op, izito, please how often did you communicate or cross paths with here father/mother/brother?


if u cross paths with them often or speak with them frequently, then there is no way they would deny not knowing that your wife left you in the dark on those projects.

in that case, they all planned and agreed never to tell you.

meetme01:
Every human will definitely be furious on this issue. However, every problem can never be the same hence, they cannot have the same solution.

This is an issue that has to be handled maturely. Yes, she f-up but, can you just look inwards and see if you can pick something positive in it to make you forgive her.? I believe you should.

It's just a lesson learnt. Don't use it against her if you decide to forgive. Your maturity will make you see steps to take to ensure you don't fall victim of such again.

What I see is, she was ill/badly advised by her greedy father. The man knew the lady was doing very good and in order to keep his architect/builder/contractor job, he had no option that to twist the feeble mind of the young lady.

The man couldn't scold her daughter. He was the cause of the problem.

Brotherly, sit her down, tell her how you feel. Let her correct every step without coercion. Give her a free mind/hand to handle everything. Let her know, whatever she decides should be of her own interest because her happiness is what you desire.

Accept her apology. Call her Dad and also accept the apologies. This is will also give you rest of mind to focus on bigger things ahead.

It is well..

so that they will plan an kill him abi, u are evil

Tedpgrass:



Things happen.

Not a good reason to divorce
Let her learn her lesson
You should actively also invest for yourself and children.. Can borrow a leaf from her as she seems to be the hustling type.

Look from the prism of her trying to build for the future if there was to be a strange turn of events.


Keep the love


.

.. In her fathers name

Kennyfancy:
so that they will plan an kill him abi, u are evil

Well, to you I am evil. We would always be faced with adversities that's certain). What would befall you will definitely be different from mine. The way will handle it shows how matured and ready we are to handle future adversities.

MEGA4BILLION:
The marriage was built on a false foundation and it is shaky.

This a great lesson for men.
NEVER NEGLECT YOUR FAMILY FOR VIRGINA PEOPLE BECAUSE VIRGINA PEOPLE WILL NEVER NEGLECT THEIR FAMILY FOR YOU.

Please what is your favorite drink? I wan buy am for you.... No truer words

All these things makes me scared of getting married. why are majority of women so heartless and wicked?
oh God have mercy on us.

nairamaniac:


madam, those are not insults.

it's an expression of my opinion of your mentality based on your statements down here.

I say those insults with Luv. not with hate.


I don't even expect u to understand.


but jokes apart shaaa, u no really dey bright shaaaaa.


For real.

One minute you say it’s not insults, the next u say they are insults with love. In your previous comment you admitted to abusive words... so which is it?

You don’t know how to speak to strangers and if I was in the mood to return your unkindness you wouldn’t like it at all...

Dont reply to me again. Go find some manners, maybe ask your parents to train you. Good luck

panini:
I read this some hours ago, just for me to read this story...

*SLAVERY OF MEN BY WOMEN*

German writer Esther Villar In her book *"The Manipulated Man"* that caused outrage and hostile criticism from women explains how women since the earliest times have manipulated men and turned them into their slaves, they have pretended to be the oppressed sex while in the real sense they are the oppressors. She explains how a woman manipulates a man skillfully by steps like courtship and finally marriage, hence the saying *"a man chases a woman until SHE catches him".*

In her book she explains how the man is tricked to care for the woman all his life and her offspring. He rolls the stone like Sisyphus and in turn gets rewarded by a few minutes of sexual pleasure. We can, by observing Esther Villars assertions that a man is a slave of his desires and the woman uses and has used it for thousands of years as a stick and carrot to keep the man chasing vanity and commit his life to serving her.

She goes ahead to explain the rivalry of women, how each woman feels the powerful urge and need to own a male for herself. Like a slave owner she detests any move the man would make to offer his services to another woman. She uses all means to keep the man to herself and her offspring alone.

Esther Villar's sentiments are captured by Nigerian Poet, critic and writer, Chinweizu Ibekwe in his book, *"The Anatomy of Female Power"*(AFP) and Will Farrel's, *"The Predatory Female*. They all push the theory that all societies are matriarchal and not patriarchal as we are pushed and forced to believe. Matriarchy has ruled not through brawn but wits and tricks; women feigning weakness to be protected etc. Thus the male becomes the most exploited sex in human history,(in wars the man is always ready to die for the woman; he has been trained to do that).

Chinweizu calls the idea of dating and courtship, training, like that of a horse. It is during this time that a woman having kept the man on a leash by denying him sex and getting him addicted to her by false charms, trains and breaks him to whatever she wants him to become.

The marriage celebration becomes a celebration for the woman and her friends, and they all congratulate her for having succeeded in getting herself a slave. A man on that wedding day waves goodbye to his independence and his coalition of males and commits himself to a Sisyphean life, rolling the stone, an act he cannot abandon having society and the government checking on him and always ready to jail, shame or exile him for absconding his duties.
*Thus the government and society helps the woman in keeping her slave in check.*

Chinweizu gives a narration of how women are trained by older matriarchs to tame men. He explains how a man is trained to rely on women by his own mother. A man is shamed for cooking for himself and other domestic chores by his own mother who is an agent of the global matriarchal rule.

By getting the man to hate domestic works and having it enforced by culture which warns men against going into the kitchen, doing laundry etc., the mother trains his son for the woman who will captivate him and when the time comes she takes hold of the man's stomach and by getting the man addicted to her body she holds him by the two, in bed and in the kitchen. With those two weapons she manipulates the man and turns him into her plaything.

In the *"Myth of the Male Power"*, Esther Villar's *" A Man's Right to the Other Woman"*; *"The Polygamous Sex"*, the authors of those books challenge the narrative that men oppress women, and by detailed research across African,Western and Eastern both in ancient and modern societies, the authors unravel the hidden power of the ruthless matriarchal power that rules the world.

*Presidents, Emperors and Kings are all puppets of the matriarchy forces that rule the World by pulling the strings from behind the curtains.*


Copied

Blood of Zachariah! Feminist can do anything to stop this message from reaching men, I'm sure they will come for you just wait

oglalasioux:
Get married at your own peril.

temi1290:



Quite sad, karma surely will remain a bitch, the man will surely regret.

Karma will surely catch up with him.

A man who doesn't have a stable income whose wife had to shoulder the bills of the house and even supported him from her salary! She even accessed loan to set him up, not once, not twice, because she couldn't conceive, man codedly dey raise another family outside . . . . I just dey vex as I dey type this words.

Hassanmaye:

Blood of Zachariah! Feminist can do anything to stop this message from reaching men, I'm sure they will come for you just wait

Which message ? Her offsprings story above ?
Well your kings are marrying over three.
You all should relax.

The part where you said she borrowed you money to buy a family car that both you and her would use, then started pressuring u to pay back after 2 months really got me. Some women are just so selfish especially when it comes to money. Bro it will take d serious grace of God for you to overcome this heartbreak. E pain pass cheating self.

Take heart bro.

quote author=izito post=100188988]*

In 2016 she told me her salary was #50.000 And then two years later, when she got promoted, I asked about her salary and she said, “Oh these people, don’t mind them. They added only #5000 to my old salary. Because of her meager salary, I’ve taken up so many responsibilities in the house without complaint. I pay for utilities and pay for food. I pay the fees of our two kids, clothe them, and take care of their medical bills. When my wife sends me a grocery list, she adds sanitary pads. She buys dresses and clothes, comes to show them to me, and asks me to pay for them. She started talking about a car when our second child came in. Things weren’t good on my side so I asked her to give me some time. She said, “I’ve saved something. I can add it to what you have so you pay me when your money comes.”

I agreed and took that money from her, topped it up to get her a car. For three months my ears never rest. She would wake up at dawn and ask me to pay what I owed her. I got tired and paid the money when I didn’t have much in my account.

One evening, I turned my laptop on and saw a lot of emails. I checked and it was my wife’s email that had been opened. I asked her, “Did you use my laptop?” She answered, “Yeah I was checking something.” I told her, “Then you didn’t log out.” She answered, “I forgot. Please log out for me.” I was about to log out when something caught my attention. I saw a mail with the subject, “January Payslip.” I opened and started going through. When I saw her gross salary, I was shocked. #400,734? And this girl has been crying poverty?

I went through the details. That night I couldn’t sleep. I was angry. I felt let down. I felt cheated. I felt played. We’ve been married for six good years and my wife earned that much without my knowledge? How much she earned didn’t bother me a lot than what she was using that money for. I decided not to talk immediately but rather do a little bit of investigation.

All my life I’ve held the view that it wasn’t right for anyone to go through their partner’s phone. It’s an invasion of privacy and it breeds mistrust in the relationship but that night, going through her phone was the only way to find out what I was looking for. I started with her best friend. Nothing much was found. Her family had a Whatsapp group. I read the messages there. I got few hints. I went through the chat with her father and that was when I realized my wife had bought a piece of land and had started building. Her father was in charge of the project. He had sent photos of the various stages of the building. At some point, her father said, “Thank you for helping out your brother. He would have been home had it not been you.”

She has only one brother—her senior brother. I went to look for the chat between them. Her senior brother lost his job and was home doing nothing so my wife bought her Hyundai i10 to use for Uber. Every week, her brother rendered an account and they split the money. From all indications, my wife was doing well for herself while she plays poor so she could rely on my salary. Why would she do that? I thought I was being a supportive husband so my wife could be proud of the man she married. When we bought land, it was her name and my name that appeared on the land title. That car I bought for her with a loan from her bears her name. I didn’t mind. I believed what’s hers was also mine. 

The next morning she realized I wasn’t looking well. I was boiling on the inside but looking for a good opportunity to start the conversation. When I calmed down a little, I asked her, “So why would you do that to me?” She asked, “What have I done?” I answered, “You bought land, you never told me. You started building on it, you never told me. When are you going to tell me?” She was shocked. She asked, “Who told you all that?” I said, “Your father did.” She stood quiet for a while. She asked, “Why would my father tell you all that? What were you people talking about” I said, “I don’t know. You can ask him.” 

We left it there. Some minutes later she came to me with her phone: “My father wants to talk to you.” The phone was already on a loudspeaker. His father was clearly angry. He asked, almost shouting, “You said I told you my daughter has a building? Where did I say that and when?” I asked, “Is it not true that my wife has a building project going on that you’re supervising?”  He asked me, “I told you that?” I asked, “Is it true or not?” After the back and forth I told them, “I read your messages last night. I saw the pictures. I read the various budget you had sent to my wife. I read the confirmation of the money receipts that you sent her. You’re a man. Would you be happy if your wife does this to you?” He started fumbling. He started apologizing saying he thought I was aware.”


My wife stood there motionless, didn’t know what to say. When her father hung up, I told her everything I knew, from her salary to the car she bought for her brother. I said, “Yet, even your sanitary pad, I buy them. You think I’m a fool? You’ll use your money to acquire your own properties and live on mine because you’re my wife? I hear. We’ll see.”

Trust was lost. Love was broken. We had to find a new way of living our lives going forward. Her father called me every morning and evening apologizing for everything and sometimes taking up the blame so I didn’t have to blame his daughter. I told him, “The emotional state I’m in right now, it would be hard to think straight or think forgiveness. Just give me space.” Three days later, they were in our house. The father, the mother, and the senior brother. They came to apologize. “Don’t let this break up the beautiful marriage you both have. If nothing at all, consider the kids and be lenient in your judgment.”

I listened to them. My position was still the same. “I need time to clear my mind. Just leave me alone to think.” From last month to this moment that I’m writing this, my wife had changed totally. She doesn’t ask for money but the house is being run smoothly. She has started paying for things she never paid for but that doesn’t move me. She has taught me a very great lesson and I’m taking it seriously. That in everything, I have to look out for myself and my family first. Last she told me, “If you want us to change the names on those properties, we can do so.” Guess whose name is on the property…her father’s name.”

I told her, “You don’t need to change anything. They are yours. You suffered for them so you can decide what you want to do with them.” The land I bought has our names. I’m selling it and take my money back. The car she’s driving has her name. I put a for-sale sticker on it some weeks ago. She agreed she’ll pay for the car. I’ve given her two months to pay up or I sell it and take my money. She’s getting the message and I’m glad. Each one for himself, God for us all. She keeps asking if I’m going to leave her. I keep telling her I won’t but if she wants a divorce, I will gladly give her. I’m not going to leave the marriage. I would give us some time to heal and see what may happen but when it comes to money, I’ve taken the lesson she taught me through her actions. 

*What's your take?*[/quote]

Skyfornia:
This piece is emotional...OP I feel your pain, I'll feel worse if I were in your position. But I have to save my marriage...don't stretch this anymore since your wife has shown remorse. Her actions might be influenced by her family and she thought she was doing right...forgive her and try to forget it

Going forward, sit with her and factorize what each of you should be spending at home. It can be 70-30 ratio or 60-40 ratio, with you taking care of the lion share...you are the man of the house and It is your duty as a man to protect your family from any force..even if the force is coming from your wife. Don't allow it tear your family.

I wish you luck!

Op. go with this.
this is the best advice I've seen. seems like a message to you.
I stopped reading comments when I come across this one and jumped to another thread.

pocohantas:


First to do no dey pain na.

They want the woman to bring all their money for them to chop, so that tomorrow they will pursue her and marry second wife. Toor!

panini:


Wooh, slow down, who hurt you? Just shared an article I read an hour before seeing this thread. Paid me for what? People pay people for this? I didn't get memo.
Cool, you disagree, what else?

What exactly do you benefit from sharing empty male conspiracies? Since the question is hurting you.

McSquishi:


One minute you say it’s not insults, the next u say they are insults with love. In your previous comment you admitted to abusive words... so which is it?

You don’t know how to speak to strangers and if I was in the mood to return your unkindness you wouldn’t like it at all...

Dont reply to me again. Go find some manners, maybe ask your parents to train you. Good luck

You know.

dairykidd:

The message went across abi? All these unnecessary English lecturers sef.. This isn't an official write up so be easy.. If u no understand na different matter.. Make them check ur school records na or open intelligent debate na una fumble pass. Awon grammar police

Keep fooling yourself. If you were even using pidgin to write or simply use "u or ur*, e for better. This one, *yhu and yhur*. Like, WTH! Shift joor!

highchief1:
the one u pay put wan kill u e come be the one when Dey outside.

hahaha.... na the reason why na to just slam one by mistake and take responsibilty...

ClixMaster:
Keep fooling yourself. If you were even using pidgin to write or simply use "u or ur*, e for better. This one, *yhu and yhur*. Like, WTH! Shift joor!

Go hang urself billy goat

Erums:
.. In her fathers name

Hmmmmmm.

Na true you talk

.

CHoccolaTE:

That one was a mistake.
No worry I have returned to man hating mode again.

I hear you.

If them show you small love na, your heart go just melt like butter.

Tedpgrass:


Hmmmmmm.

Na true you talk

.

So u see.. The motive was evil from the unset... U stay in rent, while u build home for your father who's lived his life alrwdy

Skyfornia:
This piece is emotional...OP I feel your pain, I'll feel worse if I were in your position. But I have to save my marriage...don't stretch this anymore since your wife has shown remorse. Her actions might be influenced by her family and she thought she was doing right...forgive her and try to forget it

Going forward, sit with her and factorize what each of you should be spending at home. It can be 70-30 ratio or 60-40 ratio, with you taking care of the lion share...you are the man of the house and It is your duty as a man to protect your family from any force..even if the force is coming from your wife. Don't allow it tear your family.

I wish you luck!

Op,pls take this advice

izito:
*

In 2016 she told me her salary was #50.000 And then two years later, when she got promoted, I asked about her salary and she said, “Oh these people, don’t mind them. They added only #5000 to my old salary. Because of her meager salary, I’ve taken up so many responsibilities in the house without complaint. I pay for utilities and pay for food. I pay the fees of our two kids, clothe them, and take care of their medical bills. When my wife sends me a grocery list, she adds sanitary pads. She buys dresses and clothes, comes to show them to me, and asks me to pay for them. She started talking about a car when our second child came in. Things weren’t good on my side so I asked her to give me some time. She said, “I’ve saved something. I can add it to what you have so you pay me when your money comes.”

I agreed and took that money from her, topped it up to get her a car. For three months my ears never rest. She would wake up at dawn and ask me to pay what I owed her. I got tired and paid the money when I didn’t have much in my account.

One evening, I turned my laptop on and saw a lot of emails. I checked and it was my wife’s email that had been opened. I asked her, “Did you use my laptop?” She answered, “Yeah I was checking something.” I told her, “Then you didn’t log out.” She answered, “I forgot. Please log out for me.” I was about to log out when something caught my attention. I saw a mail with the subject, “January Payslip.” I opened and started going through. When I saw her gross salary, I was shocked. #400,734? And this girl has been crying poverty?

I went through the details. That night I couldn’t sleep. I was angry. I felt let down. I felt cheated. I felt played. We’ve been married for six good years and my wife earned that much without my knowledge? How much she earned didn’t bother me a lot than what she was using that money for. I decided not to talk immediately but rather do a little bit of investigation.

All my life I’ve held the view that it wasn’t right for anyone to go through their partner’s phone. It’s an invasion of privacy and it breeds mistrust in the relationship but that night, going through her phone was the only way to find out what I was looking for. I started with her best friend. Nothing much was found. Her family had a Whatsapp group. I read the messages there. I got few hints. I went through the chat with her father and that was when I realized my wife had bought a piece of land and had started building. Her father was in charge of the project. He had sent photos of the various stages of the building. At some point, her father said, “Thank you for helping out your brother. He would have been home had it not been you.”

She has only one brother—her senior brother. I went to look for the chat between them. Her senior brother lost his job and was home doing nothing so my wife bought her Hyundai i10 to use for Uber. Every week, her brother rendered an account and they split the money. From all indications, my wife was doing well for herself while she plays poor so she could rely on my salary. Why would she do that? I thought I was being a supportive husband so my wife could be proud of the man she married. When we bought land, it was her name and my name that appeared on the land title. That car I bought for her with a loan from her bears her name. I didn’t mind. I believed what’s hers was also mine. 

The next morning she realized I wasn’t looking well. I was boiling on the inside but looking for a good opportunity to start the conversation. When I calmed down a little, I asked her, “So why would you do that to me?” She asked, “What have I done?” I answered, “You bought land, you never told me. You started building on it, you never told me. When are you going to tell me?” She was shocked. She asked, “Who told you all that?” I said, “Your father did.” She stood quiet for a while. She asked, “Why would my father tell you all that? What were you people talking about” I said, “I don’t know. You can ask him.” 

We left it there. Some minutes later she came to me with her phone: “My father wants to talk to you.” The phone was already on a loudspeaker. His father was clearly angry. He asked, almost shouting, “You said I told you my daughter has a building? Where did I say that and when?” I asked, “Is it not true that my wife has a building project going on that you’re supervising?”  He asked me, “I told you that?” I asked, “Is it true or not?” After the back and forth I told them, “I read your messages last night. I saw the pictures. I read the various budget you had sent to my wife. I read the confirmation of the money receipts that you sent her. You’re a man. Would you be happy if your wife does this to you?” He started fumbling. He started apologizing saying he thought I was aware.”


My wife stood there motionless, didn’t know what to say. When her father hung up, I told her everything I knew, from her salary to the car she bought for her brother. I said, “Yet, even your sanitary pad, I buy them. You think I’m a fool? You’ll use your money to acquire your own properties and live on mine because you’re my wife? I hear. We’ll see.”

Trust was lost. Love was broken. We had to find a new way of living our lives going forward. Her father called me every morning and evening apologizing for everything and sometimes taking up the blame so I didn’t have to blame his daughter. I told him, “The emotional state I’m in right now, it would be hard to think straight or think forgiveness. Just give me space.” Three days later, they were in our house. The father, the mother, and the senior brother. They came to apologize. “Don’t let this break up the beautiful marriage you both have. If nothing at all, consider the kids and be lenient in your judgment.”

I listened to them. My position was still the same. “I need time to clear my mind. Just leave me alone to think.” From last month to this moment that I’m writing this, my wife had changed totally. She doesn’t ask for money but the house is being run smoothly. She has started paying for things she never paid for but that doesn’t move me. She has taught me a very great lesson and I’m taking it seriously. That in everything, I have to look out for myself and my family first. Last she told me, “If you want us to change the names on those properties, we can do so.” Guess whose name is on the property…her father’s name.”

I told her, “You don’t need to change anything. They are yours. You suffered for them so you can decide what you want to do with them.” The land I bought has our names. I’m selling it and take my money back. The car she’s driving has her name. I put a for-sale sticker on it some weeks ago. She agreed she’ll pay for the car. I’ve given her two months to pay up or I sell it and take my money. She’s getting the message and I’m glad. Each one for himself, God for us all. She keeps asking if I’m going to leave her. I keep telling her I won’t but if she wants a divorce, I will gladly give her. I’m not going to leave the marriage. I would give us some time to heal and see what may happen but when it comes to money, I’ve taken the lesson she taught me through her actions. 

*What's your take?*

copy and paste nairalanders. read this on Twitter already

If your past behavior does not warrant this , then this is shocking. Married for six years! Na wa! I am just speechless. Nonetheless OP, don't use fire to fight fire. Two wrongs can't make a right. DON"T MAKE MAJOR DECISIONS WHEN YOU STILL ANGRY. There is nothing wrong with helping one's family in any capacity, but to hide it from your spouse without reason is wrong. The father is complicit, at first pretending to be ignorant then saying he thought you knew.

Do not sell the car or take it from her, as it is beneficial to your young children.
Do not sell your land out of anger, you may incur loss and may not be able to purchase same again.
Continue to care for your family within your capabilities.
Forget about divorce or separation.

Assume your wife was foolish and did not yet have a full understanding of the 2 shall become 1. How else can she buy property in a name, even her children cannot inherit if she died.

Forgive her and move on. It is painful , but just find a way. As for your wife I hope she has learnt and will behave better going forward.



Newly married and those aspiring to marry, must understand that a NORMAL marriage has a common purse. It does not matter, whose account the money is in. Husband and wife money is OUR money. If one spouse is financially reckless ,the prudent one should manage the family funds, whether male or female. If you cannot discuss with your spouse if you need to finance personal projects you have no business getting married.

Men dont learn.
Women especially these our modern day women are the greediest and most entitled generation. The sad thing is that they are raising the small daughters coming to be worst. I pity the young men coming up.

Also any woman that seriously or jokingly makes that statement to you "your money is our money, my money is my money" run away from her no matter the love you have for her or how rich you currently are.

Before you get married to any woman. Once you two have gotten to fiancee stage try to do things like borrow money from her and dont pay when you say you will to see her behavior. See how she behaves with spending on you like gifts or buy things for your apartment. Those are few good signs of a help-mate and not a leech.

McSquishi:


One minute you say it’s not insults, the next u say they are insults with love. In your previous comment you admitted to abusive words... so which is it?

You don’t know how to speak to strangers and if I was in the mood to return your unkindness you wouldn’t like it at all...

Dont reply to me again. Go find some manners, maybe ask your parents to train you. Good luck

They are polite insults.

But I had to take my time to explain why u deserved the insults. so that even u would kinda agree with me in your innermost mind.

even if u try to insult me back, I would know it's just a natural defense from u, so u don't seem like a weak person.

nairamaniac:


They are polite insults.

But I had to take my time to explain why u deserved the insults. so that even u would kinda agree with me in your innermost mind.

even if u try to insult me back, I would know it's just a natural defense from u, so u don't seem like a weak person.

You have issues lol

McSquishi:

You have issues lol

I know dearie.

You try for copying and paste cause you not the original owner of the story.. it happened in Ghana...

PoshBoss007:
Nigga you get mind oh! The original story was from a Ghanian and the currency was in CEDIs. Now you turned it to naira and you even had them pushing your copy and paste on to FP. Better repent. No be so dem dey run heavenly race.

Lol

emmnprince:



On behalf of kizito, the one who plagiarized another person's stories, ma binu.

No vex. I can also share a life story with Nairalanders how a man played on his hardworking wife for twenty something years to the extent of using her hard-earned money and resources to train three children he had outside his matrimonial home.

When the matter cast, he never felt remorse, and the poor woman had to leave the house for him to pick the pieces of life together. She contemplated suicide. Wetin pain me is the effort she put in the marriage upon the recklessness of the man. If no be one thing, we for treat the man f-up on her behalf but . . .

Some good women just enter wrong marriages.
So sad!