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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me (56924 Views)
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Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by daddytime(m): 11:16pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
SirMichael1: The bolded caught my attention. Are you to buy the ingredients for the caterer? |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by Mancala: 11:35pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
"Those people commenting are sounding a bit anti church." No, they are not anti Church. They are simply applying logic to the situation. The main purpose of the meeting is certainly not to eat and drink. Having said that, why can't the meeting be held in the Church this time? Answer is pride. Someone does not want to lose face! "If she still refuses you can now employ the service of caterers if you can afford it and if you can't u can explore other options like buying soft drinks and snacks. But you should make it clear to her that that you are not happy with her you too can revengeby declining some helps you render her or sacrifices you make for her so she will know how it pains.DONT just let it go make sure you express your displeasure by actions or at least words or both. NEVER you postpone the meeting to please her or due to lack of options or lack of adequate plan.if she refuses make sure you feed your guest in your house with at least snacks and .soft drinks or better by caterers,this will make you the winner and she will be ashame of her sef" Caveat Emptor! Pride comes before fall. Really? Take revenge, make you the winner? Your house? Make her ashamed of herself? Do I really need to explain why this is so off base? These are some of the reasons why lots of Nigerian wives in the older generations were unhappy in their marriage and just stuck it out for the sake of tradition. Same reasons why divorces are prevalent today. 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by bukatyne(f): 11:52pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
Omo, na wa. Anyone who has a spouse who upholds the traditional values of marriage does not know what God has done for him or her. 36 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by dejol88: 12:10am On Sep 03, 2020 |
Everything in Nigeria has turned upside down. It is finished! Look at what people are posting in support of the inconsiderate wife, chai ! Common cooking ooo for once in a year guests becomes an issue.Well it cannot happen to me, not in this life! What is the essence of marriage when couples cannot help one another? What do you guys talk about in marriage? What is going on in our society? I just weak, really angry reading this nonsense. Op, fix your marriage, clearly this is insubordination and should not be withstood. 24 Likes |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by GboyegaD(m): 12:24am On Sep 03, 2020 |
mariahAngel: Yes I will. If you read my other posts, you would see it clearly as he needs to know what the problem is. That said, she has her grudge and have a right to it. At this time, there's not much time and so as not to add issues to the compounding issues, it is best he pays for the service than bring friends or family that could be disrespected/ or his wife being disrespected. While it isn't a big deal, truth is what money can solve shouldn't cause too much problems. Hopefully, post this incidence they would be able to talk and clear whatever the grudge is and this should also be able to appease the wife. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by GboyegaD(m): 12:36am On Sep 03, 2020 |
Liftmaster: Oga, no vex; what is this inconvenience? Don't we all host people from time to time? We are a people and I think we have some communal sense, why act as though it is strange? Anyways, what do I know sef? 5 Likes |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by sako28: 1:12am On Sep 03, 2020 |
Bros, Cook the food urself. Show her and ur men's group how things can be done. Why bombard the body system with carbohydrate, sugar and red meat. You guys are getting old for that. Just get chicken, make a small salad and variety of fruits, with bottled water or do a fresh juice( orange, banana, etc) I think u people's meeting should be more of creative discussion and how to live healthy. So my brother leave ur wife out of this. am a man like u and I'm talking from what I have done and was really appreciated. 10 Likes |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by 1x2x3: 1:13am On Sep 03, 2020 |
femi4: You have comprehension issues . Read again..... This time very slowly. 21 Likes |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by Meel: 1:14am On Sep 03, 2020 |
I be apon (bachelor) wey never marry, but marriage bin dey scare me. But i learnt something from this short story. Which is ,marry a person that shares same value with you. So my wife's group will be having a get together in my house and I won't happily want to help her host them to the best of my capacity?? As someone stated up there, there is already a crack , cooking is not the issue. All the best sir 19 Likes |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by Liftmaster: 1:25am On Sep 03, 2020 |
GboyegaD: No offense taken. It's not an issue of inconvenience but the issue here is the husbands lack of discernment. Regardless of whatever the reason for declining is, the wife has a right to do so. Her declining may be being inconsiderate but she has a right to it. I marvel at those on here that think that because a husband asks his wife to do something, she must always say yes. A wife has rights too. I hate to say this, but wisdom does seem to be in short supply In some of the antagonistic responses. One further point. You said "Don't we all host people from time to time? We are a people and I think we have some communal sense, why act as though it is strange?" Why do you speak like we are all together in his marriage? Everybody is different. We may have certain customs as a people but it doesn't mean everyone agrees with these customs and willingly participates. Every individual has rights. She has spoken her mind and we as a people need to learn to respect other people's rights and opinions. The wife was glad to do the hosting when she was 5 months pregnant. I personally think that was inconsiderate of the husband to ask her to do so, but regardless, she gladly oblidged. This time around she said no and is vehement in her refusal. There is something going on here. A sufficiently wise husband should discern something from this. Regardless of what path he takes, the issue will,still remain. He will be wise pick his battles, drop the issue and move on. At a later time when tempers have cooled, he can come back and try to figure out what exactly the issue is. 12 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by DonHummer(m): 2:15am On Sep 03, 2020 |
This our generation sef all forming woke. what is the big deal in hosting your husbands friends which happens once in 18 months. if the work is stressful, invite one, two or three people to help out depending on how difficult the situation is. I believe maybe she doesn't like that her husband group that is why she is refusing to host them and not the reason she is giving. but if her husband gets a big connection or contract from people he met in the group, she will happily enjoy the money. 20 Likes |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by GboyegaD(m): 2:55am On Sep 03, 2020 |
Liftmaster: There is no battle in my opinion however,there is an underlying issue that needs be addressed. At this time, he can't force his wife however, he can out of convenience use a caterer unfortunately,they are on a tight budget. I am not for waiting to score points like the wife is making this seem however, I am not in her shoes so I can't say for certain what exactly it is. Above all, I wish them both the best. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by lilyheaven: 3:20am On Sep 03, 2020 |
frozen70:They are only cooking swallow, I have have attended one church group meeting. Anglican Church The man that was hosting invited me to come over and assist his house girl in the cooking , His wife left house that day with her kids, only the last boy was around. We prepared swallow, fufu, Garri, semo, white rice, fried rice, jelof rice, plantain porridge, white yam and sauce, African salad, ukwwwa ( bread fruit) He ordered chops from fast food too, Everyone was happy because they all eat to their satisfaction, they didn’t even notice his wife was not there, only about two couples that that came earlier asked after her I’m not a caterer o, It’s my husband that promised the man I will come and assist, I didn’t know the wife was not going to be around. Maybe this was the same issue they had. 2 Likes |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by Tillatalk: 3:25am On Sep 03, 2020 |
With what you wrote up there you need a better beating 1 Like |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by Juliearth(f): 3:37am On Sep 03, 2020 |
SirMichael1: I feel there is an underlying issue and this isn't about cooking (for Pete's sake, its just 20 people and not an entire community) Let her open up to you about what truly the problem is. 2 Likes |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by dingbang(m): 5:23am On Sep 03, 2020 |
UyaiIncomparabl:you this big balloon head, instead of you to market your goods and services... |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by dingbang(m): 5:25am On Sep 03, 2020 |
Our mothers failed to groom their daughters. I always let whoever I am dating know that if she feels she doesnt want to cook, there are a thousand more pretty women out there who are ready to do that for me, and jealousy sets in. Confused lots like this. Op please find more caterers that you can choose from . where is your location please? If you are in lagos I can recommend Uyaiincomparabl because she can deliver and her services are very affordable 1 Like |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by Bonjovi13: 6:16am On Sep 03, 2020 |
SirMichael1: Mr Husband man.I wonder how long you have been married for and whether you have taken time to study your wife. Even as a man you cannot bring hard back breaking work with no reward for me except thank you. You are presuming on your wife's hospitality and only inexperienced men do this. It would shock you that your marriage will disintegrate if you don't handle this issue carefully. Since you knew before hand that you would host your group's meeting you should have started softening your wife up by being nice and affectionate with her. Helping her out with chores or buying her gifts. Then after a nice warm lovemaking session you should have just said Wow honey its my turn to host the men.What do you think I should do?Allow her to talk and gauge her reaction. If it is favourable and she pitches in.Good.If not let it go and try another time. With time she will get involved and you guys would find a mutually satisfactory arrangement. Now you just ruined every thing with your approach and your wife is in battle mode.Anything you say and do would be used against you.lol My advice...Tell her to take a break from house chores this weekend or if she is the type that can't completely hands off...tell her you will lend a major hand this weekend.The goal will be to reduce her burden and destress her.Then in bed, apologise for the way you brought up the issue.Assure her that you will seek her advice before signing her up for work.Then calmly tell her that you are willing to get a caterer just to spare her the stress but with financial constraints you can't get a caterer.Also your family would be embarrased if you don't host this meeting.Ask for her help and assure her that you will make it up to her.Sweet talk her.Pet her.She will bulge. If you attempt to force her you will regret it and she will resent you. You will also have succeded in setting yourself and your marriage up for failure. My 2cents 15 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by Portifar: 7:45am On Sep 03, 2020 |
SirMichael1:Get somebody that cooks, the Yorubas call them Olopo, she won't takeore than 3k, then any church lady, that one can't get more than 2k. Just tell them that your wife can't go through the stress hence the need for them. On the morning of the get together, the Olopo will go to the market to get the ingredients. All the best man! 2 Likes |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by davillian(m): 7:49am On Sep 03, 2020 |
She doesn't want to do it So don't force her or else All your guest would hate coming to your house Just better go and pay someone that will cook for u And if you can't then call the meeting off no b by force 1 Like |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by Theyoungmatron: 9:13am On Sep 03, 2020 |
bukatyne:I think you have a multiple personality. 11 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by Theyoungmatron: 9:17am On Sep 03, 2020 |
Liftmaster:The husband will not win this battle. Due note that she is not failing in her duties of feeding her family. |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by Nobody: 9:33am On Sep 03, 2020 |
She doesn't have any reason to refuse cooking for your guest especially as you've pleaded with her. Why is she your wife then? If you have to go out and get help for the kitchen, then you don't have a partner cos thats the duty of a partner. Would she rather you spend unecessarily while she's there fit as fiddle doing nothing??... What will it take her to do something that little for her husband.? I wonder what we think all this "I love you" s really mean. Majority think it ends in bed. No! You have to go out of your comfort zone to really prove you love your spouse. That's sacrifice, thats what we call love and thats the only thing that can keep a marriage till death do you part. Report her to your pastor let them talk some sense into her. 5 Likes |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by HMarshal(m): 10:01am On Sep 03, 2020 |
If it's stressful for her,y not contract a cook & let her supervise? because she did the last time doesn't me she shuld again. |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by SirMichael1: 2:16pm On Sep 03, 2020 |
femi4:You seem to have comprehension problems that i can't fix for you. 6 Likes |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by SirMichael1: 2:23pm On Sep 03, 2020 |
Mancala: Why are you dangling between different points? I don't get. 1 Like |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by SirMichael1: 2:28pm On Sep 03, 2020 |
GboyegaD:So for every no she says, i should bend to her will. But she won't bend to mine? Maybe you don't understand how marriage works but if she gets away with this one, what happens in the next 2yrs when the get together holds again? Please try to be reasonable. 17 Likes |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by SirMichael1: 2:34pm On Sep 03, 2020 |
sako28:I live in Nigeria and not the US and as such, I won't give my guest grass to eat. Just so you know, chicken is meat too and you didn't read red meat. 6 Likes |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by GboyegaD(m): 2:34pm On Sep 03, 2020 |
SirMichael1: Oga, I'm married and from a home. You are the one creating an issue here because her total refusal should tell you there is something underlying. You be reasonable and address the issue and stop trying to act as the victim here. That said, what you need is a win-win situation and not trying to seek some pity party here. It is your home, address it the way you want to. NB: you don't want to bend to her but want her to always bend to yours, Bros, please reason it. Don't just take all you read on here but rather sieve it and think of how to make the best of this situation. Based on your reaction, I am forced to agree with Ishilove that you are trolling. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by zed7: 2:41pm On Sep 03, 2020 |
SirMichael1: That's enough time to save some money so you can hire someone. It's stressful arranging a get together that isn't a do or die affair. Wives go through enough stress already, let's sometimes be considerate. Get a caterer to arrange something you can afford especially in disposable plates. Please stop comparing your wife to other people's wives. Some people are work horse and others are not. 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by Walk(f): 3:05pm On Sep 03, 2020 |
Lalasticlala will not come now oh, but if na snake thread we go don see like 3 for fp. Sirmichael, what's the situation now? Have you discussed it with her again? |
Re: My Wife Won't Cook For Our Guests. Please Advise Me by bukatyne(f): 4:13pm On Sep 03, 2020 |
Theyoungmatron: If the thought makes you sleep well at night, happy thinking. |
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