Mummy please,

many poster said mother, that is majority but to me is my dad, what faces someone turn back to someone else and in all my life my dad has done a lot and i don't need to say much, he is my all in all after God.
I remembered when i want to save his mobile number on my phone and i was wondering what name to use to store his number, i just save with BEST.

In our Nigerian society, it is clearly the woman. In the West, it's open to debate, although. . .

They both makes sacrificies, but as a woman whenever you decide to have a family, then you have to give up a lot of things.

THE WOMAN makes most sacrifice!

The way people are screaming mothers in here would make you wonder what father's contribution really is in a marriage set up. Fathers go out to war each day fighting the forces of lack and poverty. They strive hard to give their wife and children the best they can afford. They struggle each day amidst all the trouble,nagging and frustration to keep the family together and at the end of the day, after all their suffering. . .they still have to literally beg for their children's love. Mothers ALWAYS get all the credit. Makes me wonder if all the stress is worth the effort at the end of the day.

FATHER.

BABA NI BABA any time.

Mothers and Wives!!!

alldone:

They both makes sacrificies, but as a woman whenever you decide to have a family, then you have to give up a lot of things.

THE WOMAN makes most sacrifice!

What do you mean by the "reddened" statement above? What does a woman "give up" to have a family? How many women on this forum would prefer to go through their lives single and without children all because they have a lot "going for them"? Na all dis reetarded sentiments dey put me off nairaland. The only person that really gives up a lot of things to raise a family is the MAN! ! ! I'll assume that you're from a monogamous marriage set up. Do you know that your father could have had you and several other children from other women whilst remaining single all his life? Do you know how much self control and discipline a man has to exercise all because he wants his family set up to "work"? Do you know all the nonsense he had to tolerate from your mother all because he didn't want his children been raised by a single mother? Do you know how many times he almost made up his mind to quit the marriage but decided to endure all the nagging and senseless rubbish because of his children? Men as sooooooooo underrated by children and it's sad. Perhaps when some of the men here become fathers some day, they'll have a different view. Most of the people commenting here are doing so out of sentiment and reminiscing on old "mommy songs" they heard during childhood e.g "Sweet mother" and the "My Mother" poems!

Really sad.

harakiri:

The way people are screaming mothers in here would make you wonder what father's contribution really is in a marriage set up. Fathers go out to war each day fighting the forces of lack and poverty. They strive hard to give their wife and children the best they can afford. They struggle each day amidst all the trouble,nagging and frustration to keep the family together and at the end of the day, after all their suffering. . .they still have to literally beg for their children's love. Mothers ALWAYS get all the credit. Makes me wonder if all the stress is worth the effort at the end of the day.

This is the best comment so far. Fathers are sooooooooooooooo overlooked, women draw too much attention to themselves. Not to take away anything from mothers they are trying.

harakiri:

What do you mean by the "reddened" statement above? What does a woman "give up" to have a family? How many women on this forum would prefer to go through their lives single and without children all because they have a lot "going for them"? Na all dis reetarded sentiments dey put me off nairaland. The only person that really gives up a lot of things to raise a family is the MAN! ! ! I'll assume that you're from a monogamous marriage set up. Do you know that your father could have had you and several other children from other women whilst remaining single all his life? Do you know how much self control and discipline a man has to exercise all because he wants his family set up to "work"? Do you know all the nonsense he had to tolerate from your mother all because he didn't want his children been raised by a single mother? Do you know how many times he almost made up his mind to quit the marriage but decided to endure all the nagging and senseless rubbish because of his children? Men as sooooooooo underrated by children and it's sad. Perhaps when some of the men here become fathers some day, they'll have a different view. Most of the people commenting here are doing so out of sentiment and reminiscing on old "mommy songs" they heard during childhood e.g "Sweet mother" and the "My Mother" poems!

Really sad.

GBAM u said it! it's time for people to love their fathers, maybe thats why men on the average live shorter than their wives

harakiri:

What do you mean by the "reddened" statement above? What does a woman "give up" to have a family? Do you know that your father could have had you and several other children from other women whilst remaining single all his life? Do you know how much self control and discipline a man has to exercise all because he wants his family set up to "work"? Do you know all the nonsense he had to tolerate from your mother all because he didn't want his children been raised by a single mother? Do you know how many times he almost made up his mind to quit the marriage but decided to endure all the nagging and senseless rubbish because of his children? Men as sooooooooo underrated by children and it's sad. Perhaps when some of the men here become fathers some day, they'll have a different view. Most of the people commenting here are doing so out of sentiment and reminiscing on old "mommy songs" they heard during childhood e.g "Sweet mother" and the "My Mother" poems!

Really sad.

Super story do you know ? do you know? well yes I know and in this society what you said doesn't work men think again. Do you know how many times a woman has made up her mind to quit a marriage but still stays because of the love of her children and the fact that she doesn't want a broken home? Do you know how many time she had to turn down a better man all to stay with a slowpoke who doesn't appreciate her because she wants to be there for her children? Do you know all the beatings, punches and slaps she has endured all because of her children? Do you know how manytimes she has been driven from her home but still returns for the sake of her children? I bet you don't

and no the credit doesn't go to the mother most times its the father, when a child is successful its the father who is remembered and not the mother when when a child turns out bad all red fingers point at the mother do you know why? because it is just so abvious the great contributions a mother gives and so when a child turns aout bad it is assumed that the MOTHER did not do her job

Natasha,,:

  Super story do you know ? do you know? well yes I know and in this society what you said doesn't work men think again. Do you know how many times a woman has made up her mind to quit a marriage but still stays because of the love of her children and the fact that she doesn't want a broken home?  Do you know how many time she had to turn down a better man all to stay with a not-so-smart person  who doesn't appreciate her because she wants to be there for her children? Do you know all the beatings, punches and slaps she has endured all because of her children? Do you know how manytimes she has been driven from her home but still returns for the sake of her children? I bet you don't

Trust me, i know all about that and i'm sure as heck that NO WOMAN (including yourself) would trade roles to either remain childless or raise your kids single handedly no matter what. Men on the other hand are more comfortable with having kids without the stress of marriage vows and bondage called commitment (i personally would be comfortable with a live in girlfriend to have my kids and we see how it goes). A man DOES NOT need to have kids. A woman on the other hand feels pressured both by society and herself to see what her womb can bring forth to the world. Even the most staunch feminists who sing the "down with men" mantra till thy kingdom come still seek out someone to impregnate them or at worst, go for artificial insemination when their time is flying by. So what on earth are you talking about? Men can do without kids. With women, it's a different story.

Natasha,,:

and no the credit doesn't go to the mother most times its the father, when a child is successful its the father who is remembered and not the mother when when a child turns out bad all red fingers point at the mother do you know why? because it is just so abvious the great contributions a mother gives and so when a child turns aout bad it is assumed that the MOTHER did not do her job

Now, you're bringing sentiments and proverbs into the mix. Your statement doesn't hold water in the following scenarios :

(1)A mother who single handedly raises a child who later becomes successful in life will ALWAYS get the credit. Even if the father boasts about such a child, it's a shame to him and people around him know better. In between, this assumption holds sway for the older generation.

(2)A father who single handedly raises a child and spoils the child to the extent the child becomes a pain in the a$$ can not blame the mother who isn't around at the time. Doing such is illogical,dumb and laughable. Once again, this assumption holds sway for the older generation.

So what are you talking about?

harakiri:

Now, you're bringing sentiments and proverbs into the mix. Your statement doesn't hold water in the following scenarios :

(1)A mother who single handedly raises a child who later becomes successful in life will ALWAYS get the credit. Even if the father boasts about such a child, it's a shame to him and people around him know better. In between, this assumption holds sway for the older generation.

(2)A father who single handedly raises a child and spoils the child to the extent the child becomes a pain in the a$$ can not blame the mother who isn't around at the time. Doing such is illogical,dumb and laughable. Once again, this assumption holds sway for the older generation.

So what are you talking about?

like seriously don't you comprehend? why are you digressing? are we talking about single parents here? duh

harakiri:

Trust me, i know all about that and i'm sure as heck that NO WOMAN (including yourself) would trade roles to either remain childless or raise your kids single handedly no matter what. Men on the other hand are more comfortable with having kids without the stress of marriage vows and bondage called commitment (i personally would be comfortable with a live in girlfriend to have my kids and we see how it goes). A man DOES NOT need to have kids. A woman on the other hand feels pressured both by society and herself to see what her womb can bring forth to the world. Even the most staunch feminists who sing the "down with men" mantra till thy kingdom come still seek out someone to impregnate them or at worst, go for artificial insemination when their time is flying by. So what on earth are you talking about? Men can do without kids. With women, it's a different story.

harakiri:

Trust me, i know all about that and i'm sure as heck that NO WOMAN (including yourself) would trade roles to either remain childless or raise your kids single handedly no matter what. Men on the other hand are more comfortable with having kids without the stress of marriage vows and bondage called commitment (i personally would be comfortable with a live in girlfriend to have my kids and we see how it goes). A man DOES NOT need to have kids. A woman on the other hand feels pressured both by society and herself to see what her womb can bring forth to the world. Even the most staunch feminists who sing the "down with men" mantra till thy kingdom come still seek out someone to impregnate them or at worst, go for artificial insemination when their time is flying by. So what on earth are you talking about? Men can do without kids. With women, it's a different story.

hehehehe you know what you just said it all with your own mouth, Since they can do without children where do their great contributions come in? As for a woman who cannot do without it she would definitely give everything for her child who is important to her. You don't give attention to what you consider as unimportant and unnecessary while on the other hand you give all your energy and all you have to something which means a lot to you. With this you have already proven that the woman gives more contribution so what are you talking about?

Natasha,,:

like seriously don't you comprehend?  why are you digressing? are we talking about single parents here? duh
hehehehe you know what you just said it all with your own mouth, Since they can do without children where do their great contributions come in?  As for a woman who cannot do without it she would definitely give everything for her child who is important to her. You don't give attention to what you consider as unimportant and  unnecessary while on the other hand you give all your energy and all you have to something which means a lot to you. With this you have already proven that the woman gives more contribution  so what are you talking about? 
 

The fact that men sacrifice their freedom to keep a home together tells the whole story. They can have the same things that marriage "offers" WITHOUT the marriage itself but they choose to sacrifice that freedom. What do you women sacrifice? Tell me that you would prefer to have kids out of wedlock and i'll drink my own urine. A man focuses on the survival and prosperity of his family. Every day, his head keeps squirming about what he can do to improve the lot of his family (even when he's rich). Women on the other utilize what he brings to the table to take care of the kids (even when she works, she still wants his contribution). A man goes out to hunt, women take care of the cubs. How many women on this forum would trade places with their men's roles? How many would prefer their men to stay at home, taking care of the baby and cooking while they go out to hustle? Who is deceiving who? Why can't women be sincere and truthful for once in their lives? I'm pretty sure if that scenario applied to you, you would instantly lose all respect for your man so once again, what on earth are you talking about?

harakiri:

The fact that men sacrifice their freedom to keep a home together tells the whole story. They can have the same things that marriage "offers" WITHOUT the marriage itself but they choose to sacrifice that freedom. What do you women sacrifice? Tell me that you would prefer to have kids out of wedlock and i'll drink my own urine. A man focuses on the survival and prosperity of his family. Every day, his head keeps squirming about what he can do to improve the lot of his family (even when he's rich). Women on the other utilize what he brings to the table to take care of the kids (even when she works, she still wants his contribution). A man goes out to hunt, women take care of the cubs. How many women on this forum would trade places with their men's roles? How many would prefer their men to stay at home, taking care of the baby and cooking while they go out to hustle? Who is deceiving who? Why can't women be sincere and truthful for once in their lives? I'm pretty sure if that scenario applied to you, you would instantly lose all respect for your man so once again, what on earth are you talking about?

Sheeeeesh!

Take your prejudice against women somewhere else . . . . nobody's interested here!

When I came to the West and saw how a lot of their men live, I had to credit Nigerian men who stay in one marriage for ever.

In Nigeria, the MEN sacrifice too much.

When you see other men behaving anyhow you would learn to appreciate what your father sacrificed to give you a home.

dayokanu:

When I came to the West and saw how a lot of their men live, I had to credit Nigerian men who stay in one marriage for ever.

In Nigeria, the MEN sacrifice too much.

When you see other men behaving anyhow you would learn to appreciate what your father sacrificed to give you a home.

You talk as if it's just one sided. Show me an oyinbo wife who does half of what a typical Nigerian wife does in the name of marriage!

the mother of course
no one like her

Ujujoan:

You talk as if it's just one sided. Show me an oyinbo wife who does half of what a typical Nigerian wife does in the name of marriage!

Thats a misconception.

A typical Oyinbo woman does a lot of work at home at the same time contributes financially at home.

If you have a father who stays 20yrs plus in a marriage, Trust me he should be appreciated daily cos he sacrificed a lot.

I have seen Nigerian, AA and even Oyinbo men who cant do that.

A man sacrifices too much for the marriage yet barely gets appreciated

It even became a point of discussion in church when some men had to complain to the Pastor that after a while the women "poison" the mind of the children against the man

harakiri:

The fact that men sacrifice their freedom to keep a home together tells the whole story. They can have the same things that marriage "offers" WITHOUT the marriage itself but they choose to sacrifice that freedom. What do you women sacrifice? Tell me that you would prefer to have kids out of wedlock and i'll drink my own urine. A man focuses on the survival and prosperity of his family. Every day, his head keeps squirming about what he can do to improve the lot of his family (even when he's rich). Women on the other utilize what he brings to the table to take care of the kids (even when she works, she still wants his contribution). A man goes out to hunt, women take care of the cubs. How many women on this forum would trade places with their men's roles? How many would prefer their men to stay at home, taking care of the baby and cooking while they go out to hustle? Who is deceiving who? Why can't women be sincere and truthful for once in their lives? I'm pretty sure if that scenario applied to you, you would instantly lose all respect for your man so once again, what on earth are you talking about?

oh yeah freedom this freedom that, I guess that explains why men are bloody cheats  and about hunting, who the hell told you women don't hunt? my own mother paid my fees severally when i was in primary school not that my dad didn't have the money, she just did it, she didn't have to wait for my dad, incase you dont know there are so many women out there who are independent and do not need a dime from any man , they manage the home financially and still create time for the kids, My aunt managed her home financially for good 8 years because her husband was jobless do you have an idea what she did? no its called sacrifice, she could have easily left her jobless husband but no she didn't. And that senerio cannot apply to me because i would be an independent woman who doesn't give a fu,ck about her husbands money so why would I  loose any respect for my sugar? Men who prefer to have children out of wedlock are boys they are chickens who cannot face responsibilities they are not men in my sight  And there are lots of women who do not need men too they have all they want they just need the man for children and nothing else so at the end they still sacrifice more for their children so what are you saying?

dayokanu:

Thats a misconception.

A typical Oyinbo woman does a lot of work at home at the same time contributes financially at home.

If you have a father who stays 20yrs plus in a marriage, Trust me he should be appreciated daily cos he sacrificed a lot.

I have seen Nigerian, AA and even Oyinbo men who cant do that.

A man sacrifices too much for the marriage yet barely gets appreciated

It even became a point of discussion in church when some men had to complain to the Pastor that after a while the women "poison" the mind of the children against the man

'misconception' ?

Kind of convenient for your to say innit?

The fact remains that Nigerian marriages can in no way be compared to western marriages . . . . there's a reason why our men stay and their don't!

What you claim to be a misconception is generally known fact. Aside from the housework, (which by the way is shared b/w husband and wife abroad - misconception aside) a Nigerian wife has been known to literally give up her life in total submission to the husband. Any woman who does otherwise is tagged a 'women liberation activist' . . . .

This topic is talking about 'sacrifice' . . . . Sacrifice in the sense that a man/woman gives up a lot just for the comfort of his/her partner . . . for the sake of his family!

Abeg I don't see how white women are better than us in that aspect.

dayokanu:

When I came to the West and saw how a lot of their men live, I had to credit Nigerian men who stay in one marriage for ever.

In Nigeria, the MEN sacrifice too much.

When you see other men behaving anyhow you would learn to appreciate what your father sacrificed to give you a home.

Abeg, helep me tell them ooo!

See as dem don finish men like say our own no pass to donate speerrm.

In Germany they are thinking of passing a law where Marriage wont be a lifetime commitment but would be renewable every 5yrs if both parties agree to this.

I have seen naija men in US who also go haywire when they get here. I think any man who stays in a marriage for over 10yrs must have sacrificed a lot.

Is it easy to stand 1 night of a woman nagging not to talk of 1yr, 5yrs, 10yrs 20yrs some even 40yrs.

Men dey try abeg. Give it to the fathers.

In most cases the women end up pulling the children to their side and alienating the man, What exactly does a man gain from marriage that he cant gain without?

Ujujoan:



The fact remains that Nigerian marriages can in no way be compared to western marriages . . . . there's a reason why our men stay and their don't!

Can you hazard a guess as to why Naija men stay more than their foreign counterpart aside that the Naija men are more responsible?

Think of this when a Naija boy impregnates a girl, Most times he agrees to marry the woman compare that to the West where he immediately turns him to a list of his baby Mommas. That shows Naija men give a lot.

We know whats right and most times do it. Compare the number of single parents in Naija to foreign countries.

Naija men to dey try. They sacrifice too mcuh

Ujujoan:

Sheeeeesh!

Take your prejudice against women somewhere else . . . .  nobody's interested here! 

My "prejudice"? Nobody's "interested"?

Typical female SHAMING tactics like these are overused and boring. And i'm pretty sure there's gonna be a whole lot of people interested in my opinions than you'd expect. Why is that when a brother opens up some obvious truths about women, next thing they do is rant about how "prejudiced he is against women" OR "why does he hate women?" OR "he must have been broken hearted in the past by women" OR "he's a loser who's getting none"? It's so predictable for women to react like this and it's sickening. I have been around women long enough to understand that rational thinking processes and logical thought isn't built into their DNA. Expecting a woman to be logical is as pointless as filling a basket with water or attempting to squeeze water out of an emerald! But somehow, i still have "hope" that there's at least ONE woman out there that ACTUALLY THINKS RATIONALLY! ! !

Natasha,,:

oh yeah freedom this freedom that, I guess that explains why men are bloody cheats  and about hunting, who the hell told you women don't hunt? my own mother paid my fees severally when i was in primary school not that my dad didn't have the money, she just did it, she didn't have to wait for my dad, incase you dont know there are so many women out there who are independent and do not need a dime from any man , they manage the home financially and still create time for the kids, My aunt managed her home financially for good 8 years because her husband was jobless do you have an idea what she did? no its called sacrifice, she could have easily left her jobless husband but no she didn't. And that senerio cannot apply to me because i would be an independent woman who doesn't give a fu,ck about her husbands money so why would I  loose any respect for my sugar? Men who prefer to have children out of wedlock are boys they are chickens who cannot face responsibilities they are not men in my sight  And there are lots of women who do not need men too they have all they want they just need the man for children and nothing else so at the end they still sacrifice more for their children so what are you saying?

You're preaching to the choir. I was single handedly raised by my mom from the age of 5 till the age of 23 when i started fending for myself so what the hell are you talking about? I won't bother going into details of what led to that or the boring details of what i had to go through but all I've been trying to say( which i'm sure your illogical mind can't comprehend) is that men who stand firm by the families no matter are severely underrated. Do you know how hard it is for a man to be in a serious relationship for years without straying not to talk of marriage (I've been there, done that so i know how hard it is for married men). A man (in the African setting) stands little or nothing to lose from straying. Same thing can't be said for a woman. I don't expect you to understand that (obviously) but a lot of brothers know where i'm coming from.

dayokanu:

Can you hazard a guess as to why Naija men stay more than their foreign counterpart aside that the Naija men are more responsible?

Think of this when a Naija boy impregnates a girl, Most times he agrees to marry the woman compare that to the West where he immediately turns him to a list of his baby Mommas. That shows Naija men give a lot.

We know whats right and most times do it. Compare the number of single parents in Naija to foreign countries.

Naija men to dey try. They sacrifice too mcuh

Please . . . .  I see a lot of baby momma dramas around me here in Nigeria. I can't even begin to count!

I'm glad you brought 'responsibility' up . . . . . .  Responsibility is NOT sacrifice!

Can you hazard a gues why despite the whole marriage alimony and divorce settlement, oyinbo men still prefer to walk out on their wives as compared to here where a man can marry as many wives as he pleases but yet remains to that one woman?

I'm not a rocket scientist but I can say that men, being the selfish animals they are, will always choose what's best for them!

Ujujoan:

Please . . . .  I see a lot of baby momma dramas around me here in Nigeria. I can't even begin to count!

Well it depends on where you live in Nigeria. The part of town I live, I barely see single mothers. Most families I know are father mother children no outside kids and married for over 30yrs(All my aunties and parents family)

I'm glad you brought 'responsibility' up . . . . . .  Responsibility is NOT sacrifice!

Really its not? When its easier to be irresponsible. Dont you think a girl that is RESPOSIBLE didnt club and sleep around like her mates were doing in school is making a SACRIFICE for a better future?

Dont you think a guy that is RESPONSIBLE with his academics instead of playing around is SACRIFICING for his future?

Can you hazard a gues why despite the whole marriage alimony and divorce settlement, oyinbo men still prefer to walk out on their wives as compared to here where a man can marry as many wives as he pleases but yet remains to that one woman?

Of course who wont rather part with money than continue to live in Hell? Lemme ask you if they ask you to live with a horrible girlfriend or pay for the person to get an apartment of her own and out of your life what would you do?

I'm not a rocket scientist but I can say that men, being the [size=18pt]selfish animals[/size] they are, will always choose what's best for them!

The only surprise here is that it took you this long to resort to namecalling men, SMH. How typical of women

Ujujoan:

Please . . . .  I see a lot of baby momma dramas around me here in Nigeria. I can't even begin to count!

I'm glad you brought 'responsibility' up . . . . . .  Responsibility is NOT sacrifice!

Can you hazard a gues why despite the whole marriage alimony and divorce settlement, oyinbo men still prefer to walk out on their wives as compared to here where a man can marry as many wives as he pleases but yet remains to that one woman?

I'm not a rocket scientist but I can say that men, being the selfish animals they are, will always choose what's best for them!

No MAM . Responsibility demands a lot of sacrifices. If you know what i mean.

Acting responsibly means doing the right thing even in the face of opposition. That is sacrifice.

The point that  harakiri and dayokanu are making is that MEN are not MONOGAMIST in nature.

It take a lot of sacrifices for a man to stay in a relationship with one woman for 5years.

When he can easily change women every 6 month even at old age. NO OFFENCE. but that is a fact for you.