1306six, easy nau. Why you dey vex like that? Lmao.

Gush some nairaland guys are so myopic and backwards. I wonder how ladies here engage you guys. Always opening threads to talk about rubbish like people that are not exposed.
I'm not replying anybody's mentions, don't quote me.

Who is 'society'?

thebosstrevor1:


Your father rules is different from society rules.

I have a friend who is inter racial, his father is a no nonsense man and also hate racism. He identifies with his mother side who is white, literally everything about him is white culture but society calls him black when he either black or white. He also doesn't identify as black.

Everything the OP wrote is emotional and easily refutable.

1. Get a will when you're married.

2. Get life insurance from when you're young and earning. Paying less than 3% of your monthly income on life insurance.

3. Discrimination is entirely dependent on the individuals involved. Some people discriminate against people oftl their own tribe, state, family even. So eschewing inter tribal relationships does nothing for you.


Good luck peeps.

thebosstrevor1:


Their is this idea that you can seperate the human from the tribe, and that everything is about the individual, family and not the tribe. The tribe has a big influence on the way the human behaves in a society. The tribe culture and tradition is also a reason why different ethnic groups in Nigeria have different temperaments and behaviors, some are aggressive and courageous, some are cowards, some timid, some bold etc, you can't seperate a human from his tribe, it is his identity, even in marriages, the culture and tribe of a human determines how they behave to spouse, how they relates with extended families and outsiders.

Now back to the point, your church were problematic to your marriage that is because of the lay down rules and traditions of the church, they believe that marrying outside the church might corrupt the individual they have created thus they became aggressive, it is also similar with the tribe, the influences, the tradition of the tribe have on the human will make the human aggressive to outsiders.

If you live in big cities like lagos and often see inter tribal marriages, you will think that is how it is everywhere in Nigeria, when you go out of your bubble then you will see the real Nigeria and stories people will tell you because they marry out of their tribe will shock you to the bone.

About the issue of the mopol, i am still asking the question, how about the women who don't have mopol to help protect the husband properties from the family??

I am not making an issue out of anything, i stating a facts about some of the dangers of inter ethnic marriages in this Nigeria.

It is a fact, that women who marry into family from different ethnic group encounters more problems from extended families than women who marry from the same tribe. In most cases, a woman who marries from a different tribe will always be seen as a foreigner no matter what, even in family and cultural meetings, it will be evident and make known.

My church was not problematic to my marriage. It was my inlaws that were problematic; even if we are from the same state.

About the mopol issue, it seems you didn't get my point. My point was that a woman from the same tribe with her husband was going to be stripped of his properties after he passed. Whether she had mopol or not to protect her is not the point. And for those who don't have that kind of protection, their "same tribe" inlaws would come and take everything.

Apparently, your mind is made up that inter tribal marriage is the problem tormenting the nation. So there's no point trying to reason with you.

missidy:
Gush some nairaland guys are so myopic and backwards. I wonder how ladies here engage you guys. Always opening threads to talk about rubbish like people that are not exposed.
I'm not replying anybody's mentions, don't quote me.

But I can quote you, ba? I promise and swear on the honor of my nipple that it's not rubbish I want to say.
That's how awa Nairaland menses are ooo. Na so we dey deal with them. Sometimes I'm caught between just ignoring and understanding they are entitled to their views but omo mehn. I no kuku dey relate with their kind offline. No be their type I go marry, so make dem carry on.

Person carry the tag 'alternate thinking' put for signature, una come dey surprise say his views dey one kind. Hahahahahaha. Didn't even read the thread. I'm only here for a selective reading of counter arguments. Dazzol.

But that his 'canceller' is very serious at work sha. I sight you 1308e. Carry go.

thebosstrevor1:


You are all about love, i am about reality

I think you keep up missing the point. So i will try to avoid some of what you have written, my question will be, Do you understand what is identity crisis.

I will just talk about a point you mentioned.

If you marry a yoruba woman and move to the United states or Europe, tribe won't be an issue but race will eventually be the issue, at that moment, you are seen as Nigerian american and an Africa, black, if you are in america and an African if you are in Europe, your identity and race will be the subject of your existence.

Even Nigerian Americans do have lot of identity crises problem.

The issue of identity crisis will always be there whether you engage in intra or inter ethnic marriages.

I am futuristic and if you follow the trends, you would realise that there are lots and there would still be lots of interracial and Inter-ethnic marriages.
It is already clear that where a person's father comes from is where a person is from. So the issue of not knowing where you are from does not hold water.

Missionaire:


The issue of identity crisis will always be there whether you engage in intra or inter ethnic marriages.

I am futuristic and if you follow the trends, you would realise that there are lots and there would still be lots of interracial and Inter-ethnic marriages.
It is already clear that where a person's father comes from is where a person is from. So the issue of not knowing where you are from does not hold water.

You made me laugh with the word futuristic and follow the trend.

Interracial or inter ethnic marriages mostly happens in big cities where multi culturalism exists outside of those cities it is rear.

For instance in Nigeria, the bunch of inter tribal marriages happens in metropolitan cities like lagos, likewise also inter racial marriages, it mostly happens in Newyork, london etc Outside those cities, the number of these type of marriages is lower.

And lastly, choosing where you decide to align with is personal.

ImaIma1:


My church was not problematic to my marriage. It was my inlaws that were problematic; even if we are from the same state.

About the mopol issue, it seems you didn't get my point. My point was that a woman from the same tribe with her husband was going to be stripped of his properties after he passed. Whether she had mopol or not to protect her is not the point. And for those who don't have that kind of protection, their "same tribe" inlaws would come and take everything.

Apparently, your mind is made up that inter tribal marriage is the problem tormenting the nation. So there's no point trying to reason with you.

Pls stop twisting my opinion.

Where did i write that inter tribal marriages is the problem tormenting the nation?

I specifically wrote about the issues that arises in inter tribal marriages but it funny how you don't want to admit these issues.

Bayo and nneka may not have a smooth marriage all because of the expectations of in laws and extended family when compare to marriage of emeka and nkechi.

In inter tribal marriages, there is this pressure on the woman and man to impress by all means possible,so that they can be accepted by in laws.

missidy:
Gush some nairaland guys are so myopic and backwards. I wonder how ladies here engage you guys. Always opening threads to talk about rubbish like people that are not exposed.
I'm not replying anybody's mentions, don't quote me.

You come from a backward country and then you are claiming you are exposed all because of my opposing views on inter tribal marriage.

Carry your "exposure" to the advanced country and date interracially then you will understand the reality of things.

According to miss exposure, my views are backwards, and myopic because it goes against your fantasy of inter tribal marriage.

Everyone is entitled to their choice and should be ready to face the consequences.

If you want to marry inter-tribally, carry go.

If you think it is full of stress and prefer your village person, no lele.

Some advantages/disadvantages of a practice or custom would vary depending on circumstances, position in life and location.

The stress that Yewande and Nnamdi might face at Enugu wouldn't be same as they might face in Lagos or the UK.

The in-law problems Mama Ejima who is a pepper seller would have is different from the one Omotola Ekeinde or Tara Durotoye would face.

thebosstrevor1:


Pls stop twisting my opinion.

Where did i write that inter tribal marriages is the problem tormenting the nation?

I specifically wrote about the issues that arises in inter tribal marriages but it funny how you don't want to admit these issues.

Bayo and nneka may not have a smooth marriage all because of the expectations of in laws and extended family when compare to marriage of emeka and nkechi.

In inter tribal marriages, there is this pressure on the woman and man to impress by all means possible,so that they can be accepted by in laws.

Ok

And who told you I haven't dated inter racially? Throughout my university days I never dated a Nigerian so you can't even school me on that. That's the thing, people that have never stepped out of Nigeria will be claiming to know more about certain things than those that have. My dad and stepmom are an inter-racial couple. All the children in my family are into inter-tribal marriages. Get exposed and stop embarrassing yourself online. Nonsense.

thebosstrevor1:


You come from a backward country and then you are claiming you are exposed all because of my opposing views on inter tribal marriage.

Carry your "exposure" to the advanced country and date interracially then you will understand the reality of things.

According to miss exposure, my views are backwards, and myopic because it goes against your fantasy of inter tribal marriage.

Honestly their thinking pattern amazes me, like people that have never seen civilization before. God forbid that I will even relate with anyone of them. See that one telling me to go and date inter- racially as if he has ever dated a non nigerian before. I pity the ladies that marry them, unending suffering.

Magnoliaa:


But I can quote you, ba? I promise and swear on the honor of my nipple that it's not rubbish I want to say.
That's how awa Nairaland menses are ooo. Na so we dey deal with them. Sometimes I'm caught between just ignoring and understanding they are entitled to their views but omo mehn. I no kuku dey relate with their kind offline. No be their type I go marry, so make dem carry on.

The OP has refused to accept the truth in front of him rather lamenting on identity crisis. Until you realized that people are bad irrespective of their color or tribes. Those children or families you claim facing identity crises is because they are living with inhuman, uncultured and terrible people. Simple as that. It is not about which part of the family ethnic background. It is because they have a poor family members with poor mentality to deal with. All the concerns you raised also arises from family members who are of the same tribe, so what's the fuss? I am giving you simple truth today; people are bad because that is who they are not because of their tribe. Just like you, I won't judge your act either good or bad to your tribe but to your personality as a human.

thebosstrevor1:


You made me laugh with the word futuristic and follow the trend.

Interracial or inter ethnic marriages mostly happens in big cities where multi culturalism exists outside of those cities it is rear.

For instance in Nigeria, the bunch of inter tribal marriages happens in metropolitan cities like lagos, likewise also inter racial marriages, it mostly happens in Newyork, london etc Outside those cities, the number of these type of marriages is lower.

And lastly, choosing where you decide to align with is personal.

Interracial and Inter-ethnic marriages happen when individuals of different tribes or race fall in love. It is not about the city.
It may be more prevalent in bigger cities because of population factor.
Many Nigerians today grow up in an entirely different place than their place of birth due majorly to their parents nature of work.
Especially for those whose parents are into the military or paramilitary and other government agencies where they have to be posted and move from state to state, they end up falling in love with who they are, relate with and know.
Having grown up in Delta state, you can't expect me to go home and marry someone I don't know all because I must marry someone from CRS. I would marry someone who I have spent more time with and know in Delta state.
Furthermore, when you talk about ethnicity, I hope you do understand that the SS and Northern part of Nigeria does not have one ethnicity unlike the SW and SE?

So how do you reconcile the fact that you may be from Delta state and an Urhobo but you marry an Ukwani person? Or Ika Person marry an Isoko person or itsekiri person?
If you talk about ethnicity, then you are bringing up more factors that limits the choices of people on who to marry.
I'm yet to see or hear of anyone who was denied a political position in a state that his father is from because his mom is from another state.
The little chicken goes about shouting that the sky is falling.... The sky isn't falling and never will.
While we spend time on all these irrelevant factors, people are intermarrying and living their lives in peace, harmony and quiet while preparing a wonderful future for their children.

Missionaire:


Interracial and Inter-ethnic marriages happen when individuals of different tribes or race fall in love. It is not about the city.
It may be more prevalent in bigger cities because of population factor.
Many Nigerians today grow up in an entirely different place than their place of birth due majorly to their parents nature of work.
Especially for those whose parents are into the military or paramilitary and other government agencies where they have to be posted and move from state to state, they end up falling in love with who they are, relate with and know.
Having grown up in Delta state, you can't expect me to go home and marry someone I don't know all because I must marry someone from CRS. I would marry someone who I have spent more time with and know in Delta state.
Furthermore, when you talk about ethnicity, I hope you do understand that the SS and Northern part of Nigeria does not have one ethnicity unlike the SW and SE?

So how do you reconcile the fact that you may be from Delta state and an Urhobo but you marry an Ukwani person? Or Ika Person marry an Isoko person or itsekiri person?
If you talk about ethnicity, then you are bringing up more factors that limits the choices of people on who to marry.
I'm yet to see or hear of anyone who was denied a political position in a state that his father is from because his mom is from another state.
The little chicken goes about shouting that the sky is falling.... The sky isn't falling and never will.
While we spend time on all these irrelevant factors, people are intermarrying and living their lives in peace, harmony and quiet while preparing a wonderful future for their children.

It is most times, it about the city because of immigration patterns, you are more likely to meet someone of a different tribe or race in Metropolitan cities than in a regional city like say aba, yola or osogbo that is because people of different tribe or race move from these regional cities to metropolitan Cities to settle down in search of opportunities

For instance, i will take London, the bulk of interracial marriages happens in london because most immigrants settle there, so a black person is more likely to meet someone of different race for marriage there than outside london.

It is also similar to Nigeria, A igbo man is more likely to marry someone of different tribe in lagos than lets say in aba because of migration patterns due to economic reasons.

Your example is also similar to what i explained earlier, if you are from CRS and you were born in delta, since you have adapted to the place, you are more likely to marry from there, it is also similar to a black man who was born in Europe, he is more likely to marry a white woman because of the low population of blacks but it doesn't remove the fact that the people will see you as a cross river person or just a black person. People aren't colour or tribal blind even if you were born in another place not yours. They will still say he is a CRS man or a black man and these can hinder relationships if the culture of the parents aren't accepting, everything isn't about love sometimes. Cultural or racial acceptance matters.

bdchange:
The OP has refused to accept the truth in front of him rather lamenting on identity crisis. Until you realized that people are bad irrespective of their color or tribes. Those children or families you claim facing identity crises is because they are living with inhuman, uncultured and terrible people. Simple as that. It is not about which part of the family ethnic background. It is because they have a poor family members with poor mentality to deal with. All the concerns you raised also arises from family members who are of the same tribe, so what's the fuss? I am giving you simple truth today; people are bad because that is who they are not because of their tribe. Just like you, I won't judge your act either good or bad to your tribe but to your personality as a human.

He has his mind made up. People's character and actions are personal to them. We can't put everyone under the umbrella of tribe to make a point.

When has someone's mum being from another tribe affect political ambition, when the person's documents clearly states where he or she is from.

He's talking about identity crisis, inlaw wahala, etc, as if it's inter tribal marriage that causes those. It's even a plus when someone can speak two Nigerian languages.

But see the op complaining about everything. Some people just like to get stuck on something and blame it for all their problems instead of using it to their advantage. Obviously a pessimist.

missidy:
And who told you I haven't dated inter racially? Throughout my university days I never dated a Nigerian so you can't even school me on that. That's the thing, people that have never stepped out of Nigeria will be claiming to know more about certain things than those that have. My dad and stepmom are an inter-racial couple. All the children in my family are into inter-tribal marriages. Get exposed and stop embarrassing yourself online. Nonsense.

It is funny that your "exposure" is determined because you dated someone not black and because your father engages in inter racial marriages or because your family is inter tribal. How does marrying from a different race or tribe determines one exposure?

So if someone agrees with interracial or inter-tribal marriages, the person is exposed, if the person doesn't, they are not exposed, what kind of naiveness is that

Do you have to step out of Nigeria to know about something? You are naive if you think you have to step out of the country to know about a certain subject.

Or do you want to dismissed the aggression from both black and white people when they see an interracial couple, the spitting, the slight abusive remarks from people, the cultural differences between the couples in terms of cooking, raising kids etc, the disappointment from parents that their child married a black, how about isolation from friends and family. I hope you know that when a black guy sleeps with a white girl, to the whites, she is already a condemned woman. How about the divorce rate, Infact, the divorce rate is high among interracial couples than couples from the same race, do you want to talk about the rate of single parenthood in that type of marriages, where in most cases, the father runs aways to his country leaving the mother to fend for herself in Nigeria with the kid.

Spare me your rants and your "embarrassment claim" when did having discussions and opposing views becomes something of embarrassment, funny enough this is coming from someone who claimed she is " exposed" because she lives abroad, it is laughable.

bdchange:
The OP has refused to accept the truth in front of him rather lamenting on identity crisis. Until you realized that people are bad irrespective of their color or tribes. Those children or families you claim facing identity crises is because they are living with inhuman, uncultured and terrible people. Simple as that. It is not about which part of the family ethnic background. It is because they have a poor family members with poor mentality to deal with. All the concerns you raised also arises from family members who are of the same tribe, so what's the fuss? I am giving you simple truth today; people are bad because that is who they are not because of their tribe. Just like you, I won't judge your act either good or bad to your tribe but to your personality as a human.

I am not denying the fact from an individual point of view that a human can be good or bad but we can't dismiss tribal culture and influences on the individual.

From the society point of view, you are denying the fact that the tribe traditions and culture does not influence the way the human behaves in a society. Do you know the tribe traditions also affect how they behave to foreigners, their wives and children no matter where they are. The point i am making is that you can't seperate the human behavior from his tradition.


I will give you an instance not relating to marriage, in a certain tribe in the south west, human rituals is a thing because they believe it gives power, they also believe that the head of a human determines destiny for that reason, human heads are the most needed for sacrifices, now, this traditional practice has influenced the society, that some section of the people believe that to get power they must cut of heads.

Another example, in calabar for instance, killing of twins was the tradition, even an efik man faraway from the land believed in that, i am just trying to show you how traditions influences the human behavior.