Rotjijatau:
I'm writing this piece with due permission because both parties involved are on nairaland. My friend & his wife had a small issue that made them to keep malice for more than a week. Then last Friday he went to work & she sent him a text message that read "I am going with our son, whenever you are calm & settled, come for us, the key is under the footmat in front of the door" to his greatest surprise he came back home later in the evening & didn't meet her. He didn't call her, next day Saturday no communication whatsoever from them, Sunday which was yesterday same & today too no communication. Everyone adviced him not call her since he didn't send her out of the house neither has he ever maltreated her. Maybe she's trying to show him that whatever happens she has a place to go. I think her mother is suppose to ask her why she came home or better still contact the husband to know why his wife came back but nobody from her family contacted him. On a second thought, the mother shouldn't be blamed since nobody knows what the wife told her mother, but this is not the first time the mother is acting in this manner. He has put all her belongings together in the house so that anytime she wants to come & pack, its fine by him & if she comes back its still fine by him. Anything she wants to do is very okay with him, he just want to keep his hands clean. What is your advice or take on this? One thing has been hindering him from making a move to call or look for settlement is PRIDE & EGO. They really love each other that they can die for each other but right now I don't know what the devil is doing.

l need to know what caused the malice before l Can say anything

Rotjijatau:
I'm writing this piece with due permission because both parties involved are on nairaland. My friend & his wife had a small issue that made them to keep malice for more than a week. Then last Friday he went to work & she sent him a text message that read "I am going with our son, whenever you are calm & settled, come for us, the key is under the footmat in front of the door" to his greatest surprise he came back home later in the evening & didn't meet her. He didn't call her, next day Saturday no communication whatsoever from them, Sunday which was yesterday same & today too no communication. Everyone adviced him not call her since he didn't send her out of the house neither has he ever maltreated her. Maybe she's trying to show him that whatever happens she has a place to go. I think her mother is suppose to ask her why she came home or better still contact the husband to know why his wife came back but nobody from her family contacted him. On a second thought, the mother shouldn't be blamed since nobody knows what the wife told her mother, but this is not the first time the mother is acting in this manner. He has put all her belongings together in the house so that anytime she wants to come & pack, its fine by him & if she comes back its still fine by him. Anything she wants to do is very okay with him, he just want to keep his hands clean. What is your advice or take on this? One thing has been hindering him from making a move to call or look for settlement is PRIDE & EGO. They really love each other that they can die for each other but right now I don't know what the devil is doing.

To be a real man in marriage takes high intelligence.

Pride and ego has destroyed many a relationship

Rotjijatau:
I'm writing this piece with due permission because both parties involved are on nairaland. My friend & his wife had a small issue that made them to keep malice for more than a week. Then last Friday he went to work & she sent him a text message that read "I am going with our son, whenever you are calm & settled, come for us, the key is under the footmat in front of the door" to his greatest surprise he came back home later in the evening & didn't meet her. He didn't call her, next day Saturday no communication whatsoever from them, Sunday which was yesterday same & today too no communication. Everyone adviced him not call her since he didn't send her out of the house neither has he ever maltreated her. Maybe she's trying to show him that whatever happens she has a place to go. I think her mother is suppose to ask her why she came home or better still contact the husband to know why his wife came back but nobody from her family contacted him. On a second thought, the mother shouldn't be blamed since nobody knows what the wife told her mother, but this is not the first time the mother is acting in this manner. He has put all her belongings together in the house so that anytime she wants to come & pack, its fine by him & if she comes back its still fine by him. Anything she wants to do is very okay with him, he just want to keep his hands clean. What is your advice or take on this? One thing has been hindering him from making a move to call or look for settlement is PRIDE & EGO. They really love each other that they can die for each other but right now I don't know what the devil is doing.

He should sew that woman for kidnapping

I suspect this guys are pentecostal {esp the new Gen type) who don't believe that marriage class/counseling is very important.

Third party destroys marriage more than anythijg else. Just as OP is destroying this one. By advising not to call, you've contributed in sowing seed of discord.

This would have been the normal flow of a husband with emotional intelligence immediately he got the text (reason, the tone of that message shows that the wife wants to be back when she leaves:
Wife text: I'm leaving... come for us..
Husband: don't leave your home. When I'm back we'll settle our issue.
On getting home if wife is at home,
Husband: darling, why would u want to leave when u know very well u were at fault?
Or on getting home, wife is not home:
Husband text: darling, where did u disappear to. I'm coming for u immediately so we can make amends.

Rotjijatau get your friend and the wife back.

It's ok for the parties involved to seek solution....they know the facts... and can explain the reason for their actions. Any marriage has ups and downs.... leave them alone to sort themselves out and to experience the bitterness and sweetness of married life.

Rotjijatau:
There's nothing to call & tell them, I think they are suppose to be the ones to ask him what happened since he didn't send her out of the house.

He married her from her parents house so if she park her things and left, it is his responsibility to call her parents and inform them of the incidence.

What happened if she did not return to her parents house.

This is marriage, not girlfriend.

blackpanthar:

ok first, ARE YOU YOUR FRIEND?
because if you are a THIRD PARTY... then this matter does not concern you o.

Your post shows you lack details on what transpired or you just refuse to share.

also... A MAN WHO RECEIVED MESSAGE FROM HIS WIFE THAT SHE IS LEAVING... SHOULD NOT BE SHOCKED IF HE COMES HOME AND FINDS THAT SHE HAS LEFT.

LASTLY... it will be very very improper for any of us here to judge this matter without hearing from BOTH PARTIES... your assumption that they LOVE each other that they can die for each other is a TOTAL LIE....

To judge a matter by hearing from ONE PARTY is really not right, but to judge it by hearing from THIRD PARTY(you) will be very unfair.
They have parents and relatives... pls allow them sort it out and keep it out of nairaland.

PEOPLE SHOULD STOP BRINGING PRIVATE MATTERS TO THE PUBLIC. The public didnt choose their marriage for them... public opinion is not usually right.

ARE THEY NOT MUSLIMS OR CHRISTIANS? The cleric/pastor who joined them together should also help if both family's relatives are failing to correctly resolve the matter...


Your post is too VAGUE for any counselor to help or interfere. If you are not the spouse and its truly your friend, pls leave this matter and keep the internet media out of it.

God bless you abundantly.

Ordinary ''I am sorry'' could solve this problem.


Feminist and alpha male no wan gree

Indeed, Marriage isn't for everyone.

Na wa. Their own dey their body. Husband nor want beg, wife nor want beg, like play like play, marriage go scatter.

I see
Your wife left you because of the Facebook girl
Or lem me say it's the Facebook girl that caused issh btw you and your wife

Rotjijatau:
I'm writing this piece with due permission because both parties involved are on nairaland. My friend & his wife had a small issue that made them to keep malice for more than a week. Then last Friday he went to work & she sent him a text message that read "I am going with our son, whenever you are calm & settled, come for us, the key is under the footmat in front of the door" to his greatest surprise he came back home later in the evening & didn't meet her. He didn't call her, next day Saturday no communication whatsoever from them, Sunday which was yesterday same & today too no communication. Everyone adviced him not call her since he didn't send her out of the house neither has he ever maltreated her. Maybe she's trying to show him that whatever happens she has a place to go. I think her mother is suppose to ask her why she came home or better still contact the husband to know why his wife came back but nobody from her family contacted him. On a second thought, the mother shouldn't be blamed since nobody knows what the wife told her mother, but this is not the first time the mother is acting in this manner. He has put all her belongings together in the house so that anytime she wants to come & pack, its fine by him & if she comes back its still fine by him. Anything she wants to do is very okay with him, he just want to keep his hands clean. What is your advice or take on this? One thing has been hindering him from making a move to call or look for settlement is PRIDE & EGO. They really love each other that they can die for each other but right now I don't know what the devil is doing.

So because dem.keep malice,she pack go? Mscheww useless women of nowadays.

The man sef, very childish man, why will you be keeping malice with your wife for a week?

The mother of the woman is aware....probaly encouraged her to leave because the man is still struggling..she cant do that - lewve without consultng the mom..and i can tell you for free, and from personal experience that this mom is from SE or SS. Those ones na their daughters dey decide for them,esp if the daughters are not finacially dependent on them. As a woman, you cant do that if you are from a Yoruba family. They will send you back.instanta

My experience with Igbo and Niger Delta mothers, eh? E fit full book

Amb1045:
As a married man, you don't keep malice with a woman they're rational thinkers. Women are like kids that needs to be pampered to bring out the best in them. Call her to come back and caution her with things you like and things you don't like

Simp...pamper a grown ass woman that is misbehaving.... Na wa o

Rotjijatau:
I'm writing this piece with due permission because both parties involved are on nairaland. My friend & his wife had a small issue that made them to keep malice for more than a week. Then last Friday he went to work & she sent him a text message that read "I am going with our son, whenever you are calm & settled, come for us, the key is under the footmat in front of the door" to his greatest surprise he came back home later in the evening & didn't meet her. He didn't call her, next day Saturday no communication whatsoever from them, Sunday which was yesterday same & today too no communication. Everyone adviced him not call her since he didn't send her out of the house neither has he ever maltreated her. Maybe she's trying to show him that whatever happens she has a place to go. I think her mother is suppose to ask her why she came home or better still contact the husband to know why his wife came back but nobody from her family contacted him. On a second thought, the mother shouldn't be blamed since nobody knows what the wife told her mother, but this is not the first time the mother is acting in this manner. He has put all her belongings together in the house so that anytime she wants to come & pack, its fine by him & if she comes back its still fine by him. Anything she wants to do is very okay with him, he just want to keep his hands clean. What is your advice or take on this? One thing has been hindering him from making a move to call or look for settlement is PRIDE & EGO. They really love each other that they can die for each other but right now I don't know what the devil is doing.

The content of the message says, "when your head is calm, come for us"

Le a not ignore the content if this message

Your friend must have an attitude that makes her write such to him

Which means his head do get mad and when it does, he us better off left that way

She must have been feeding her family stories about his behaviour

If he doesn't want to look for his family, let him forget it, it won't be long the wife will also sort herself out

Happiness is supposed to be free

I don't like to comment on one sided stories but if what you wrote here is exactly how it happened and I'm in the man's shoes, I'll do nothing for now...

Just letting you know this is how my parents divorce started, call her parents now and let her know what she did isn't funny. Else all of you including the innocent children will pay for it dearly. Better be a man, in most situation it may be because the man is being sissy, right now for every single day she spend outside of your house, your marriage is under control of whoever she is with

Rotjijatau:
There's nothing to call & tell them, I think they are suppose to be the ones to ask him what happened since he didn't send her out of the house.

Calling the inlaws is necessary. Suppose the wife didn't go to her mother's place?
Suppose she's playing hide and seek?

Ego and pride is very dangerous and unhealthy for every relationship.

OP, tell your friend to go look for his wife and kid if he claims he loves his wife unto death.

When he gets her back, they can sort themselves out. Tell him not to allow pride and ego to kill their beautiful marriage.

Rotjijatau:
I'm writing this piece with due permission because both parties involved are on nairaland. My friend & his wife had a small issue that made them to keep malice for more than a week. Then last Friday he went to work & she sent him a text message that read "I am going with our son, whenever you are calm & settled, come for us, the key is under the footmat in front of the door" to his greatest surprise he came back home later in the evening & didn't meet her. He didn't call her, next day Saturday no communication whatsoever from them, Sunday which was yesterday same & today too no communication. Everyone adviced him not call her since he didn't send her out of the house neither has he ever maltreated her. Maybe she's trying to show him that whatever happens she has a place to go. I think her mother is suppose to ask her why she came home or better still contact the husband to know why his wife came back but nobody from her family contacted him. On a second thought, the mother shouldn't be blamed since nobody knows what the wife told her mother, but this is not the first time the mother is acting in this manner. He has put all her belongings together in the house so that anytime she wants to come & pack, its fine by him & if she comes back its still fine by him. Anything she wants to do is very okay with him, he just want to keep his hands clean. What is your advice or take on this? One thing has been hindering him from making a move to call or look for settlement is PRIDE & EGO. They really love each other that they can die for each other but right now I don't know what the devil is doing.

A man with ego has no business with marriage. He need to see a counselor. He lacks emotional intelligence needed in keeping a woman

He did well. He shouldn't call her.

People typing the man's ego is too big, he lacks emotional intelligence ( which is delusional) .

He married her cause he deem her fit to be his wife (wrong decision). Well I am happy she is showing him the real her ( female nature).

I can't be in this man's shoes cause I never intend marrying nobody ( be you Virgin Mary or woke lady or feminist or slut of the town).

He should just let her be like that . After all he has a son. He should put her on a monthly budget just for the childsake, which is the only legacy he needs. He should focus on himself and build his wealth .When the boy turns eightheen give him a option to contact him directly for his needs. Simple

He should let her go and do whatever she wants . Never should he accept her back, if she comes begging. Even if she finds another man she will still do the same.

If they were still dating , I will call that gaslighting. Like most girls do. They will just go blank whoring around and just appear from nowhere after their slutting around. I would have advice him not to do anything and just fvck and put her back to the street where she belongs.

The fact she has even done these several times should give the husband a clue or a message . That she is for the street. She is still probably in her hoe phase. And the fact he keeps accepting her back will always give her the courage and mind to do it more often.

Rotjijatau:
I'm writing this piece with due permission because both parties involved are on nairaland. My friend & his wife had a small issue that made them to keep malice for more than a week. Then last Friday he went to work & she sent him a text message that read "I am going with our son, whenever you are calm & settled, come for us, the key is under the footmat in front of the door" to his greatest surprise he came back home later in the evening & didn't meet her. He didn't call her, next day Saturday no communication whatsoever from them, Sunday which was yesterday same & today too no communication. Everyone adviced him not call her since he didn't send her out of the house neither has he ever maltreated her. Maybe she's trying to show him that whatever happens she has a place to go. I think her mother is suppose to ask her why she came home or better still contact the husband to know why his wife came back but nobody from her family contacted him. On a second thought, the mother shouldn't be blamed since nobody knows what the wife told her mother, but this is not the first time the mother is acting in this manner. He has put all her belongings together in the house so that anytime she wants to come & pack, its fine by him & if she comes back its still fine by him. Anything she wants to do is very okay with him, he just want to keep his hands clean. What is your advice or take on this? One thing has been hindering him from making a move to call or look for settlement is PRIDE & EGO. They really love each other that they can die for each other but right now I don't know what the devil is doing.

Update: She has sent him a text this morning which read "i'll be coming tomorrow to pick some of our things & I'll also need money for our son's provision. hope you're fine? He hasn't replied her yet but this is what he intends to send her

"Your coming should very early in the morning before 7:30am or in the evening cos i'll be going to work & cannot drop my key, better still i'll help you put all your things together so you can pick up everything at once. It's gonna save you stress & Tfare wastage of coming randomly for one thing or the other. Whenever you're finally ready to return, feel free but if you're expecting me to come for you then all I can say is ALL THE BEST... Never will you see me nor will i do such follow up again, reason being that you chose your path & defined the fate of your child. I think we've all tried one way or the other. I don't have money right now for provision, month end perhaps".

I told him to chill first & not send it or even if he'll send it let it be later in the evening. This issue has got everyone confused, to me I think one of them should just act the fool for peace to reign cos I don't see any issue that is worth all this. I bet you if you hear from all of them, you'll know that there's no problem at all warranting this, in fact its child's play

Tell him to send this...
Alakori my stubborn love, I am sorry for whatever happened, I can't even explain what happened, but I am sorry.
And in case something else will happen, I am sorry ahead. I miss my child, please I need him around and his stubborn mother.


In marriage, men tend to apologise for what they didn't do, what they have done, what they haven't done, what they will not do, and what they are not going to do.
For peace to reign, please help him send an apology text...... Just borrow his phone and send it on his behalf, don't let him know.
Please help him shame the devil, the little boy misses his father, shame the pride the devil has put in his parents hearts.

All I see is pride, I pray God intervenes before this goes out of proportion.

Or11:


Are you sure about that? You have probably only heard the husbands side. A woman wouldn't pack her things because of mere argument.

lol you Obviously don't know women. Especially if the husband has a track record of grovelling

Two Adults living in the same house..
Keeping malice.

They must be kids with physical features of adults.

OP so you mean you want us to utilize our brains and time to advise two people that either (1) dont love each other or (2) dont have sense? How can a married couple keep malice for a whole week while under the same roof. Wo wo the problem in this country is too much for one to waste their time on things like this. They say 2 heads are better than 1. The man and his wife are 2 heads, me I have only one. If they can't settle themselves, they should do what they like. Dont come and disturb us abeg.

Nuel4:
lol you Obviously don't know women. Especially if the hush has a track record of grovelling

Can we men ever know or understand women completely? It's impossible. The story is still one sided until the wife tells her part.

She won't learn her lesson if you don't stand your ground

if you are actually concern about the couple, why don't you call your friend's wife to hear her part on the matter?

i don't eve think the man has bond with the child.
otherwise by now that child would have used 'Daddy' ringing tone to frustrate the mother.

Heavance:

Tell him to send this...
Alakori my stubborn love, I am sorry for whatever happened, I can't even explain what happened, but I am sorry.
And in case something else will happen, I am sorry ahead. I miss my child, please I need him around and his stubborn mother.


In marriage, men tend to apologise for what they didn't do, what they have done, what they haven't done, what they will not do, and what they are not going to do.
For peace to reign, please help him send an apology text...... Just borrow his phone and send it on his behalf, don't let him know.
Please help him shame the devil, the little boy misses his father, shame the pride the devil has put in his parents hearts.

seyigiggle:
if you are actually concern about the couple, why don't you call your friend's wife to hear her part on the matter?

I've done that its the same thing, there's nothing tangible.