Pymetrics:


My first question is to you. What have you been doing since 8 years ago without marrying another man? Didn't you date another man or you didn't receive any proposal for 8 years? I assume you graduate at the age of 22yrs. Now add 8, you must be in 30s.

Secondly, if you still love the guy and you still find everything worthy of a husband in him then you can accept him back. But you need to give him time to straighten himself as a husband that can feed, protect and provide for his wife and children. You can assist him by giving him a maximum of two years to sort himself in the area of job, accommodation and basic amenities needed in a house. Since you've waited for 8 years, then you should be able to wait for another two years. Within the two years, He can secure a police job or bank teller job with his diploma certificate, he can also secure marketing or sales representative job. While searching for job, He need to acquire skills like riding bike, driving a car. He can use these skills individually or for logistics company or for businesses that need delivery or sales man. He can also acquire short time skills like graphic design. You can assist him with a laptop in this area or he find money through laborer work to fund himself in getting a laptop.
All of these can be achieved within two years or less than. He will be able to rent room and parlor sef con or two bedroom flat and move his wife and child there.
Just assist him by ensuring his empowerment and give him time to achieve that. Then both of you will marry officially and leave happily. Remember, both of you will maintain communication within the two years.

i am not the poster

He can't progress in live as far as he abandoned the pregnancy and ran away, wat if you died along the line, would he have come back and play with his son? No. He came back because he has hustled for 8yrs and probably knw concrete outcome, and maybe he has ask why things ain't working out for him like other guys, now comes a revelation to him that he should go back to the girl he impregnated and make peace with her for him to succeed in life, I think that's the reason he came back, but be careful for him not to use your son for money rituals..... I'm just saying, just monitor him and your son at least for 2 good yrs and stay off romance/Sex with him, don't even sleep in the same room with him, if possible let him go and stay with his parents

Divanona:

My first question is to you. What have you been doing since 8 years ago without marrying another man? Didn't you date another man or you didn't receive any proposal for 8 years? I assume you graduate at the age of 22yrs. Now add 8, you must be in 30s.

Secondly, if you still love the guy and you still find everything worthy of a husband in him then you can accept him back. But you need to give him time to straighten himself as a husband that can feed, protect and provide for his wife and children. You can assist him by giving him a maximum of two years to sort himself in the area of job, accommodation and basic amenities needed in a house. Since you've waited for 8 years, then you should be able to wait for another two years. Within the two years, He can secure a police job or bank teller job with his diploma certificate, he can also secure marketing or sales representative job. While searching for job, He need to acquire skills like riding bike, driving a car. He can use these skills individually or for logistics company or for businesses that need delivery or sales man. He can also acquire short time skills like graphic design. You can assist him with a laptop in this area or he find money through laborer work to fund himself in getting a laptop.
All of these can be achieved within two years or less than. He will be able to rent room and parlor sef con or two bedroom flat and move his wife and child there.
Just assist him by ensuring his empowerment and give him time to achieve that. Then both of you will marry officially and leave happily. Remember, both of you will maintain communication within the two years.

Zzor:
i am not the poster

Sorry it was a mistake to you.

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

If things didn't turn the other way negative for him would he have remembered you? He came back because he understood your strength and weaknesses.

No dispute your son needs a dad arround, but what if he has pregnanted another woman without you knowing? Follow your heart and know what you want.

Going through all the comments here and all the things in my head, I get more confused.
It will be simple and easy for me to sleep peacefully and don't even woke up again. All this failure, problem in my life will not border me again after, I have tried. I know my son will be okay.

How on Earth can I allowed a man who has hurt me that much, here in infront of me. With all the way I have suffered and I'm still struggling to establish my business because I don't have a job, I'm not rich, my family is not rich.
I have met couple of people I should have willing get married to, but I declined.

Now the only thing I can do is allowing this same guy around me without any positive contributions.
The only reason I have is: my son need his father, I saw the kind of boldness, courage he shows among his friends for this few days, and it makes me happy that he's happy.
But I still have more pain inside

Two years ago, I wanted to get married, this new guy was all over me. He was fully in my son's Life. We were so much in love. But we couldn't get married because I caught him with a habit which I wouldn't want to disclose publicly. And he couldn't stopped the habit, so I quit the relationship and returned his ring.

Since then, I've been so sceptical about getting emotional with any man. And my son have equally been all by himself. It took him a long time to be able to forget about the new guy. Which really hurt me.

Right now, I feel I have really tried, just that I have also been a total failure, I couldn't work out my life as well, otherwise, what kind of ignorance would keep me down for this years.

I'm beautiful, not lazy, I'm a good person, I'm not a flirt, Every day I keep meeting admirers. Why did I keep chasing them away?
I feel like a failed in so many ways.

I feel should I go to bed, and never wake up, I will be more relaxed and nothing will border me anymore

I can express myself here because no one knows me here physically.

My life story is really hurible.

He has been going around looking for a house to rent and start his life.

He told me yesterday, one of his friend sent him 40k and he intend to use it to get his place.
He's seriously looking for a house now,
he said he don't want to be far away from us again,

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.
6
We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid o

From a spiritual POV u could have been the cause of his problem with the sex u guys had then. He is now battling his life plus ur life issues... Advice him or u guys seek spiritual help church deliverance only not traditional and see how his story will change. But if u have found someone else ready to marry u... Then u guys can do ur deliverance individually and he comes see his kids from time to time.

Bennysam:

You're devil, if you don't know what to say just shut up , evening news paper

So becos ur sisters er regular attendees at shiloh, u tink everyone is an evening newspaper. smh

Anyone that wasn’t there for you at your ‘darkest time’ isn’t good for you. You said he left you despite pleading with him to stay even with your condition then, someone left for 8 good years! My dear sister, it’s normal to make a mistake but making the mistake repeat itself again is foolishness. You have been all by yourself for 8 good years, and God has not forsaken you. Yes your child needs a father in his life journey but don’t let history repeat itself again. Someone that left you when you were pregnant can decide to live any time again in the future when he feels like. The fact that you got pregnant for someone through unprotected sex doesn’t mean you should marry him. It’s a good thing he has realized his mistake and I’ll implore you to forgive him from the depth of your heart. Your happiness is germane and your son deserves a good life but don’t loose guard. Be wise! Let God paddle your boat, when you’re set to remarry, the man that will love you for who you are will stay and not leave you when you need him most. Be strong Sis

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

Anyone that wasn’t there for you at your ‘darkest time’ isn’t good for you. You said he left you despite pleading with him to stay even with your condition then, someone left for 8 good years! My dear sister, it’s normal to make a mistake but making the mistake repeat itself again is foolishness. You have been all by yourself for 8 good years, and God has not forsaken you. Yes your child needs a father in his life journey but don’t let history repeat itself again. Someone that left you when you were pregnant can decide to live any time again in the future when he feels like. The fact that you got pregnant for someone through unprotected sex doesn’t mean you should marry him. It’s a good thing he has realized his mistake and I’ll implore you to forgive him from the depth of your heart. Your happiness is germane and your son deserves a good life but don’t loose guard. Be wise! Let God paddle your boat, when you’re set to remarry, the man that will love you for who you are will stay and not leave you when you need him most. Be strong Sis

I want to be honest the relationship with a father is important, but I am scared for you, he can have a relationship with his son from a distance,
he should go back to his family, he can visit and make calls but dont let this become a leech situation, u already have a soft spot for him cuz of his child, if he wants to keep that soft spot he should be willing to find somethin to do to earn it. Please do no not make excuses for him.

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

Liposure:
later they will say bad boys are charismatic

How bad boyz take enter the story, dd you even read the story, you don't av to depend on someone who takes every story out of context.

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

What a sad one!
In my humble opinion, you should take your time in deciding what you want and how your life should go from this moment... Yes, he is father of your child and in that regards you shouldn't deny him access to his son but on the aspect of being a couple do you want a man of his kind? Good and fine like you described him he is good and kind but what about the providing as the man of the house? After 8years of disappearances and he has nothing to show? No nah... Abeg reason am well make you no go marry liability then he will be folding hand and legs in the parlor everyday watching tv and expect you to go out to hustle and provide for you and your baby..

Sit him down and get to know his plans and this time around give him 1year to kick start those plans and you see that he is dedicated to making things work before you start thinking about marriage with him.. No go rope yourself to a lazy man not willing to take responsibilities when necessary.. Thank You.

Please do what makes you happy and be sure you won't regret it time to come

Divanona:
Going through all the comments here and all the things in my head, I get more confused.
It will be simple and easy for me to sleep peacefully and don't even woke up again. All this failure, problem in my life will not border me again after, I have tried. I know my son will be okay.

How on Earth can I allowed a man who has hurt me that much, here in infront of me. With all the way I have suffered and I'm still struggling to establish my business because I don't have a job, I'm not rich, my family is not rich.
I have met couple of people I should have willing get married to, but I declined.

Now the only thing I can do is allowing this same guy around me without any positive contributions.
The only reason I have is: my son need his father, I saw the kind of boldness, courage he shows among his friends for this few days, and it makes me happy that he's happy.
But I still have more pain inside

Two years ago, I wanted to get married, this new guy was all over me. He was fully in my son's Life. We were so much in love. But we couldn't get married because I caught him with a habit which I wouldn't want to disclose publicly. And he couldn't stopped the habit, so I quit the relationship and returned his ring.

Since then, I've been so sceptical about getting emotional with any man. And my son have equally been all by himself. It took him a long time to be able to forget about the new guy. Which really hurt me.

Right now, I feel I have really tried, just that I have also been a total failure, I couldn't work out my life as well, otherwise, what kind of ignorance would keep me down for this years.

I'm beautiful, not lazy, I'm a good person, I'm not a flirt, Every day I keep meeting admirers. Why did I keep chasing them away?
I feel like a failed in so many ways.

I feel should I go to bed, and never wake up, I will be more relaxed and nothing will border me anymore

I can express myself here because no one knows me here physically.

My life story is really hurible.

He has been going around looking for a house to rent and start his life.

He told me yesterday, one of his friend sent him 40k and he intend to use it to get his place.
He's seriously looking for a house now,
he said he don't want to be far away from us again,

My dear,get rid of all this emotions and face your life squarely,face your challenges with a rigid heart if you want to get it right.You don't need that man around you for now but don't cut the bond between him and his son.That man is an object of limitation to your life,forget that paying your school fees stuff,you have paid back in folds through his son that you singlehandedly cared for all these years.Im afraid you need your brain more than anything now and most importantly you must not fail your child with or without his father's presence in his life.Cut all that negative thoughts in your head and take that bold decision.One very important thing,dont take any man's advice here,most of them are biased and selfish.

Divanona:
Going through all the comments here and all the things in my head, I get more confused.
It will be simple and easy for me to sleep peacefully and don't even woke up again. All this failure, problem in my life will not border me again after, I have tried. I know my son will be okay.

How on Earth can I allowed a man who has hurt me that much, here in infront of me. With all the way I have suffered and I'm still struggling to establish my business because I don't have a job, I'm not rich, my family is not rich.
I have met couple of people I should have willing get married to, but I declined.

Now the only thing I can do is allowing this same guy around me without any positive contributions.
The only reason I have is: my son need his father, I saw the kind of boldness, courage he shows among his friends for this few days, and it makes me happy that he's happy.
But I still have more pain inside

Two years ago, I wanted to get married, this new guy was all over me. He was fully in my son's Life. We were so much in love. But we couldn't get married because I caught him with a habit which I wouldn't want to disclose publicly. And he couldn't stopped the habit, so I quit the relationship and returned his ring.

Since then, I've been so sceptical about getting emotional with any man. And my son have equally been all by himself. It took him a long time to be able to forget about the new guy. Which really hurt me.

Right now, I feel I have really tried, just that I have also been a total failure, I couldn't work out my life as well, otherwise, what kind of ignorance would keep me down for this years.

I'm beautiful, not lazy, I'm a good person, I'm not a flirt, Every day I keep meeting admirers. Why did I keep chasing them away?
I feel like a failed in so many ways.

I feel should I go to bed, and never wake up, I will be more relaxed and nothing will border me anymore

I can express myself here because no one knows me here physically.

My life story is really hurible.

He has been going around looking for a house to rent and start his life.

He told me yesterday, one of his friend sent him 40k and he intend to use it to get his place.
He's seriously looking for a house now,
he said he don't want to be far away from us again,

don't worry now that he is with you. things would work for him now. he has already knows life would be miserable for him if he leaves you again. but from a guy point of views. he run away because of povalty. he has not gotten his feet on ground at the time you got pregnant. so many years accumulated because he can't come back empty handed. but I believe a pastor or spiritualist told him to go back and beg first before starting all over again. just be positive around him you might not give in for sex yet as he won't even ask you. what he is after now is his future and to socced in life then take care of his son.

lielbree:

What's wrong with being a feminist?

If your girlfriend had a child for you then abandoned you are the newborn for 8years, comes back with absolutely nothing, not even the degree you both were pursuing together, would you accept her

Wouldn't you conclude she has been prostituting and now is looking for where she will retire?

If you didn't start by asking me what's wrong with being a feminist, I might have taken time to reply you.

Liposure:
you women like justaposing issues instead of looking for way forward. I dont blame you people. Its not your fault

It's not only way forward...you guys want to eat your cake and still have it. 8years broke returnee he should go
to a refugee camp.

Zzor:
see comments from men,women have really suffered in this life,lets picture the whole thing the other way round, you can imagine the kind of comments you will read from these same men.

rozz rozz don't judge from one part you wey u dey do Ur runs nko, have u heard from the guy too is poeple like u that spoils poeples Joy. Rozz must talk. you think say this matter na for runs babe. it's for serious minded poeple. I know the feeling. no one knows tomorrow. what if he came back successful will u still advice her to kick him away. apply sense Rozz. and don't use Ur yeye life to mislead person.

Diariess:


She doesn't have to take him back and I didn't insinuate that in my post. I'm just saying one good turn deserves another no matter the length of time that has passed. If she can help him find his footing without harming herself, I don't see any reason why she shouldn't.

She took care of his son for 8 years alone, we are not talking of pregnancy, hospital bills and cost of caring for an infact. She even let him into her son's life after he didn't contribute a penny or even his attention or presence, Which other kindness do you want her to show again? Should she give up her life for him before you will know that she has been excessively kind?

Jamean:


It's not only way forward...you guys want to eat your cake and still have it. 8years broke returnee he should go
to a refugee camp.

Refugee camp? Lol

My Candid advice for you is to seek the face of God and tell him to turn things around for him if truely the both of you re meant for each other and if you have a reliable man of God ,Go to him and seek for his prayers and advice.
Secondly find out exactly what he has been doing all this while he left you cuz I can see you still love him and it's not bad for the fact you remembers the Good past time of his life with you.

My grandad did the same thing and when he became broke and the other wife left him he started looking for his wife and children he chased away and talking reconciliation story.

He didn't even stay upto a year before he passed on because his health has deteriorated. 14yrs down my Grandma is enjoying her life in Canada instead of nursing one vegetable returnee horseband.

pocohantas:


Lol. They always know all the healthy options for the returnee horseband.



I wonder when they will learn to make HEALTHY compromises. Imagine bringing in an absentee father to start living in her parents house. Lol! Such a virtuous woman!! Alfa males delight

Alpha males by mouth, that don't want to be responsible leaders and providers for their family.

Let him be in his son's life if he wishes. But do not take him back. Sacrificing his school fees for you in the past was a noble thing to do and also shows love. But you have paid it forward a thousand times by keeping the pregnancy and raising his son all alone for years . Ask yourself this, will he accept you back if the tables were turned? Pls women , learn to enjoy this life . Suffering your entire life and letting people take you for granted is not a virtue. Remember you live only once!
In my opinion, you re that guy's only hope or means of survival, he's desperate for a place to lie his head, and he so he remembers you with the excuse that he has repented. What exactly was he doing in the last 8 years ? And why did he suddenly find your address?
It is high time women learn to be alone or be with the right person.

8 good years and u still believe guy man wear iron pant all these years....sis nothing like that nothing like that the guy want ur money that's all he my try his best to win u back but make u GE sense for ones a beg i HV a sister his bf fhuck upme n siblings beat him up his friends come beg for him.
any time he see me as the first son na respect he get for. me.so make u no let this player use u as ATM he must HV a child somewhere.
a word is enough . I hv only one sister if any guy mess wit her she tell me I show them pepper .

make u leave that guy o.

Divanona:
Going through all the comments here and all the things in my head, I get more confused.

Divanona, see it as a personal responsibility to face your problem and solve it. It's also important for you to separate fantasy from reality. You may consider the following steps in taking responsibility for your son's safety:

1) See him as a partner (more like a colleague) in bringing up your child. This should tell you that your legs should remain closed to him. Forget the aspect of school fees for now, you've spent more than that caring for his son.

2) Get the contact and address of his parents and siblings. Request to speak with them on phone after he has done the necessary introduction, request for a visit (do not visit them alone).

3) Interrogate the last eight years of his life including work life, family, social and religious ( you should get names, places and addresses that you can verify)

4) Find out if he's not running away from law enforcement officers

5) study his phone habits, collect his phone and go through images, sms, emails, whatsap, telegram, IG, check all chats don't assume a name is Male or female. Pay attention to his body language while you're going through his phones

6) While it's good for a child to have is dad around, you have to exercise caution in this case, you may need to combine the roles in the interim till you ascertain that this personality is safe to be around your son.

7) Do away with the hidden desperation for marriage, your safety in this case matters a lot

Do a Google search of his name

9) Forgive yourself, this is the most important step.

All the best in your search

[quote author=mariahAngel post=94375338]Eight whole years!
Why did it take him that long?

Prodigal son

Top of the morning to us all.
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Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

Considering the chances of a single mother getting married is very low, I still wouldn't encourage you allow him into your home so easily.

8 years away and cane back with nothing, not even a financial support or promise for your child?

Your family on the other hand is even more desperate for you to get married and leave the house. Hence the reason they would forgive so easily a prodigal son - in-law.

That being said... Weigh your options. Is your son dad-sick, are you man-sick and your parents marriage -sick, if all boxes are a yes.... Then you know what to do.

While he abandoned you and the pregnancy,The Angels where angry and refused to bring forth his blessings, now he as reconciled with you, blessings will fall on him except you don't trust and love him any more you can ask him to move on, otherwise let him stay.

You didn't tell us about yourself also. Are u working? Are u living alone? Can u get a good or any job for him ? Have u ever detect that he is a liar? You need to be very carefully. He may have wife and children some where. Don't rush to marriage with him. You need to study him again.

You said he walked away leaving you pregnant eight years ago.You mean he walked away and he is coming back after eight years.and he wants both of you to do welcome back?

Dear Lady free yourself.Keep that man at arms length away from you.He can not turn your life upside down and walk away one time and then come back another time.

I know it is not easy but that eight years that he was away from your life you could have used it to rejuvenate,rejigg,repackage and reinvent yourself and move on.

Ask him series and serious questions about his parents and siblings. Watch how he reacts and responds to the questions. This may give you insights into what transpired within that eight years. Let him go home to his people and straighten his life starting from there.l hope his people know of his well being so that you won't be roped into something that will turn your life upside down again.