instinct57vm:
Well said. Same advise I gave her. We are past the era of condoning rubbish marriage. Being single is truly better than being married to some idiots

You gave her the best advice.

Daddy46:
you go like fight the way I dey see you haba all man to his opinion you mad ooooooo

that's how we roll bro

There is more to the story... Well family issue should be sort indoor and let me add this is like the person in question is a boy not a man.. Wetin i know self?

fashionale:


Different folks, different strokes.
For Nigeria here;
Every married man should always differentiate between nuclear family and extended family. I think the man sidelined his wife way too much. This is also her house for crying out loud. The kitchen is very important for every woman. It's thier entitlement which you do not deprive them.
And I think there is more to this story than what we have read. They have already had plans to throw the wife out of the house prior to their arrival.

I dey tell you. I'm sure she contributed more and bought almost everything in that house. This is a new marriage for crying out loud. Who goes for medical check up with her son, his girlfriend and another relative to a newly married couples home? Who does that oooooo. You see some hypocritic people in nairaland that can never say the truth even if you use it and customise contact lens for them, na ogun go faya all of them. Tueh!!!

Millenniumlady:
The man just played himself he'll live to regret the cause of his actions.......how dare you take side With your mother when i'm your wife which automatically makes me your new mum ......Ladies never you marry a guy that's so close to his mum if you want a successful marriage.

The same way your son won't be close to you... Yippee

tonididdy:


Say whatever you wish. You do not know our relationship kind also the BQ is not an island, it's inside same compound as mine that way she has freedom and I also need freedom.

You can share your room with your mother when you build your house.

Alright bro. It's your house, your decision, your mum, your family, your money.
Enjoy.

If she can, let her move on with her life. This is just the beginning of more trouble for her in the marriage, better she goes her way now or she would regret staying in that marriage.

[quote author=instinct57vm post=89254089]I have a female friend who got married last year October precisely.

Fast forward to March this year the Mother In Law came to stay with the couple in a bid to visit her hospital within the couple’s area for medical checkup, reason being that she stays a bit farther away in the same state.

Upon her Mother in law’s arrival, she came with my friend’s husband brother accompanied by his girlfriend who all planned staying and eventually stayed without prior notice.

My friend(the lady) is a banker and was only informed casually by her husband while she was at work on the day of their arrival. His excuse was the mother called impromptu about the visit which I don’t think is bad anyway.

These couple stay in a three bedroom apartment and only one room has bed in it. This is the room the couple sleep.

The first two days of the mother inlaw, brother and brother’s girlfriend arrival, the couple had to sleep in the living room while the mother in law and the brother in law’s girlfriend slept in the couple’s room.

As days goes by, the husband who is self employed suggested the the rest of them will handle cooking in the house due to the wife’s tight schedule as per banking job in Lagos.

Part of the consequence of their visit is that they have overthrown the kitchen and like most ladies my friend wasn’t cool with this but tried to keep her cool.

The lady(my friend) became curious and asked the husband to clarify if the mother in law and co intends to stay with them permanently. The husband subsequently flared up with the allegations that his wife doesn’t want his people around. This happened to be the third time his wife asked this question in the space of two weeks.

One thing led to the other on the third time of asking this question my friends husband beat her up and chased her out of the house while the mother stood and watched without interfering.

Efforts to reconcile has proved abortive as the husband refused to let her in again and categorically said to my friend’s dad he isn’t interested in the marriage anymore. The mother in law refused to interfere.

PS: The hubby’s mother is a separated single mother.
PS: My friend and her hubby both contributed to pay the rent
PS: The hubby’s father is not in support of all the happenings and all efforts to reach his son proved abortive since the misunderstanding. He wouldn’t answer his dad’s calls.

What are your opinions about this issue? Thank you.



Both parties have their faults.

The Man: He didn't respect his wife's privacy.
(B) He was wrong to allow his mother & a girlfriend (not even the wife) of his brother take over their matrimonial bed.
I don't know what the relationship between his mother and his wife is. (Obviously, they are not in good terms from the story told) otherwise, it should have been his wife and his mother that will share the bedroom.
(C) He should have sought his wife opinion regarding access to the kitchen and perhaps reason it out with his wife.
(D) He foolishly allowed his mother to ruin his relationship with his wife.

The Woman: The first thing I will like to ask the woman is; if it were the other way round, how would she handle it. Some women are so intolerant of their mother-in-laws.
(B) After asking her husband twice with no response, she should have dropped the matter. She failed to understand that her husband was already under pressure with a difficult situation he was struggling to manage. The reason why he buckled up after his wife asked the third time.
She should have applied wisdom. But obviously she was more concerned about getting them out than the struggles of her husband who didn't know how to handle the situation. By her actions she just played into her mother-in-law's hand and possibly validated the fact that she didn't love her or welcome her.
(C) She didn't pray...some women would have used prayer power to send them away. Many may not subscribe to this ancient principle. I know it works especially if you do it in love, not praying for their destruction but that God will handle the situation and restore peace to her home.


My thoughts: I pity both of them. they have allowed third parties to destroy their very young marriage.
It is obvious they were not knowledgeable and allowed their emotions to get the best of them.
They don't love themselves that much. If they do, both will conspire against the 'intruders'. Lovers have this way of overcoming everything and everyone to be together. "Dem nor send anybody".

Finally, I just hope the so called girlfriend is not the new wife in a family conspiracy against the wife.

I rest my case.
May God help them.

instinct57vm:
I have a female friend who got married last year October precisely.

Fast forward to March this year the Mother In Law came to stay with the couple in a bid to visit her hospital within the couple’s area for medical checkup, reason being that she stays a bit farther away in the same state.

Upon her Mother in law’s arrival, she came with my friend’s husband brother accompanied by his girlfriend who all planned staying and eventually stayed without prior notice.

My friend(the lady) is a banker and was only informed casually by her husband while she was at work on the day of their arrival. His excuse was the mother called impromptu about the visit which I don’t think is bad anyway.

These couple stay in a three bedroom apartment and only one room has bed in it. This is the room the couple sleep.

The first two days of the mother inlaw, brother and brother’s girlfriend arrival, the couple had to sleep in the living room while the mother in law and the brother in law’s girlfriend slept in the couple’s room.

As days goes by, the husband who is self employed suggested the the rest of them will handle cooking in the house due to the wife’s tight schedule as per banking job in Lagos.

Part of the consequence of their visit is that they have overthrown the kitchen and like most ladies my friend wasn’t cool with this but tried to keep her cool.

The lady(my friend) became curious and asked the husband to clarify if the mother in law and co intends to stay with them permanently. The husband subsequently flared up with the allegations that his wife doesn’t want his people around. This happened to be the third time his wife asked this question in the space of two weeks.

One thing led to the other on the third time of asking this question my friends husband beat her up and chased her out of the house while the mother stood and watched without interfering.

Efforts to reconcile has proved abortive as the husband refused to let her in again and categorically said to my friend’s dad he isn’t interested in the marriage anymore. The mother in law refused to interfere.

PS: The hubby’s mother is a separated single mother.
PS: My friend and her hubby both contributed to pay the rent
PS: The hubby’s father is not in support of all the happenings and all efforts to reach his son proved abortive since the misunderstanding. He wouldn’t answer his dad’s calls.

What are your opinions about this issue? Thank you.

Both parties have their faults.

The Man: He didn't respect his wife's privacy.
(B) He was wrong to allow his mother & a girlfriend (not even the wife) of his brother take over their matrimonial bed.
I don't know what the relationship between his mother and his wife is. (Obviously, they are not in good terms from the story told) otherwise, it should have been his wife and his mother that will share the bedroom.
(C) He should have sought his wife opinion regarding access to the kitchen and perhaps reason it out with his wife.
(D) He foolishly allowed his mother to ruin his relationship with his wife.

The Woman: The first thing I will like to ask the woman is; if it were the other way round, how would she handle it. Some women are so intolerant of their mother-in-laws.
(B) After asking her husband twice with no response, she should have dropped the matter. She failed to understand that her husband was already under pressure with a difficult situation he was struggling to manage. The reason why he buckled up after his wife asked the third time.
She should have applied wisdom. But obviously she was more concerned about getting them out than the struggles of her husband who didn't know how to handle the situation. By her actions she just played into her mother-in-law's hand and possibly validated the fact that she didn't love her or welcome her.
(C) She didn't pray...some women would have used prayer power to send them away. Many may not subscribe to this ancient principle. I know it works especially if you do it in love, not praying for their destruction but that God will handle the situation and restore peace to her home.


My thoughts: I pity both of them. they have allowed third parties to destroy their very young marriage.
It is obvious they were not knowledgeable and allowed their emotions to get the best of them.
They don't love themselves that much. If they do, both will conspire against the 'intruders'. Lovers have this way of overcoming everything and everyone to be together. "Dem nor send anybody".

Finally, I just hope the so called girlfriend is not the new wife in a family conspiracy against the wife.

I rest my case.
May God help them.

Bj5all:


You told you a man that is close to his mother doesn't make a good husband? Or don't you know most men treat their wives like they treat their mum?

There is a difference between a good man and a stupid one irrespective of how close they are to their mother. Some are never close to their mum and still treat their wives sooo badly. Others are close to their mum and their wives are lucky to have them.

Don't go about giving marriage advise you know nothing about. It's obvious you are not married yet.

I beg tell her... So it's a bad thing if your son is close to you. Every woman will grow to become a mother some days.

This is a hard nut to crack. Patience will be needed at this time. May God intervene. Amen.

What tone did she adoots while asking her hubby the questions?

instinct57vm:
I have a female friend who got married last year October precisely.

Fast forward to March this year the Mother In Law came to stay with the couple in a bid to visit her hospital within the couple’s area for medical checkup, reason being that she stays a bit farther away in the same state.

Upon her Mother in law’s arrival, she came with my friend’s husband brother accompanied by his girlfriend who all planned staying and eventually stayed without prior notice.

My friend(the lady) is a banker and was only informed casually by her husband while she was at work on the day of their arrival. His excuse was the mother called impromptu about the visit which I don’t think is bad anyway.

These couple stay in a three bedroom apartment and only one room has bed in it. This is the room the couple sleep.

The first two days of the mother inlaw, brother and brother’s girlfriend arrival, the couple had to sleep in the living room while the mother in law and the brother in law’s girlfriend slept in the couple’s room.

As days goes by, the husband who is self employed suggested the the rest of them will handle cooking in the house due to the wife’s tight schedule as per banking job in Lagos.

Part of the consequence of their visit is that they have overthrown the kitchen and like most ladies my friend wasn’t cool with this but tried to keep her cool.

The lady(my friend) became curious and asked the husband to clarify if the mother in law and co intends to stay with them permanently. The husband subsequently flared up with the allegations that his wife doesn’t want his people around. This happened to be the third time his wife asked this question in the space of two weeks.

One thing led to the other on the third time of asking this question my friends husband beat her up and chased her out of the house while the mother stood and watched without interfering.

Efforts to reconcile has proved abortive as the husband refused to let her in again and categorically said to my friend’s dad he isn’t interested in the marriage anymore. The mother in law refused to interfere.

PS: The hubby’s mother is a separated single mother.
PS: My friend and her hubby both contributed to pay the rent
PS: The hubby’s father is not in support of all the happenings and all efforts to reach his son proved abortive since the misunderstanding. He wouldn’t answer his dad’s calls.

What are your opinions about this issue? Thank you.

Millenniumlady:
^{The man just played himself he'll live to regret the cause of his actions.......how dare you take side With your mother when i'm your wife which automatically makes me your new mum ......Ladies never you marry a guy that's so close to his mum if you want a successful marriage.}

www.nairaland.com/attachments/11493181_cfp124w_jpega5a27a25c78c16fece858c418e87c49b
Another plumber with vast experience in conduit wiring.

As a man never take side in a fight between your mother and and your wife. Immediately you do, you are enslave to the party for life.
Bitter truth from sleemomymy. What do I know self. Can get some like, my wedding was 14year yesterday. For me and my wife every day is just like the first day we meet.

hmmm...
..As some b4 hv observed, i shall only judge the matter whn i read the man's sides of d story..there is no one sided coin.
..for those clamouring "wife is my new mother"..i laff in swahili. it is only possible if u marry a gud woman.
..may u not marry d type of my uncle's wife dt will hold u ransome by d nuts in d middle of night.
..if u happen to, i expect to read ur report here on nairaland

its obvious the man is tired of the marriage.No need forcing herself on the man.f they had a court marriage n she tinks there are tins they got that she has interest in,let her sue n make claims.Thereafter she should build herself n move on.life is too short struggling for what is not.when man don't tire,e don't tire .If you like kill yourself he go say you no die well ,so no need.I know it hurt but that the best for her cos weds now or in the near future d man go jilt her.hope this is the complete story sha.

yettymuse:
Your friend was Barbara the builder.. this is what you get when you’re building a man .. she’ll be fine, I hope she learnt her leassons!

"Barbara the builder" got me rolling in stitches

LordShiva97:



Go beg her husband for what exactly? For getting beaten up for rightly voicing out her displeasure at the prospect of her in-laws colonising her home?


Let's be honest with ourselves, if this story is true and happened as narrated, then the man is dead wrong, he's an idiot and it won't be advisable for any self-respecting woman to remain stuck in such a union with him in the name of marriage.

she can as well try elsewhere she go know say Ac no be fan .She should better swallow her little pride and resolve the issue ,so with the whole corona pandemic and restricted movements you will allow your mother travel miles when you stay close to where she receives treatment .Now put yourself in the husbands shoes how do you expect him to feel when his wife is out-rightly making it clear she is wishing his mother death (indirectly) .She should have advised on getting a bed for the other room and let them make use of it .Very simple issue,she has made a huge mistake and she should go beg her husband how can you ask such a question 3 times in a space of two weeks .Only God knows what that man must have gone through before it resulted to all these

If this story is true, it is a family issue. Let them solve their family problem by themselves.

There's more to this than we know. Both parties must be given fair hearing before one can help in resolving their problem. We only have a glimpse of the surface, but can't see underneath.

instinct57vm:
I have a female friend who got married last year October precisely.

Fast forward to March this year the Mother In Law came to stay with the couple in a bid to visit her hospital within the couple’s area for medical checkup, reason being that she stays a bit farther away in the same state.

Upon her Mother in law’s arrival, she came with my friend’s husband brother accompanied by his girlfriend who all planned staying and eventually stayed without prior notice.

My friend(the lady) is a banker and was only informed casually by her husband while she was at work on the day of their arrival. His excuse was the mother called impromptu about the visit which I don’t think is bad anyway.

These couple stay in a three bedroom apartment and only one room has bed in it. This is the room the couple sleep.

The first two days of the mother inlaw, brother and brother’s girlfriend arrival, the couple had to sleep in the living room while the mother in law and the brother in law’s girlfriend slept in the couple’s room.

As days goes by, the husband who is self employed suggested the the rest of them will handle cooking in the house due to the wife’s tight schedule as per banking job in Lagos.

Part of the consequence of their visit is that they have overthrown the kitchen and like most ladies my friend wasn’t cool with this but tried to keep her cool.

The lady(my friend) became curious and asked the husband to clarify if the mother in law and co intends to stay with them permanently. The husband subsequently flared up with the allegations that his wife doesn’t want his people around. This happened to be the third time his wife asked this question in the space of two weeks.

One thing led to the other on the third time of asking this question my friends husband beat her up and chased her out of the house while the mother stood and watched without interfering.

Efforts to reconcile has proved abortive as the husband refused to let her in again and categorically said to my friend’s dad he isn’t interested in the marriage anymore. The mother in law refused to interfere.

PS: The hubby’s mother is a separated single mother.
PS: My friend and her hubby both contributed to pay the rent
PS: The hubby’s father is not in support of all the happenings and all efforts to reach his son proved abortive since the misunderstanding. He wouldn’t answer his dad’s calls.

What are your opinions about this issue? Thank you.

All I can say is that your friend's husband is a goat and I'm wondering how or where your friend met him. Did she join him to go and eat yam somewhere, where they met themselves?

I wouldn't know but I'll say the wife had a verbal or physical spat with the mother in law. That is the only way a talk of reason can spiral out if control to full blown yelling and assault.

Everyone is at fault here and they have to handle it in house.

BTW Op, mind your business

Millenniumlady:
The man just played himself he'll live to regret the cause of his actions.......how dare you take side With your mother when i'm your wife which automatically makes me your new mum ......Ladies never you marry a guy that's so close to his mum if you want a successful marriage.

you'd have a son some day and feel differently, the man effed up, what he should have done was stay in the middle and act as a bridge between both and not take the side of either, matter of fact he should have created a scenario or situation where both parties would be united against him

Silla007:




Both parties have their faults.

The Man: He didn't respect his wife's privacy.
(B) He was wrong to allow his mother & a girlfriend (not even the wife) of his brother take over their matrimonial bed.
I don't know what the relationship between his mother and his wife is. (Obviously, they are not in good terms from the story told) otherwise, it should have been his wife and his mother that will share the bedroom.
(C) He should have sought his wife opinion regarding access to the kitchen and perhaps reason it out with his wife.
(D) He foolishly allowed his mother to ruin his relationship with his wife.

The Woman: The first thing I will like to ask the woman is; if it were the other way round, how would she handle it. Some women are so intolerant of their mother-in-laws.
(B) After asking her husband twice with no response, she should have dropped the matter. She failed to understand that her husband was already under pressure with a difficult situation he was struggling to manage. The reason why he buckled up after his wife asked the third time.
She should have applied wisdom. But obviously she was more concerned about getting them out than the struggles of her husband who didn't know how to handle the situation. By her actions she just played into her mother-in-law's hand and possibly validated the fact that she didn't love her or welcome her.
(C) She didn't pray...some women would have used prayer power to send them away. Many may not subscribe to this ancient principle. I know it works especially if you do it in love, not praying for their destruction but that God will handle the situation and restore peace to her home.


My thoughts: I pity both of them. they have allowed third parties to destroy their very young marriage.
It is obvious they were not knowledgeable and allowed their emotions to get the best of them.
They don't love themselves that much. If they do, both will conspire against the 'intruders'. Lovers have this way of overcoming everything and everyone to be together. "Dem nor send anybody".

Finally, I just hope the so called girlfriend is not the new wife in a family conspiracy against the wife.

I rest my case.
May God help them.

Silla I doff my cap to you. You addressed this issue without bias and with a sound mind, only matured people are able to pull of this kind of comments. Maturity isn’t shying away from social media like a lot of ppl thinks. Once again i doff my cap to you. #respect.
Like u, I actually faulted her consistent approach and a few things coz it takes two to tangle really. However, when i heard this guy’s side of the story, likewise what u mentioned again, the hubby never loved her, even if love alone isn’t sufficient, it’s absolutely the prerequisite to anything we do in life. The guy wasn’t prepared for marriage and lack the basic skills to handle matters.
Many Thanks for ur contribution. Well appreciated!

srclark:
she can as well try elsewhere she go know say Ac no be fan .She should better swallow her little pride and resolve the issue ,so with the whole corona pandemic and restricted movements you will allow your mother travel miles when you stay close to where she receives treatment .Now put yourself in the husbands shoes how do you expect him to feel when his wife is out-rightly making it clear she is wishing his mother death (indirectly) .She should have advised on getting a bed for the other room and let them make use of it .Very simple issue,she has made a huge mistake and she should go beg her husband how can you ask such a question 3 times in a space of two weeks .Only God knows what that man must have gone through before it resulted to all these

You're misyarning and you're doing it with the confidence of one who's intoxicated on an exotic strain of weed. Are you even sure we read the same post, you probably know more about this issue than the OP revealed to us?

So confronting her husband on the continued stay of the husband's folks in her home which is clearly infuriating her means she's indirectly wishing her mother-in-law death, how?
What's the logic behind this conclusion? :>(

And what's wrong with her asking the same question thrice in two weeks, it's her home for Zeus's sake and she contributed in the rent, it's not as if it's the man's sef
Asking a question thrice within the space of fourteen days in your own house is now a crime that deserves punishment?

If the mother-in-law was only coming for treatment, what's up with bringing the brother and his girlfriend along?

You're trying so hard to excuse the man's folly, but you're failing woefully at it. If you genuinely believe that the lady's is wrong and the man totally absolved of any blame then you have a serious problem.

This is my last reply to you though.

LordShiva97:



You're misyarning and you're doing it with the confidence of one who's intoxicated on an exotic strain of weed. Are you even sure we read the same post, you probably know more about this issue than the OP revealed to us?

So confronting her husband on the continued stay of the husband's folks in her home which is clearly infuriating her means she's indirectly wishing her mother-in-law death, how?
What's the logic behind this conclusion? :>(

And what's wrong with her asking the same question thrice in two weeks, it's her home for Zeus's sake and she contributed in the rent, it's not as if it's the man's sef
Asking a question thrice within the space of fourteen days in your own house is now a crime that deserves punishment?

If the mother-in-law was only coming for treatment, what's up with bringing the brother and his girlfriend along?

You're trying so hard to excuse the man's folly, but you're failing woefully at it. If you genuinely believe that the lady's is wrong and the man totally absolved of any blame then you have a serious problem.

This is my last reply to you though.

Please stop arguing with ppl whose thoughts are myopic. He clearly didn’t read to understand but read to reply like his fellow foolish people.

instinct57vm:


Please stop arguing with ppl whose thoughts are myopic. He clearly didn’t read to understand but read to reply like his fellow foolish people.

I won't reply him again. I'm even regretting my last reply to him sef.

Millenniumlady:
The man just played himself he'll live to regret the cause of his actions.......how dare you take side With your mother when i'm your wife which automatically makes me your new mum ......Ladies never you marry a guy that's so close to his mum if you want a successful marriage.

Senseless creature.

Fairbanks:


That's why I can't marry a product of home separation. Children raised with the parents apart always have issues.

me too!

na real gbege them be , I swear!

alasan007:

Wtf!!! really? You r out of the league of a good Wife n obviously goodmother for saying this

.


She represent her family.

Some things don't add up in this story, why waste time and money marrying someone and chasing her out like that.


Something has happened before, we need both sides of the story you are just a friend to the woman you won't get the full story.

Probably the woman has been priding herself before because she contributes to the rent and possibly other finances too since the guy is self employed she might look down on him and she must have done something to the mother in law for her not to interfere when her son was chasing her out.

Her matter don overdue na make the thing cast her.

But let's hear the story from both sides

solmus:



may you witness same as a mother, may your son treat you the same way you suggest someones mother be treated... may you son's wife also keep asking for when you would leave the house of the child you spent every penny you begged for online to train say amen if you agree to your own comment

Amen. And I strongly believe that's how her mother does.

instinct57vm:
I have a female friend who got married last year October precisely.

Fast forward to March this year the Mother In Law came to stay with the couple in a bid to visit her hospital within the couple’s area for medical checkup, reason being that she stays a bit farther away in the same state.

Upon her Mother in law’s arrival, she came with my friend’s husband brother accompanied by his girlfriend who all planned staying and eventually stayed without prior notice.

My friend(the lady) is a banker and was only informed casually by her husband while she was at work on the day of their arrival. His excuse was the mother called impromptu about the visit which I don’t think is bad anyway.

These couple stay in a three bedroom apartment and only one room has bed in it. This is the room the couple sleep.

The first two days of the mother inlaw, brother and brother’s girlfriend arrival, the couple had to sleep in the living room while the mother in law and the brother in law’s girlfriend slept in the couple’s room.

As days goes by, the husband who is self employed suggested the the rest of them will handle cooking in the house due to the wife’s tight schedule as per banking job in Lagos.

Part of the consequence of their visit is that they have overthrown the kitchen and like most ladies my friend wasn’t cool with this but tried to keep her cool.

The lady(my friend) became curious and asked the husband to clarify if the mother in law and co intends to stay with them permanently. The husband subsequently flared up with the allegations that his wife doesn’t want his people around. This happened to be the third time his wife asked this question in the space of two weeks.

One thing led to the other on the third time of asking this question my friends husband beat her up and chased her out of the house while the mother stood and watched without interfering.

Efforts to reconcile has proved abortive as the husband refused to let her in again and categorically said to my friend’s dad he isn’t interested in the marriage anymore. The mother in law refused to interfere.

PS: The hubby’s mother is a separated single mother.
PS: My friend and her hubby both contributed to pay the rent
PS: The hubby’s father is not in support of all the happenings and all efforts to reach his son proved abortive since the misunderstanding. He wouldn’t answer his dad’s calls.

What are your opinions about this issue? Thank you.

Obviously the mother in law has never wanted the marriage from onset. She has just been looking for a great opportunity like that. For me the hubby need serious mental check up. I hope he ends up marrying his mother and family members. Let the woman your friend let him be for now. Maybe he will come to his senses hopefully it won’t be too late for him.