NaijaCr7:


How do we explain something to someone like u who cannot differentiate poor mentality to being poor.

Face front

Small talks: poverty! Another small talks, poor man! Haba! Can any of you even define "principle"?

Principle: a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behaviour or for a chain of reasoning.

That's what many of you missed. Because not all the poor parents will return the gifts.

Coldie:

Swears. This might affect the child's self esteem in future.

People are naturally generous. The parents who gave out the gift could have done that with an open heart without anything in mind. But she's reading meaning into it

It might affect them.

I wrote in a previous comment that my nephew was in the same class with the son of the serving governor of the state at the time. When it was the boy's birthday, you can just imagine the kind of gifts that they shared to the kids in the class. My nephew's parents didn't reject it. Abi will they accept pencil/eraser and reject child size cars/PS4, etc.

Or I should only allow my daughter attend birthday parties of average/ not rich so that when her own birthday comes, they won't be expectant.

I don't understand the OP's thinking process. But as for me, I don't get intimidated by other people's wealth. I will not do more than myself.

KLand:
Your point is understood but I wouldn't take the gift back if I were you.

It is not by force to buy expensive gifts when it's your child's turn to celebrate. Just buy what you can afford. That's all.

Its not by force to accept it either

bukatyne:
Funny how people shouting 'poverty mentality', 'inferiority complex' etc. are actually the ones exhibiting it.

It takes guts and principle to return such a gift.

What I expect from the OP is to graduate from the Naija way by telling his daughter why he decided to return the gift and using that as a father - daughter bonding session teaching morals and values.

It is only 'I never chop' that accepts everything that comes their way.

Perhaps there might have been a less aggressive way to handle the situation like talking to the Proprietary staff and teachers without returning it, he took a stance and acted it out.

When according to his training manual he feels it right for his daughter to have a PS4 or latest version out, she will.

There was a thread on Oloshoism amongst young ladies today. It started from somewhere.

Proud of this of post. I m sorry for present generation that thought all gift is acceptable. Until they poison their children before they understand caution.

Sebastine1994:
Please schools should stop celebrating birthdays in school, please, biko. I use God beg you.

I sent my child to school to learn and not to celebrate birthdays, I came back from work one day and saw this play station 4 in a carton, I asked them who own. they said my daughter classmates celebrated her birthday and shared these gift to them.

I quickly ask them to reparkage the gift and take it back to the school, before I return from work the next day.

MY REASON IS THIS: all fingers are not equal, when it is my daughter's birthday they would be expecting a gift of equal amount.

The parent may be rich and I am not, they give my child what I can't afford for her which is a recipe for greed. she should be contented with what I can afford,

These her young mind should be moulded early to adapt to reality.

These private schools are encouraging these evil act, it may affect the child tommorow.

please push to front page to expose the dangers of school birthday.

I really support your decision. Its an eye opener

jesmond3945:
I was expecting you to counter my argument but you responded like the typical African man.

so the reasonable gift to share is biscuit? Then why are your kids attending the school? Why not put them in ajegunle community school where they share biscuit as gift. It is only in Nigeria we judge people's intention based on their material possession. So if otedollar decides to drive keke we would say it is cruise or he is mocking poor people but we forget that otedollar is a human being first of all and might decide to live a life of destitutes for the rest of his sojourn on earth. When we allow our kids to grow up with this mindset they would always feel inferior even when they have made it.

Above was your comment you expected me to respond to. Go through that your comment once again. Sincerely speaking, do you think you mad a comment that sounds reasonable. Your comment here look a bit uncoordinated and contradictoryand may not need much response.

You said that I sound like a typical African man. Bros, were u expecting me to talk like an English man?
This is where ur problem is. U want to be behaving like an English man while here in Africa.
I am very proud to sound like a typical African man that I am.

Kdon2:


Its not by force to accept it either

True, but I just wonder how the child has been made to feel.

Psoul:




Above was your comment you expected me to respond to. Go through that your comment once again. Sincerely speaking, do you think you mad a comment that sounds reasonable. Your comment here look a bit uncoordinated and contradictoryand may not need much response.

You said that I sound like a typical African man. Bros, were u expecting me to talk like an English man?
This is where ur problem is. U want to be behaving like an English man while here in Africa.
I am very proud to sound like a typical African man that I am.

ok train your kids the way you want while train my the way I want. When they all grow we go know how far.

Kdon2:


Its not by force to accept it either

What is wrong with your child accepting it? Is it because it is expensive? What if it was the regular bubbles blower, writing materials, crayon, ribena? Will you refuse that? Are people appalled to expensive things?

I might not be able to afford that kind of gift now but if it is shared in my child's class as long as didn't steal or beg for it, it will be appreciated like any other gift.

jesmond3945:
ok train your kids the way you want while train my the way I want. When they all grow we go know how far.

Mine are grown and they are not regretting the training they received from me.

Just mentioning my name to people make some certain things easier for them.
People will most time say to them; Are you child of so so man?
Then I will give you opportunity to have this cos we know ur father.
So I am speaking from experience.
I don't know about you

Psoul:


Mine are grown and they are not regretting the training they received from me.

Just mentioning my name to people make some certain things easier for them.
People will most time say to them; Are you child of so so man?
Then I will give you opportunity to have this cos we know ur father.
So I am speaking from experience.
I don't know about you

good to hear. My kids do things way ahead their peers, they don't belong here. They are made for the stars.

ImaIma1:


What is wrong with your child accepting it? Is it because it is expensive? What if it was the regular bubbles blower, writing materials, crayon, ribena? Will you refuse that? Are people appalled to expensive things?

I might not be able to afford that kind of gift now but if it is shared in my child's class as long as didn't steal or beg for it, it will be appreciated like any other gift.

Simple, I don't want my child to think life operates on gift. Thanks sir

Kdon2:


Simple, I don't want my child to think life operates on gift. Thanks sir

What does this even mean? That life operates on gifts? Most of us grew up sharing gifts and receiving them. Did it makes us think life operates on gifts?

We have to make sure we teach our children the most important values and they will grow up with them so that they will have the sense to know that working hard for their money and receiving gifts are two different things.

Let's not as parents, make a wrong judgement based on our own bias and mindset and impose it on our children. God will gives us wisdom

Sebastine1994:
Please schools should stop celebrating birthdays in school, please, biko. I use God beg you.

I sent my child to school to learn and not to celebrate birthdays, I came back from work one day and saw this play station 4 in a carton, I asked them who own. they said my daughter classmates celebrated her birthday and shared these gift to them.

I quickly ask them to reparkage the gift and take it back to the school, before I return from work the next day.

MY REASON IS THIS: all fingers are not equal, when it is my daughter's birthday they would be expecting a gift of equal amount.

The parent may be rich and I am not, they give my child what I can't afford for her which is a recipe for greed. she should be contented with what I can afford,

These her young mind should be moulded early to adapt to reality.

These private schools are encouraging these evil act, it may affect the child tommorow.

please push to front page to expose the dangers of school birthday.

great post .I remember the highest we even did then was sharing cabin biscuits and at times some small telephone juice

ImaIma1:


What does this even mean? That life operates on gifts? Most of us grew up sharing gifts and receiving them. Did it makes us think life operates on gifts?

We have to make sure we teach our children the most important values and they will grow up with them so that they will have the sense to know that working hard for their money and receiving gifts are two different things.

Let's not as parents, make a wrong judgement based on our own bias and mindset and impose it on our children. God will gives us wisdom

Sharing gift differs according to circumstances. In this case I m totally not in support where gift sharing influences conducts.

Kdon2:


Sharing gift differs according to circumstances. In this case I m totally not in support where gift sharing influences conducts.

That is left to the parents to regulate but many parents have failed in that area. Even the gifts that the parents themselves buy for their children can influence their conduct.

So it has nothing to do with who gives the gift but how the parents can make sure the gifts do not have a negative influence on the children.

ImaIma1:


That is left to the parents to regulate but many parents have failed in that area. Even the gifts that the parents themselves buy for their children can influence their conduct.

So it has nothing to do with who gives the gift but how the parents can make sure the gifts do not have a negative influence on the children.

My dear sister when your children start getting gifts you can not afford you are courting serious trouble. As a parent you have the enormous responsibility to reduce the negative influence of the society on your child. It start from knowing to teach your child what gift is acceptable and which are not and letting them know why.

Kdon2:


My dear sister when your children start getting gifts you can not afford you are courting serious trouble. As a parent you have the enormous responsibility to reduce the negative influence of the society on your child. It start from knowing to teach your child what gift is acceptable and which are not and letting them know why.

As a parent, I won't tell my child to accept only inexpensive gifts shared at birthdays and reject the expensive ones. How is the child to know which one is expensive.

What am I teaching her? To despise expensive items and only be open to receiving cheap or average things?

This is obviously not about the child but about the parent's inferiority complex and insecurities...already being intimidated by other's wealth.

No one is asking that you must reciprocate in like manner. There are more thoughtful affordable items that can be shared that would even be more appreciated than the ps4.

No need for parents to feel intimidated and extend it to their children.

ImaIma1:


As a parent, I won't tell my child to accept only inexpensive gifts shared at birthdays and reject the expensive ones. How is the child to know which one is expensive.

What am I teaching her? To despise expensive items and only be open to receiving cheap or average things?

This is obviously not about the child but about the parent's inferiority complex and insecurities...already being intimidated by other's wealth.

No one is asking that you must reciprocate in like manner. There are more thoughtful affordable items that can be shared that would even be more appreciated than the ps4.

No need for parents to feel intimidated and extend it to their children.

Do not get me wrong, its the duty of the parent not the child to choose what is acceptable or not. Remember the child is young and will form opinion based on what comes their ways. Teach your child wealth is earned not gifted.

Kdon2:


Do not get me wrong, its the duty of the parent not the child to choose what is acceptable or not. Remember the child is young and will form opinion based on what comes their ways. Teach your child wealth is earned not gifted.

How does getting shared gifts on birthdays make a child think wealth is gifted and not earned?

Kay25:

No doubt you did be alive when I come to share it..none of us is dieing

My point was and still is :

You can't control a teenager or adult, that's when they make decisions for themselves, you can only do what you can as a parent

I wrote this days ago , this MF just screwed his child's life psychologically , if he does not have the support of his wife on this matter, the kid will show anything to her mum from now forthwith and she will hate her father for not letting her have nice things

simple mistakes that screws a child's mindset

Wharli3y:


The child having a mentality you always return his gifts won't want to bring gifts home again...

Hence lies would start and would escalate the more..

Why are Nigerians like this??

Yes, since we are africans , first of all throw away your religion because it's foreign culture , then stop education , go and learn ifa , you shouldn't even be on internet because you are african , stop hustling your daily job and go to farming or hunting because it's rich african culture , stop watching tv, listening to news , and ask the king's crier to give you updates periodically


Tueeehh

You people always hide under culture anytime it suits your narrative

again


TUEEEHHHH

sammirano:

Sleepover ko, insomnia ni..what does that even mean
You people are so obsessed with the foreign culture that you bleach your skin copy thier ways just to meet up and all self delusion. I bet, it will lead to premium tears. We are africans and we have a very rich culture but you people will come with "Africans evolve " obviously to the foreign culture. Shame on you.

I so much believe in our ways.

May God bless you for

Xclusiveme:
Aaaah Op, you didn't do well.
Inferiority complex took the best of you. If I was in your shoes, here's how i'll tackle the situation.
Wow, this gift is beautiful. Are you happy with the gift my darling? If yes then be happy too. Go to school next day and meet the child's parents and ask them how the child got the gift, if they were the one, appreciate them in a heartfelt way. Shikina, U go home and play the game with Ur daughter. Limit the fun though.
First of, gift from classmate isn't a hindrance to your child's education, morally or psychologically. It's just a harmless gift given to your daughter by her friend regardless of the price. You shouldn't be oppressed by gift simply because you can't afford it.
In this life no matter the situation you see yourself you have to be grateful for the things you receive.

That's how eternal bonds are built between parents and children

jesmond3945:
good to hear. My kids do things way ahead their peers, they don't belong here. They are made for the stars.

Great....I love that.

Yes, they did , and it's due to african mentality first , then the fact that world was becoming a dangerous place

But what you left out is that your parents did not reject the gift for you , they taught you to reject it there and then by yourself , abi i lie ?

God wants us to love , give and gift to each other , many bible verses support this

and Finally , why didn't Mary reject the gifts from 3 wise men ?

some things are just wrong , no matter how you try to make it look

Psoul:


My father taught us to reject some certain gifts.
We have watched him reject certain gifts even when some of them are what we want/need.
Then we, thought he was just bn too righteous or stupid.
Wen we grew up, we came to see the virtue in those acts.
Learn to reject some certain gifts my dear no matter how tempting the gift may look.
Even God himself do reject beautiful gifts/sacrifices from some certain pple..

GMBuhari:
Yes, they did , and it's due to african mentality first , then the fact that world was becoming a dangerous place

But what you left out is that your parents did not reject the gift for you , they taught you to reject it there and then by yourself , abi i lie ?

God wants us to love , give and gift to each other , many bible verses support this

and Finally , why didn't Mary reject the gifts from 3 wise men ?

some things are just wrong , no matter how you try to make it look

May be you fail to read my comment very well.
I never said that my father taught us to reject gifts.
I said he taught us to reject SOME CERTAIN gifts.
My father is an advocate of gift/alms giving.
He will always tell us that, the fastest way to prosper is by giving.
In as much as he taught us that, he also told us that there are some certain gifts we should not take from people no matter how genuine it seems.
We have seen him several times reject such gifts.
It works for us. If it does not work for you, you can take any gift that comes your way irrespective of who gives it to you and the purpose.
For us, we sieve gifts.

You can give me a car gift and I will reject it but accept same from another person the same time.
So many factors determines for me either to take or reject your gift.

GMBuhari:


My point was and still is :

You can't control a teenager or adult, that's when they make decisions for themselves, you can only do what you can as a parent

fine no argument about that but you can always pattern them the way you want them to go and grow to be that's not control that is just showing them the path to walk in

Sebastine1994:


Do you know it would be worst if I can't reciprocate, they are putting me under pressure.

nobody is putting you under any pressure learn to celebrate with others so people won’t see you as enemy NB if you return any gifts believe me time will come parents will stop there children from been friends with ur kids cos if is me I will do same ( madam just celebrate with other when dey r celebrating and den you will never lack to do same for ur kids

ImaIma1:


How does getting shared gifts on birthdays make a child think wealth is gifted and not earned?

The underlined word is wealth not gift.

Kdon2:


The underlined word is wealth not gift.

That doesn't answer the question.

How will getting gifts shared at birthdays make a child think wealth is gifted instead of earned?

ImaIma1:


That doesn't answer the question.

How will getting gifts shared at birthdays make a child think wealth is gifted instead of earned?

Alright