Lizzyangel:


Kindly go through my response to ishilove's quote. Thanks Sir.

Make up your mind as you will not get a perfect timing, pack up your things with your kids and head to where your mother is and continue reflecting on what to do from there

Mindlog:


Make up your mind as you will not get a perfect timing, pack up your things with your kids and head to where your mother is and continue reflecting on what to do from there

Unfortunately, mum's place isn't the right place for now, I'm just going to add up to her burden, she's living in Igangan, she was the head of a school and had a shop, she retired 2yrs ago to face her business until Fulani's brouhaha stormed Igangan, her shop got affected cos it's located at the burnt Kara market, she picked up the few things left and started a new shop where she's MANAGING, if not for her predicament, I won't think twice that night,but I wouldn't like to add salt to her injuries, dad wasn't in support of her living in Oyo state which made him not to show interest in the story, efforts had been made to make him bend his strictness but he's the type that doesn't compromise easily.
I'm screwed up.

Lizzyangel:



Unfortunately, mum's place isn't the right place for now, I'm just going to add up to her burden, she's living in Igangan, she was the head of a school and had a shop, she retired 2yrs ago to face her business until Fulani's brouhaha stormed Igangan, her shop got affected cos it's located at the burnt Kara market, she picked up the few things left and started a new shop where she's MANAGING, if not for her predicament, I won't think twice that night,but I wouldn't like to add salt to her injuries, dad wasn't in support of her living in Oyo state which made him not to show interest in the story, efforts had been made to make him bend his strictness but he's the type that doesn't compromise easily.
I'm screwed up.

Then find your way to your family home in the village, I believe you were not ostracized. Your kinsmen will not throw you out with the children and they should be able to bring in your parents to chart the way forward because your family MUST be involved.

Mindlog:


Then find your way to your family home in the village, I believe you were not ostracized. Your kinsmen will not throw you out with the children and they should be able to bring in your parents to chart the way forward because your family MUST be involved.

If I'm to reply this post, I'll dig into my family's story which isn't a good thing, I've opened up too much here, Nland is a faceless forum, but no one knows tomorrow.
I'd say, thanks for your contributions so far,I'll work on it.

potland:
Werey

Desperate times , desperate measures , he can't even kill a mosquito without informing my sis now ,

The ordeal you narrated is a common predicament of most young Nigerian ladies, who are unfortunately condemned to suffer the consequences of their poor sense of judgement and choices. If what you wrote is the truth, there is no excuse whatsoever to continue living with your baby daddy, if he is not willing to turn a new leaf. But I doubt he would, because there is no strong pressure coming from your family.

Since he is on this platform, it is good he reads what members have got to say and, if possible, try to react to some of them in a civil manner. The fact that you didn't pay a dime on a woman, or that the family is not strong enough to stand up to you, is not an excuse to maltreat and turn her into a punching bag. From what you disclosed thus far, I got the feeling that you have been contending with a BEAST and not a man. If you don't want her to stay with you anymore, kindly and amicably tell her so, that would accord you a veneer of a gentleman.

Folykaze come and answer your call. So you're a beggar and also an abuser.



Oga Folykaze here's an advice. How about you spend less time writing meaningless jargons on religion section and more time making money to fend for your kids?

Seek therapy you punk! If you know you're tired of her send her away honorably.

mrblessed:
The ordeal you narrated is a common predicament of most young Nigerian ladies, who are unfortunately condemned to suffer the consequences of their poor sense of judgement and choices. If what you wrote is the truth, there is no excuse whatsoever to continue living with your baby daddy, if he is not willing to turn a new leaf. But I doubt he would, because there is no strong pressure coming from your family.

Since he is on this platform, it is good he reads what members have got to say and, if possible, try to react to some of them in a civil manner. The fact that you didn't pay a dime on a woman, or that the family is not strong enough to stand up to you, is not an excuse to maltreat and turn her into a punching bag. From what you disclosed thus far, I got the feeling that you have been contending with a BEAST and not a man. If you don't want her to stay with you anymore, kindly and amicably tell her so, that would accord you a veneer of a gentleman.

It is really hard to respond in a 'civil manner' right now. I will even take it that I am a 'Beast'. But hey man, did it started like this? If I was all beastly, how did she got to a whooping 9yrs relationship? What changes?

You see, she did a good PR, nailing all her points and blackmailing me. While some of what she said are truths, she never mentioned what sparked those reactions. I took lotta shots, emotionally, and should be expected to respond in equal capacity, physically, even if the society won't see all the backdoor abuses.

It is good she brought it here. I will prepare a civil response maybe later in the day. She will tell the larger end of the story. Thanks

Rozcol:
hmm,one thing I don't like is meeting people online it doesn't always end well.Your life is more important to your kids,so do anything to protect it.na wa ooo,marriage isn't sweet anymore

zzor

Mstick:
Foly come and answer your call. So you're a beggar and also an abuser.



Oga Foly here's an advice. How about you spend less time writing meaningless jargons on religion section and more time making money to fend for your kids?

Seek therapy you punk! If you know you're tired of her send her away honorably.

Hmmmm

FOLYKAZE:


It is really hard to respond in a 'civil manner' right now. I will even take it that I am a 'Beast'. But hey man, did it started like this? If I was all beastly, how did she got to a whooping 9yrs relationship? What changes?

You see, she did a good PR, nailing all her points and blackmailing me. While some of what she said are truths, she never mentioned what sparked those reactions. I took lotta shots, emotionally, and should be expected to respond in equal capacity, physically, even if the society won't see all the backdoor abuses.

It is good she brought it here. I will prepare a civil response maybe later in the day. She will tell the larger end of the story. Thanks

Here we go.

Lizzyangel:


If I'm to reply this post, I'll dig into my family's story which isn't a good thing, I've opened up too much here, Nland is a faceless forum, but no one knows tomorrow.
I'd say, thanks for your contributions so far,I'll work on it.

Afterthought?

FOLYKAZE:


It is really hard to respond in a 'civil manner' right now. I will even take it that I am a 'Beast'. But hey man, did it started like this? If I was all beastly, how did she got to a whooping 9yrs relationship? What changes?

You see, she did a good PR, nailing all her points and blackmailing me. While some of what she said are truths, she never mentioned what sparked those reactions. I took lotta shots, emotionally, and should be expected to respond in equal capacity, physically, even if the society won't see all the backdoor abuses.

It is good she brought it here. I will prepare a civil response maybe later in the day. She will tell the larger end of the story. Thanks

I know it is not a good time for both of you, seeing how you guys started the relationship. But what you fail to understand is that what you have jointly achieved is greater than any problems you are facing at the moment.


It is clear to me that you are still interested in the relationship, despite occasional sabre-rattling. This is why the buck of the responsibility to have a better and a peaceful home lies on your shoulders. Of course, your woman has to play a supporting role. I am also aware that she might have presented her account of the story in a way that suits her, but I see a woman composed, hardworking, and keen to have a good home, but certainly not without flaws. At end, you guys must practice give-and-take for peace to reign, and has to begin from you. Show leadership, set good example, and she will respect and adore you.

Hi Op,

Are you in any way Bjprodint?

Regards
Raalsalghul

FOLYKAZE:


Afterthought?

I meant my parents family not this balderdash.

FOLYKAZE:


It is really hard to respond in a 'civil manner' right now. I will even take it that I am a 'Beast'. But hey man, did it started like this? If I was all beastly, how did she got to a whooping 9yrs relationship? What changes?

You see, she did a good PR, nailing all her points and blackmailing me. While some of what she said are truths, she never mentioned what sparked those reactions. I took lotta shots, emotionally, and should be expected to respond in equal capacity, physically, even if the society won't see all the backdoor abuses.

It is good she brought it here. I will prepare a civil response maybe later in the day. She will tell the larger end of the story. Thanks

Chineke! Folykaze, so you're the one??

Folykaze!! Folykaze!! Folykaze!!! How many times did I call you?? Hiaaan!!

Raalsalghul:
Hi Op,

Are you in any way Bjprodint?

Regards
Raalsalghul

I've never had two monickers on Nland, I've always been my real self, good or bad.

Mstick:
Folykaze come and answer your call. So you're a beggar and also an abuser.



Oga Folykaze here's an advice. How about you spend less time writing meaningless jargons on religion section and more time making money to fend for your kids?

Seek therapy you punk! If you know you're tired of her send her away honorably.

I fear who no fear Nairaland detectives

Lizzyangel:


a boy and a girl, I'm working in a private school,to some extent my salary can pay our bills, if I'm to leave, I wouldn't like to be in the same state with him to avoid further abuses but I'm scared, I don't even have savings, my salary always go for household needs.

I actually don't like divorce because I am family oriented but your situation is unique. Heaven knows hanging around him might be your end. Already, your kids are picking the horrible things going on and it is horrible as it might negatively impact them and their psyche.

Your first duty is to you, your wellbeing and health. The same kids you want to remain in the slavery for are being fed the wrong messages right now. The home is toxic and I am particularly concerned about you and the kids.

If you don't have enough money to move to another state. Then get the police involved ASAP, the same who handled his previous cases. Explain to them and tell them you are scared for your life. Then move to another side of your environment if you don't plan on changing jobs.

Please note that it is better being alone than being with someone who pummels you because he thinks it is a cool thing to do.

About your kids not growing up under their father, pick yourself up, work on your outlook and focus on the positive side of life. A good man who wouldn't mind where you are coming from might look your way. You are still quite young and there's a whole life ahead of you.

Bear in mind that YOU ARE NOT MARRIED BY LAW & TRADITION to this person. Save yourself, please.

Lizzyangel:


I've never had two monickers on Nland, I've always been my real self, good or bad.

My bad, your story is quite similar to hers.

FOLYKAZE:


It is really hard to respond in a 'civil manner' right now. I will even take it that I am a 'Beast'. But hey man, did it started like this? If I was all beastly, how did she got to a whooping 9yrs relationship? What changes?

You see, she did a good PR, nailing all her points and blackmailing me. While some of what she said are truths, she never mentioned what sparked those reactions. I took lotta shots, emotionally, and should be expected to respond in equal capacity, physically, even if the society won't see all the backdoor abuses.

It is good she brought it here. I will prepare a civil response maybe later in the day. She will tell the larger end of the story. Thanks

I'd be so much eager to read your *civil response* and give adequate responses with proofs and evidence.


I've been a fool all along.

Our Nairaland resident feminists go flex muscles on top this thread wella.

Sanchez01:

I actually don't like divorce because I am family oriented but your situation is unique. Heaven knows hanging around him might be your end. Already, your kids are picking the horrible things going on and it is horrible as it might negatively impact them and their psyche.

Your first duty is to you, your wellbeing and health. The same kids you want to remain in the slavery for are being fed the wrong messages right now. The home is toxic and I am particularly concerned about you and the kids.

If you don't have enough money to move to another state. Then get the police involved ASAP, the same who handled his previous cases. Explain to them and tell them you are scared for your life. Then move to another side of your environment if you don't plan on changing jobs.

Please note that it is better being alone than being with someone who pummels you because he thinks it is a cool thing to do.

About your kids not growing up under their father, pick yourself up, work on your outlook and focus on the positive side of life. A good man who wouldn't mind where you are coming from might look your way. You are still quite young and there's a whole life ahead of you.

Bear in mind that YOU ARE NOT MARRIED BY LAW & TRADITION to this person. Save yourself, please.

Great input man!!
I'm blessed to be a Nairalander.
Thanks so much for your contribution.

FOLYKAZE:


It is really hard to respond in a 'civil manner' right now. I will even take it that I am a 'Beast'. But hey man, did it started like this? If I was all beastly, how did she got to a whooping 9yrs relationship? What changes?

You see, she did a good PR, nailing all her points and blackmailing me. While some of what she said are truths, she never mentioned what sparked those reactions. I took lotta shots, emotionally, and should be expected to respond in equal capacity, physically, even if the society won't see all the backdoor abuses.

It is good she brought it here. I will prepare a civil response maybe later in the day. She will tell the larger end of the story. Thanks

If something changed along the way, it could have been resolved either amicably or through separation. Choosing to physically and verbally abuse a woman you consider to be your wife is an animalistic thing to do.

It doesn't matter how long ago the happiness and 'enjoyment' was. The truth is everyone would want out when happiness becomes elusive.

Preparing a civil or robust response will only serve as food to people like me who are bored and want this. In the end, it is left to you, a man who supposedly rules his home with an iron fist and a woman whom you are never married to but want out of whatever it is you have together.

FOLYKAZE:


It is really hard to respond in a 'civil manner' right now. I will even take it that I am a 'Beast'. But hey man, did it started like this? If I was all beastly, how did she got to a whooping 9yrs relationship? What changes?

You see, she did a good PR, nailing all her points and blackmailing me. While some of what she said are truths, she never mentioned what sparked those reactions. I took lotta shots, emotionally, and should be expected to respond in equal capacity, physically, even if the society won't see all the backdoor abuses.

It is good she brought it here. I will prepare a civil response maybe later in the day. She will tell the larger end of the story. Thanks

Oga don comment oh!

Lizzyangel:
Mature advice needed by experienced married Nairalanders.

For the past 8yrs, I've experienced the sour, sad, bitter,sweet , love and hate in marriage at a tender age of mine.

My question is, is it better to continue Living in a marriage as a single mom(shouldering responsibilities), abuses emotionally and physically, depressed and threat of life?

Or

Live as separated single mom?


All this while,the fear of the unknown TOMORROW kept me staying and taking all the bullshits I can't type here,but I've always cherished having a peaceful home conducive enough for my kids to live in,but happenings lately are making me scared of moving forward.its telling on my health and Life.

Please matured advice, corrections and guidance are needed here.

aunty what really happened gangan, u can't expect us to advice you without knowing the root of the matter.. Is he maltreating you or financial probs, what is it gangan

Lizzyangel:


This is not a space booking thread o, I've had it to the brim and wouldn't want to take a step I'll regret later in future, my pride has been punctured severally and the more I live,the clearer it's getting,but I'm scared of my decision ,I've always been at the receiving end and this is telling on my health and living.

You are not being fair to us, asking for advice when we don't even have the slightliest idea of what is wrong with your marriage, you leave everyone no choice than to tell you what you want to hear.
Anyone one sensible here should know you aint seeking solution, you are just looking for justification. if that man is not beating or starving you exist is not the solution.

FOLYKAZE:


It is really hard to respond in a 'civil manner' right now. I will even take it that I am a 'Beast'. But hey man, did it started like this? If I was all beastly, how did she got to a whooping 9yrs relationship? What changes?

You see, she did a good PR, nailing all her points and blackmailing me. While some of what she said are truths, she never mentioned what sparked those reactions. I took lotta shots, emotionally, and should be expected to respond in equal capacity, physically, even if the society won't see all the backdoor abuses.

It is good she brought it here. I will prepare a civil response maybe later in the day. She will tell the larger end of the story. Thanks

You had to send her out in the night with an infant on her hands?That was beastly.

Lizzyangel:



Thanks for your response, he had been telling me to leave he even threatened me, to take my life if I insist on staying,atime s , he'd seize the key, lock me out, abuse me and others but I'll still beg him for my kid's sake and he's using this medium to blackmail me.

Threats to your life and physical assault as you have implied here is not something to toy with.

Many have gone

Latest update

He just said" hey! Come here, I saw your thread and read all the quotes, I'd advise you to follow every advice right away, it's either you pack everything that belongs to you here before noon or I come back and throw them out for you" I replied okay.


But within me, I thought, this is "see finish" he knew I had no dime in my account and have no friends or relative here in Ore, talking about packing right away, where do I start from, all the kitchen utensils are mine, I furnished the bed and chair, lots of clothes and shoes for myself, Diye and Kiishi, we're presently living in a room self-con ,no sitting room,only kitchen,store and we share bathroom and toilet with neighbors. I'm sorry for going deep, but he's letting out some spirit in me that I can't believe I'm courageous to to this, I guess I've been pushed to the walls.


Countless times have I been humiliated by foodstuff sellers, and people I borrowed money to feed from, I always receive salary to pay debts and the cycle continues the next month, any day I don't cook or wash ,he'll will be let loose with his gibberish which I'll still beg him to lower his voice, I've been belittle to nothing before our neighbors, at times Diye sleeps on an empty stomach when I'm extremely broke and he'll come in, not ask if we've eaten or not then he'd buy bread and egg, at times indomie and there was a particular time he too his time to cook, grinded pepper and kept the food away from us.


What have I not seen so far?


Note: none of my family members are aware of this thread, I started the thread yesterday with a heavy heart and weeping mood, I only informed his one and only sibling(a girl) whom have always wanted me to leave, she's studying guidance and counselling in the Uni. I've been a project she had been working on.

debbydams:
aunty what really happened gangan, u can't expect us to advice you without knowing the root of the matter.. Is he maltreating you or financial probs, what is it gangan

Kindly read the thread from page 1-4 you'll see my responses there.

larryjonze:






You are not being fair to us, asking for advice when we don't even have the slightliest idea of what is wrong with your marriage, you leave everyone no choice than to tell you what you want to hear.
Anyone one sensible here should know you aint seeking solution, you are just looking for justification. if that man is not beating or starving you exist is not the solution.

Kindly take your time to read the thread from 1-4.
And quote me later.

Thanks