BaddieFreak:

I didn't meant torture, I said she should pressurise him. There are different ways to pressurise someone without torturing . She deserves the truth

all those "pressuring" is uncalled for...if she wants her husband to tell her that type of classified information, she sould instead show why she must know it.

BaddieFreak:


Lol are you saying she doesn't deserve to know his husband income. I thought when two flesh come together it becomes one abi?

some men are really uncomfortable sharing those type of stuff

collinsuchendu:


it's obvious the poor dude heading to oblivion..

Meaning

BaddieFreak:


Lol are you saying she doesn't deserve to know his her husband income. I thought when two flesh come together it becomes one abi?

No ma'am. That's not what I mean, but hope if she eventually gets to see it she won't try to use it against the man.

You knows how you ladies behave.. like when she sees that her hubby is fairing better in financial aspect, she might change the attitude of "I do pay most of his bills." like she said.

Ijeoma2008:
Dear Nairaland,

I know this place can be vicious and also insightful so please take it easy on me!

I grew up abroad by one Igbo/ one Ijaw parent and my husband grew up in south east before he came to study here in Lithuania. I completed my studies, learned lithuanian and would say I have a good job here. I have learned to fit in here but my husband only came a few years ago and after studies didnt learn the language yet. We talk about maybe moving to London but in the mean time we are here. He has only been able to get a menial job, but he is a good man and we are taking care of our two year old son just fine.

We are for the most part stable. He has the idea like many of us abroad to start shipping items to Nigeria. I like this idea and with the little money he gets he picks items from a website where people are selling brand new items for sometimes 10% of the price almost give away and then sends home. Its smart however I have had to buckle down and take care. Its not like village life over in Nigeria we have big bills with rent almpst 30% of our total income. I have been hustling to keep us together and I only spend on us. I have gotten grey hairs and only think of family and spend on family. I pay for some of his bills too and for the most part it is fair because untill he learns the ropes here, a man does what he can.

I was fine with this but this past year we have been bickering. I havent seen that much money be made from our shipments to nigeria. Also he has been buying sexy womens items, pumps, sexy tops. His means of doing this has been contacting the ladies and going to their homes to buy. I for the most part thought well he is shipping home to Nigeria right? Why not but the thing is weighing on me. I recently told him I think we need to rethink our financial planning should we save to move to London. We use a payment service to send money back and fourth. I have been very transparent with him what I spend on and keep a sheet with all my spendings and showed it to him. I asked him can he do the same and he declined... this has me suspicious of the fact that he buys these sexy womens items and sends them money. Meanwhile i have not gotten a new pair of shoes for two years but he with the little money he gets is sending sexy womens items to nigeria in container but his wife gets no clothing?

I miss being beautiful, pampered. I dont know why this man with the money he gets he is buying sexy womens items going to womens apartments and getting these beautiful things but cant get me one thing.

And the last straw was that he wont show me who he is sending money to..

I feel betrayed and very suspicious.

I work a lot and have bought him several gifts make sure his bills are paid but he cant show me his bank statement? He cant buy me one pair of shoes?

Ladies and gentlemen I love this man but I feel suspicious of a cheat and someone who is taking for granted that I work hard to keep this family together. I have wanted a pedicure for so long.. but I get nothing. What does he get from buying these womens clothes?

This is my condition: i want to tell him only focus on other items like mens club clothing and shoes, no more womens clothing, no more going to womens apartments to buy sexy things and that he should show me his bank statement.

Is this not fair? I think I have done more than enough and asking him to change what he buys for container is not a big deal. Mens clothing is a big thing in Nigeria. This arrangement is ruining my trust.

I dont want him going to womens apartments and I want to see his bank statement. Would you not want the same in your relationship.

Please advise

Thanks so much

IJ

..Dear Nigerian men stop behaving like idiots especially when you have a gem of a partner who works her ass off not just for herself but for the well being of her family. Here is a woman who though stressed-out ,suspicious and irked remains loyal to her family and husband. Tell Oga Emeka to embrace financial fair play or you should change the rules of the game for you own well being.

UndauntedYOCA:
Redpillers and some non redpillers as well as those who enjoy bashing women might be blind to this. Truth is, some women go through a lot in relationships and marriages but they keep mum. This man if probably on Nairaland or any SM will lie about how much of a hoe his wife is, lie to his goons and paint her red. A lot of women go through a lot and are lied on. Men don't like their ego being tarnished so some of them will go to any length to paint themselves as angels.
Sister all I can ask you to do is to begin to save, save as much as you can without his knowledge. Set your priorities right and spend on your kids (if any). Quit spending on a person who doesn't value you or doesn't appear to be honest in his dealings with you. Begin to pamper yourself bit by bit, remember health is wealth and your happiness adds to your health.
You need peace of mind so ensure that as much as possible, you do not engage in rows with him no matter how tempting it might be. Go out more if you can, enjoy fresh air and if he messes up, leave him, at least you'll know you've got savings. You can even make preparations to travel later on without him knowing if he fails to turn a new leave.
Peace and best of luck.

What evidence do you have that he's cheating? non I guess or is it because he's sending female wears back home.. who knows it might even be for his female relations. but you're now advising her to save without her husband's consent.

It's alright.

Jodha:

Meaning

Ok.

Fvckhypocrite:
it is well

pele ijeoma

But ehnn from your write up your husband is properbly cheating

For him declining to show u his receipt means there is something his hiding

Don't you have any elders over there that you can consult?

Its not to the point where elders are needed but what is it hes hiding? I am very transparent. I could not think of doing bad to my family in anyway. But i am getting grey hairs, working more hours and I have scars and weight. I want shoes and nice things. I think I deserve it. If someone is so savvy to buy such nice girl things for other women and this is my husband, why cant I get any shoes? Car? Something. I stress over money constantly.
When i was young i had good income as well I had a car, I could go out to eat, go spend money at the mall and not bother. Now every ounce of money goes to my family. I dont feel good when I look in the mirror. I see a woman who once was. I would like to feel beautiful again. I would like my husband to hustle to buy me nice shoes, a pedicure.

collinsuchendu:



No ma'am. That's not what I mean, but hope if she eventually gets to see it she won't try to use it against the man.

You knows how you ladies behave.. like when she sees that her hubby is fairing better in financial aspect, she might change the attitude of "I do pay most of his bills." like she said.

..Put this lady for your own shoe if na you how you go take handle the matter especially if she eventually finds out that the husband earns way more n contributes little , how you go feel.

If what that woman wrote there is the truth, then she's a good woman. Remember I said 'IF'

Coming out clean to your own wife cannot be overemphasized. Remember I said 'WIFE'. Coming out clean financially to your girlfriend will most likely end in tears unless you guys are engaged and already making plans for marriage


To the op, try using the carrot. Obviously, stick is not working. Use your womanly charm. There are so much a woman can achieve when she uses her charm instead of shouting and fighting

Ijeoma2008:


Its not to the point where elders are needed but what is it hes hiding? I am very transparent. I could not think of doing bad to my family in anyway. But i am getting grey hairs, working more hours and I have scars and weight. I want shoes and nice things. I think I deserve it. If someone is so savvy to buy such nice girl things for other women and this is my husband, why cant I get any shoes? Car? Something. I stress over money constantly.
When i was young i had good income as well I had a car, I could go out to eat, go spend money at the mall and not bother. Now every ounce of money goes to my family. I dont feel good when I look in the mirror. I see a woman who once was. I would like to feel beautiful again. I would like my husband to hustle to buy me nice shoes, a pedicure.

Eiyyaaa i feel your pain pele
But your husband is somehow wicked oo he can't even care for a good wife like you, can't you buy those shoes by yourself or u prefer he get it 4 u?

Xxx123xxx:
..Put this lady for your own shoe if na you how you go take handle the matter especially if she eventually finds out that the husband earns way more n contributes little , how you go feel.

But it has not yet been proven nw. Like I said, till you hear from both parties.

collinsuchendu:


But it's not yet proven nw. Like I said, till you hear from both parties.

You are just trying hard to defend your gender and you are failing at it

BaddieFreak:


You are just trying hard to defend your gender and you are failing at it

How am I trying to defend him?

Fvckhypocrite:

Eiyyaaa i feel your pain pele
But your husband is somehow wicked oo he can't even care for a good wife like you, can't you buy those shoes by yourself or u prefer he get it 4 u?

I want him to be able to buy me things. It bothers me he invests time contacting women with sexy shoes at their house goes to their house sometimes at night to get them, come home leave them in my closet ... and I dont see any money we have gotten from this "investment" so some girls shoes are in my closet from a strange woman my husband sent money, then he sends back home to Nigeria, to what girls I wonder?

How can he hustle so hard and he cant buy me one thing after all the bills I pay?
Why does he have to buy sexy womens things go to their apartments? And why cant I see the bank account statement?

It pains me every time. One time he left a chat open I saw at 10pm at night he went to some young womens house. I cried so much that night I went into labor. He should know how much I hate it and now it comes up again because he has done this for one year now knows it put me in labor two years ago but he still goes? Now he wont show me the bank statement

And also which girls are getting them in Nigeria? Are they just exes? My mind goes everywhere because the burden is becoming heavy

He should know I just work come home pay bills pay all bills and my physical health has suffered and so to have these sexy womens items in my closet that are not mine, while I just feel more stressed, dont feel beautiful at all. Why do I have to be in pain like this?

[quote author=Ijeoma2008 post=96909752]

I want him to be able to buy me things. It bothers me he invests time contacting women with sexy shoes at their house goes to their house sometimes at night to get them, come home leave them in my closet ... and I dont see any money we have gotten from this "investment" so some girls shoes are in my closet from a strange woman my husband sent money, then he sends back home to Nigeria, to what girls I wonder?

How can he hustle so hard and he cant buy me one thing after all the bills I pay?
Why does he have to buy sexy womens things go to their apartments? And why cant I see the bank account statement?

It pains me every time. One time he left a chat open I saw at 10pm at night he went to some young womens house. I cried so much that night I went into labor. He should know how much I hate it and now it comes up again because he has done this for one year now knows it put me in labor two years ago but he still goes? Now he wont show me the bank statement
.

Mehn
Don't allow this issue to affect your health or get deppressed my dear


If anything happen to you now their is properbility that ur husband may replace u with new lady.

Just be strong enough to open up to him let him know your pain, let him know that you also deserved those caring and you must be cared for also that's part of his responsibility.

BaddieFreak:


Lol are you saying she doesn't deserve to know his husband income. I thought when two flesh come together it becomes one abi?

*her husband's income*

dumbo.. All u knw to do, is what is on ur d.p

Silentgroper:
*her husband's income*

dumbo.. All u knw to do, is what is on ur d.p

Mine was a typo, what will you call yours? Yeye

so am not alone on this side of the journey! husband will go to work and return at night with 'no money talk'

BaddieFreak:


Mine was a typo, what will you call yours? Yeye

what! .. So u are even as blind as u are dumb.

BaddieFreak:


His actions seems suspicious truly.
You need to sit him down and talk to him and tell him on how his actions are affecting you, if possible threaten with divorce to see how he will react.

@OP Please don't take this divorce option, it's evil

If your write up is true then your husband no try at all at all.

Nigerian girls are useless.

:Lol are you saying she doesn't deserve to know his husband income. I thought when two flesh come together it becomes one abi? some men are really uncomfortable sharing those type of stuff

Even with a good, globally recognised and celebrated attorney, it would difficult for a judge not a throw your husband behind bars based on what you have submitted. However, we have since learnt how to read with caution, apply wisdom in passing judgement or forming an opinion, since we cannot verify the position of your husband.

Assuming that all you have stated is the truth, I think there is a missing link, a sort of loose connection between you and your husband. And my rational self cannot declare him blame-free, even though I know his behaviour towards you, as presented by you, is not without basis, neither is it unbridle. The actions you have decided to take are commendable, but always ensure that you discover his reason (s) for being seemingly uncaring and "selfish."