Kuns84:



Madam, I grew up in an all boys household and I also have sons (though mine are still babies/ toddlers).

From the sound of things, you've got a good boy on your hands - so what more do you want?

You can't control every aspect of his life ma. It is his FATHER's job to discuss sex with him, not yours.

If you have a daughter, you are free to do all these with her. Leave that boy alone and stop going through his phone. He will approach his father when he's ready to discuss - but if he never does, that's fine too!

What of a case where the father is incapable to offer such support, what should the mother do?

Whaooo. The boy has chosen the career path at early age

10 year olds have porn on phone these days

Una dey talk as if pornography na bad thing

.

Danhoys:


I'm his mother, that makes him my business.

Perhaps you grew up not having such attention from parents, hence this mindset.

I can only hope that parenting improve in this side of the globe.

Thanks for your contribution so far.

I have followed this thread with rapt attention.
First, @Danhoys, you need to understand that posting and seeking advice on a public forum like Nairaland will attract all sorts of people.
secondly, you also need to understand that some incredibly stupid and immature people will say rubbish. Wether to dampen your spirit or to just be regular trolls and project their insecurities.
Lastly, this guy and a couple of others you are engaging is stupid. Men like that are archaic and are not in tandem with parenting in this modern era.
My advice?---- Stop making Incredibly stupid people famous by engaging them. It will do you a whole lot of good to ignore.

kind regards

sweetmelanin:
At 17, he is young, but not a kid per say.. boys tend to start getting 'curious' from as early as 15..

My advise is DO NOT tell him or show signs that you saw porn on his phone. Rather, get closer to him, try to encourage a relationship where he can trust you to confide in you about his personal life..

Don't make such a fuss about this .. so as not to push him away. He will continue watching it but just get better at hiding, while you would've made him feel embarrassed for nothing.

Most boys watch porn, it's nothing new.

OP listen to her

Woman,better advise that boy so he don't end up like me,i was 15 when my parents knew i was addicted to porn and they did nothing about it,no advise no nothing,they only seized my laptop,which did.nt help at all,and till date am still fighting with it,please any one who can help,it would be appreciated

Your son is a young mind seeking to explore. But then, he is exploring the wrong things.

When I was his age, my mother bought me my first phone. Sometimes, she would stylishly ask me to let her go through my phone. I had some unwholesome contents in the phone, but she will never see them because I usually hid them from prying eyes.

Sit your son down and educate him on the dangers of what he is doing. He won't stop immediately, but encourage him as much as you can.

A phone is not the ideal thing to stimulate his interest in computer programming. Getting him a Smartphone is ok, but, he needs a computer.

I suggest you rather buy him a laptop and register him on Coursera, Udemi or similar platforms.
Lookout for boot camps that you can send him to train him and sharpen his programming skills. This would be a better approach in stimulating his interest in computer programming.
Catch him young now and you will forever be grateful what you did for him.

Danhoys:


We're very close, and he has always been a good boy. I don't plan on beating him at all; that's a futile attempt.

I've not really sat down and talk about sex with him. I think the best thing to do in this situation is sex education, especially on the dangers of pornography.

I know he would want to explore; that's why I set up parental control. But the app doesn't give me details of videos he may receive or download.

Thanks for your advice...

talk to his father let him have man to man discussion with him. You won't be able to tell your son how to be a man, only a man would.

Danhoys:
My son is 17 years, and I got him a smartphone not too long ago during his birthday.

We're now in the tech era, and I was hoping to get him exposed to tech, and consequently stimulate his interest in programming.

However, I was going through his phone this morning and found some hardcore porn videos.

He's currently in school now, and I want to seek the advice of NLders before taking any action when he returns.

Is 17 years too young to own a smartphone? I sincerely doubt. What's the best way to handle this situation?

Thanks!

17 isn't too young to own a smart phone. As for the porn issue, all of us dey watch am for that age.

What this connotes is that he's sexually aware, so you gotta give him the sex education talk and hope he proceeds cautiously. I watch porn once once but I'm not sexually active.

Danhoys:
My son is 17 years, and I got him a smartphone not too long ago during his birthday.

We're now in the tech era, and I was hoping to get him exposed to tech, and consequently stimulate his interest in programming.

However, I was going through his phone this morning and found some hardcore porn videos.

He's currently in school now, and I want to seek the advice of NLders before taking any action when he returns.

Is 17 years too young to own a smartphone? I sincerely doubt. What's the best way to handle this situation?

Thanks!

. You never start to worry ma,your boy is 17 already and by next year he is gonna be an adult, will you continue to be stalking him?just do your normal parental guidance and advice in almost all the subjects you can remember most importantly, advice him to chose his friends wisely,just do your bits and ask God to guide your children wisely in the right paths. A 17yrs old who has bf on phone probably have started mastubating,I understand your concern as a parent but remember human and instincts.

Ok. As a person I got exposed to sex and porn quite early (11!) So I can relate to your son. As a father now I can also relate to your fears because of the bad effect such early exposure to porn had on me. Thread carefully, go too hard and you'll loose him to the dark world of pornography and masturbation. Try this:
1. Take him to a place private and offer to watch the porn in his phone with him! What! He'll say no! Then build on that no and tell him lovingly but firmly the bad effects the practice can have on him now and in the future.
2. Be open and tell him to approach you or call you (even when He's not at home) whenever the urge comes up.
3. Be patient and prayerfully follow up on his progress maybe monthly. NB. Don't use it to abuse him before his siblings or dad, neither should it be an everyday topic. Pornography is demonic, Jehovah is your strength.

Danhoys:


I'm also thinking of temporarily suspending him from using the phone, at least three days.

Taking his phone will not do anything.Maybe a year from now,he will be in the university and you will never know what he is doing with his phone.Just tell him that porn can affect the brain,it also kills your spiritual life,masturbation can occur(Once he try this one,Hmmmm,it will take the grace of God and so much discipline measures to stop it)also STD and other diseases.
One more thing,watch porn will increase his sexual urge to try what he is seeing and that is not good(remember some girls are demon possessed.I know some guys here will attack me for this talk)
I was 9 years when I watch porn in my uncle house(I saw pirates of something and I thought it will pirates of the carribean but the teaching from the bible and what i hear in church made me abstain from it and sex,also pray for him.

Danhoys:


He's not 18 yet, so going through a device I bought for him shouldn't be a taboo.

I think you've received many helpful advice already and that's enough to work with. A lot of people have discussed subjects like sex education already, you can have those discussions with your boy

I've read the majority of your replies to commenters and I think you're a bit liberal in your approach to life in this 21st century.

But I wonder, what happens when he's 18? Would you stop having such discussions with him since they say 18 is adulthood and adulthood is 18? I don't mean any of that as a criticism.

On that note, I really think now is the time for you to introduce and remind your son about the concept of RESPONSIBILITY. Such discussions transcend age and time. You can always discuss such with anyone who's capable of distinguishing right from wrong.

I'm sure he's a smart and ambitious boy. So, he has dreams and aspirations. Give him a clean piece of paper and tell him to write 5-10 major things he wants to achieve in the years few years. Tell he to think deeply about what he's going to put down and ensure he takes enough time on it. Don't accept it until after a couple of days later. The drama of the exercise alone will make him remember any discussions thereafter as important and serious.
I'd suggest you do something like this before talking about the pornography issue itself.

Connect how the vices and undesirable side effects of porn addiction - including unwanted pregnancy and premature fatherhood - could negatively affects his plan for the future. Educate him enough to be able to connect and dots himself. Start the sentences but allow him finish them (and reach the same conclusions as you would). To achieve his goals, teach him why he needs to be responsible. Don't tell him. Show him.

Whatever you decide, the manner of your approach is paramount. If you handle it well enough, he'll even trust and draw closer to you more than before.

Finally, I would prefer my wife tells me something like this if she discovers it about our son. But I think you have the right relationship with the boy to handle everything well. You're best placed to do it regardless of who's wife or husband here.

phelonrays:


Out grow what ??

Did you know how many years it took me to finally take a stand and Say No to Porn ??

Porn is considered worst among numerous Addiction facing humans; as it is done in Private/Secret unlike others [gambling, alcohol etc]..


Please Mam, disregard the advice quoted above, Scorn your son to register your displeasure about his 'new acquired habit'..

If not late, introduce Sex Education...
Let him Know the true nature of himself..
Enforce and regulate the main purpose the phone was presented to him...


#SayNoToPorn..

SCORN is the worst advice. Look the best thing OP can do is to have a warm talk with him. For all we know d boy has been watching porn since 13 and wanking to it.

You can never really stop him by yourself. Lecture him friendly on the havoc pornography and masturbation wreaks on the brain, on relationships, on self-esteem, on productivity, on body structure etc, even let him know he it is a sin and God frowns at it. Draw him also closer to God but keep in mind that he will be the one to call the last shot, no matter how hard you try to influence the situation.

GIVE HIM HARDCORE BEATING. ACTUALLY I STUMBLED ON PORN WHEN I WAS 14. But give him hardcore beating

dfos2k:
Ok. As a person I got exposed to sex and porn quite early (11!) So I can relate to your son. As a father now I can also relate to your fears because of the bad effect such early exposure to porn had on me. Thread carefully, go too hard and you'll loose him to the dark world of pornography and masturbation. Try this:
1. Take him to a place private and offer to watch the porn in his phone with him! What! He'll say no! Then build on that no and tell him lovingly but firmly the bad effects the practice can have on him now and in the future.
2. Be open and tell him to approach you or call you (even when He's not at home) whenever the urge comes up.
3. Be patient and prayerfully follow up on his progress maybe monthly. NB. Don't use it to abuse him before his siblings or dad, neither should it be an everyday topic. Pornography is demonic, Jehovah is your strength.

Excellent idea. Some people do not understand Porn is a spirit. People curse themselves, cut themselves to stop but can't.

Flogging the kid will make matters worst surely. I think he can still be saved if you follow the advice quoted or allow him explore and in the nearest future he will be opening nairaland threads on "How to Stop Masturbation"

Danhoys:
My son is 17 years, and I got him a smartphone not too long ago during his birthday.

We're now in the tech era, and I was hoping to get him exposed to tech, and consequently stimulate his interest in programming.

However, I was going through his phone this morning and found some hardcore porn videos.

He's currently in school now, and I want to seek the advice of NLders before taking any action when he returns.

Is 17 years too young to own a smartphone? I sincerely doubt. What's the best way to handle this situation?

Thanks!

Just leave him for good. it's everywhere you go like MTN

donbachi:
U caused it..why buy him a smartphone.u called for it.a small nokia or itel phone would have been ok..it has happened,just talk him out of it.

Phone doesn't matter. Sex education is the best legacy

Fvckhypocrite:
Wtf

Bad influence dey run ur pikin life
Gat to be happy say u notice on time me i start watching bluefilm at the age of 12 na god save my ass wey i quit

Jus format him brain let am knw the disadvantage coz the thing dey addicted
Me that time sef u no go see single one bf 4 my phone as i dey watch am na delete direct thank god for mtn midnit awuf na him i dey use dey download dem then

Just sitamdown as a mother follow the advice of Richmondesofa

yhu b sure gee. d boy no just wise

Danhoys:


I'm also thinking of temporarily suspending him from using the phone, at least three days.

this is not d best decision. Wat if he has been watching porn on his friends phone before

Danhoys:
My son is 17 years, and I got him a smartphone not too long ago during his birthday.

We're now in the tech era, and I was hoping to get him exposed to tech, and consequently stimulate his interest in programming.

However, I was going through his phone this morning and found some hardcore porn videos.

He's currently in school now, and I want to seek the advice of NLders before taking any action when he returns.

Is 17 years too young to own a smartphone? I sincerely doubt. What's the best way to handle this situation?

Thanks!

The only reasonable thing to do is discuss sex education with him although I'm guessing at 17 he already knows about drilling oil wells... Any form of scolding or preaching is a waste of time madam. Except u want him hiding things from u which is dangerous. You were once his age u know how it goes and these days kids are exposed to way too much. Just keep raising him up on what's right and whats wrong experimenting things, unsafe sex and masturbation. Lastly relax ur mind. Its normal human nature which is bound to surface.

Shit... Well...

One thing I will tell you... If you treat the matter carelessly, he will become smarter and hide things from you...

Don't blow it, don't yell at him

Sit him down and educate him about sex and everything.

And your views about pornography

And never ever bring up the issue whenever there is an argument in the house..

Danhoys:
My son is 17 years, and I got him a smartphone not too long ago during his birthday.

We're now in the tech era, and I was hoping to get him exposed to tech, and consequently stimulate his interest in programming.

However, I was going through his phone this morning and found some hardcore porn videos.

He's currently in school now, and I want to seek the advice of NLders before taking any action when he returns.

Is 17 years too young to own a smartphone? I sincerely doubt. What's the best way to handle this situation?

Thanks!

your son want to become gay

Danhoys:
My son is 17 years, and I got him a smartphone not too long ago during his birthday.

We're now in the tech era, and I was hoping to get him exposed to tech, and consequently stimulate his interest in programming.

However, I was going through his phone this morning and found some hardcore porn videos.

He's currently in school now, and I want to seek the advice of NLders before taking any action when he returns.

Is 17 years too young to own a smartphone? I sincerely doubt. What's the best way to handle this situation?

Thanks!

Exactly what COVID19 came in with when children were given phones for online classes

oxiide22:
your son want to become gay

Why are you attacking Danhoys all through? first on the Angola thread, now this. Besides he didn't say gay porn, he said porn

Danhoys:
My son is 17 years, and I got him a smartphone not too long ago during his birthday.

We're now in the tech era, and I was hoping to get him exposed to tech, and consequently stimulate his interest in programming.

However, I was going through his phone this morning and found some hardcore porn videos.

He's currently in school now, and I want to seek the advice of NLders before taking any action when he returns.

Is 17 years too young to own a smartphone? I sincerely doubt. What's the best way to handle this situation?

Thanks!

We've all being through this point in our lives, it's puberty, you are feeling trapped, hormones are raging, it's up to you and his father to sit him down and tell him more about this growth and time

Flamemignon1:

Why are you attacking Danhoys all through? first on the Angola thread, now this. Besides he didn't say gay porn, he said porn

shut up! didn't u see how she's openly supporting same sex marriage in her comment...Angola thread?

oxiide22:
your son want to become gay

If my son comes out as gay, he will have my full support. Possibly, ensure he leave this country to a better clime.

Gay or straight, he's too young to be focused on porn.

He should focus on his studies. So far, everything is great and we talked to him about the dangers.

We move!

Danhoys:
My son is 17 years, and I got him a smartphone not too long ago during his birthday.

We're now in the tech era, and I was hoping to get him exposed to tech, and consequently stimulate his interest in programming.

However, I was going through his phone this morning and found some hardcore porn videos.

He's currently in school now, and I want to seek the advice of NLders before taking any action when he returns.

Is 17 years too young to own a smartphone? I sincerely doubt. What's the best way to handle this situation?

Thanks!

Please read all comments carefully and make your choices:

A dirty slap will not kill him. It will reset his brain and when ever he remembers the stinging pains from the slap he will realize how deeply you were also hurt when you discovered the xxxx content on his phone.

Sit him down later and talk, but sometimes it not very effective for introverts