ImaIma1:


I can totally relate. It makes it so much more easier. I was friends with my husband since we were teenagers without any strings. When we decided to date which was awkward at first, we dated only three months before he proposed.

The fact that you can be free, discuss anything, be the first person you want to share news with, makes it so natural. Friendship is key.

Not so many are blessed to have what we have.

I'm just thankful I didn't miss it.

Romanoff:
This marriage matter.

A lot of people build their marriage on the wrong foundation.

Money, sex, looks, loneliness, desperation and some other mundane reasons.

The best foundation to build a marriage is on friendship and that's why you'll hear marriage counsellors say "marry your friend".

Take away sex from most relationships there will be nothing left, you'll discover the sex isn't even enough to keep it going. Sex that should be the icing on the cake has become the entire cake.

Money that should add spice to the marriage has become the entire food. He must have money, he must have a good car, she must be working and earning her own money etc. Once the money is not there anymore, water done pass garri.

Don't get me started on the Looks part, you'll marry because she has big bumbum and boobs, or because he is tall dark or fair and handsome with a six inch rod. A time will come that all these things won't do it for you anymore.

Marry your friend. That person that comes to your mind when you want to have deep discussions about your dreams, your bad day, your plans, your failures. That person that you will forget about time and keep talking with cause conversation and laughter and joys and tears just comes real.

That is what brings intimacy. The attraction, sex, money, looks all those ones na jara.

My opinion o. So before you mention me and insult me, take note of the fact that it's my opinion, make Thunder no fire you this morning.

I concur with the last sentence. Before the kids will arrive and just start insulting without contributing to d topic. Nice write up

Romanoff:


There is something that will first of all draw you towards someone as regards friendship. Qualities in a person that makes you want to be their friend. I don't know how it works for men as I'm not a man but I've been told by a lot of my male friends that they got close to me cause of the way I talk, cause of how well read and vast I am, how I walk like I own the place, my confidence and boldness, etc. And to be honest, all the guys I was in a relationship except one, we were friends first and built on the friendship. It's prolly why our breakups were not because of compatibility.

There's still none of them that I can't say I can live with.

Even though the relationship ended, the friendship didn't.

PS, all my relationships were sexless relationships.

I will have to disagree with that.

If I look at my life and experiences, my friendships were formed based on circumstancial meeting and friendship development.

You meet people at school/work/party/church etc. and engage with them. From the engagement, you exchange contact details without knowing their qualities.

Many of all times end up being friends. Some with qualities you like, others with qualities you might not like but you adapt to if they are tolerable and you can limit the impact of those qualities on yourself. Even some of my closest friends have qualities I am not a fan off but their other qualities and the way they make effort to be good friends is what makes us friends. If they were women, I would not shag them.

Very few highly eligible men can (or need to try to) date their friends. They meet women who are attracted to them or keen to be with them and they form a relationship.

Furthermore, I definitely will not be in a sexless relationship. Any girl who has such limits will only and always only be my friend, not someone I would be in a relationship with.

Gamesmart:


I will have to disagree with that.

If I look at my life and experiences, my friendships were formed based on circumstancial meeting and friendship development.

You meet people at school/work/party/church etc. and engage with them. From the engagement, you exchange contact details without knowing their qualities.

Many of all times end up being friends. Some with qualities you like, others with qualities you might not like but you adapt to if they are tolerable and you can limit the impact of those qualities on yourself. Even some of my closest friends have qualities I am not a fan off but their other qualities and the way they make effort to be good friends is what makes us friends. If they were women, I would not shag them.

Very few highly eligible men can (or need to try to) date their friends. They meet women who are attracted to them or keen to be with them and they form a relationship.

Furthermore, I definitely will not be in a sexless relationship. Any girl who has such limits will only and always only be my friend, not someone I would be in a relationship with.

All I'm saying is don't start a relationship with someone because you want to sleep with them.

Don't let that be the foundation of a relationship or marriage.

I rest my case.

ImaIma1:


And many successful businessmen have partners too. You don't have the gift of looking from both sides. You just pick a side an fire on.

I definitely have not only the gift but also the blessing of looking at things from all sides and angles, that is why I had to challenge your notion that someone is not whole or complete without being in a partnership or someone is not strong if they engage in divorce.

ImaIma1:

There are other factors that cause a marriage to breakdown (i initially put it at the end of my comment but I modified and removed it). So that covers your Castro, Mandela, Dangote, etc. What made Madiba and Winnie part ways? Besides, do you know if these people you mentioned were emotionally mature for marriage? You don't!

They are strong and successful men that got divorce. End of!

Stop saying only weak people divorce.

That is a lame way to challenge people to support and promote marriage.

ImaIma1:

I don't need to bet on you getting married. When you are 45 and still unmarried, we can revisit the matter. It is convenient for you to be in your 20s (my guess) and speak about what you don't even understand.

There are 45 year olds that feel happy to be married.

There are many 45 year olds that are happily unmarried.

There are many 45 year olds that are in miserable marriages.

There are many 45 year olds that are divorced and regret ever wasting their years engaging in marriage.

Try and look at it from multiple angles. Not just the "I must promote marriage" angle.

ImaIma1:

Trying to change your mindset about marriage is like trying to change your upbringing. Your perception about marriage is based on your own personal view or what you have experienced from people around you. It doesn't mirror all marriages in the world. If you don't know that, then you are not as intelligent as you think.

I am old enough and sensible enough to have seen what marriage is, how it works and the normal outcomes for me to know it DOES NOT WORK!

It has mostly failed in all parts of the world!!! Very few are "successful".

You can blame all kinds of reasons for why marriage fail, but the best way to conclude if you are objective is that the model of the institution is not a fit for human beings. Don't force square pegs in round holes and then blame the shape of the pegs that don't fit.

Romanoff:


All I'm saying is don't start a relationship with someone because you want to sleep with them.

Don't let that be the foundation of a relationship or marriage.

I rest my case.

I get that point, but I disagree with your other main point.

Don't start a relationship with someone based solely or mainly on friendship.

Attraction is very important, not just communication.

It is ridiculous to be in a marriage with someone, while their cousin, friend or your work colleague gives you the butterflies more.

The root of such wrong thinking is that many women refuse to accept that men are different and attraction is the main thing that attract most of them. Many women think if they can condemn that enough and use dysphemisms like "weak", "not a real man", "immature", "shallow" etc. then they can change that setting and rewire men to go for "personality".

Many Simps will fall for that but it will end in tears for everyone. You can not fight nature. Other girls will still turn you one like mad, while you are with one that does not. Same for the woman, but she can control herself better because she has more to lose.

Marry who you are highly attracted to, get along with, can see yourself spending a lot of time with and will be good to you. Otherwise, stay single and enjoy the things you like on short term contracts with someone that meets parts of these!

Meeting someone that fits all the bill is a jackpot process that many will never get in their lifetime, hence why marriages will mostly fail or lead to unhappiness (not mainly because of people and their behaviours). Marriage should only be for a very minute few, not a major part of social life. Kolewerk!

Gamesmart:


I get that point, but I disagree with your other main point.

Don't start a relationship with someone based solely or mainly on friendship.

Attraction is very important, not just communication.

It is ridiculous to be in a marriage with someone, while their cousin, friend or your work colleague gives you the butterflies more.

The root of such wrong thinking is that many women refuse to accept that men are different and attraction is the main thing that attract most of them. Many women think if they can condemn that enough and use dysphemisms like "weak", "not a real man", "immature", "shallow" etc. then they can change that setting and rewire men to go for "personality".

Many Simps will fall for that but it will end in tears for everyone. You can not fight nature. Other girls will still turn you one like mad, while you are with one that does not. Same for the woman, but she can control herself better because she has more to lose.

Marry who you are highly attracted to, get along with, can see yourself spending a lot of time with and will be good to you. Otherwise, stay single and enjoy the things you like on short term contracts with someone that meets parts of these!

Meeting someone that fits all the bill is a jackpot process that many will never get in their lifetime, hence why marriages will mostly fail or lead to unhappiness (not mainly because of people and their behaviours). Marriage should only be for a very minute few, not a major part of social life. Kolewerk!

I don't think you'll understand my point but I wish you well on yours.

Gamesmart:


I definitely have not only the gift but also the blessing of looking at things from all sides and angles, that is why I had to challenge your notion that someone is not whole or complete without being in a partnership or someone is not strong if they engage in divorce.



They are strong and successful men that got divorce. End of!

Stop saying only weak people divorce.

That is a lame way to challenge people to support and promote marriage.



There are 45 year olds that feel happy to be married.

There are many 45 year olds that are happily unmarried.

There are many 45 year olds that are in miserable marriages.

There are many 45 year olds that are divorced and regret ever wasting their years engaging in marriage.

Try and look at it from multiple angles. Not just the "I must promote marriage" angle.



I am old enough and sensible enough to have seen what marriage is, how it works and the normal outcomes for me to know it DOES NOT WORK!

It has mostly failed in all parts of the world!!! Very few are "successful".

You can blame all kinds of reasons for why marriage fail, but the best way to conclude if you are objective is that the model of the institution is not a fit for human beings. Don't force square pegs in round holes and then blame the shape of the pegs that don't fit.

So you agree that there are people that are married that are happy. Case closed then.

Don't misquote me fornyour pleasure. I didn't say only weak people divorce. There are other factors thst makes a marriage not work.

When you are old enough to know how marriage works, it will be evident. Right now is just an outsider view that holds no weight.

ImaIma1:


So you agree that there are people that are married that are happy. Case closed then.

Don't misquote me fornyour pleasure. I didn't say only weak people divorce. There are other factors thst makes a marriage not work.

When you are old enough to know how marriage works, it will be evident. Right now is just an outsider view that holds no weight.

There are people happy to live in Nigeria does not mean migration to a sane country is not a better option.

The proportion of people who are happy in marriage is minute.

Majority are suffering, smiling and faking it.

Many of them in unhappy marriages are even promoting it and keep telling everyone "they need to marry".

Misery loves company. They don't want to feel as if they are the only ones in the mess and that made the error.

Just like that

Uyi168:
...
For every one marriage u see on socail media, breaking, or going through rough times, there are at least, 10 at home doing well..

Tnk you!

However, this age of social media wokeness, people make a lot of noise about the breaking ones and keep quiet or ignore completely news about homes waxing stronger! Some even term the man simp for staying with a woman for years!

Generally bad news trends and travels faster than good news. May God help this generation!

apatheticme:


Tnk you!

However, this age of social media wokeness, people make a lot of noise about the breaking ones and keep quiet or ignore completely news about homes waxing stronger! Some even term the man simp for staying with a woman for years!

Generally bad news trends and travels faster than good news. May God help this generation!

If you even try to point out that there are good ones, they don't want to believe it...in fact their brains just shut down completely to that possibility. They prefer to believe the worst and expect every marriage to be what their minds have made it to be.

ImaIma1:


If you even try to point out that there are good ones, they don't want to believe it...in fact their brains just shut down completely to that possibility. They prefer to believe the worst and expect every marriage to be what their minds have made it to be.

.

apatheticme:


Exactly!

Infact, in one of my posts here I mentioned I was married with kids, there was a particular guy who kept insisting I wasn't married!

According to him no married woman was expected to be able to comment in a certain manner as regards a certain topic. He kept insisting his mother (not me) was an expired evening newspaper! I was genuinely dumbfounded!

It just goes to show that a lot of them have very ugly mindset, think very highly of themselves and have very low expectations of the girl child/woman!

One wonders what cave these crude set of males crawled out from! These days, I just ignore their bitter controversies and move on. After all, life online is different from reality! As long as I'm living my life the way I want, my sister, anybody can die on top my matter online if he so wishes!

You are right about life online vs reality. It only happens on Nairaland. In my whole relations at work, church, school, gatherings, etc, I have not heard guys speak in the manner thst these guys speak to ladies here. I have never come across Redpillers, MGTOWin real life. They only have mouth on Nairaland.

So when one guy starts running his mouth, I don't take him too seriously. We are dealing with their alter ego and fantasies...what they can't actually do in real life.

ImaIma1:


You are right about life online vs reality. It only happens on Nairaland. In my whole relations at work, church, school, gatherings, etc, I have not heard guys speak in the manner thst these guys speak to ladies here. I have never come across Redpillers, MGTOWin real life. They only have mouth on Nairaland.

So when one guy starts running his mouth, I don't take him too seriously. We are dealing with their alter ego and fantasies...what they can't actually do in real life.

Lol at the bolded!

It's a phase I believe they'll outgrow! It is well!

apatheticme:


Lol at the bolded!

It's a phase I believe they'll outgrow! It is well!

Definitely

Romanoff:


Not so many are blessed to have what we have.

I'm just thankful I didn't miss it.

I am more than thankful. Too many scary stories out there

ImaIma1:


Definitely

Come where you dey since�

robosky02:




Come where you dey since�

How? I have been here sometimes