUCH UNNECESSARY BURDEN..

Redpillers will always be redpillers until Karma sets them in their place.Ask liquidfaya alias Ubunja.

This is the reality in quite a number of Nigerian families. A lot of women are breadwinners of the household, despite the fact that there is a husband who's alive and not disabled but yet doesn't give a fvck about trying to bring in the dough.
OP, your father is a highly irresponsible man, and your mom didn't try at all. One day I told my mom something "if you're ever faced with the choice of being a good wife or a good mother, choose the second option, we your children will never forget it". Many women have sacrificed their children's happiness and progress unknowingly just to satisfy an irresponsible father. She should never have followed him to PH. Your father is one of those types of bad fathers that will "repent" when they're very old or extremely sick. I'll advise you tell your mom's people the severity of the situation. It's more effective than talking to your mom. Forget her excuse of your sister's studies, she just can't let go of your father. Let her people know everything, urge them to step in before your papa finish your mama for you and your siblings.
I wish you well.

please stay tight with ur momma.Dis storm will pass.Your tomorrow is fruitful.Mercy will speak for you.Favour/blessings will locate you.Once again,dnt touch him oo,,sure he’ll realize his foolishness soon

Op don’t get yourself worked up , your mum should have herself to blame cause this habit of your dad did not start today or yesterday .she should have made corrections right from the very beginning “what you won’t accept on sunday better start rejecting it from Friday “ and most of us should learn from this , just try to find support for your mum and double your hussle that is all

[quote author=Lekan239 post=89202760]this is exactly what I've been telling my Mom, but she never listen. She always back the reason why she can't go Is, she can't leave her child(my younger sister 23) years alone in pH. She's has been with our pastor since young age and she is almost through with her studies. 400level in ust


Please pray also

Lekan239:
yes she said she can't leave my sister alone in ph who has been staying with her pastor for over 16years now. But I did not see that as a valid reason because the said girl will be through with her university education this year. I tell my mom she is old enough to take care of herself. But she won't listen

You're 25 and in school, your last born is ,23 years in final year, what happen to the other two siblings, how old are they and where are they?

Digmygold:
Op your father is a redpiller like Ubunja aka liquidfaya.

Do all you can to keep your mum alive.Fast and pray even. Do all you can to succeed LEGALLY. When you finally make it and your useless father comes for a share of the bounty, shoot him dead.

.... Lol. Werey.

....some men are wolves in sheep's clothing
even Lucifer marvels at their EVIL prowess!

# from experience.

Lekan239:
My parents got married 27years ago, since then it has been hell for my mom. It's as if my mom was forced on him or did the love just seize to exit, this I need advice on, from my brothers and sisters here on what to do next.

It all began in 1993, two years later I was born (1995), then we reside in Lagos but my dad later moved to pH in search of greener pastures. He only comes back home (Lagos) once in a while. My mom tried all her best to cater for her kids during all those period with no help or whatsoever coming from my Dad. It wasn't easy at all.

Fast forward to early 2003, my dad came visiting after two years without hearing from him and then my mom decided we are going with him to pH, he opposed but my mom Insisted. To cut the long story short, after we get to pH we found out my dad was living carelessly, womanizing, his social life is zero because he doesn't drink or smoke but he lavished all his money outside and Care less about his family.

My mom strived and engaged in little business which we managed to survive on. My dad only comes home when he is Short of money and acted low and submissive but as soon as he got some money, he changed immediately.

So 2010 I left pH to the village, was writing waec, looking for admission and so on, later going to lag to hustle around 2013 as I'm the one to foot my education expenses.

2015 I gained admission in a polytechnic, after my OND in 2017 I went back to lag to begin the hustle as I have to further my education, all this period I did not visit my family in Port Harcourt. I went back for HND in 2018 but had to withdraw because of lack of funds, I went back again in 2019 because a family member advised he will foot the bills which he later didn't do.

So because of this covid 19 I visited my parents in pH. My mom was very ill, she can't move nor stand and she has been the one taking care of the family, my father inclusive. My father has been a lazy man who depends solely on his wife for survival. He does not work, he does not stay at home with his sick wife. 6am he will enter the kitchen and eat any food he finds he won't even ask if four of his kids and my mom will eat. He will go and sit down in people's shops around the streets discussing with people's wife's. 10am he will be back home, straight to the kitchen to check if there's any food if my mom had drop money for us to prepare food, he will eat it without even talking to anybody, in fact he owns the kitchen now. He repeats same 2pm, 5pm and night meal also. I'm just so angry right now I don't even know what I am typing again.

After seeing all this behavior i advised my mother to give him some space, she gave birth to four children for him and three of us can survive on our own as we are no longer kids, but she won't obliged it's just as if maybe she is okay with suffering.

Today this morning, my dad did the most outrageous thing, he woke up and started ranting, saying does my mom think he is not going to be rich later, and he won't stay here forever. I got the message he was passing that he is going to leave my Mom if he stumbles upon some money. And I exactly told my mom this statement yesternight too.

Please you guys should advise me on what to do because at this junction, it hurts me a lot having the knowledge that my mom is with man who doesnt care or love her, even at her sick bed, he never for once visited the doctor nor the man of God taking care of my Mom.

First of all, have you ever sat your father down and asked for his own side of the story?

I take it that you are a man. Why not have a man to man chat with your father.

Men have pains too. What was the past like between your father and your mother before they got married and started having children?

Was your mother the unbearable one at that time? Did she subject your father to untold misery?

Let me give you an instance. There was a man who lost his job. He and his wife were just starting their lives. In fact, they had not been married for long. The house became a hell to the man. To make matters worse, there was a time the wife directed the man to not visit his ailing mother in the village. She was the one paying the rent, and would pay the transport fare. The husband's mother died. He was her only son. Now, no matter what, whether you are a man or a woman, the most powerful person in a relationship is the one with the financial power. Some men may take this for granted and treat their woman well. But it would be hard to get a woman with the financial power who is nice to her husband.

Anyway, things have changed for the man in my story. He and his wife are living fine now, only after counseling. Because the man paid her back in her coins until she almost lost her life.

So, sit your dad down and ask why. He might be acting based on accumulated grievances against your mother. You children may not know this because you are blinded by that natural bond between mother and child.

But remember that your father is a human being too. And except he is a bastard, he can't be acting without reasons.

Moreover, your mother may not be painting the true picture to you people.

You, as a man, can't afford to jump into conclusion. You will marry too one day. If you jump into conclusion and take your mother away without trying to get to the root of the problem, you may come to learn the hard way should it ever happen to you too.

If you people are many I mean the children, one of you should have learned a hand work. Sometimes school doesn't save fast. The hand work man or a business man can easily fullfill the family bill and should have gotten your mother a room outside the state where your father live.

jimharry21:
As far as I sympathize with your mum and you kids, I will honestly advice you not to hate or condemn your Father yet, it's only God Who knows the genesis of their problem visa-vis his anger. Your Father may actually be the victim here but decided to bear it on his own. If you eventually make it, take care of your mother as much as you take care of your Father.

Abuse-enabling comment.

Lekan239:
thanks so much Sir. I'm convincing her daily. It started to look as if I'm turning her away from her husband

If you can do some safety professional courses in addition to your ND. You stand a better chance in the oil rich region of Bayelsa,PH, Akwa Ibom e.t.c.
Sorry dear.

Kill the deadbeat muthafucker

i may sound somehow to you, i discovered from your analysis, you already took side. from my experience, i suffered the same fate as you while growing up at the end i lost mum and dad not to death initially, but its a long story i dont wish you or anyone to experience. you need both your mum and dad no matter how you feel about your dad. you must try as much as possible to be an umpire if you really needs parents.
first, win your dad trust as ur mum already trusted u. secondly try to sincerely ask ur dad his plans and try anyway u can to be of help to him get something doing. thirdly try as much as u can for your siblings not to hate ur dad. forthly, always remember u already a leader and try to make peace. and most importantly pray. its love and peace that solve issues.

Pathetic as your mother's case may sound, l'll tell you straight up, you aren't alone in this fight. But it's late now trying to drive some sense into your dad's head, as the undesirable attitude he has, can't be unlearned again after many years of being overlooked by your mom(Most of our mothers failed to force our fathers to be responsible early enough, something most of the new breed wives don't joke with, hence ,they're reaping good results). Your mom's life is precious, so do all you can with your siblings to take good care of your mother, if possible ,take her somewhere your father won't be able to reach her let alone compound her woes. Good luck!

I know how such cases normally are, your mom will almost never agree to leave her husband's house... All these older generation women so much believe in the old way of marriage so they'd rather endure whatever shit they're passing through... Sad �

Ytea:
The choice of who to marry isn't beans

I like the lesson you learnt.

Lmao...I shouldn't be laughing but I found your comment funny.

Nekky5:
That kind of man would still pack down to the village if he hears they are there. It's such an unfortunate situation.

Such men mostly end up with partial paralysis a.k.a stroke if they repent not in "due time", but the most painful thing is that the burdensome ailment will be upon your mother and children. Well, that would be God's way of preventing your mother and children from nakeding him after God's recompense beckons on him, because nakeding him attracts God's anger too. AS A WOMAN, DON'T NAKED YOUR FATHER, IT'S DANGEROUS!! Sister, don't try it, neither take your mother away from him. Don't thread on a path where the angel's are instructed not to.


If not for the lockdown, you would have chanel your heart, energy, and engage yourself in hustling or schooling activities to first avert the worrisome issues in your home from stealing your peaceful mind. And as for your mother, she needs constant money and foods to take care of herself for now. And if your father benefits, then her soul is safe eternally because an eye for an eye will make her soulful eyes blind and evil for evil will destroy her soul...


Re: Experience.

Evercurious:


Maybe her siblings cautioned her earlier. But she didnt listen and so they have left her to her fate . And they did just the right thing.. Maybe she wants to learn the hard way

I believe at this stage, the siblings should step in if she lets them to.

But the wasted years......

Learn to always comprehend before replying.

jimharry21:
As far as I sympathize with your mum and you kids, I will honestly advice you not to hate or condemn your Father yet, it's only God Who knows the genesis of their problem visa-vis his anger. Your Father may actually be the victim here but decided to bear it on his own. If you eventually make it, take care of your mother as much as you take care of your Father.

MadCow1:




This is 2020 and you are still loco..


Stay crazy my Man.

MadCow, longest time
Have you finally gotten some sense?
And that lil fvck MrCork still chasing lite skinned pvssies.
It never gets old

JONNYSPUTE:
.... Lol. Werey.

Ubunja the wrinkle. One of your 500 monikers .

Jobless and broke agonised redpiller.

Welcomme:
Take your mum back to the village. You guys should gather money for her let her start a petty trade. Don't allow the irresponsible father of yours to know all the moves you are taking.

Obviously good