Hathor5:


He was a kind, good person and even paid my school fees but left when I needed him the most while I was pregnant. Women!

And he didn't care to see his son for eight years? Now he is back wanting to take responsibility? Have you asked him what this 'taking responsibility' means practically speaking? This is what I would like to know. Is your father around? My father would have a serious conversation with this guy if it was me. He would have to have specific answers to very specific questions, not vague statements like 'now I want to take responsibility'.

Divanona:

My dad is late. He would have been in the best position to help me decide this

Zzor:
Biased comment

oseoji:
Nothing stops him from being a father to his son,paying visits,hanging out now while he sorts out his own ,from a distance while you both begin to court again if you want.

You said he wants to take responsibility,how?
No income,no accomodation,no job, nothing.

He paid your school fees in the past so I guess it's payback time.

Is it you that will sponsor the marriage abi manna will fall from heaven?

I bet pastor somewhere has told him that the key to unlocking his fortune is by righting the wrong he did to you and his son..he will disappear like he did 8 years ago if after a few years he's still in the same situation.

I hope you have a good job or business to take care of 3 of you and any additional kids because this looks a suffer head manual loading.

I wish you all the best.

I don't have a good job either. Still struggling with my business. That's why I'm more confused. At least I've been surviving with my son with the little from my small business, but having him in our lives now, is scary.

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

merieam16:
U dey mind them ni, women av nt suffered and will never suffer unless u choose to suffer in their hands

oseoji:
Nothing stops him from being a father to his son,paying visits,hanging out now while he sorts out his own ,from a distance while you both begin to court again if you want.

You said he wants to take responsibility,how?
No income,no accomodation,no job, nothing.

He paid your school fees in the past so I guess it's payback time but just remember,it's not your job to be his Messiah.

Is it you that will sponsor the marriage abi manna will fall from heaven?

I bet pastor somewhere has told him that the key to unlocking his fortune is by righting the wrong he did to you and his son..he will disappear like he did 8 years ago if after a few years he's still in the same situation.

I hope you have a good job or business to take care of 3 of you and any additional kids because this looks a suffer head manual loading.

This is 2020,marriages are formed to pool resources and get ahead ,not to go 100 steps back(all things being equal)


I wish you all the best.

Divanona:
That was an act of kindness from him which I appreciate deeply in my heart. But i did more for him as well.

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

oseoji:


So what's your motivation then? You haven't mentioned what exactly you aim to achieve with this marriage apart from increased financial burden.

You haven't said he's wonderful or ambitious or a wonderful father to your child.

There's nothing positive other than your son's excitement ,that's why I'm struggling to see where your confusion is coming from.


Marriage these days is a calculated decision not some romanticised leap.of faith,this one you're wide awake and leaping into problems .

Remove sentiments and put your thinking cap on. Hunger + Marriage or Single Mother and managing.
Nothing criminal in both options, it's all a matter of personal priority.
The only motivation here is having him in the life of his son.

My aim is to see him doing great and taking responsibility for himself and his son as well even if I'm marring someone else.

CanadianNaija:


He wants to take responsibility with what please? Why can’t he see your son without you carrying his burden? Where were his family in all this when he lost his senses and abandoned you?

You want to get today with him? So basically sufferhead is your destiny?

You better think with your head not your heart. Women and fish brain. Mstheewwwww!

Zzor:
what more can I say,you are right

DontBullshitMe:
Another "Seun must eat" thread.

Divanona:
Eight don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

Divanona:
Thanks @everyone for sharing your views and advice.

femi4:
You need him for balance emotionally. Give him another chance

pk2me:
That part you said he paid your school fees is where am more interested.
A guy can do anything to get what he needs in a woman, so never believe that paying your school fees means he loves you a lot.
Becareful with him.

femi4:
You need him for balance emotionally. Give him another chance