Most people like to support inter ethnic marriages between different tribes in Nigeria because they want to be seen as woke and cultured or because they afraid of being call tribalist, racists and bigot.

The truth is inter ethnic marriages bring more trouble for families than intra marriages.

Some yoruba women will say i love igbo men while some igbo men will say i love yoruba women, some yoruba and igbo men will say i love hausa and fulani women but nobody will tell you the stress and pain of getting into these marriages.

Have you encountered cultural shock like different types of demands and settlements just because you want to marry someone from a particular tribe or when you have to change religion just to be accepted to marry this person.

After, the marriages and child birth, what languages to speak at home, problem of whether to speak in English or the father or mother tongue.

How about identity crises, problem of where are you from, is your identity igbo, yoruba, hausa or fulani, question of who am i? Should you follow the father or mother side.

Politically and culturally, you are not accepted by both your mother and father side, when you try to contest in your father side, they will say you are not too igbo, yoruba or hausa to contest, on your mother side, they will disown you because you bear a different surname from the people.

Lets imagine your father dies today, we all know that some uncle and aunties will come to claim properties and then send the woman and her children back to square one just because she is not of the same tribe or ethnic group.

Inter marriages is sweet on paper for diversity and unity pass mark but very dangerous and stressful for those in it in real life.

Tell Fulani emirs to stop marrying underage shuwa Arab girls and stop disturbing us abeg

theInterpreter:
Tell Fulani emirs to stop marrying underage shuwa Arab girls and stop disturbing us abeg

Believe me, you don't know what you are typing

Ignorance at its peak

theInterpreter:
Tell Fulani emirs to stop marrying underage shuwa Arab girls and stop disturbing us abeg

SHUT UP.

fati2001:


SHUT UP.

anty fati
Sorry ma
All your elites are leaving you


Tell your hypocrite brother up there to remove the skyscraper in his eye before removing sawdust in others'

theInterpreter:
anty fati
Sorry ma
All your elites are leaving you


Tell your hypocrite brother up there to remove the skyscraper in his eye before removing sawdust in others'

SHUT UP.

fati2001:



SHUT UP.

Choi!
Naso è pain you

I will shut up ma

Cry no more

theInterpreter:
Choi! Naso è pain you
I will shut up ma
Cry no more

SHUT UP

thebosstrevor1:
Most people like to support inter ethnic marriages between different tribes in Nigeria because they want to be seen as woke and cultured or because they afraid of being call tribalist, racists and bigot.

The truth is inter ethnic marriages bring more trouble for families than intra marriages.

Some yoruba women will say i love igbo men while some igbo men will say i love yoruba women, some yoruba and igbo men will say i love hausa and fulani women but nobody will tell you the stress and pain of getting into these marriages.

Have you encountered cultural shock like different types of demands and settlements just because you want to marry someone from a particular tribe or when you have to change religion just to be accepted to marry this person.

After, the marriages and child birth, what languages to speak at home, problem of whether to speak in English or the father or mother tongue.

How about identity crises, problem of where are you from, is your identity igbo, yoruba, hausa or fulani, question of who am i? Should you follow the father or mother side.

Politically and culturally, you are not accepted by both your mother and father side, when you try to contest in your father side, they will say you are not too igbo, yoruba or hausa to contest, on your mother side, they will disown you because you bear a different surname from the people.

Lets imagine your father dies today, we all know that some uncle and aunties will come to claim properties and then send the woman and her children back to square one just because she is not of the same tribe or ethnic group.

Inter marriages is sweet on paper for diversity and unity pass mark but very dangerous and stressful for those in it in real life.

especially IBO and BENIN[ if you like be IBO or BENIN woman ]they must do it. .. that's why I love Hausa [it can never happen ]

I do not agree to all your submissions. Over all, I feel it is what the individuals make of the marriage.

My parents are from different tribes and there is no place for tribal tantrums in my house growing up. My dad was an upright man and would tell you his standards. If you can't deal as his family member, then you don't have to visit. He would rather come meet with you where is most convenient for you and same with my mom.

One of the things I learned from them is that you dictate the level of respect your spouse earns.

Inter ethnic marriage is always good because it strengthens the unity.

Most of things you pointed out can happen even in a same tribe marriage. In some homes, both parents are same tribe, yet the children speak only English.

There's no identity crisis. In Nigeria, you are from where your father is from.

You cannot be refused contesting for a political position because of your mum is a different tribe. If my dad is from Imo state and all my documents say I'm Imo, will it matter that my mother is Plateau?

Also, families come to claim property irrespective of the woman's tribe. You can even be from the same village and the woman will be stripped of everything by greedy inlaws. It's left for the man to protect his family from it happening.

There's nothing dangerous or abnormal about inter tribal marriages. As long as the two people have made up their minds to be together, every other thing has to fall into place.

ImaIma1:
Most of things you pointed out can happen even in a same tribe marriage. In some homes, both parents are same tribe, yet the children speak only English.

There's no identity crisis. In Nigeria, you are from where your father is from.

You cannot be refused contesting for a political position because of your mum is a different tribe. If my dad is from Imo state and all my documents say I'm Imo, will it matter that my mother is Plateau?

Also, families come to claim property irrespective of the woman's tribe. You can even be from the same village and the woman will be stripped of everything by greedy inlaws. It's left for the man to protect his family from it happening.

There's nothing dangerous or abnormal about inter tribal marriages. As long as the two people have made up their minds to be together, every other thing has to fall into place.

1.English as a medium of communication is a norm in inter ethnic marriages many children from these type of marriages end up not learning the local languages of either the father or mother.

2. In paper, you are from your father side, emotionally and mentally, there is a identity crisis in many children from that type of home. Crisis like which side should they be close to, the mother side or father side. It is something of an emotional battle.

3. Politics in Nigeria is very tribal, for instance, a man whose mother and father is from the same tribe has an advantage over a man whose father and mother are from different tribes when contesting election, another issue is can the man contest in his mother place if he is culturally close to his mother side.

4. It is very common for families to claim properties when the woman is from outside the tribe.

I have friends that comes from inter ethnic marriages, they have lot of identity crisis, some are more closer culturally to their mother but their mother people won't accept them, even the father family do not accept the mother, to them relationship with extended families are complex.

GboyegaD:
I do not agree to all your submissions. Over all, I feel it is what the individuals make of the marriage.

My parents are from different tribes and there is no place for tribal tantrums in my house growing up. My dad was an upright man and would tell you his standards. If you can't deal as his family member, then you don't have to visit. He would rather come meet with you where is most convenient for you and same with my mom.

One of the things I learned from them is that you dictate the level of respect your spouse earns.

Your father rules is different from society rules.

I have a friend who is inter racial, his father is a no nonsense man and also hate racism. He identifies with his mother side who is white, literally everything about him is white culture but society calls him black when he either black or white. He also doesn't identify as black.

thebosstrevor1:


Your father rules is different from society rules.

I have a friend who is inter racial, his father is a no nonsense man and also hate racism. He identifies with his mother side who is white, literally everything about him is white culture but society calls him black when he either black or white. He also doesn't identify as black.

At the end, we all decide what we want for ourselves. The society might have expectations but we are not compelled to follow through.

thebosstrevor1:


1.English as a medium of communication is a norm in inter ethnic marriages many children from these type of marriages end up not learning the local languages of either the father or mother.

2. In paper, you are from your father side, emotionally and mentally, there is a identity crisis in many children from that type of home. Crisis like which side should they be close to, the mother side or father side. It is something of an emotional battle.

3. Politics in Nigeria is very tribal, for instance, a man whose mother and father is from the same tribe has an advantage over a man whose father and mother are from different tribes when contesting election, another issue is can the man contest in his mother place if he is culturally close to his mother side.

4. It is very common for families to claim properties when the woman is from outside the tribe.

I have friends that comes from inter ethnic marriages, they have lot of identity crisis, some are more closer culturally to their mother but their mother people won't accept them, even the father family do not accept the mother, to them relationship with extended families are complex.

Both my parents were the same tribe, yet I can hardly speak the language. I'm even better than my older sis.

There's no emotionally or mentally there. You are from your father's side. Simple. And kids from inter tribal marriages even have a bonus if another tribe...their mum's.

Politics doesn't care about your mum being from another tribe. I don't know where you got that idea. Mention one person who was rejected office because his mum was from a different tribe.

Some tribes will still claim properties whether you are the same tribe. My friend's godmother was same tribe with her husband. Her husband was very wealthy. When he died, they wanted to claim his properties. The woman first shocked them when she attended the wedding with mopol officers. They had to abort mission. Same tribe.

I have Yoruba cousins and delta cousins. They don't have identity crisis. They know where they are from. If you ask them, they will tell you.

In secondary school, I had a friend who was half French and half ibibio. Her French and her Ibibio were fluent along with English. But she kbew she was French.

Someone who wants to be confused and have identity crisis will be confused even if their parents are same tribe. Don't get it twisted.

ImaIma1:


Both my parents were the same tribe, yet I can hardly speak the language. I'm even better than my older sis.

There's no emotionally or mentally there. You are from your father's side. Simple. And kids from inter tribal marriages even have a bonus if another tribe...their mum's.

Politics doesn't care about your mum being from another tribe. I don't know where you got that idea. Mention one person who was rejected office because his mum was from a different tribe.

Some tribes will still claim properties whether you are the same tribe. My friend's godmother was same tribe with her husband. Her husband was very wealthy. When he died, they wanted to claim his properties. The woman first shocked them when she attended the wedding with mopol officers. They had to abort mission. Same tribe.

I have Yoruba cousins and delta cousins. They don't have identity crisis. They know where they are from. If you ask them, they will tell you.

In secondary school, I had a friend who was half French and half ibibio. Her French and her Ibibio were fluent along with English. But she kbew she was French.

Someone who wants to be confused and have identity crisis will be confused even if their parents are same tribe. Don't get it twisted.

You have no experience with inter ethnic marriage.

You overlook and underestimate the emotional and psychological effects caused by identity crisis on children from these type of homes.

There is no law that says that they are from their father side, it is just cultural, there are children that comes from these type of homes and do not identify with their father's side and prefer their mother side but are not accepted by their mother side.

You can not base your argument on the notion that because you have yoruba and delta cousins that means everything is fine with them, Have you ever sat down with your yoruba and delta counsins and ask them real questions about their identity.

I know of someone whose yoruba man got married to an igbo woman and she was not accepted by the family, till today, he says his uncle still calls him and remind him that he must marry from his father tribe.

An igbo man married from akwa ibom and both side of the family are aggressive to the family and their children.

I am not ignoring the fact that there are inter ethnic marriages that are peaceful with no drama from the family but you are ignoring my own fact and trying to paint a picture that it is all bed of roses in marriages like that and no effect on children from that type of homes even when i have given examples.

You claim politics does not care about your mother tribe or father tribe. For your information, there are lot of people who can't contest for elections in their mother's or father's place because they bear a different surname or even told they are not fully bloodied natives to contest for election on both side.

Even in times of government jobs, it affects, an igala woman who marries a yoruba man, her and her offspring will bear a yoruba name, if she has influence in her home state, in respect to helping her children get her state government jobs, her children might be denied opportunities because of the yoruba surname of her husband and children.

Your argument is based on the idea that inter tribal relationships is just the same as any other type of marriages while ignoring the fact that it is unique and has its own unique troubles and missing the fact that couples and children from homes like that will have to interact with the outside world where most issues are seen from the eyes of tribal loyalty, affiliation and purity.

In response to the property taking and the example you have, how many of these people have mopol to protect them from the wrath of an avenging family who think the woman made their son go astray.

GboyegaD:


At the end, we all decide what we want for ourselves. The society might have expectations but we are not compelled to follow through.

True.

But also i have come to realise that we might want to be an outliner but society have a way to punish and frustrate you just because of your choice.

thebosstrevor1:


You have no experience with inter ethnic marriage.

You overlook and underestimate the emotional and psychological effects caused by identity crisis on children from these type of homes.

There is no law that says that they are from their father side, it is just cultural, there are children that comes from these type of homes and do not identify with their father's side and prefer their mother side but are not accepted by their mother side.

You can not base your argument on the notion that because you have yoruba and delta cousins that means everything is fine with them, Have you ever sat down with your yoruba and delta counsins and ask them real questions about their identity.

I know of someone whose yoruba man got married to an igbo woman and she was not accepted by the family, till today, he says his uncle still calls him and remind him that he must marry from his father tribe.

An igbo man married from akwa ibom and both side of the family are aggressive to the family and their children.

I am not ignoring the fact that there are inter ethnic marriages that are peaceful with no drama from the family but you are ignoring my own fact and trying to paint a picture that it is all bed of roses in marriages like that and no effect on children from that type of homes even when i have given examples.

You claim politics does not care about your mother tribe or father tribe. For your information, there are lot of people who can't contest for elections in their mother's or father's place because they bear a different surname or even told they are not fully bloodied natives to contest for election on both side.

Even in times of government jobs, it affects, an igala woman who marries a yoruba man, her and her offspring will bear a yoruba name, if she has influence in her home state, in respect to helping her children get her state government jobs, her children might be denied opportunities because of the yoruba surname of her husband and children.

Your argument is based on the idea that inter tribal relationships is just the same as any other type of marriages while ignoring the fact that it is unique and has its own unique troubles and missing the fact that couples and children from homes like that will have to interact with the outside world where most issues are seen from the eyes of tribal loyalty, affiliation and purity.

In response to the property taking and the example you have, how many of these people have mopol to protect them from the wrath of an avenging family who think the woman made their son go astray.

So what are you basing your notion on? Personal experience.

It's not about tribe, it's about people, personal beliefs, character, etc. My husband and I are both from the same state, yet church denomination was a problem, and personal conflict of interests is still a major problem to a point of threatening our child.

About the property claim, it's not about the mopol, it's the fact that her husband's family wanted to strip her of all the properties even if she was the same tribe with him. If you like be from the same village, greedy family members will still come and claim.

In job employment, what state is on the documents and what applies in Nigeria? Even if the mum is Kogi, is that what is on the documents?

Why are you making a mountain out of a mole hill? Are same tribe marriages perfect? If you are both Yoruba, Igbo, etc, you will still have problems with inlaws if that's how they are. But no, you want to blame everything on inter tribal marriages where they are even living peacefully.

My bother married a different tribe and we do not have a problem with her. She's our "iyawo" and she's treated as such. When there's love in a family, there won't be issues. But in a family with troublesome people, they will bother you even if you are from their village.

Inter-ethnic marriages give your children edges when applying for FG jobs especially NDA, NIA, NAF, NN, NA etc as they can use either of their parents' ethnicity that favours them unlike someone else who is limited to only one ethnicity.

Most of the things mentioned here happen even in intra-ethnic marriages. My both parents are from CRS, and when dad died, his brethren descended on our properties and branded mum a witch even when she was 6 months pregnant for our last sibling.
Also, many children grow in different environs from where they are from. I grew up in Delta state even though I am from CRS. I can barely speak my dialect because I didn't grow in the village, wasn't surrounded by those who spoke and my parents just like many parents today believe that speaking good English was a rating of intelligence, social status etc.
You can't have grown in the city and them go to the village during Christmas and be speaking language. You need to show say you from city na.
So there is no identity crisis. Everybody knows where they are from. Children who are products of Inter-ethnic marriages are better positioned to take advantage of national opportunities and have national backing.
Even in politics sef, you are covered.
If one of your parent is Igbo and the other Yoruba, you would enjoy backings from both tribes when it comes to national issues that involved you.
The most important to me is marrying where you find love. With the rate at which people migrate from this country to European and other Western countries, the question of tribe would be obsolete.
If I marry a Yoruba lady today and then relocate to the US, my children would grow to become US citizens. Their tribes wouldn't be considered. And when they come to Nigeria, they are better positioned to enjoy the nation's benefits based on educational qualification and quality abroad, exposure to great opportunities abroad etc.

Inter ethnic marriage is one of the few ways to unite Nigerians now

Missionaire:
Inter-ethnic marriages give your children edges when applying for FG jobs especially NDA, NIA, NAF, NN, NA etc as they can use either of their parents' ethnicity that favours them unlike someone else who is limited to only one ethnicity.

Most of the things mentioned here happen even in intra-ethnic marriages. My both parents are from CRS, and when dad died, his brethren descended on our properties and branded mum a witch even when she was 6 months pregnant for our last sibling.
Also, many children grow in different environs from where they are from. I grew up in Delta state even though I am from CRS. I can barely speak my dialect because I didn't grow in the village, wasn't surrounded by those who spoke and my parents just like many parents today believe that speaking good English was a rating of intelligence, social status etc.
You can't have grown in the city and them go to the village during Christmas and be speaking language. You need to show say you from city na.
So there is no identity crisis. Everybody knows where they are from. Children who are products of Inter-ethnic marriages are better positioned to take advantage of national opportunities and have national backing.
Even in politics sef, you are covered.
If one of your parent is Igbo and the other Yoruba, you would enjoy backings from both tribes when it comes to national issues that involved you.
The most important to me is marrying where you find love. With the rate at which people migrate from this country to European and other Western countries, the question of tribe would be obsolete.
If I marry a Yoruba lady today and then relocate to the US, my children would grow to become US citizens. Their tribes wouldn't be considered. And when they come to Nigeria, they are better positioned to enjoy the nation's benefits based on educational qualification and quality abroad, exposure to great opportunities abroad etc.

You are all about love, i am about reality

I think you keep up missing the point. So i will try to avoid some of what you have written, my question will be, Do you understand what is identity crisis.

I will just talk about a point you mentioned.

If you marry a yoruba woman and move to the United states or Europe, tribe won't be an issue but race will eventually be the issue, at that moment, you are seen as Nigerian american and an Africa, black, if you are in america and an African if you are in Europe, your identity and race will be the subject of your existence.

Even Nigerian Americans do have lot of identity crises problem.

ImaIma1:


So what are you basing your notion on? Personal experience.

It's not about tribe, it's about people, personal beliefs, character, etc. My husband and I are both from the same state, yet church denomination was a problem, and personal conflict of interests is still a major problem to a point of threatening our child.

About the property claim, it's not about the mopol, it's the fact that her husband's family wanted to strip her of all the properties even if she was the same tribe with him. If you like be from the same village, greedy family members will still come and claim.

In job employment, what state is on the documents and what applies in Nigeria? Even if the mum is Kogi, is that what is on the documents?

Why are you making a mountain out of a mole hill? Are same tribe marriages perfect? If you are both Yoruba, Igbo, etc, you will still have problems with inlaws if that's how they are. But no, you want to blame everything on inter tribal marriages where they are even living peacefully.

My bother married a different tribe and we do not have a problem with her. She's our "iyawo" and she's treated as such. When there's love in a family, there won't be issues. But in a family with troublesome people, they will bother you even if you are from their village.

Their is this idea that you can seperate the human from the tribe, and that everything is about the individual, family and not the tribe. The tribe has a big influence on the way the human behaves in a society. The tribe culture and tradition is also a reason why different ethnic groups in Nigeria have different temperaments and behaviors, some are aggressive and courageous, some are cowards, some timid, some bold etc, you can't seperate a human from his tribe, it is his identity, even in marriages, the culture and tribe of a human determines how they behave to spouse, how they relates with extended families and outsiders.

Now back to the point, your church were problematic to your marriage that is because of the lay down rules and traditions of the church, they believe that marrying outside the church might corrupt the individual they have created thus they became aggressive, it is also similar with the tribe, the influences, the tradition of the tribe have on the human will make the human aggressive to outsiders.

If you live in big cities like lagos and often see inter tribal marriages, you will think that is how it is everywhere in Nigeria, when you go out of your bubble then you will see the real Nigeria and stories people will tell you because they marry out of their tribe will shock you to the bone.

About the issue of the mopol, i am still asking the question, how about the women who don't have mopol to help protect the husband properties from the family??

I am not making an issue out of anything, i stating a facts about some of the dangers of inter ethnic marriages in this Nigeria.

It is a fact, that women who marry into family from different ethnic group encounters more problems from extended families than women who marry from the same tribe. In most cases, a woman who marries from a different tribe will always be seen as a foreigner no matter what, even in family and cultural meetings, it will be evident and make known.