ollins:
Let me cut the story short. Had a fling with this girl, along the line she got pregnant. You know all that talk of "if you could sleep with her, then you must marry her" "if you got her pregnant then you must marry her", Iooking back now, I wished I hadn't listened to all those voices.

I knew in my heart that I didn't love her, even she knew but the pressure from the family was too much, I had to marry her. On my marriage day I was practically crying within me.

Her character is just opposite of all I wanted in a woman, she's barely educated, loud and loquacious.

That's my cross I am carrying today, stuck in a loveless marriage.

The warmth and Romance is absent from our home, we have not had intimacy since beginning of the year till now, we just have no interest anymore in each other. We are just living together for the sake of our child.

My question now is how does one cope�? Is this how I am going to live the rest of my life?

donbachi:
I rather marry 10 times,than die in one..their is no coping in hell,no amendments,no repentance...u just stay there and burn.

CsRockefeller:
OP I have a feel of what are passing through. It's quite a pity you had sex with her.

I once had this small (petite) Yoruba girl. I was first attracted to her because I thought she was Igbo due to her fair complexion.

We got into d friendship, gosh!! She was there, everyday, every night. She will call with her credit and we will gist in Yoruba, we were an item, yet I refuse to ask her out.

I couldn't imagine myself with a Yoruba lady, even if I managed to get pass that hurdle what about her education? She was a hairstylist, her mom had just passed on, her father was away in Benin Republic, her brother was in Abk, so she was just alone in one room.

Two years gone, we were still friends, she kept on asking why I was taking time I really wanted to love her enough to date her but I couldn't find it. She asked if it was because she wasn't in school, then after my NYSC, she got admission to a Polytechnic, she thought I might have a change of heart. I didn't.

Every opportunity to go see her, I turned it down. It's now 4 years, she has decided to move on. I was still trying to close my eyes and imagine that she isn't Bisola but Nkechi or Chioma. Funny is that we spoke Yoruba everytime we spoke.

She invited me one day for that stuff, I told myself; don't do this if you don't love her enough to date her. I didn't go.

The following month she got a date, but she wasn't feeling it. We kept on talking and my presence was a distraction to her new found love. Las las d guy blocked me everywhere and I decided to let it be.

Sometimes, I just seat and beat my heart or brain for not finding that push or extra space to accommodate that girl in my heart.

Truth is sometimes our heart or feelings just plays tricks on us.

My own case was not that I didn't find a very nice beautiful girl but stupid Tribalism wouldn't let me be.

JERIZO:


Your first Mistake was having pre-marital sex. Pre-marital sex often leads to unwanted outcomes such as the one u are in right now and I hope most young people will learn from your experience.

Your 2nd Mistake was allowing yourself to be coerced into marrying someone you don't love all becos she is pregnant for u. Getting a lady pregnant out of wedlock is a mistake, marrying her is a bigger mistake especially, if both of u are not ready for marriage or don't love each other that much. I see people making this mistake all the time. U would have tried to correct the 1st mistake by taking full responsility for the child, but not marrying the lady. U can be involved in the child's life, u don't have to marry the mum to do that. The young lady can get married to another man while u take the child and do the same. There are cases like this and things go smoothly for everyone. When the child is grown, he/she would be made to understand what happened.

Note, Divorce is not an option in this situation. That would be making the 3rd mistake. When people get hit with challenges, the first thing that come to mind is; What's the easy way out? and once they find it, they use it not knowing they have only succeeded in compounding the problem.
Face ur challenges for once and work on it, don't chicken out. Think on how u can get the problem solved not how to runaway from it. Running away from it will only complicate ur life.
Get the divorce notion out of ur head completely and work on ur marriage. There are millions of unhappy divorce couples who took the "easy way out" and are still not happy today in another marriage.

How Do U fix this:
* To Find Love in ur marriage u both must first surrender ur life and marriage to Jesus. He alone can handle circumstances that are beyond us and do what may seem impossible to us. He would bring transformation into ur life and marriage, that would amaze u, if only u give Him the chance.

* U have to deliberately cultivate Love for ur Wife, She might not be the perfect one, but who is even perfect in the first place. Perfect couples are divorcing everyday. A marriage that works is one in which both parties understand that they are imperfect and forgive easily. Love her unconditionally. She might not be ur taste, just love her, with time ur love for her will begin to grow. Love is a seed that grows when planted. It doesn't matter the soil.

* Settle ur differences by self evaluation & communication.

Ask urself these questions:

What are the qualities I desire in a lady, that she does not possess?
Are these qualities realistic?(try to be reasonable)
If there are, How do I help her become what I want her to be?
What qualities does she possess that I adore ?( there's definately one)

Have Her answer the same questions about U, and help each other into grow into what u both desire.
If it is lack of education, She can go to school. If she has a character that irritates u, u both can talk it over and hope for a change. work on her!
Marriages are built into what u want it to be. U have to work it out.

* Get a good Counsellor to counsel both of u and read books that would help u build ur desired Marriage.

* I believe even the romantic aspect of ur relationship will develop, if u put all this into practice.

We could talk more if u wish.
I rest my case, but remember, u are not in an impossible situation.




You people keep saying handle in to God there are some problems you just need to run away from.