jaszplus12:


It shocked me to read this! Had to double check your moniker to be sure you are a lady! Kudos...you need to write more and feed your fellow ladies with more correct data on what to do when it comes to relationship because obviously your eyes and ears are open.
It hurts me when I see girls being toyed with by guys just because she's not wise enough to discern quickly what she's walking into! Please speak more...the girls need it...

UyaiIncomparabl:


Maybe not. I know too many people here and vice versa, personally. That will be an infringement on my privacy. I will rather be mute.

unity004:
. one sharp guy don chop clean mouth haha hahaha

Magnoliaa:
Thank God it is your opinion oh. If not, watin Daughter of Woman go do? Hmm!

Shey there'll be consequences for wrong doings, and more of them will continue to get defined abi? No problem.

Polynek:
Nice write up OP

smart1204:
Well Op, you have said it all. I really salute you for your principles with the lady in ur story. I have personally made up my mind not to have any long distance relationship with any lady because of this. May God help our generation oo.

emperorAY:
marriage is a dangerous thing in present day Nigeria, with the frequency of divorce nobody deserve to Marry out of pity or because they've dated for 100years.
back to your topic, you did well not copulating with her but you also gave her a faint hope by allowing her perform wifely duties .

IlufoyeOlamife:



Yes people look at some attribute before dating each other....some guys don't, they are only interested in the sex part. why some ladies na money....

Akuruoulo:
RE~READ THE THREAD DEAR. HE SAID THE GUY DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE CHEATED.

Akuruoulo:
Thanks bro. Our sisters need this ur thread alot

mosdii:
Nigerian Girls Are Useless...All Of Them

UyaiIncomparabl:

PrimadonnaO:
No lies. I honestly don't know how ready-to-marry adults date for more than two years? Why exactly?

Why would a ready-to-marry adult also consciously date someone who doesn't look or act ready to get married? Why?

It defeats common sense and intelligence.

You guys started dating from school, and by NYSC time you start dropping subtle hints that he should marry you. How nau?

You're dating a man who's at the club every weekend, who turns his head 360° at the sight of anything with boobs, who spends money like an exuberant teenager, and you're waiting for that one to come and marry you.

It is not a thing of pride to come out that you've been dating someone for 8- 10 years o. I don't know how people chant that like it's an achievement.

Whenever I hear stories like that, I always feel they eventually got married out of pity... or pressure... or they tried seeing other people and got badly heartbroken.

When you meet people who are ready to settle down, you won't second-guess their intentions.

And all that over-niceness makes no sense either... trying to be sweet and agreeable... better be your authentic self and don't start anything you know you can't finish.

ikllbrokehoes:
Is it true Victoria?

UyaiIncomparabl:

ikllbrokehoes:
Lolz you had to remove the imaobong? you are funny I swear

ikllbrokehoes:
I love your write up Donna, straight to the point.

UyaiIncomparabl:


I'm showing you that as a correction. That's not my name.

Sammmyyyy:



You are very welcome sir.

I have been keeping quite since way back on that issue, but now, it's gone worse, sadly. I hate to read lamentations of our virtuous sisters who have fallen into the cold hands of our evil brothers. It saddens me, greatly.

CuteMike01:
The shocking discovery is that some of the ladies told me that nobody had proposed to them. Then I asked, did you not see anyone that you liked? Some said yes, but they could not go to the man because it is against African culture. That is the area we are now looking into.
He said: “In those days, because you could not touch a woman before you married her, it encouraged a man to desire to marry. But what is happening today is not good for the ears at all.
He also blamed some of the women for living care-free life. “Some of the women do not have self control, and if you do not have self control, somebody will come and get what he wants to get from you and find his way out. Then another person will come and it goes on like that in a vicious circle. At the end of the day you find out that nobody wants to marry you.

Harddiskng:
This na just my opinion from wetin i don see oo, before una gather come beat me



It is not really about self-worth, the thing is that most girls don’t have sense. Two scenarios made me reach this conclusion

First - We had a get together. My guy (he dresses simple and he is very calm) walked up to this babe (something he almost never does as per serious-minded guy). This girl was just forming, in my mind i said “chai, this my guy wey get money, get everything dey fin serious relationship na hin this babe dey wash like this”. He followed up the matter for weeks the babe no gree for am, he respected him and ended the matter. The worst part is that the boy currently controlling this babe dey enjoy everything for her body. Treats her like lower than garbage and of cuz has no intention of marrying her. She chose disrespect, being treated like garbage over respect and love.

Second - A cousin’s girlfriend always acting up, you see better guy, you no dey give am peace, sex she gives freely to her whole street, she refuse giving it to the better bobo she has. Always nagging. If this guy should leave her there is a very high probability that the next set of guys are “chop and go”. I don clear am, if you marry this girl, you are finished. Don’t never near me with your future problems.

With these few points of mine @OP you can see that most of these girl deserve every nonsense happening in their life.

eazzzy1:
Sammmy,

1) You said you and the chick who came to spend the weekend at your place ‘will do all sort of things’ I interpret that to be making out, smooching? But you didn’t have sex with her because you didn’t want to hurt her boyfriend?

2) I thought only women pressured women into getting married, men are now joining the pressure gang? I think you should leave women matters for women.

3) You talk like women have an array of choices, they can just go to the market, point at a man who is ready to marry and take him home. The reason why women stay with men who are not ready to marry is the same reason men stay in dead end jobs, lack of options. If a better offer shows up they would leave.

4) There are lot of relationships far better than many marriages you see, is marriage the ultimate or happiness? A girl should leave a guy who cares about her, doesn’t cheat, great career, never hits her all in the name of searching for marriage? 90% of the time she won’t get such good deal elsewhere and after marrying someone else she will run back to his bed.

5) Lastly, learn to remove eye from other people’s relationships, you don’t know the half of it. Girls have the ability to weigh the pros and cons of their relationships, if the pro outweighs the cons they decide to stay but you only see the cons. Even if she’s being treated unfairly as you stated, it will count as a lesson to her in future. She knows what bad looks like now and she can do better with her next guy.

jaszplus12:


It shocked me to read this! Had to double check your moniker to be sure you are a lady! Kudos...you need to write more and feed your fellow ladies with more correct data on what to do when it comes to relationship because obviously your eyes and ears are open.
It hurts me when I see girls being toyed with by guys just because she's not wise enough to discern quickly what she's walking into! Please speak more...the girls need it...

eazzzy1:
Primadonna,

Not every guy who isn’t ready for marriage goes clubbing every night, turn their heads at boobs or spend money like teenagers. There are upright guys who aren’t ready to marry. Let me use myself as an example;

When I started working, there was an opportunity open for assistant managers, the firm was opening a branch in India, an A.M would be offered 35% raise to go start up the Branch and be there for 6 - 18 months. The Person will earn Canadian dollars in India, accommodation provided etc it looked like a great opportunity to me, no A.M took the role. The major reason was they had families. That wasn’t a role I would have passed on even if I had a 2weeks baby or my marriage was just 3 weeks old.

The essence of my story is in Nigeria once a guy is working and a woman gets to her mid twenties they think they are ready to marry.

Three questions people should ask to determine readiness are;
1) Are you willing to sleep with only person for the rest of your life?
2) Are you ready to put someone else’s happiness over yours for the rest of your life?
3) Are you ready to forgive everything and anything?

Number 1 answer for me is yes. 2&3 are hell no. That’s why I’m not ready for marriage.

Sammmyyyy:



You have valid points up there, honestly, and thank you for your honest submissions. Your last point there is what I will have to disprove, all the same . Me? Other people's relationships? You're mistaken alot. I have more than enough mangoes to fill my basket, talk more of ther people's issues. The only bond I mentioned in the write-up was mine, not anybody's.

Secondly, your notion of life, as that "... will count as a lesson to her in future." is ludicrously archaic. Some sacrifices are too weighty to bear, bro. Some lessons are best left unlearnt in life. For a naive lady who get deceived into commiting several abortions for her lover, and in the end, the young man jilts her when he discovers she cannot give birth anymore. Pray tell, what lesson can she learn there? And don't even say adoption or come with the rhetoric of "childlesness means nothing." Let's stop trying to sound western than the westerners themselves.

eazzzy1:


Well Sammmy, do you know there are women who never had an abortion in the past yet are childless? bottom line is life fvcks us all. You can do all the right things and still get knocked out by life. An example will be someone who mistakenly takes a lantern to pour fuel in the generator and get burnt vs someone strolling along the road innocently a tanker explodes and he get burnt. I also do not think any grown up lady can be deceived into getting an abortion, if a lady decides to get an abortion it is because she knows she isn't ready to have a child or she knows she can't afford to support the child alone. She chose to get an abortion for herself.

She can share her experiences with younger girls towing her path, that is the lesson. The same way women who didn't commit abortion yet are childless find children is the same way she would find children too. This isn't about been western, what else would she do? kill herself? she has to keep on living, learn from her mistakes and make better choices in future.

Sammmyyyy:


You have really valid points, actually, and I am sure she sees from your POV too.

Well, no one is pressuring you to marry. My stance is just that, while you wait, remember not to tie down a lady who isn't ready to wait with you with vain promises. Let her know from the scratch that you aren't ready, not at least in the next so so so years. Not that after 5 years of taking her through servitude, you'll now come out to tell her you aren't ready. That's what my post seeks to achieve.