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My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On - Romance - Nairaland

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My Wife Earns More Than Me But Doesnt Spend At Home. / I Feel My Husband Doesnt Love Me / My Husband Doesnt See My Worth And See Me As Nothing! (2) (3) (4)

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My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by Ijeoma2008: 9:19pm On Dec 09, 2020
Dear Nairaland,

I know this place can be vicious and also insightful so please take it easy on me!

I grew up abroad by one Igbo/ one Ijaw parent and my husband grew up in south east before he came to study here in Lithuania. I completed my studies, learned lithuanian and would say I have a good job here. I have learned to fit in here but my husband only came a few years ago and after studies didnt learn the language yet. We talk about maybe moving to London but in the mean time we are here. He has only been able to get a menial job, but he is a good man and we are taking care of our two year old son just fine.

We are for the most part stable. He has the idea like many of us abroad to start shipping items to Nigeria. I like this idea and with the little money he gets he picks items from a website where people are selling brand new items for sometimes 10% of the price almost give away and then sends home. Its smart however I have had to buckle down and take care. Its not like village life over in Nigeria we have big bills with rent almpst 30% of our total income. I have been hustling to keep us together and I only spend on us. I have gotten grey hairs and only think of family and spend on family. I pay for some of his bills too and for the most part it is fair because untill he learns the ropes here, a man does what he can.

I was fine with this but this past year we have been bickering. I havent seen that much money be made from our shipments to nigeria. Also he has been buying sexy womens items, pumps, sexy tops. His means of doing this has been contacting the ladies and going to their homes to buy. I for the most part thought well he is shipping home to Nigeria right? Why not but the thing is weighing on me. I recently told him I think we need to rethink our financial planning should we save to move to London. We use a payment service to send money back and fourth. I have been very transparent with him what I spend on and keep a sheet with all my spendings and showed it to him. I asked him can he do the same and he declined... this has me suspicious of the fact that he buys these sexy womens items and sends them money. Meanwhile i have not gotten a new pair of shoes for two years but he with the little money he gets is sending sexy womens items to nigeria in container but his wife gets no clothing?

I miss being beautiful, pampered. I dont know why this man with the money he gets he is buying sexy womens items going to womens apartments and getting these beautiful things but cant get me one thing.

And the last straw was that he wont show me who he is sending money to..

I feel betrayed and very suspicious.

I work a lot and have bought him several gifts make sure his bills are paid but he cant show me his bank statement? He cant buy me one pair of shoes?

Ladies and gentlemen I love this man but I feel suspicious of a cheat and someone who is taking for granted that I work hard to keep this family together. I have wanted a pedicure for so long.. but I get nothing. What does he get from buying these womens clothes?

This is my condition: i want to tell him only focus on other items like mens club clothing and shoes, no more womens clothing, no more going to womens apartments to buy sexy things and that he should show me his bank statement.

Is this not fair? I think I have done more than enough and asking him to change what he buys for container is not a big deal. Mens clothing is a big thing in Nigeria. This arrangement is ruining my trust.

I dont want him going to womens apartments and I want to see his bank statement. Would you not want the same in your relationship.

Please advise

Thanks so much

IJ

2 Likes

Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by Iconstar: 9:19pm On Dec 09, 2020
I think you should confront him.

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Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by Fvckhypocrite(f): 9:21pm On Dec 09, 2020
it is well

pele ijeoma

But ehnn from your write up your husband is properbly cheating

For him declining to show u his receipt means there is something his hiding

Don't you have any elders over there that you can consult?

1 Like

Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by Fahdiga1: 9:22pm On Dec 09, 2020
Then how did you know he has the money?
Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by BaddieFreak(f): 9:25pm On Dec 09, 2020
That's why we have refused to buy things and spend on guys. These men are not loyal.
Keep pressuring him to provide you his bank account and his bank statement since you've done yours and try to find out his phone password to check his chats, it might be helpful. I really feel for you

1 Like

Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by cristy149: 9:32pm On Dec 09, 2020
well I won't be biased and i will say your husband isn't doing well. and only you could fix this by sitting him down and telling him your heart
Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by cristy149: 9:33pm On Dec 09, 2020
BaddieFreak:
That's why we have refused to buy things and do things for guys. These men are not loyal.
Keep pressuring him to provide you his bank account and his bank statement since you've done yours and try to find out his phone password to check his chats, it might be helpful. I really feel for you
never should you pester someone to do what he doesn't want ... you should only show why he must show you

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Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by Fvckhypocrite(f): 9:33pm On Dec 09, 2020
BaddieFreak:
That's why we have refused to buy things and do things for guys. These men are not loyal.
Keep pressuring him to provide you his bank account and his bank statement since you've done yours and try to find out his phone password to check his chats, it might be helpful. I really feel for you
You're on point if she can get his password she will see sm hiding truth.

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Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by BaddieFreak(f): 9:34pm On Dec 09, 2020
cristy149:
never should you pester someone to do what he doesn't want ... you should only show why he must show you

She is his wife and she deserves to know the truth. undecided

2 Likes

Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by Poorboy: 9:34pm On Dec 09, 2020
If you go fit send me men and women clothing I will send money before you send the items.

You sound like a trustworthy person.

To your issue he might be sending it to his sister's but telling you might get you upset.

Tell him as a married man he needs to focus on his family (you and the child), if he wants to help others let it be occasionally if not una go too broke.

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Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by Ijeoma2008: 9:37pm On Dec 09, 2020
BaddieFreak:
That's why we have refused to buy things and spend on guys. These men are not loyal.
Keep pressuring him to provide you his bank account and his bank statement since you've done yours and try to find out his phone password to check his chats, it might be helpful. I really feel for you

Yes ooo.. one time I did get to see it because it was left unlocked but I noticed he is deleting chats before I see them. I dont want to believe he cheated or had something romantic but what was he really doing at these ladies apartments?

I dont want to bother a man who loves his family but the thing ways on me. There are facts you know? As a woman, what would i look like going to buy sexy mens underclothing late in the evening? Would a man not be suspicious of such a lady?

But the thing I really want to see is the bank spendings
Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by Brandonx(m): 9:39pm On Dec 09, 2020
You are just being Jealous undecided I believe he's working on something, why not talk to him about it.
He's hustling you are complaining, if he had stayed at home doing nothing like some men in Europe you'll still cry foul.
Stop assuming things.

3 Likes

Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by IamD18: 9:40pm On Dec 09, 2020
That thing you've been looking for, you'll soon see it, and you'll rest. cheesy

I don't know why you ladies think men owe you their lives once you spend a dime on them.

Y'all just spend to see a reason to deny men their peace of mind by policing, pestering and trying to control them and all their activities.


Damn!!!

1 Like

Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by BaddieFreak(f): 9:41pm On Dec 09, 2020
Ijeoma2008:


Yes ooo.. one time I did get to see it because it was left unlocked but I noticed he is deleting chats before I see them. I dont want to believe he cheated or had something romantic but what was he really doing at these ladies apartments?

I dont want to bother a man who loves his family but the thing ways on me. There are facts you know? As a woman, what would i look like going to buy sexy mens underclothing late in the evening? Would a man not be suspicious of such a lady?

But the thing I really want to see is the bank spendings

His actions seems suspicious truly.
You need to sit him down and talk to him and tell him on how his actions are affecting you, if possible threaten with divorce to see how he will react.
Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by hashtagged(m): 9:41pm On Dec 09, 2020
It's not your money kilode, go and make your own as far as he pays the bills and food and kids needs, he deserves to spend his money however he wants.
How much you Don spend on him? See your hungry mouth like he doesn't spend on me

1 Like

Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by BaddieFreak(f): 9:46pm On Dec 09, 2020
hashtagged:
It's not your money kilode, go and make your own as far as he pays the bills and food and kids needs, he deserves to spend his money however he wants.
How much you Don spend on him? See your hungry mouth like he doesn't spend on me

1 Like

Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by hashtagged(m): 9:47pm On Dec 09, 2020
[quote author=BaddieFreak post=96908371][/quote]

Ok
Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by Ijeoma2008: 9:48pm On Dec 09, 2020
[quote author=BaddieFreak post=96908371][/quote] hahaha �
Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by Nobody: 9:51pm On Dec 09, 2020
Ijeoma2008:


Yes ooo.. one time I did get to see it because it was left unlocked but I noticed he is deleting chats before I see them. I dont want to believe he cheated or had something romantic but what was he really doing at these ladies apartments?

I dont want to bother a man who loves his family but the thing ways on me. There are facts you know? As a woman, what would i look like going to buy sexy mens underclothing late in the evening? Would a man not be suspicious of such a lady?

But the thing I really want to see is the bank spendings


grin Nigerian girls mentality. That you are his wife does not in any way gives you the right to know his bank balance, It's non of your business ma'am.

Even if I get married tommorow, over my dead body will my hubby know about my finances.


Take it or leave it.

1 Like

Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by SILENTandSMART2: 9:53pm On Dec 09, 2020
That bro dat his moniker start with "B" no get sense at all, he jusss like saying shit, he's eleribuu man wink


Moreover OP your writeup juss get as e be,

Everybody deserve peace of mind,


Who know yaa own behavior also,

Aswear i don't know what to say cus the way you package your writeup is so authentic grin grin

You're playing victim cardgrin grin

All is well my sister ✊

3 Likes

Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by Nobody: 9:53pm On Dec 09, 2020
BaddieFreak:


His actions seems suspicious truly.
You need to sit him down and talk to him and tell him on how his actions are affecting you, if possible threaten with divorce to see how he will react.

grin A typical Nigerian girl's mentality.
Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by Nobody: 9:57pm On Dec 09, 2020
SILENTandSMART2:
That bro dat his moniker start with "B" no get sense at all, he jusss like saying shit, he's eleribuu man wink


Moreover OP your writeup juss get as e be,

Everybody deserve peace of mind,


Who know yaa own behavior also,

Aswear i don't know what to say cus the way you package your writeup is so authentic grin grin

You're playing victim cardgrin grin

All is well my sister ✊



grin SILENTandSMART2 my bro she's only trying to decieve the gullible ones not me.

Most Nigerian women are green snake under green grass.

1 Like

Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by Nazgul: 9:59pm On Dec 09, 2020
What you have are assumptions, don't jump into conclusions just yet. Try to verify your claim that he's actually using the money so buy clothing for women back I Nigeria.

Sometimes our jealous nature gets the better of you. If he's indeed sending money to women, then talk to him and make him understand how he's hurting you with such act.

1 Like

Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by Jodha(f): 10:01pm On Dec 09, 2020
Yhur write up is too long and confusing...


But if he's not spending on yhu as a wife....talk to him...
From the onset yhu should have been meticulous about knowing everything about his income and how he spends every dime...

I know everything about my bf income...I always advice him on usage because I know he's a reckless spender..
Take charge sis..
Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by SILENTandSMART2: 10:02pm On Dec 09, 2020
collinsuchendu:




grin SILENTandSMART2 my bro she's only trying to decieve the gullible ones not me.

Most Nigerian women are green snake under green grass.


Lol cheesy,



We jussa need to be careful wink
Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by Nobody: 10:03pm On Dec 09, 2020
BaddieFreak:


She is his wife and she deserves to know the truth. undecided


tongue Spare me that shit ma. Till we hear from the man's side. Even at that, why is she so persistent to see his bank statement, who knows her plans.. divorce maybe?
Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by cristy149: 10:06pm On Dec 09, 2020
BaddieFreak:


She is his wife and she deserves to know the truth. undecided
truth shouldn't be forced out of any body..if it's forced then it's called torture..or would you say she should torture her husband so she could know the truth
Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by Nobody: 10:09pm On Dec 09, 2020
Jodha:
Yhur write up is too long and confusing...


But if he's not spending on yhu as a wife....talk to him...
From the onset yhu should have been meticulous about knowing everything about his income and how he spends every dime...

My know everything about my bf income... I always advice him on usage because I know he's a reckless spender..
Take charge sis..

shocked it's obvious the poor dude is heading to oblivion..
Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by BaddieFreak(f): 10:09pm On Dec 09, 2020
cristy149:
truth shouldn't be forced out of any body..if it's forced then it's called torture..or would you say she should torture her husband so she could know the truth
I didn't meant torture, I said she should pressurise him. There are different ways to pressurise someone without torturing . She deserves the truth
Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by cristy149: 10:09pm On Dec 09, 2020
BaddieFreak:


His actions seems suspicious truly.
You need to sit him down and talk to him and tell him on how his actions are affecting you, if possible threaten with divorce to see how he will react.
you girls advices are always evil .. or is the way you girls reason?. If a girl threatens me with a divorce because she wants to know something. Then the last thing she will know will be that thing... Threatening with divorce is a very bad approach

1 Like

Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by BaddieFreak(f): 10:11pm On Dec 09, 2020
collinsuchendu:



tongue Spare me that shit ma. Till we hear from the man's side. Even at that, why is she so persistent to see his bank statement, who knows her plans.. divorce maybe?


Lol are you saying she doesn't deserve to know his husband income. I thought when two flesh come together it becomes one abi?
Re: My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by UndauntedYOCA(f): 10:11pm On Dec 09, 2020
Redpillers and some non redpillers as well as those who enjoy bashing women might be blind to this. Truth is, some women go through a lot in relationships and marriages but they keep mum. This man if probably on Nairaland or any SM will lie about how much of a hoe his wife is, lie to his goons and paint her red. A lot of women go through a lot and are lied on. Men don't like their ego being tarnished so some of them will go to any length to paint themselves as angels.
Sister all I can ask you to do is to begin to save, save as much as you can without his knowledge. Set your priorities right and spend on your kids (if any). Quit spending on a person who doesn't value you or doesn't appear to be honest in his dealings with you. Begin to pamper yourself bit by bit, remember health is wealth and your happiness adds to your health.
You need peace of mind so ensure that as much as possible, you do not engage in rows with him no matter how tempting it might be. Go out more if you can, enjoy fresh air and if he messes up, leave him, at least you'll know you've got savings. You can even make preparations to travel later on without him knowing if he fails to turn a new leave.
Peace and best of luck.

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