family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

Divinehealer:
Wife never rotten for grave this one don dey climb another woman. The beauty of being a man in naija. As soon as your wife dies or even when she is sick and dying sef, you can be knacking different women up and down.
If this was a woman now, culture will expect her to die with her husband. If she laugh in 2 yrs time, they will say look how a woman that lost her husband JUST 2 years ago is laughing ; surely she killed him.

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

My own response would be different, if she claimed her husband abandoned her and Married another one abroad, was she formally Married to the husband? If yes .. has she gone through normal divorce proceedings? If no ... You might be playing with seven years inmprisonment

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

SportsHD:
Big ass RED FLAGS!

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations....

queenfav:
gbam!See this life eh..May God help women,myself inclusive.That a man you lived with,made sacrifices for and have kids with can welcome another woman into your home after just 3 months of his wife's demise tells a lot about how he loved her (or not).Make we women shine eyes o.Most of these men love just with their lips.This man clearly has no love and respect for his Wife and her memory.She hasn't been buried for long,oga and his d*** has moved on to the next available woman.I fear who no fear some men!

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

klap4gbens:
You need time to heal... Send her away to her house for the mean time. You can go back to her when you are emotionally balanced.

halogate:

..
Lol...@Op..u really are in trouble!
Hot and spicy one for that matter..
"In love with you"..all of a sudden?
"Can't do without you or stay away from u"...in under a month?
Isorite!....

@Op..do the needful!!!... don't let all those talk get to u.
If she wants to "change"...let her do that from a distance.
Op..if u are actually enjoying this attention and using nairalanders to catch cruise. God is watching. Cos I see no reason why u cannot call it quits with her. Abi is there something u ain't telling us?
You have been advised and warned accordingly.. The ball is in ur court!

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

Bola146:
Firstly, seriously you have to let go of the dead, she was so dear to you, yes but let us face the living, your kids and their wellness, you can be remembering her yearly or on her birthday which any woman you want to marry now must support that, still remembering the dead would not allow you to love any other woman dearly again. It would be like she is still living with someone's husband. Great counsel


Secondly, please try to know if the woman loves your kids dearly, don't rush into a relationship that you will regret later, since you have maid, why not be patient. Be so close to your kids and the maid, ask for their own opinions.


Lastly, watch and pray!!!! Let God and His Holy Spirit lead you. Your kids are your number one priority, work hard and take good care of them, don't just leave them to strangers care. God be with you sir.

Foodqueen:
That woman is time bomb waiting to explode.

I can't imagine the things she will make u do to your kids as time goes by.

Common 3 months.......u met on FB, visited her house, your kids slept over and now u are living lovers.

This won't end well.

LilMissFavvy:
If you had told this woman to give you a little time, at least 9months before you start a relationship it would have been better, I guess she would have accepted to wait till you are ready, 3months is too short to finish mourning and begin a relationship. If you had healed a bit from the loss of your wife, you wouldn't feel bad whenever she refuses to recognize the dead, you would take less offense and allow her handle things her way. If you tell her you need a break now, she will feel bad and insulted, but a break is what you need, or accept her as she is, or you end the relationship. It is very wrong to cohabit with her for now.

Goldie16:
Drop your address here let Nairalanders help you to evacuate her from that house. I will arrive there before 6am sef.
What nonsense love is she talking about. What rubbish,!!!!

family6644:


You are right but I naturally will never see myself doing this, this is the reason for my long explanations, I find myself in the situation, I didn't plan for it or work it out. I never wanted it but note that my kids are involved but I guess now they can see for themselves

pocohantas:


Hahahahaah. You know!?

jaxxy:



Any woman who disrespects ur feelings for u late wife is inhuman and a Lowkey terrible person.

She had it bad in her marriage doesn’t mean u had same, rather urs was meaningful and significant. If she can’t be patient and understanding she shud leave immediately. I repeat for emphasis immediately.

It’s a very simple thing. I hate insensitive and manipulative people. Period!

U better don’t let her ride u and manipulate u. Some women are crazy. It’s obvious this is going way too fast and that might be a concern. I can see a whole of manipulations.

Imagine a stranger coming to ur house and controlling you and ur family. Like WTF! If the reverse was the case and u were the one Controlling her just like that I would also kick against such insensitive behavior.

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused