MRbrownJAY:

but brotha, you said something that may be part of your problem: you want to decide how she should dress (aka you want to control her). as much as you may not like what she wears, there are subtle ways to deal with the issue at hand. if that escalates to a fight then you guys are VERY different.

here is my advice to you: you have been with this damsel for 3 long years, don't you think it's about time you accept her for WHO SHE IS? rather than trying to manipulate her into being WHO YOU WANT HER TO BE?!

Mr brown, i don't know which part of the world you are from but this is my culture, it's believed in this part of the world that indecent dressing is not part of the features of a virtuous woman, I'm not a perfectionist and I'm also aware that she too have been asking me to change certain pattern of my behavior. There are no perfect human been and as such we must always allow or partake of others wisdom. for any relationship to thrive, the spirit of give and take must operate.

women naturally desire and pursue control more than men this is the reason why they tend to be stubborn when you asked them to adjust. They want to test how resolved you are. If you gave in to them too often, they are quick to label you a weakling and if you insist, they say you are harsh.

Mr Brown, I'm not seeing that as manipulation rather as part of my plan to build a home that would produce a responsible family and a responsible member of the society, if i allow my wife to dress indecently, it would extend to my children but i don't want societal misfits as offspring.

as i have said earlier, IF she desire to adjust, I'll go ahead with the wedding else she would easily be replaced

i fully understand you but let me ask you:
- are you saying that if your gf dress the way she desires, she will lose all her virtues?
- if she CLEARLY desire to dress this way (and you feel this way about such dressing) then shouldnt you say that you have a woman with no virtue on your hands, instead of trying to change what you clearly believe she is?
- the fact that you view her desires as STUBBORNNESS is amazing. i guess, anything she wants to do that you dont see fit, will be regarded as an attempt to seize "control", right?
- shouldnt you have thought about all this BEFORE making plans to marry OR having a child with this damsel? this is a clear case of putting the horse before the carriage.
- obviously, if you have a problem with how she dress then deal with it accordingly. i would certainly tell your partner to BE HERSELF AT ALL TIMES and never be controlled to be someone she is not.

REMEMBER man, you cannot change people. they will only pretend for the time being, but the minute you have a disagreement, they will turn back to who they TRULY ARE. so every time there is a fight between you guys, she will dress the way she feels aka HERSELF!!!!!

btw: i surely would like to hear what YOU have given up in this union.

MRbrownJAY:

i fully understand you but let me ask you:
- are you saying that if your gf dress the way she desires, she will lose all her virtues?
- if she CLEARLY desire to dress this way (and you feel this way about such dressing) then shouldnt you say that you have a woman with no virtue on your hands, instead of trying to change what you clearly believe she is?
- the fact that you view her desires as STUBBORNNESS is amazing. i guess, anything she wants to do that you dont see fit, will be regarded as an attempt to seize "control", right?
- shouldnt you have thought about all this BEFORE making plans to marry OR having a child with this damsel? this is a clear case of putting the horse before the carriage.
- obviously, if you have a problem with how she dress then deal with it accordingly. i would certainly tell your partner to BE HERSELF AT ALL TIMES and never be controlled to be someone she is not.

REMEMBER man, you cannot change people. they will only pretend for the time being, but the minute you have a disagreement, they will turn back to who they TRULY ARE. so every time there is a fight between you guys, she will dress the way she feels aka HERSELF!!!!!

btw: i surely would like to hear what YOU have given up in this union.

hmmm, before i finished reading your response, I said I wasn't going to reply until I got to the last line and that's why I typing now. But before I answer your request regarding the last line, let me quickly say this, all human aspiration is wild naturally and until it's put under check, it's bound to be wild and that's including our desires. , that is talking about this(a[b]re you saying that if your gf dress the way she desires, she will lose all her virtues?[/b]), what I said is that if she desire to dress in a certain way, she is sure to lose here virtues regarding acceptable societal norm.

You also seem to think that one is controlling if a man or a woman is asked by his/her partner for an adjustment in the he/she handles certain things. what happens to training/education or simply put if I were your friend but you noticed a certain behavioral pattern about my personality which you know is not okay, what would be your action?, would you rather stop the relationship than ask me to adjust?
I know it's more humane to try correcting what is socially misnomer than to apply the sledge hammer outright and I think this is what you call controlling. I disagree.

I have given up a lot, my freedom!, I'm totally committed to her and there's this particular thing about my voice whenever I got angry, I have a loud voice. She has succeeded in making me see that and I have changed, I no longer raise my voice when I got angry.

dude, here is how it should go (in the real world):
you see a pattern that you may not like in that person, you tell them about it and they either A) change for a little while and then come back to doing it again or B) simply tell you that they do not see this dressing as a problem (like you do). . . . . . . . . . .  right there you have a CHOICE to make. you either accept that person, who OBVIOUSLY is NOT going to change, or you move on with your merry life. expecting/force her into being who she is not is the reason why so many fail in r/ship!

this is who she is and you cannot do anything about it. BUT, if you want to fool yourself in believing that you can change her, then wait and see the next time you have a quarrel (or in a few yrs) to get your wake up call.

as for what you have given up, i mean stuff that SHE hasnt given up.
FREEDOM, of course you have to give that up. as a "normal" couple you need to share your life with another therefore you are not free as a bird like singles. i guess you have forgot that SHE also lost her freedom.

are you saying that SHE isnt totally committed? or that raising your voice is how people should act in a union?

You can change the spots on a leopard and it will still be a leopard.

Bottom line: Seek for what you are willing to be and if you are not willing to change, do not expect others to change.

We all have free will and should change on OUR own volition.

its the age difference sorry