JONNYSPUTE:
...And you think that he will do it openly? There are so many ways to get something's done.

Nne jiri ya wayo. Ihe mmadu amaghi kariri ya.

Akv666:
Good day guys,

So I've been dating a single Mom for almost 4years now and we're ready to tie the knot, but recently she came up with a suggestion of me adopting her son legally. Her baby daddy has actually been irresponsible right from start, nigga last saw his son when he was 4months old and he hasn't even bought ordinary diaper for the boy right from when he was delivered.

Now I'm being skeptical about taking him up legally, please i need advice from you guys, no insult please.

Richy4:


It takes two to make babies.. she did not climb ontop of herself and got pregnant.... I do not think OP was wrong in calling him irresponsible if truly he abandon mother and child when he was only 4 months... I don't think it's right to support bad behavior and irresponsibility ....

drnoel:


This is sentiments. There are some countries you can't go to with another man's son hence the need to adopt the boy. I believe that's why the OP is asking the question. If the biological father is out of the picture and has been for a while. There is nothing against adopting the boy. Pls remove sentiments out of logic.

Fulaniherdmens:
Shut up, and how did u come to conclusion that it was the father of the child abandoned his child. Or the mother fled with her lustful partner and prevent the man from seeing the child. No man throws his money to a woman that won’t allow the man close to the biological father. Let him fend for the boy when he grows he will strike a bow through his heart right from the back....

Ladyhippolyta88:

The court can allow that if the father is no where available and can be deemed irresponsible.They would also look into the best interest of the child before making the decision.Remember he did not marry the mother and him being his biological hild is not enough reason for Him to be absent and you will think his consent is very valuable when he clearly abandoned the child and responsibility the father will have a lot to answer.It is not evil to adopt a child whose father is clearly not ready to claim responsibility what is actually evil is when the father abandons his son and did not bother to communicate with the child that is evil because if the mother chose to abandon the child he cannot even hold her on account when he absconded that is what is evil.

pocohantas:


It is foolhardy and against natural law and order to do such when the man is still alive, irrespective of how irresponsible she claims he is. I am very concerned that she suggested it and you considered it.

Th irresponsible man remains her child's father. She can get (sole) custody, but erasing the man’s name is WICKEDNESS.

DON’T DO IT!

Take care of the child like you would for your own and it should end there.



He is a sperm donor, agreed. My concern is the child. That child isn’t a property that she will keep transferring to any new man she is with. Before OP came along, the child had a name and it was fine.

They already have sole custody of the child, thanks to the irresponsible sperm donor- It should end there.

What if her and OP divorces tomorrow? She will manage his name till she gets a new man and changes it again?

I know some relationships/marriages can end sourly that you just don’t want to have anything to do with the other person again, but for the sake of child(ren), I always advise they apply caution.

Richy4:


Yes I agree with you @ bold man. but when he is traveling outside the country, is he gonna travel alone without the mother?

There are spaces for declaration in terms of visa purposes... when a form is filled, you will be asked how those accompanying you were related to you.. (A step father can be declared)... It is a not an automatic disqualification because you were not the biological parent... what it will only take will be 2- 3 weeks for the documentation and verification of IDs to be delayed just to make sure he was whom you said he was...

But issues and complication of this kind of thing supersedes only traveling document and purposes.. eg
<< Who is the real first son of the family?
<<< If the man is from Igbo land, there are certain traditional things they will like the biological son to do.. if that should happen, that boy will feel insulted...
<<< what about the issue of a troubled son that does not what to see himself as the second son and demands to take his rightful position as the biological child.. this can be avoided now...
<<< If he adopts the BOY now, and maybe.. Just maybe... issue of divorce comes up later in their life, do you think OP will find it easy?
This whole thing is complicated... I wish OP can just be a father figure to the boy... do his best as a father and forget this legal thing..

emmyN:


Wow wow wow, poco . Please help me with the number of the alfa that did your exorcism for you. I need it for my weyrey gehfren

wisewordd:
He can't adopt the boy in the first place except the mother claims the dad is dead which is pure evil.

Richy4:

Rubbiish:

His biological father is just anyone, but his father!!! That boy will grow up to look for him, even if they try to steal him now, it will only be for a while! Or is your current father not your biological dad?? Why are u supporting this evil? He can be a father figure to that boy without stealing him from his biological father!
So long the biological father is still alive, he must seek his consent to adopt that boy!
That is the right thing to do! Try to be reasonable for once!

pocohantas:


What you need for your werey girlfriend is OBJECTIVITY. The ability to respect her opinion whether or not it agrees with yours. Thank you.

drnoel:


Yes but pls note. A step father is different from a man married to the mother. Step father by name is not legally adopted. The legally adopted carries more weight in court.
Ofcos no one wishes for divorce or such unpleasantness in a union. The other thing is that we should learn to allow people reach their own opinions about something without attempting to project our own impressions on them

Fulaniherdmens:
Im just eating same now.
Amoeba

emmyN:


Surely it can't be that easy. She has a demon. No, y'all have a demon .

Don't mind me though, I'm just trying to get used to seeing more of your "objective" posts.

Sammy07:


So by the time he comes back for his son after spending on him, Una go be looking like dundi?

Anyways, nothing better than ur child, there will always be sentiment when he grows up with ur Children.

Richy4:


I can't waste my time on an individual with comprehension issues... have a good day

pocohantas:


Any posts from a female that makes men feel better is OBJECTIVE and LOGICAL.

Bornsinner7:
I'm a little bit confused if na man abi woman you be.. the he,she,her, him got me confused

Why does she want it that way?? There must be a reason.. she tryin to make you own the kid so that her baby papa would have nothing to do with the kid anymore..

Nothing wrong in adopting the kid but shine your eyes well.. it took Melinda gates 27years plotting her graph..

pimper24:

OK here you go. This is a candid advise for you are threading a familiar terrain (you know what i mean )and there is nothing absolutely wrong in your decision.
First, Nairaland is the wrongest place to seek sundry advise as the level of ignorance there ranks quite high (pls google Quora and seek such advise there).
Train that boy or girl as an act of charity and do not adopt legally cos it will not be granted if the father lives, however irresponsible he is. The child can answer your surname for the benefits that will acrue from you, better integration with your biological kids and to avert discriminations.
Train that boy as an act of love you have for the mum and humanity in general.
Finally, the position of the law is that if you train the child, hold him out as our own and do other things that show you acknowledge his paternity, he is your son under the law. So, no adoption is needed.
If he reaches majority, he is at liberty to fend for the biological dad (they seldom do that, of course), but you are the father he knows my friend.
BTW, how wise can we even be in our own eyes? this question goes to those demonizing single moms.

Fulaniherdmens:
Shut up, and how did u come to conclusion that it was the father of the child abandoned his child. Or the mother fled with her lustful partner and prevent the man from seeing the child. No man throws his money to a woman that won’t allow the man close to the biological father. Let him fend for the boy when he grows he will strike a bow through his heart right from the back....

Akv666:
Good day guys,

So I've been dating a single Mom for almost 4years now and we're ready to tie the knot, but recently she came up with a suggestion of me adopting her son legally. Her baby daddy has actually been irresponsible right from start, nigga last saw his son when he was 4months old and he hasn't even bought ordinary diaper for the boy right from when he was delivered.

Now I'm being skeptical about taking him up legally, please i need advice from you guys, no insult please.

SportsHD:
You can adopt him legally. You can treat him with love and care like he's yours. But just know that he's not yours. The father might come for him one day.
One of my Broski's married a single mom with 3 kids. As far as the love is genuine, everything else would fall into place.

Other than that, I wish you well in your endavours.

Exodora:

So how did you know all this or you want to tell us that you are the guy in question .

Fulaniherdmens:
Small pikin go read novel or play video game it will ease ur adolescent prime.

Akv666:
Good day guys,

So I've been dating a single Mom for almost 4years now and we're ready to tie the knot, but recently she came up with a suggestion of me adopting her son legally. Her baby daddy has actually been irresponsible right from start, nigga last saw his son when he was 4months old and he hasn't even bought ordinary diaper for the boy right from when he was delivered.

Now I'm being skeptical about taking him up legally, please i need advice from you guys, no insult please.

pocohantas:


Adoption means the child would bear OP’s name and be assumed to be his child before the law. His real father ceases to exist or is immaterial in the grand scheme of things.

(Sole) Custody means they are like guardians but the child still has a father, bears the father’s name and the father can be consulted for certain decisions.

This is my layman’s definition.

alexola20:
@akv666,let's put our thinking cap on.
1.why does your fiancee want you to adopt another man's child when the said man is still alive.If he's irresponsible as you narrated,doesn't he have a family your fiancee can report is nonchalance to?
2.What about if the lady was promiscuous in the past,the reason the said baby father didn't give a F about her or her child?
3.What about if the child doesn't even belong to the said baby daddy?
What about if the lady doesn't even know or sure of really owns the child?

Investigate well before even thinking of adopting another man's child.
If the baby daddy is still alive find him and have a man to man chat with him.
This will safe you a ton in the future.

Babinski:


Once the child is legally adopted, no other father can come to claim him. The child will start bearing his surname and before the eyes of the law, the child is his own.